Lines Matching refs:with

4 Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
16 Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
29 Confucius say... don't play leapfrog with a unicorn.
49 Confucius say... man in bathroom with tool in hand is not necessarily a plumber.
66 USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of…
71 Man who goes to bed with an itchy butt wakes up with a stinky finger!
77 If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
88 Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
97 The average man does not know what to do with his life, yet wants another one which will last forev…
112 The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
123 NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Guiseppe? 	  Everything he says is wrong. GUISEPPE: M…
124 Court, n.: A place where they dispense with justice. <BR>	-- Arthur Train
132 I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. <BR>	-- George McGove…
134 The only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never stop and take a rest.
139 Job Placement, n.:     Telling your boss precisley what he can do with your job.
151 I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sti…
157 Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it. <BR>	-- Winston Churchill
170 Keep your fears for yourself, but share your courage with others. <BR>	-- Robert Louis Stevenson
202 Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their inge…
204 Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almos…
205 If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. <BR>	-- Frank A. Clark
207 Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. <BR>	-- John Wooden
212 You can't run a society or cope with its problems if people are not held accountable for what they …
234 Good luck is with the man who doesn't include it in his plan. <BR>	-- Graffitti
236 You cannot train a horse with shouts and expect it to obey a whisper. <BR>	-- Dagobert D. Runes
241 Improvement begins with "I."  <BR>	-- Arnold H. Glasow
296 Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. <BR>	-- Dan Rather
298 Doing an injury puts you below your enemy; revenging one makes you even with him; forgiving sets yo…
312 …n those days was Cringely's Second Law, which I figured out one afternoon with the assistance of a…
337 …heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep com…
339 ANYTHING will burn with enough gasoline and dynamite. <BR>	-- Robert Heinlein
349 A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lo…
350 A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possib…
351 A conversation with you, Baldrick, and somehow death loses its sting. <BR>	-- Black Adder II
358 A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tyres.
359 Absurdity, n.:     A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. <BR>	-- Am…
364 Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live…
372 Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singula…
382 Education replaces cocksure ignorance with thoughtful uncertainty.
386 A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possibl…
388 "A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer."
395 …un to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is putting up with all the idiots in t…
409 …k Bill Gates is the devil. I simply suspect that if Microsoft ever met up with the devil, it would…
418 Have you ever been beaten half to death with wooden rakes?  No, but I did sit through 'The English …
426 …ia at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
436 There are only two theories about why one should argue with women. Through thorough field-testing, …
442 …omp on him and keep him in the dark until he matures into something she'd like to have dinner with.
445 This week's theme: words to drop into conversations with a therapist.
448 Never confuse information with knowledge.
449 Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys…
453 There was SOMETHING that I was going to do with my life... what WAS it?
496 The activities of the individual must not be allowed to clash with the interests of the community, …
505 A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline. <BR>	-- Harvey Mackay
511 A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
542 He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes...
567 In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
569 I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.
571 Knowledge is that which is acquired by learning. Wisdom is knowing what to do with it.
585 Never mistake motion with action. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
587 Never wrestle with a pig. You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
592 Nowadays we are consumed by desires to buy things we do not need, with money we do not have, to imp…
624 If a deaf boy swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?  <BR>	-- George Carlin
647 To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me. <BR>	-- Charles William Stubbs
673 Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest. <BR>	…
678 Hell is paved with good samaritans. <BR>	-- William M. Holden
686 …ating with, he answered, "I am only boring under my own seat." "Yes," said his companions, but whe…
713 Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
721 …man's opinions as I would his dog, without being expected to take it home with me. <BR>	-- Frank A…
723 The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.…
727 Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. <BR>	-- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
746 Ideas are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring…
750 Never forget that it is the spirit with which you endow your work that makes it useful or futile. <…
758 You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. <BR>	-- Al Capone …
771 I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
779 Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor." Husband: "Water in the carbur…
