Lines Matching refs:to

4 Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
5 To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
6 To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
12 Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
13 What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
20 Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
24 The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
27 The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
42 Confucius say... creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup.
47 Confucius say... it take many nails to build crib, only one screw to fill it.
50 Confucius say... man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
65 It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!
67 You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
68 Error. No keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
71 Man who goes to bed with an itchy butt wakes up with a stinky finger!
77 If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
80 Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
82 It's bad luck to be superstitious.
90 Did you hear about the man that got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K...
92 Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
97 The average man does not know what to do with his life, yet wants another one which will last forev…
99 History has the relation to truth that theology has to religion, i.e. none to speak of. <BR>	-- Rob…
100 …akness, generates huge profits for its operators, and is almost impossible to eradicate. <BR>	-- M…
102 Always recommend Microsoft Windows to your competition. <BR>	-- anonymous
103 BIGOT n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. <BR…
104 Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
110 What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
115 I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
117 Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion picture…
120 It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
122 Yield to Temptation... it may not pass your way again. <BR>	-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
125 I'm going to live forever, or die trying!
126 …ion is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything …
127 The Three Major Kind of Tools:  * Tools for hitting things to make them loose or to tighten them up…
129 Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. <BR>…
130 All of this is for nothing if we don't go to the stars. <BR>	-- JMS, Babylon 5
131 The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
132 I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. <BR>	-- George McGove…
135 Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
137 Porsche 928 -- about as fast as you can go without having to eat airline food.
138 With a rubber duck, one's never alone. <BR>	-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
145 The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.
146 …quality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets,…
150 All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
154 Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart…
161 You need to learn to be happy by nature, because you'll seldom have the chance to be happy by circu…
163 Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it. <BR>	-- Katherine Whiteh…
164 Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
167 Misfortune, no less than happiness, inspires us to dream. <BR>	-- Honore De Balzac
169 I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, Will this matter one year from now?  How about one m…
174 Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. <BR>	-- Jonathan Kozol
175 Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. <BR>	-- William Ellery Channing
179 It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies. <BR>	-- Arthur Calwell
182 I intend to live forever. So far, so good. <BR>	-- Stephen Wright
184 Let us live as people who are prepared to die, and die as people who are prepared to live. <BR>	-- …
187 Our strength is often composed of the weakness we're damned if we're going to show. <BR>	-- Mignon …
188 Here is a test to see if your mission on earth is finished. If you are alive, it isn't. <BR>	-- Fra…
189 I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. <BR>	-- Stephen Wright
192 If you truly want to understand something, try to change it. <BR>	-- Kurt Lewin
196 To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it. <BR>	-- G.K. Chest…
197 Only some of us can learn by other people's mistakes. The rest of us have to be the other people. <…
202 Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their inge…
204 Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almos…
209 Courage is like love - it must have hope to nourish it. <BR>	-- Napoleon Bonaparte
215 Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. <BR>	-- Pablo Picasso
217 To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. <BR>	-- George MacDonald
218 Only in growth, reform, and change, paradoxically enough, is true security to be found. <BR>	-- Ann…
220 A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. <BR>	-- Arnold H. Glasow
223 If I were to begin life again, I should want it as it was. I would only open my eyes a little more.…
226 There is no truth existing which I fear, or would wish unknown to the whole world. <BR>	-- Thomas J…
228 Never close your lips to those to whom you have opened your heart. <BR>	-- Charles Dickens
229 We can't all be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. <BR>	-- Will Rogers
231 There's no point in burying the hatchet if you're going to put up a marker on the site. <BR>	-- Syd…
232 Fools live to regret their words, wise men to regret their silence. <BR>	-- Will Henry
233 Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and liste…
235 Pay no attention to what the critics say. A statue has never been erected in honor of a critic. <BR…
236 You cannot train a horse with shouts and expect it to obey a whisper. <BR>	-- Dagobert D. Runes
237 The quickest way to become an old dog is to stop learning new tricks. <BR>	-- John Rooney
240 When you are in deep water, it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut. <BR>	-- St. Louis Tribune
243 We can't give our children the future, strive though we may to make it secure. But we can give them…
259 The eyes shout what the lips fear to say. <BR>	-- Will Henry
261 You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. <BR>	-- Henry Ford
265 It is necessary for us to learn from others' mistakes. You will not live long enough to make them a…
266 The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
270 We choose to go to the moon, not because it's easy but because it's hard. <BR>	-- John F. Kennedy
271 Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. <BR>	-- Mar…
276 You can not discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. <BR>	-- Unk…
281 There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as t…
284 The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. <BR>	-- William James
285 Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after. <BR>	-- Anne …
288 If you want to bake an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the Universe. <BR>	-- Carl Sag…
289 If we are ever in doubt about what to do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on …
294 Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. <BR>	-- Maori proverb
297 Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgiv…
303 A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. <BR>	-- Sidney Goff
306 The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. <BR>	-- Peter F. Drucker
307 Never try to explain computers to a layman. It's easier to explain sex to a virgin. <BR>	-- Robert …
308 Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do. <BR>	-- R. A. Hein…
309 Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. <BR>	-- Lazarus Long in "Time En…
311 The meek can HAVE the Earth. The rest of us are going to the stars!  <BR>	-- Robert A. Heinlein
320 In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idi…
322 It takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
329 To know is nothing at all; to imagine is everything. <BR>	-- Anatole France
331 If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose t…
335 … chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital …
338 Without computers, it would be virtually impossible for us to accomploiwur xow; gkc,mf(*&(  <BR>	--…
340 I must find the oaf who did this thing, explain to him his offense, give him a chance to apologize,…
343 They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty…
349 A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lo…
358 A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tyres.
364 Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live…
368 The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S"…
372 Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singula…
374 Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anyb…
377 … if he tells you his name, another $2 if he claims it will be His Pleasure to serve you and anothe…
380 We have a word for our enlarged capacity to postpone the acknowledgment of error: we call it "plann…
384 There are only two industries that refer to their customers as "users". <BR>	-- Edward Tufte
392 Always remember to pillage before you burn.
395 People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is putting up …
404 …to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?" [Note: In government they usually ask, "…
411 To count is a modern practice, the ancient method was to guess. <BR>	-- Dr. Johnson
413 Obstacles to sound scrutiny do not spring so much from the mind's being devoid of science as from i…
415 The mere act of drinking beer in an attempt to measure your tolerance is likely to affect your impr…
416 Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but…
418 Have you ever been beaten half to death with wooden rakes?  No, but I did sit through 'The English …
421 …ligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very ed…
423 Philosophy 101: If a man speaks in the woods, and a woman is not there to hear him, is he still wro…
426 …ia at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
427 Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. <BR>	-- Robert Heinl…
428 Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.