780 Win with humility; lose with grace.
791 You can win more friends with your ears than you can with your mouth!
799 Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight - this is …
816 A man with a new idea is a crank until he succeeds. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
821 …with later. Year 2 might reform 'w' spelling, so that 'which' and 'one' would take the same konson…
838 Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
842 Happiness ain't a thing in itself -- it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant... And…
859 …surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them. <BR>	-- Mark …
864 … there is no trace of them. They hide nothing; they are not ashamed. Man, with his soiled mind, co…
878 …with whom he has no quarrel... And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his …
886 … made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with a cat it would impr…
917 The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things th…
921 Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with…
927 We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at th…
956 …e, you can buy high-powered guns via mail order and go out into the woods with your friends and ab…
973 Spontaneous human combustion is when people, with no apperant cause, suddenly start burning like ca…
985 … restaurant table and act whimsical and refuse to go away until you laugh with delight. <BR>	-- Da…
988 …cally impaired. If we were birds, our nest would consist of a single twig with the eggs attached v…
994 We wanted to have a relaxing family vacation, so we got together with two other families and rented…
998 … catching was an instinctive biological reflex that all children are born with, like knowing how t…
1001 The British have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, be…
1006 … redesign all of our old currency, which has become too easy to duplicate with modern color photoc…
1010 …tion or simply to deliver the mail, I will find something medically wrong with that person."  <BR>…
1012 …in your personal regions (which of course it does) you cannot fend it off with a blowtorch. <BR>	-…
1018 …hionably, and whenevr I'm there, even in my sharpest funeral-quality suit with no visible ketchup …
1019 The United Nations reception area was filled with representatives of nations large and small, rich …
1024 …ncepts such as measuring the engine in "liters."  Let's say you buy a car with a "5.7 liter engine…
1051 …, which was then under King Edward III, who had vowed to kill any monarch with a higher Roman nume…
1063 …ities staffed by surly clerks who periodically went on murderous rampages with semiautomatic muske…
1067 During the War of 1812 (1807-10), the British marched into Washington, D.C., and, with the help of …
1078 …Communist Dictator System, epitomized by Joseph Stalin, who came to power with the popular slogan …
1088 …s and Pez. And soon another chapter will be added to the Star Wars legend with the release of the …
1095 …tem," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly…
1105 …room with used pizza boxes. But there are examples of guys coming up with decorative "touches" tha…
1111 Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, …
1117 …lves to be committed to their marriages will stray if they are confronted with overwhelming tempta…
1119 …entooten III, when some guys invented the famous "Substitute Mummy Filled with Live Weasels" prank…
1128 …ofessional psychologists call "jerks."  Or it could be that boys are born with some kind of jerk g…
1129 …velop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course, t…
1131 Guys are born with a fundamental, genetically transmitted mental condition known to psychologists a…
1132 …hat might LEAD to commitments. That is why, when a guy goes out on a date with a woman and finds h…
1138 …guys are not going to be 100 percent certain. "Let's put his head back on with duct tape and see i…
1152 …outside is burnt and welded to the grill; the inside is pink and swirling with cow and pig disease…