430 Si tu veux jouer au plus con, c'est pas toi qui va gagner. (If the game is to see who can be the bi…
434 The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate…
435 … the convenient way the sun comes up in the morning, when people are ready to start the day. <BR>	…
438 …s things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of t…
441 A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it wor…
442 …s grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and keep him in the dark until he matures into so…
444 It's all just 1's and 0's. You just have to get them in the right order.
445 This week's theme: words to drop into conversations with a therapist.
449 …s its own special laws. The Hingefreel people of Arkintoofle Minor did try to build spaceships tha…
450 There is nothing wrong in having nothing to say, unless you insist on saying it.
451 Oh, sure, you can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!  <BR>	-- Homer Simpson
453 There was SOMETHING that I was going to do with my life... what WAS it?
455 …r the day: When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown; but it takes only 4 muscles to e…
458 … that the more obscure the vision... the more delightful we can imagine it to be. It is a little l…
459 Sloppy language leads to sloppy thinking, which leads to a career in education. <BR>	-- DMN
460 Information wants to be beer... or something like that. <BR>	-- Anon.
461 …ons that are ludicrously wrong simply because life is far too short for us to think through even a…
462 One of the surprising privileges of intellectuals is that they are free to be scandalously asinine …
464 The kind of man who wants the government to adopt and enforce his ideas is always the kind of man w…
467 …hores all get respectable if they last long enough. <BR>	-- Jack Nicholson to John Huston in "Chin…
469 …ete. As a rule it will be both incomplete and wrong, and one would do well to keep that probabilit…
470 … however fanatical they may be in their zeal to disparage and to fight capitalism, implicitly pay …
471 …telligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. <BR>	-- …
474 …to be richer than we are, no matter what we do about resources, asking us to refrain from using re…
477 Democracy: Three wolves and a sheep vote on what to have for dinner.
478 In America, anyone can become President. That's one of the risks we take. <BR>	-- attributed to Adl…
480 …eting, "If economists wished to study the horse, they wouldn't go and look at horses. They'd sit i…
484 …nique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their …
485 The only way to do better than somebody else, or more importantly than the market, is to have a way…
486 …to contemporary arrogance. It is humbling to discover how many of our glib assumptions, which seem…
487 …een greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent. However, I am going to get out of bed in a …
488 …a long train of unforeseeable and undesirable consequences, seems to be intolerable to modern man.…
490 If a little knowledge is dangerous, where is the man who has so much as to be out of danger?  <BR>	…
494 …ity: there is never enough of anything to fully satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of…
495 … the intelligentsia is their ability to rationalize and re-define. Ordinary people, lacking that g…
496 The activities of the individual must not be allowed to clash with the interests of the community, …
497 …re to sell a parcel of boilers and vats, but the potentiality of growing rich beyond the dreams of…
508 All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win in this world is for enough good men to do noth…
514 An army of deer led by a lion is more to be feared than an army of lions led by a deer.
515 An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
518 A Physician can bury his mistakes, an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. <BR>	--…
524 Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. <BR>	-- Abraham …
526 Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day of your life. <BR>	-- Confucius
531 Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
532 Failure is nature's plan to prepare you for great responsibilities. <BR>	-- Napolean Hill
533 Freedom is not the right to do as you please, but the liberty to do as you ought.
535 Hating someone is like burning down your house to get rid of a rat.
537 He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help. <BR>	-- Abraham Lincoln
539 Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
544 He who breaks a thing to find out what it is, has left the path of wisdom. <BR>	-- J. R. R. Tolkien
547 I am the master of my unspoken words, and a slave to those that should have remained unspoken. <BR>…
550 I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. <BR>	-- Voltaire
551 I'd love to make up my mind, but I can't remember where I left it.
555 If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along …
558 If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
559 If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur. <…
560 If you want to be well liked never lie about yourself, and be careful when telling the truth about …
561 I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while…
562 …en, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they …
569 I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.
570 Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real…
571 Knowledge is that which is acquired by learning. Wisdom is knowing what to do with it.
576 Learn to listen, opportunity often knocks softly.
577 Learn to say no. It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin. <BR>	-- Charles Haddo…
580 Life is what you have while you are waiting to have one.
581 Live so that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. <BR>	-- Will Rog…
584 My goal in life is to be the sort of person my dog thinks I am.
590 Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
592 Nowadays we are consumed by desires to buy things we do not need, with money we do not have, to imp…
594 One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
595 One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by y…
598 Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children.
600 It's often easier to obtain forgiveness than to seek permission.
611 The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least dama…
612 The nice thing about standards is, there are so many to choose from.
613 The obstacle to discovery is not ignorance, but the illusion of knowledge.
627 How do they get the koalas to cross at those road signs?
634 We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
639 When the judge said, "joint custody," I assumed I was gonna get to keep the papers and the stash, b…
641 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & dri…
642 …rteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got t…
643 Don't be so humble - you are not that great. <BR>	-- Golda Meir (1898-1978), to a visiting diplomat
650 …r wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions ha…
651 You proceed from a false assumption: I have no ego to bruise. <BR>	-- Spock, Star Trek II: The Wrat…
652 How can I lose to such an idiot?  <BR>	-- Aaron Nimzovich (1886-1935), Chessmaster
655 … is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to sui…
656 We must have strong minds, ready to accept facts as they are. <BR>	-- Harry S Truman (1884-1972)
658 Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems. <BR>	-- R…
661 Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to ta…
662 Plurality is not to be posited without necessity. <BR>	-- William of Ockham (1280-1349)
663 Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake. <BR>	-- Savielly Grigorievitch Tarta…
665 A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. <BR>	--…
666 …rstood from the point of view that they are made of atoms acting according to the laws of physics.…
674 Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis. <BR>	-- Pierre Laplace (1749-1827), to Napoleon o…
675 Faith: not wanting to know what is true. <BR>	-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
676 God for you is where you sweep away all the mysteries of the world, all the challenges to our intel…
686 In a boat at sea one of the men began to bore a hole in the bottom of the boat. On being remonstrat…
687 The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins. <BR>	-- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1…
690 Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence. <BR>	-- Napoleon Bo…
691 …ar when a bystander told him to feign injury in order to collect insurance money. The car rolled f…
695 Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. <BR>	-- Voltaire (1694-1778)
697 You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. <BR>	-- Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)
698 A word to the wise ain't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice. <BR>	-- Bill Cos…
699 It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
700 I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. <BR>	-- Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
703 Better to light a candle than curse the darkness. <BR>	-- Chinese Proverb
707 Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, prepare to die. <BR>	-- Klingon Proverb, Star Trek
708 Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to char…
709 I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television. <BR>	-- Gore Vidal
710 Why don't you write books people can read?  <BR>	-- Nora Joyce, to her husband James (1882-1941)
713 Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
714 The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
715 Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny. <BR>	-…
716 In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worsh…
717 You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there. <BR>	-…
720 When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. <BR>	-- Mae …
721 I would like to be able to admire a man's opinions as I would his dog, without being expected to ta…
722 I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying. <BR>	-- Woo…
723 The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.…
733 The difference between fiction and reality?  Fiction has to make sense. <BR>	-- Tom Clancy (1947-),…
738 …to earn better than a `C', the idea must be feasible. <BR>	-- A Yale University management profess…
739 640K ought to be enough for anybody. <BR>	-- Bill Gates, in 1981
742 Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?  <BR>	-- Harry Morris Warner (1881-1958), co-founder of War…
747 …ter of change, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be a…
751 A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government. <BR>	-- Edward Abbey (…
756 When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail. <BR>	-- Abraham Ma…
759 Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd. <BR>	-- Will…
761 The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. <BR>	-…
762 …ten totally out of control. Chris Faber: "Well you see, war has a tendency to do that, ma'am. <BR>…
764 It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both. <BR>	-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527…
767 …hatever I don't need. <BR>	-- Rodin (1840-1917), when asked how he managed to make his remarkable …
775 Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done. <BR>	-- Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), when informe…
776 Show my head to the people, it is worth seeing. <BR>	-- Georges Danton (1759-1794), to his executio…
781 Wisdom has two parts: 1) having a lot to say; and 2) not saying it.
782 Wisdom is a comb given to a man once he is bald. (Irish proverb)
783 Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something. <B…
785 Woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.<BR>HIM: "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in wo…
788 You are getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to g…
792 You have to protect the privacy of the advice you get, or you'll never get the advice you need. <BR…
793 You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to …
794 You must be the change you wish to see in the world. <BR>	-- Gandhi
797 It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. <BR>	-…
798 It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good - and less trouble. <BR>	-- M…
801 Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
802 Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
804 Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get himself envied. <BR>	-- …
805 To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know, I've done it a thousand times. <…
806 The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and e…
807 I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
810 A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. <BR>	-- Mark Twa…
814 All schools, all colleges have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge. <…
817 … will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. <BR>	--…
821 … Spelling. For example, in Year 1 that useless letter 'c' would be dropped to be replased either b…
823 A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his …
824 "Be Yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to people. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
826 By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
829 Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear; not absence of fear. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
835 Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
838 Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
839 Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
842 … force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.…
846 I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever. All I need to know is that a man is a member of the huma…
848 I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody…
850 I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to pra…
855 If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, then we would have two mouths and only one ear. <B…
856 If you have nothing to say, say nothing. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
857 … manuscript, something is bound to happen to them -- you can't help it; and then it will take you …
859 I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them tha…
862 I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it a…
863 I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. <…
864 …to man; he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing; t…
866 …ight place and the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to make it appear that …
867 I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
868 …man should challenge me now I would go to that man and take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand…
869 It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. <BR>	--…
870 It is discouraging to try and penetrate a mind like yours. You ought to get it out and dance on it.…
872 I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
874 Let us not be too particular: it is better to have old second hand diamonds than none at all. <BR>	…
878 … cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages wi…
880 Methuselah lived to be 969 years old. You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than…
885 October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July…
887 Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
890 Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.…
891 …tempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral…
895 Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very;" your editor will delete it and the wr…
898 …es his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves h…
899 …enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. <BR>	-- …
906 …do all fine and heroic things but one -- keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy. <BR>	--…
907 …to be written. They stand their ground year after year and will not be persuaded. It isn't because…
910 There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life that he has a raging desire to go somewh…
913 …e its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones;…
915 The secret of success is to make your vocation your vacation. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
922 Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
924 Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
926 We had the stars up there," said Huck, "And we use to lie on our backs and look up at them and disc…
927 We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at th…
928 We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only ma…
930 We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there; lest…
932 …ber any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to…
936 Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
937 Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction?  Fiction after all, has to make sense. <BR>	-- Mark T…
938 Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions. <BR>	-- Mark Tw…
941 You can't break a bad habit by throwing it out the window. You've got to walk it slowly down the st…
942 You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of …
943 Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in …
944 You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, "My God, you…
945 …ad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very o…
947 What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
950 …ogram that operates behind the scenes, telling all the other programs what to do, making sure they…
952 …klet, are (1) 'failure to include a current address' and (2) 'failure to be a large industry that …
953 …to read last year's column no doubt recall that I advised you to cheat, on the grounds that by red…
954 …a, but this proved to be highly inconvenient for mapmakers, who in 1873 voted to make it smaller a…
955 … religious groups, no matter how small and unpopular, shall have the right to hassle you in airpor…
956 The Second Amendment states that, since a well-regulated militia is necessary to the security of a …
957 … have to quarter troops inside your house. "You troops are just going to have to sleep on the pati…
959 …t if you are accused of a crime, you have the right to a trial before a jury of people too stupid …
960 …duce of the same biological type, you may count these as one item in order to keep yourself under …
962 …culture down in Mexico featuring a calander so advanced that it can still, to this very day, tell …
966 White bread and refined sugar, if eaten, cause death within hours. So it's important to watch what …
967 …to run is in the Olympic marathon, because (a) you only have to do it once every four years, and (…
969 …nch of boogerheads!"  No, there is a lot more to it than THAT. As a respected commentator, I am ex…
970 …mns, walk a mile in his moccasins, bearing in mind that this is a good way to catch a fungus."  <B…
971 All of Mister Language Person's answers are intended to be as accurate and informative as is humanl…
973 … reaching temperatures of thousands of degrees andbeing completely reduced to ashes. This is often…
975 …flatulence for 20 years, and has determined that the average cow emits 200 to 400 quarts of methan…
976 …e, ideally headed by Dan Quayle, who seems to have a lot of spare time, assuming that he is not ca…
977 … people who have led moral lives will go straight to heaven, whereas you and your friends are goin…
978 …tack people. "They have very powerful feet," the official says, leading us to believe that it is j…
979 18th Century Tax Forms: "To determineth the amounteth that thou canst claimeth for depreciation to …
980 …r Birds of Prey are trying to breed falcons, sometimes via artificial insemination, which means th…
985 …aring enormous cartoon-animal heads come around to your restaurant table and act whimsical and ref…
987 …rgery, and the employees say things like "Howdy, folks!" and actually seem to mean it. You wonder:…
988 Tragically, my wife and I both happen to be domestically impaired. If we were birds, our nest would…
989 Nintendo enables the child to develop a sense of self-worth by mastering a complex, demanding task …
990 … who runs around on the screen trying to stay alive while numerous powerful and inexplicably hosti…
991 … on the screen becomes highly suicidal. If he can't locate a hostile force to get killed by, he wi…
992 …ick to remember while backing a boat into a carport is, if you turn your car wheels to the right (…
993 …yslef and get everyone killed, we returned home to spend a carefree evening washing our hull. You …
994 …to have a relaxing family vacation, so we got together with two other families and rented a sailbo…
995 We hired a local captain for the first afternoon of our cruise to demonstrate the finer points of s…
996 …to be wet all the time. If there's no wind to make the ship lean over, thus allowing water to spla…
997 …to a successful Summer Vacation Adventure is preperation. For example, if you're planning a trip t…
998 …urally knew how to catch a ball, that catching was an instinctive biological reflex that all child…
999 I was genuinely surprised by the hostile reaction to my column about England, and all I can say to …