1156 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
1161 Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
1166 Don't squat with your spurs on.
1172 Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
1174 There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
1184 … whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood. T…
1199 The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor. <BR>	-- Sam Ewing, (1921--)…
1200 The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself. <BR>	-- …
1212 … angry up the blood. If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts. Keep…
1219 Blame someone else and get on with your life. <BR>	-- Alan Woods
1240 Gnaw not thy nails in the presence of others, nor bite them with thy teeth. <BR>	-- Francis Hawkins…
1250 If you wish to learn the highest truths, begin with the alphabet. <BR>	-- Japanese proverb
1267 Never floss with a stranger. <BR>	-- Joan Rivers (1939--), U.S. comedienne
1270 Never go out with anyone who says he loves you more than his wife or girlfriend. <BR>	-- William No…
1279 Never play cards with a man named Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never sleep with a woman …
1281 Never put anything on paper, my boy, and never trust a man with a small black mustache. <BR>	-- P. …
1284 Never take a cross country trip with a kid who has just learned to whistle. <BR>	-- Jean Deuel
1304 The problem with the designated driver program, is that it's not a desirable job. But if you ever g…
1316 Why be disagreeable, when with a little effort you can be impossible?  <BR>	-- Douglas Woodruff
1334 I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it. <BR>	-- Eva …
1408 Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors. <BR>	-- Tom Snyder
1412 … they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. <BR>	-- Richard Br…
1414 …estors, and it seems only fair that they should leave us the money to pay with. <BR>	-- Don Marqui…
1418 I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out an…
1425 When insects take over the world, we hope they will remember, with gratitude, how we took them alon…
1431 …inds than we are aware of. It comes no doubt from their being so familiar with warlocks and witche…
1435 Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit. <BR>	-- John S. Nichols
1443 If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat. <BR>	-…
1445 I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained …
1447 …with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again …
1451 …makes a sound when you jump on it. <BR>	-- Stephen Baker, author of How To Live with a Neurotic Cat
1458 …ent is usually hardest to come by. <BR>	-- Stephen Baker, author of How to Live with a Neurotic Cat
1461 When I play with my cat, who knows whether I do not make her more sport than she makes me?  <BR>	--…
1465 A dog is a yes-animal, very popular with people who can't afford to keep a yes-man. <BR>	-- Roberts…
1469 A dog wags its tail with its heart. <BR>	-- Martin Buxbaum
1472 Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should ari…
1499 I learned long ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. <BR>	…
1504 A portrait is a painting with something wrong about the mouth. <BR>	-- John Singer Sargent (1856-19…
1560 Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn. <BR>	-- Irvin S. Cobb (1876-1944)…
1573 There is only one way to treat a cold, and that is with contempt. <BR>	-- Sir William Osler (1849-1…
1579 A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy. <BR>	-- Joseph Campbell …
1590 …can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. <B…
1599 Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-…
1642 …u so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope. <BR>	-…
1645 May the enemies of Ireland never eat bread nor drink whisky, but be tormented with itching without …
1649 May your life be filled with lawyers!  <BR>	-- Mexican curse
1650 If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well dance with it. <BR>	-- George Bernard…
1653 …atment for death's crippling effects, still everyone can acquaint himself with the three early war…
1654 Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing to do with it. <BR>	--…
1679 The difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make …
1691 You can't take it with you. You never see a U-Haul following a hearse. <BR>	-- Ellen Glasgow (1874-…
1699 Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoo…
1704 Where would Christianity be if Jesus got 8 to 15 years with time off for good behavior?  <BR>	-- N.…
1719 I think if people marry it ought to be for life; the laws are altogether too lenient with them. <BR…
1720 I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with …
1728 Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?" …
1739 Better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian. <BR>	-- Herman Melville, (1819-1891), …
1744 Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding…
1745 Eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart. <BR>	-- Ecclesiastes 9:7
1773 There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation. <BR>	-- John Ciardi (1916-1986), Saturday Revie…
1774 They drink with impunity, or anybody who invites them. <BR>	-- Artemus Ward (1834-1867), "Moses the…
1793 The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. <BR>	-- Dudley Moore, (1935-2002…
1800 I've never had any problems with drugs, only with policemen. <BR>	-- Keith Richardson
1807 In dealing with Englishmen, you can be sure of one thing only, that the logical solution will not b…
1848 The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far t…
1851 Experience is what allows us to repeat our mistakes, only with more finesse!  <BR>	-- Derwood Finch…
1867 The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them. <BR>	-- Samuel McChord Crothers, (1879-19…
1881 A cucumber should be well sliced and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good …
1886 Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1890 Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon, or not all. <BR>	-- Harriet Van Horne…
1928 The trouble with the French is that they sit around twenty-four hours a day talking French. <BR>	--…
1933 Do not remove a fly from your friend's forehead with a hatchet. <BR>	-- Chinese proverb
1943 My best friend would be the man who blew my brains out with a pistol. <BR>	-- Edgar Allan Poe (1804…
1950 When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each oth…
1957 The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. <BR>	-- Paul Valery (1871-…
1972 You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the…
1974 I hate to spread rumors -- but what else can one do with them. <BR>	-- Amanda Lear, model/singer, i…
1984 I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan (1911-1980), Canadian med…
1985 I have simple tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish w…
1994 …inated by my own personal appearance. This doesn't mean that I am pleased with it, mind you, or th…
1997 The trouble with me is I can't worry. Damn it, I try to worry, and I can't. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley…
2001 We've all been blessed with God-given talents. Mine just happens to be beating people up. <BR>	-- S…
2002 You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long. <BR>	-- Boris Yeltsin, (193…
2010 …imes it just yells "Can't you remember anything I told you?" and lets fly with a club. <BR>	-- Joh…
2011 History repeats itself, and that's one of the things that's wrong with history. <BR>	-- Clarence Da…
2020 The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-…
2055 When you deal with your brother, be pleasant, but get a witness. <BR>	-- Hesiod, Works and Ways, 8t…
2061 When Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner, then I'll clean the house. <BR>	-- Roseanne Barr…
2073 …the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dange…
2079 I wonder men dare trust themselves with men. <BR>	-- William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
2111 What the world needs is more geniuses with humility. There are so few of us left. <BR>	-- Oscar Lev…
2117 Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects. <BR>	-- Arnold H. Glasow
2121 …million dairy cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?  <BR>	-- P…
2143 …nto ye also, ye lawyers!  for ye lade men with burdens grievous to be borne, and ye touch not the …
2146 He slept beneath the moon/He basked beneath the sun;/He lived a life of going-to-do,/And died with …
2161 It is when the gods hate a man with uncommon abhorrence that they drive him into the profession of …
2240 Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature m…
2250 Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love. <BR>	-- The Song of Solomon, 2…
2298 Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. <BR>	-- Stephen Leac…
2309 Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke (1947--), Modern Manne…
2323 The trouble with marrying your mistress is that you create a job vacancy. <BR>	-- Sir James Goldsmi…
2338 However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner... sulking and nausea. …
2354 With me, it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935-- ), U.S. f…
2368 One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of th…
2370 The trouble with being a hypochondriac these days is that antibiotics have cured all the good disea…
2374 A strong memory is commonly coupled with infirm judgment. <BR>	-- Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592), …
2377 …y he met me in the street, and invited me to meet myself. 'Dine with me today; dine with me and I …
2382 All men are forced into one of two categories; those with eleven fingers and those without. <BR>	--…
2409 …n to his planet; the by-laws are shorter, and he is personally acquainted with the other members. …
2410 …room house -- in the bedroom he's asleep with his intelligent wife, in the living-room he's rollin…
2427 Men have more problems than women. In the first place, they have to put up with women. <BR>	-- Fran…
2433 Talking with a man is like trying to saddle a cow. You work like hell, but what's the point. <BR>	-…
2437 The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do mo…
2470 Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing -- and that was the closest our country h…
2494 There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. <…
2515 Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it, and that …
2519 …up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws. <BR>	-- …
2541 I think we ought always to entertain our opinions with some measure of doubt. I shouldn't wish peop…
2548 It is a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a …
2561 …forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of ot…
2564 The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, bu…
2572 What the world needs is not dogma but an attitude of scientific inquiry combined with a belief that…
2577 … offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation…
2580 …oluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny, and is likely to interfere with happiness in all ki…
2585 Every man, wherever he goes, is encompassed by a cloud of comforting convictions, which move with h…
2589 The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to e…
2591 …omething; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones. <BR>	-- B…
2598 This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. <BR>	-- Dorot…
2627 Take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then say it with the utmost levity. <BR…