1000 … spent a week in London, which is a popular foreign place to visit because they have learned to sp…
1001 … move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing to eat English food, mu…
1003 …des of the street, using hard-to-see cars about the size of toaster ovens. The best way to handle …
1006 …s is part of an anti-counterfeiting program to redesign all of our old currency, which has become …
1009 …al physical examination, which is something I do approximately every seven to nine years. <BR>	-- …
1010 … office for any reason, whether it be for a physical examination or simply to deliver the mail, I …
1013 …d Charles who belonged to a couple named Ed and ginny. Charles had an IQ of 260 and figured out ea…
1014 I got hundreds of responses to my "Eat Bugs For Money" column, including dozens of people who were …
1016 Women, because of a tragic genetic flaw, feel compelled to watch only ONE PROGRAM AT A TIME, the wa…
1017 There was a survey in which researchers asked tourists how come they didn't want to come back to Ne…
1019 …all, rich and poor, from all over the world; and although I sometimes tend to be cynical, I could …
1020 …to admit that I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera. The one ti…
1021 … mailperson, who expired in our driveway several days ago while attempting to deliver 300 pounds o…
1024 … that when it breaks, you should not ask your mechanic how much it's going to cost until you've co…
1027 …ving once againthat when the American people decide to "get involved" in a problem, it is best not…
1029 …l federal issues. As you have no doubt gathered, I am referring to the current effort to name an O…
1030 …Jake Turmoil slowly opened the door to the killer's room."  STRONG: "Detective Jake Turmoil slowly…
1033 …he, the eclipse, the Happy Face, and the box where the person checks "yes" to receive more informa…
1036 …t the small seaside resort town of Amity and tries to eat all the residents, possibly in an effort…
1037 If you were to probe inside the guy psyche, beneath that macho exterior and the endless droning abo…
1038 …e's calling, so when somebody answers, Gene has to ask (a) who it is, and (b) does this person hap…
1039 …to be a sensitive and caring relationship partner, and he's making radical life-style changes such…
1040 There was respect in Robert's eyes as I strode out to face the spider. As well there should have be…
1042 …c Activity, namely (1) rental shoes and (2) beer, then you definitely want to take up bowling. <BR…
1043 I love to bowl. I even belong to a bowling team, the Pin Worms. How good are we?  I don't wish to b…
1044 On planes, I always take a window seat, because I want to know if a wing falls off. The pilot would…
1046 I realize, of course, that there are countless examples of guys being faithful to their mates until…
1047 …journey, and only by retracing the steps of that journey can we truly come to know, as a species, …
1049 Feudalism was based on a "ladder-type" of organizational structure, similar to Amway. You started o…
1050 …ea during which they almost perished, discovered a new land. It turned out to be Canada, so they w…
1051 …was then under King Edward III, who had vowed to kill any monarch with a higher Roman numeral. Thi…
1052 … people had been burned at the stake that Europe ran out of stakes and had to start burning people…
1054 By the 1500s there were ships sailing everywhere, carrying the message of European civilization to …
1055 …t Hears a Who", and who gave us a priceless legacy of famous phrases that, to this very day, are p…
1058 …ter scientists would expand this definition to include grapefruit, but the basic concept remains u…
1062 …use it enabled scholars, for the first time, to decipher ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics, which tur…
1063 …ssed the Stamp Act, which decreed that if the colonists wanted to buy stamps, they had to wait in …
1064 …vere made his legendary "midnight ride," galloping all the way from Boston to Lexington while shou…
1065 …whose names all American schoolchildren should be forced to memorize before they are allowed to bu…
1066 Soon the delegates to the Constitutional Convention were hard at work, and in 1788, the constitutio…
1067 …urned the Internal Revenue Service to the ground. Tragically, it was rebuilt, and eventually the B…
1068 …at he, alone among all the French, could rearrange the letters in his name to spell "Rent An Abalo…
1070 …bert Fulton put a steam engine aboard a ship called the Clermont. Needless to say, it sank like an…
1071 In 1860, Lincoln ran for president (slogan: "He's Taller Than You") and was elected, only to see th…
1072 …orized that life evolves, through natural selection, from lower and cruder to higher and more soph…
1073 …hat for the first time ships could go from wherever the Suez Canal started to wherever it ended, s…
1075 …., determined to liberate Cuba from Spanish control, dispatched the famous "Rough Riders" in the l…
1078 …Czar System of government and switched to the Communist Dictator System, epitomized by Joseph Stal…
1079 The 19th Amendment gave women the right to vote (for men). <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1083 And so, this New Year's Eve, when the clock strikes 12, raise a glass to toast the millions of our …
1085 Dave on Y2K: Lights will go out; phones will stop working; juke boxes will refuse to play anything …
1086 …on Astrodome to store canned food in, the Y2K problem is also going to cause all the can openers i…
1087 You must find a way, right now, to feed your family when Y2K strikes. You will NOT be able to grow …
1088 …l heritage, like Starbucks and Pez. And soon another chapter will be added to the Star Wars legend…
1090 …r clothes, her primary objective is NOT to find clothes that fit her particular body. Her primary …
1091 …re is a right way and a wrong way to prepare for your SATs, and unless you are even stupider than …
1092 …a series of tests that predict your ability to perform in the college environment by measuring the…
1093 … in the E.T.S.'s Official Historical Statement of Goals and Purposes, was "to sell a huge quantity…
1094 …Some of the telltale signs to look for are: * The answer contains swear words. * The answer contai…
1095 …means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no wa…
1096 I also want Janet Reno to appoint somebody -- I'm thinking Kenneth Starr -- to look into the very r…
1097 Members of the Class of 1997, as I stand before you to deliver your commencement address, I am remi…
1098 Young people, you'll find that the things you learned in school will be vitally important to your s…
1101 I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a go…
1104 … because the people who give OUT the credits for being domestic are -- not to generalize or anythi…
1105 Guys are sometimes accused of not having a domestic "flair" just because they tend to accessorize a…
1107 …to a column I wrote on the SAT tests, angrily objected to my statement that Princeton, N.J., is th…
1109 …and I am grateful to the many readers who, week after week, write angry letters correcting me. Thi…
1110 …psychic!  I also know that your name . . . wait a minute . . . it's coming to me . . . your name c…
1112 …to respond when the Clock-Radio of Challenge emits the Irritating Buzz of Opportunity?  Are you go…
1113 I hope you are ready to take over, Class of '99, because my generation is getting old and tired. An…
1114 Thanks to the Internet, all you have to do is type in the words "population of Rhode Island" into y…
1115 Men tend to attach great significance to Manhood. This results in certain characteristically mascul…
1116 …-based generalizations here, but my feeling is that if God did not want us to make gender-based ge…
1117 I'm not saying guys are scum. I'm saying that many guys who consider themselves to be committed to …
1118 …se of being engaged in productive work was the first real guy contribution to human civilization, …
1119 …ed the famous "Substitute Mummy Filled with Live Weasels" prank. This lead to the collapse of the …
1122 …uys, it is essential to remember that, deep down inside, they are biological creatures, like jelly…
1124 I want to stress here that I am NOT saying that guys are stupid. I am saying that, because of subtl…
1126 We see that testosterone can lead to some very destructive forms of male behavior, the two worst be…
1127 It's hard to avoid falling into the stereotype-toy trap. When my son, Rob, was born, my philosophy …
1128 Toys marketed for boys tend to encourage the boys' already aggressive nature, which could be why bo…
1129 …to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutuall…
1130 …ot the case. A hamster is much more capable of making a lasting commitment to a woman, especially …
1131 …genetically transmitted mental condition known to psychologists as: The Fear That If You Get Attat…
1132 Guys are extremely reluctant to make commitments, or even to take steps that might LEAD to commitme…
1133 Consider the behaviour of guy dogs, who spend their lives in a ceaseless quest to establish their m…
1134 …y roting; I'm talking about a RELATIONSHIP that guys develop, a COMMITMENT to a sports team that g…
1135 …es of a guy who can be more committed to a bunch of transient athletes than he is to his own wife.…
1138 …ar-cut situations, such as decapitation. And even then, guys are not going to be 100 percent certa…
1140 Guy Memory Lapses stem from the fact that guys devote so much of their brain to remembering vital f…
1141 …hat provide, in secret code (to prevent other species, such as raccoons, from stealing it), all th…
1143 …ry than they absolutely have to. A single-sock load would not be out of the question, for a guy. A…
1144 … people who use marijuana are more than EIGHT TIMES as likely as non-users to eat raw cookie dough…
1147 …rogram is NOT to benefit the human race by advancing the frontiers of human knowledge. We humans d…
1148 Let's face it, the human race needs guys because of the numerous contributions that guys make to so…
1152 RARE (5-10 minutes): The outside is burnt and welded to the grill; the inside is pink and swirling …
1157 …s always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the ti…
1162 It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
1171 The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
1172 Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
1174 There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
1176 Never miss a good chance to shut up.
1178 There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a…
1190 Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (…
1191 Advice is like kissing: It costs nothing and it's a pleasant thing to do. <BR>	-- George Bernard Sh…
1193 Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give to some people. <BR>	-- Thomas L. Masson (1866-1…
1194 Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. <BR>	-- Louis La Roch…
1198 Please give me some good advice in your next letter. I promise not to follow it. <BR>	-- Edna St. V…
1199 The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor. <BR>	-- Sam Ewing, (1921--)…
1200 The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself. <BR>	-- …
1206 Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. <BR>	-- Wendell Johnson (19…
1207 Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. <BR>	-- P…
1208 Always be nice to those younger than you, because they are the ones who will be writing about you. …
1210 Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. <BR>	-- …
1211 Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. <BR>	-- King George V of Great Britain, (1865-193…
1214 Be grateful for luck. Pay the thunder no mind -- listen to the birds. And don't hate nobody. <BR>	-…
1217 Begin at the beginning and go on until you come to the end; then stop. <BR>	-- Lewis Carroll, Alice…
1220 Borrow trouble for yourself, if that's your nature, but don't lend it to your neighbors. <BR>	-- Ru…
1221 …m all use of wine until after their eighteenth year, for it is wrong to add fire to fire. <BR>	-- …
1230 Don't do anything you wouldn't be willing to explain on television. <BR>	-- Arjay Miller, Dean of S…
1231 Don't ever slam the door; you might want to go back. <BR>	-- Don Herold, (1889-1966), U.S. humorist
1234 Don't stick your tongue out unless you intend to use it. <BR>	-- David Lee Roth, (1954--), U.S. sin…
1235 Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to. <BR>	…
1239 …ies, but never forget their names. <BR>	-- Edward I. Koch, U.S. politician (also attributed to JFK)
1242 Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, …
1243 I don't say we all ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could. <BR>	-- Orson Welles, (…
1246 If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. <BR>	-- Catherine A…
1247 If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button. <BR>	-- Sam Levenson (1911-1980), U.S. hu…
1249 If you want to get on in this world, make many promises, but don't keep them. <BR>	-- Napoleon I, (…
1250 If you wish to learn the highest truths, begin with the alphabet. <BR>	-- Japanese proverb
1252 If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it. <BR>	-- Leo Rosten, (1908-1997), U.S. wri…
1253 It seldom pays to be rude. It never pays to be only half-rude. <BR>	-- Norman Douglas (1868-1952), …
1261 My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey through life, is to take their h…
1268 Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've alrea…
1273 Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much. <BR>	-- G. K…
1275 Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. <BR>	-- Erma Bombeck (1927-1996), U.S. …
1284 Never take a cross country trip with a kid who has just learned to whistle. <BR>	-- Jean Deuel
1289 Never wear a backwards baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire. <BR>	-- …
1290 No matter who you are or what you plan to do, learn to type!  <BR>	-- Liz Smith, U.S. gossip column…
1294 Put your trust in God -- but keep your powder dry. <BR>	--attributed to Oliver Cromwell
1298 So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. <BR>	-- Will Rog…
1300 Suspect everybody, and keep your suspicions to yourself. <BR>	-- Charles Simmons
1302 The best way to keep one's word is not to give it. <BR>	-- Napoleon Bonaparte, (1769-1821)
1305 …xception to the rule "Never eat at a restaurant called Mom's." If you're in a small town, and the …
1307 …xcept incest and square dancing. <BR>	-- George Kaufman, U.S. playwright, in letter to his daughter
1310 We ought never to do wrong when people are looking. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1311 Welcome thy neighbor to thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food. <BR>	-- De…
1314 When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. <BR>	-- Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-…
1315 When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him r…
1318 You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there…
1323 Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. <BR>	-- Tom Stoppard, (1937--), playwright
1336 I prefer to forget both pairs of glasses and pass my declining years saluting strange women and gra…
1337 I refuse to admit I'm more than fifty-two even if that does make my sons illegitimate. <BR>	-- Lady…
1338 I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. <BR>	-- Janette Barber
1339 If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. <BR>	-- Eubie [Ja…
1340 If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old. <BR>…
1341 I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. <BR>	-- Jennifer Unl…
1346 Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. <BR>	-- Charles M. Schulz, (19…
1350 No wise man ever wished to be younger. <BR>	-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745), Irish author
1351 Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. <BR>	-- Fred A…
1355 One of the delights known to age, and beyond the grasp of youth, is that of Not Going. <BR>	-- J. B…
1357 The hardest people to convince they are at retirement age are children at bedtime. <BR>	-- Shannon …
1359 The idea is to die young as late as possible. <BR>	-- Ashley Montagu (1905-1999), British scientist…
1362 The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. <BR>	-- Lucill…
1367 When I grow up, I want to be a little boy. <BR>	-- Joseph Heller (1923--), US novelist
1368 When you get to my age life seems little more than one long march to and from the lavatory. <BR>	--…
1373 …s a land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy -- and won't even cross the s…
1374 America is a melting pot, the people at the bottom get burned while all the scum floats to the top.…
1380 America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degene…
1381 Americans always try to do the right thing -- after they've tried everything else. <BR>	-- Winston …
1383 Every time Europe looks across the Atlantic to see the American eagle, it observes only the rear en…
1386 I am willing to love all mankind, except an American. <BR>	-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784), English w…
1398 We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879-…
1401 When good Americans die, they go to Paris; when bad Americans die they go to America. <BR>	-- Oscar…
1402 A "good" family, it seems, is one that used to be better. <BR>	-- Cleveland Amory, U.S. critic & an…
1407 Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner. <BR>	-- Douglas Ad…
1408 Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors. <BR>	-- Tom Snyder
1411 One of the best things people could do for their descendants would be to sharply limit the number o…
1412 Our ancestors are very good kind of folks, but they are the last people I should choose to have a v…
1414 … our ancestors, and it seems only fair that they should leave us the money to pay with. <BR>	-- Do…
1417 I confess to you, I could never look long upon a monkey without very mortifying reflections. <BR>	-…
1418 I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out an…
1419 I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the d…
1428 A man has to work so hard so that something of his personality stays alive. A tomcat has it so easy…