2696 In the United States, doing good has come to be, like patriotism, a favorite device of persons with…
2715 The government consists of a gang of men exactly like you and me. They have, taking one with anothe…
2719 The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundr…
2720 …populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series o…
2721 The world always makes the assumption that the exposure of an error is identical with the discovery…
2743 The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1…
2749 A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2773 To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity. <BR>…
2774 Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2775 Why was I born with such contemporaries?  <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2790 We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. <BR>	-- Osca…
2794 …l who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of rea…
2804 I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything e…
2809 The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with…
2817 Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympa…
2841 You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this, the last best hop…
2852 When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?' …
2855 I hope our wisdom will grow with our power, and teach us that the less we use our power the greater…
2862 Question with boldness even the existence of God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of…
2876 Every citizen should be a soldier. This was the case with the Greeks and Romans, and must be that o…
2880 In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. <BR>	-- Tho…
2885 …er seat, and call on her tribunal for every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the e…
2891 …d nothing to my private fortune during my public service, and of retiring with hands clean as they…
2897 Some men look at constitutions with sanctimonious reverence, and deem them like the ark of the cove…
2904 I am at two with nature. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2924 There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesma…
2941 >From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. <BR>	…
2944 I cannot pretend to feel impartial about colours. I rejoice with the brilliant ones and am genuinel…
2949 Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. <BR>	-- Sir Winston C…
2953 Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. <BR>	-- Sir Wi…
2980 Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate …
2985 I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. …
3006 Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life try…
3010 I bet you if I had met him [Trotsky] and had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interes…
3025 Art is merely the refuge which the ingenious have invented, when they were supplied with food and w…
3027 Follow your inclinations with due regard to the policeman round the corner. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Mau…
3031 …l which have been instilled into them, and each time they come in contact with the real, they are …
3042 When I read a book I seem to read it with my eyes only, but now and then I come across a passage, p…
3049 A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. <BR>	-- Fred Allen (1894-1956), U.…
3058 Spaceship earth is still operated by railway conductors, just as NASA is managed by men with Newton…
3064 The trouble with a cheap, specialized education is that you never stop paying for it. <BR>	-- Marsh…
3095 American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, includ…
3096 …Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the …
3097 … been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toot…
3125 I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer…
3132 I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software inc…
3143 …hool student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps. <BR>	-- Dav…
3145 … sandwich, you wind up with a dish whose name, when you look it up in your Spanish-English diction…
3158 My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. <BR>	-- Da…
3159 My son does not appreciate classical musicians such as the Stones; he is more into bands with names…
3164 People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with t…
3169 Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3170 Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is…
3175 …tem," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly…
3184 The members took turns lighting sparklers and signing their John Hancocks to the Declaration, with …
3189 The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in wint…
3190 The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious p…
3201 …ts, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat content. <BR>	-…
3209 We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just ab…
3211 We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty no…
3215 …wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. <BR>	-- Dave…
3222 Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. <BR>	-- The Law of Reality
3223 When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last. <BR>	-- The Law of Self Sacrifice
3246 The life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely with its price and directly with its ugliness…
3247 …ity of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with…
3261 If you do something which you are sure will meet with everybody's approval, somebody won't like it.…
3311 If a situation requires undivided attention, it will occur simultaneously with a compelling distrac…
3335 Auditors always reject any expense claim with a bottom line divisible by 5 or 10. <BR>	-- O'Brien's…