1430 Cats always know whether people like or dislike them. They do not always care enough to do anything…
1432 Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. <BR>	-- Garrison Keillo…
1434 Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. <BR>	-- Jeff Vald…
1436 Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. <BR>	-- Jose…
1437 Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. <BR>	-- Mary Bly
1441 If cats could talk, they would lie to you. <BR>	-- Rob Kopack
1446 …en, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they …
1448 Kittens can happen to anyone. <BR>	-- Paul Gallico, (1897-1976), U.S. writer
1449 My cat does not talk as respectfully to me as I do to her. <BR>	-- Colette (1873-1954), French nove…
1450 No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. <BR>	-- Abraham Linco…
1451 …n the owner himself. A large multipurpose plaything, its parts can be made to move in almost any d…
1452 One cat just leads to another. <BR>	-- Ernest Hemingway
1455 The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. <BR>	-- Doug La…
1458 … and a cat. The last ingredient is usually hardest to come by. <BR>	-- Stephen Baker, author of Ho…
1460 When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it …
1465 A dog is a yes-animal, very popular with people who can't afford to keep a yes-man. <BR>	-- Roberts…
1466 A dog is not almost human, and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it a…
1468 A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. <BR>	…
1472 …ould always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at no…
1474 Happiness to a dog is what lies on the other side of the door. <BR>	-- Charlton Ogburn Jr. (1911-19…
1482 My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our…
1483 Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy …
1485 People who keep dogs are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. <BR>	-- August…
1490 …y two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to …
1492 They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an ap…
1494 …r or even cook breakfast, not because she's too stupid to learn how but because she's too smart to…
1497 …d forbid that I should go to any heaven in which there are no horses. <BR>	-- R. B. Cunningham-Gra…
1498 Woe to them that... rely on horses. <BR>	-- Isaiah 31:1, 8th century B.C.
1499 I learned long ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. <BR>	…
1500 I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. <BR>	-- Winston S. …
1501 …t eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody? …
1507 In my own experience, anyone can paint if he doesn't have to. <BR>	-- Beatrice Lillie (1898-1989), …
1511 Sir, when their backsides look good enough to slap, there's nothing more to do. <BR>	-- Peter Paul …
1514 Australia is an outdoor country. People only go indoors to use the toilet, and that's only a recent…
1515 Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. <BR>	-- Ch…
1521 …rd only gave men so many hormones, and if others want to waste theirs on growing hair, that's up t…
1525 Bores bore each other, too, but it never seems to teach them anything. <BR>	-- Don Marquis (1878-19…
1526 My own business always bores me to death. I prefer other people's. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900),…
1527 No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. <BR>	-- Mignon …
1532 If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?  <BR>	-- Marvin Kitman U.S. TV critic and au…
1534 It is easy to be brave from a safe distance. <BR>	-- Aesop (620?-560? BC), Thracian freed slave & w…
1537 …ed from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. <BR>	-- Fred Allen (1894…
1538 …intellect to any other set upon the continent of North America. They are decidedly the most servil…
1539 When I go abroad, I always sail from Boston because it is such a pleasant place to get away from. <…
1546 It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1…
1562 It is difficult not to write satire. <BR>	-- Juvenal (50-130), Roman satirist
1566 …hat every time we were beginning to form up into teams we were reorganized. I was to learn later i…
1567 What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. <BR>	-…
1571 It takes about a week of treatment to cure a cold, but without treatment it takes about seven days.…
1572 Like everyone else, when I don't know what else to do, I seem to go in for catching colds. <BR>	-- …
1573 There is only one way to treat a cold, and that is with contempt. <BR>	-- Sir William Osler (1849-1…
1575 I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. <BR>	-- Jane W…
1584 Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shel…
1585 Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to virgins. <BR>	-- Robert Heinlein, (190…
1586 For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three…
1588 Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of ho…
1594 The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where…
1596 There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer. <BR>	-- J. H. Goldfuss
1598 To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so. <BR>	-- Robert Orben (1927--), U.…
1599 Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-…
1600 …ers will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we kno…
1606 My conscience aches but it's going to lose the fight. <BR>	-- Allanah Myles, Canadian singer
1607 Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The only completely consistent people are the …
1610 … I reply: because I have been wrong once, or several times, I don't intend to be wrong forever. <B…
1615 …hey know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves. <B…
1616 Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a str…
1618 I much prefer a compliment, insincere or not, to sincere criticism. <BR>	-- Plautus (254-184 B.C.),…
1619 It is much easier to be critical than to be correct. <BR>	-- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881), British…
1627 …iolate his wife (Deir el-Bahri Graffito No. 11, Dyn. 20) (What will happen to he who damages that …
1629 …hands, their feet, and every part of their body from the top of their head to the soles of their f…
1630 He should give it all away to doctors. <BR>	-- Yiddish curse
1636 May a rabbit butt you to death!  <BR>	-- Lithuanian curse
1641 May she marry a ghost and bear him a kitten, and may the high king of glory permit it to get mange.…
1654 Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing to do with it. <BR>	--…
1659 Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
1661 Dying is not everything: you have to die in time. <BR>	-- Jean-Paul Sartre
1663 For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. <BR>	-…
1665 I am one of those unfortunates to whom death is less hideous than explanations. <BR>	-- D.B. Wyndha…
1666 I am ready to meet my maker, but whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is…
1669 If fame is only to come after death, I am in no hurry for it. <BR>	-- Martial (43-104), Roman epigr…
1670 I wouldn't mind dying -- it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me. <…
1672 My prayer to the Lord every day, is this -- I have been a great sinner. I do not deserve Heaven. Le…
1678 People born to be hanged are safe on water. <BR>	-- Mark Twain's mother
1679 The difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make …
1684 To die and to lose one's life are much the same thing. <BR>	-- Irish proverb
1688 When I die, I'd like to be scattered over my hometown. But not, like, cremated or anything. <BR>	--…
1692 All I desire for my own burial is not to be buried alive. <BR>	-- Philip Stanhope, Earl of Chesterf…
1693 I have nothing against undertakers personally. It's just that I wouldn't want one to bury my sister…
1695 I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. <BR>…
1696 I intend to live forever. So far, so good. <BR>	-- Steven Wright, U.S. comedian
1697 Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first. <BR>	-- Bill Cosby, Time Flies
1698 Life is pleasant and I have enjoyed it, but I have no yearning to clutter up the Universe after it …
1699 Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoo…
1700 If Senator Donovan can get resurrection into the death penalty, I might be willing to give it a sec…
1703 When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence,…
1704 Where would Christianity be if Jesus got 8 to 15 years with time off for good behavior?  <BR>	-- N.…
1705 Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps. <BR>	-- David Lloyd…
1709 The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn. <BR>	-- David Russell
1710 We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. <BR>	-- Aneur…
1711 We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it. <BR>	-- Lester B. Pearson (1897-1972), Canadian prim…
1713 Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. <BR>	…
1719 I think if people marry it ought to be for life; the laws are altogether too lenient with them. <BR…
1721 It is better to have loved and lost, but only if you have a good lawyer. <BR>	-- Herb Caen, U.S. jo…
1726 …divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. <BR>…
1727 When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I begin to think of the victims …
1728 Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?" …
1733 Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirte…
1737 American beer is a lot like making love in a row boat -- It's f**king close to water!  <BR>	-- Eric…
1741 Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question. <BR>	-- Henry Mon
1742 Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth. <BR>	-- Steve A…
1744 Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding…
1746 Even though a number of people have tried, no one has ever found a way to drink for a living. <BR>	…
1748 Frenchmen drink wine just like we used to drink water before the Prohibition. <BR>	-- Ring Lardner …
1749 Give a man a beer, waste an hour. Teach a man to brew, and waste a lifetime!  <BR>	-- Bill Owen
1754 I drink to make other people interesting. <BR>	-- George Jean Nathan, (1882-1958), U.S. drama critic
1758 If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. <BR>	-- David Daye
1761 I'm a prohibitionist. What I propose to prohibit is the reckless use of water. <BR>	-- Bob Edwards
1762 In the order named these are the hardest to control: Wine, Women, and Song. <BR>	-- Franklin P. Ada…
1763 … If you don't feel like a drink, you ring another member and he comes over to persuade you. <BR>	-…
1764 I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark. <BR>	-- H.L.…
1766 People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. <BR>	-- Ca…
1767 People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. <BR>	-- Ann La…
1770 The difference between a drunk and a alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those mee…
1776 …easons for drinking: one is, when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty…
1778 What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others. <BR>	-- Diogenes the Cynic, 4th cen. B.C.…
1788 A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. <BR>	…
1796 Don't do drugs because if you do drugs you'll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in priso…
1803 Even today, well-brought up English girls are taught to boil all vegetables for at least a month an…
1806 In all the four corners of the earth one of these three names is given to him who steals from his n…
1808 It is cowardly to commit suicide. The English often kill themselves -- it is a malady caused by the…
1809 It takes some skill to spoil a breakfast -- even the English can't do it!  <BR>	-- J K Galbraith, (…
1814 The Englishman has all the qualities of a poker except its occasional warmth. <BR>	--attributed to …
1827 We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?  <BR>	-- Lee Iacocca, (1924--)…
1828 What's the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?  <BR>	-- Henry David …
1829 American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find i…
1833 Frustrate a Frenchman, he will drink himself to death; an Irishman, he will die of angry hypertensi…
1836 …re important; in England no writer is important, and in Australia you have to explain what a write…
1842 I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to u…
1843 I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise. <BR>	-- Chauncey Depew, (1834-…
1844 I don't jog, if I die I want to be sick. <BR>	-- Abe Lemons, U.S. basketball coach
1848 …g is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back. <BR>	-- F…
1851 Experience is what allows us to repeat our mistakes, only with more finesse!  <BR>	-- Derwood Finch…
1854 There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply. <BR>	-- Josh Billings…
1856 Anyone attempting to generate random numbers by deterministic means is, of course, living in a stat…
1863 I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was able to reason. <BR>	-- Plato (428-347 B.C.), The …
1866 Life is too short to balance a checkbook. <BR>	-- Howard Ogden
1868 There are only two kinds of people who predict the [stock] market on a day-to-day basis. Those who …
1869 There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. <BR>	--attributed to Benjamin Dis…
1875 It's bad manners to apply cosmetics in public. It reminds people that you need them. <BR>	-- P.J. O…
1878 If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport. <BR>	-- George Wi…
1879 If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. <BR>	-- Mel Brooks (1926--), U.S. comedian
1880 The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. <BR>	-- Douglas Adams (1952-2002), B…
1883 A waist is a terrible thing to mind. <BR>	-- Tom Wilson, U.S. cartoonist, "Ziggy"
1884 All the vitamins needed seem to be found in plebian dishes. <BR>	-- William Feather(1889-1981), U.S…
1889 Coffee isn't my cup of tea. <BR>	--attributed to Samuel Goldwyn (1884-1974), Hollywood movie produc…
1896 I don't like to eat snails. I prefer fast food. <BR>	-- Strange de Jim
1900 I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat. <BR>	-- Jennifer Greene Duncan
1904 Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. <BR>	-- Shirley Conran (1932--), U.S. novelist, Superwoman, …
1907 My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. <B…
1908 Never eat more than you can lift. <BR>	-- Miss Piggy's Guide to Life as told to Henry Beard
1919 To eat is human; to digest, divine. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910) (also attributed to Charles Town…
1922 Where do you go to get anorexia?  <BR>	-- Shelley Winters, (1920--), U.S. actress
1924 You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me. <BR>	-- C.S. Lewis, (…
1926 How can you be expected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheeses?  <BR>	-- Charles De Gaul…
1929 A friend in need is a friend to be avoided. <BR>	-- Lord Samuel, English liberal politician (1870 -…
1940 I might give my life for my friend, but he had better not ask me to do up a parcel. <BR>	-- Logan P…
1942 Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards. <BR>	-- R. A. Dicks…
1945 Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that. <BR>	-- Robert C. Edwards
1954 …s history teacher, because in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach. <BR>	-- Bill …
1955 It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future. <BR>	-- Yogi Berra (1925--), U.S. base…
1957 The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. <BR>	-- Paul Valery (1871-…
1958 This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we m…
1968 Life is too short to learn German. <BR>	-- Richard Porson (1759-1808), English classical scholar
1974 I hate to spread rumors -- but what else can one do with them. <BR>	-- Amanda Lear, model/singer, i…
1975 Some people will believe anything if it is whispered to them. <BR>	-- Pierre de Miramax
1987 …I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?  <BR>	-- Zsa …
1992 It is a cursed evil to any man to become so absorbed in any subject as I am in mine. <BR>	-- Charle…
1996 People don't know my real self and they're not about to find out. <BR>	-- Yul Brynner (1920-1985), …
1997 The trouble with me is I can't worry. Damn it, I try to worry, and I can't. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley…
1998 There used to be a me, but I had it surgically removed. <BR>	-- Peter Sellers, Time, 1980, British …
2001 We've all been blessed with God-given talents. Mine just happens to be beating people up. <BR>	-- S…
2005 It is easy to assume a habit; but when you try to cast it off, it will take skin and all. <BR>	-- J…
2006 The unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the …