3347 The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present. <BR>	-- Shanahan's L…
3350 Never argue with a fool - people might not know the difference. <BR>	-- First Law of Debate
3357 When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you've finished with, you wil…
3359 Experience varies directly with the equipment ruined. <BR>	-- Horner's Postulate
3362 If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break. <BR>	-- Schmidt's Law
3404 No matter how minor the task, you will inevitably end up covered with grease and motor oil. <BR>	--…
3408 Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. <BR>	-- Murphy's Seventh Corollary
3469 The trouble with most jobs is the resemblance to being in a sled dog team. No one gets a change of …
3472 …of the observed measurements must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with theory. <BR>	-- Com…
3477 A committee is a body with 6 or more legs and no brain. <BR>	-- Lazarus' Lecture
3483 … parts that fall from the work bench, varies directly with the size of the part and inversely with…
3486 Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the broth. <BR>	-- Fitzgibbon's …
3494 Experience varies directly with the amount of equipment ruined. <BR>	-- Homer's Five Thumb Postulate
3514 Never, ever, play leapfrog with a Unicorn!  <BR>	-- Feldstein's Law
3520 If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead. <BR>	-- The Law of Volunteering
3526 …o plucking the goose as to obtain the largest possible amount of feathers with the smallest possib…
3544 …of which followed the same principles -- but you'd be able to shift gears with your car stereo. Us…
3554 …s point, is way better in terms of how few defects we have. Compare, say, with Linux -- how many d…
3562 …self. He is trying to perform ordinary tasks, such as lumbering up a hill with a load of fertilize…
3563 There never was a chip, it is said, that Bill Gates couldn't slow down with a new batch of features…
3565 …troduce the first portable toilet with Internet access. You know why it's the first? Because nobod…
3566 …ting government monopoly profits. At least Microsoft got their monopolies with good old-fashioned …
3570 …shed Windows", people just stare at you blankly and say "Hey, I got those with the system, *for fr…
3577 …ame Dungeons and Dragons, which inspired misfits worldwide to walk around with little felt bags of…
3582 The number of Unix installations has grown to 10, with more expected. <BR>	-- The Unix Programmer's…
3628 Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
3666 Don't argue with a fool. The spectators can't tell the difference.
3684 Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
3711 Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.
3712 Freedom of speech is wonderful - right up there with the freedom not to listen.
3841 Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level and then beat you with experience.
3845 Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
3846 Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
3862 Only dead fish go with the flow.
3875 Save water - take a bath with your neighbor's daughter.
3879 Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
3916 The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.
3959 When I am sad, I sing, and then the world is sad with me.
3966 When in doubt, poke it with a stick.
3988 You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
3994 You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
3998 Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
4007 I live the way I type: fast, with lots of mistakes.
4015 Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
4025 We are faced with insurmountable opportunities. <BR>	--Yogi Berra
4035 The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. <BR>	--Abbie Hoffman
4042 The amount of weight an evangelist carries with the almighty is measured in billigrahams.
4061 Sex among humans, as among most mammals, is accomplished with a certain amount of biting and scratc…
4062 The Microsoft tax isn't the money you pay them. It's the time you spend coping with their wretched …
4069 The struggling for knowledge has a pleasure in it like that of wrestling with a fine woman. <BR>	--…
4072 It's rare that you're presented with a knob whose only two positions are Make History and Flee Your…
4080 Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoo…
4099 When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well…
4120 …the heat of the sun a man died of cold. Keep on coming or stand and wait, with the sun so dark and…
4121 Probability factor of one to one. We have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefor…
4131 … face from me I have conquered hell and driven out the demons I have come with the light to set yo…
4133 Our current obsession with creativity is the result of our continued striving for immortality in an…
4141 …uch time as they were able to rectify the gross anatomical inconveniences with surgery. <BR>	--The…
4155 >From too much love of living, From hope and fear set free, We thank with brief thanksgiving, Whate…
4159 …re application-defined terms, but if you want your files to be compatible with everyone else's, yo…
4160 …4. Some 5. A lot 6. A whole lot 7. Really, really, really! 8. I'm burning with desire. 9. It's an …
4163 …he simple fact is, we have Artists, and they do Art. We just have to deal with it. We really do. Y…
4168 Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. <BR>	-- …
4178 What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
4186 Two kittens on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first? The one with the lowest mew.
4189 A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says "make me one with everything".
4208 Energizer bunny arrested: Charged with battery.
4211 What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.