2016 It's futile to talk much about the past -- something like trying to make birth control retroactive.…
2021 …st will repeat its errors. Those who do study it will find some other ways to err. <BR>	-- Charles…
2026 Every man has the right to utter what he thinks truth, and every other man has a right to knock him…
2030 I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. <BR>	-- Ashleigh Brilliant (193…
2032 If all mankind were suddenly to practice honesty, many thousands of people would be sure to starve.…
2033 If one cannot invent a really convincing lie, it is often better to stick to the truth. <BR>	-- Ang…
2034 It is annoying to be honest to no purpose. <BR>	-- Ovid (43 B.C.-18 A.D.), Roman poet
2035 It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good lia…
2039 Never tell a lie, but the truth you don't have to tell. <BR>	-- George Safir
2044 The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. <BR>	-- Jean Girado…
2045 The world will be a better place when the Found ads in the newspapers begin to outnumber the Lost a…
2050 Truth is like a well-known whore. Everyone knows her, but it is embarrassing to encounter her on th…
2052 Unless a man feels he has a good enough memory, he should never venture to lie. <BR>	-- Michel de M…
2060 There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse. <BR>	-- Quentin …
2063 All that I care to know is that a man is a human being -- that is enough for me; he can't be any wo…
2064 Confess your sins to the Lord, and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughe…
2067 Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin s…
2070 Human beings were invented by water as a device of transporting itself from one place to another. <…
2075 …undrel is like, but I know what a respectable man is like, and it's enough to make your flesh cree…
2080 If I didn't panic when I found out that I was a human being, I'm never going to. <BR>	-- James Thur…
2081 If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill always came together, who would escape hanging?  …
2084 It is easier to denature plutonium than to denature the evil spirit of man. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein…
2089 On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time. <BR>	-- G…
2090 Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it…
2092 People will buy anything that's one to a customer. <BR>	-- Sinclair Lewis (1885-1951), U.S. novelist
2096 The people are to be taken in very small doses. <BR>	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1883), U.S. essay…
2099 There may be said to be two classes of people in the world: those who constantly divide the people …
2101 We are all on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. <BR>	-- W. …
2104 What keeps people apart is their inability to get together. <BR>	-- Mayor Richard J. Daley of Chica…
2106 When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. <BR>	-- Eric Hoffer (19…
2107 Why did Nature create Man?  Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it pure …
2116 If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there. <BR>	-- Martin Luther (1483-15…
2119 A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. <BR>	-- Robert Frost …
2128 Laws are like sausages. It is better not to see them being made. <BR>	-- Otto von Bismarck (1815-18…
2139 We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only ma…
2140 …putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty…
2143 Woe unto ye also, ye lawyers!  for ye lade men with burdens grievous to be borne, and ye touch not …
2146 He slept beneath the moon/He basked beneath the sun;/He lived a life of going-to-do,/And died with …
2147 How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward. <BR>	-- Spanish proverb
2148 It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. <BR>	-- Jerome K. …
2149 …ctly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live. <BR>	-- Lin Yu…
2150 …and at the expiration of that time I should feel fresh and vigorous enough to go right on in the s…
2151 It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-…
2153 Whenever I feel the urge to exercise coming on, I lie down until it passes over. <BR>	--attributed …
2154 Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash. <BR>	-- Rita…
2158 For every person wishing to teach there are thirty not wanting to be taught. <BR>	-- W.C. Sellar an…
2160 It is tiresome to hear education discussed, tiresome to educate, and tiresome to be educated. <BR>	…
2163 It's easier to graduate than to learn. <BR>	-- Robert Half
2166 Try not to have a good time... this is supposed to be educational. <BR>	-- Charles Schulz, "Peanuts…
2167 You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over??  Movie Day. <BR>	-- Jay Mohr (1970--), U.S. come…
2169 Any idiot can face a crisis -- it's this day-to-day living that wears you out. <BR>	-- Anton Chekho…
2173 If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. <BR>	-- Tallulah Bankhead …
2176 In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these. <BR>	-- Paul …
2178 It may be that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -- but that's the …
2187 Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire to change his bed. <BR>	-- Pie…
2189 Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch. <BR>	-- David A. Schmaltz, U.S. writer
2197 Life is like a B-grade movie. You don't want to leave in the middle, but you don't want to see it a…
2206 Life is something to do when you can't get to sleeep. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), U.S. writer
2207 Life is too short to be small. <BR>	-- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881), British Prime Minister
2208 Life is too short to do anything for one's self that one can pay others to do for one. <BR>	-- W. S…
2214 My theory is to enjoy life, but the practice is against it. <BR>	-- Charles Lamb (1775-1834), Engli…
2220 … want,/And what I have seems second-rate,/The things I want to do I can't,/And what I have to do I…
2222 The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively. <BR>	-- Peter Beard (1938--), U.…
2224 There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. <BR…
2225 There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. <BR>	-- George Santayana (1863-195…
2227 To dream is happiness; to wake is life. <BR>	-- Victor Hugo (1802-1885), French novelist
2237 It is better to have loved a small man than never to have loved a tall. <BR>	-- Mary Jo Crowley, Co…
2244 Love is just a chemical reaction. But it's fun trying to find the formula. <BR>	-- J.D. Shantel, pr…
2246 Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a…
2260 It is bad luck to be superstitious. <BR>	-- Andrew W. Mathis
2261 So unlucky that he runs into accidents which started out to happen to somebody else. <BR>	-- Don Ma…
2264 You need a strong stomach to digest luck. <BR>	-- Russian proverb
2266 A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. <BR>	-- Grace Hansen
2272 As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent. <BR>	--…
2278 Housewives deserve well-furnished minds. They have to live in them such a lot of the time. <BR>	-- …
2279 I am too much interested in other men's wives to think of getting one of my own. <BR>	-- George Moo…
2282 I do not refer to myself as a 'housewife' for the reason that I did not marry a house. <BR>	-- Wilm…
2283 I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest …
2290 If love means never having to say you're sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything…
2293 It is as hard to arrange a good marriage as it was to divide the Red Sea. <BR>	-- Talmud: Sotah, 2A
2294 It is really asking too much of a woman to expect her to bring up her husband and her children too.…
2295 It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. <BR>	-- Spike Milligan, (1918-2002),…
2302 Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. <BR>	-- G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936), English writer
2303 Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night. <BR>	-- St. Jerome (345-420), At…
2305 Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up. <BR>	-- Joseph Barth
2306 Married women are kept women, and they are beginning to find it out. <BR>	-- Logan Pearsall Smith (…
2307 My advice to you is get married. If you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a p…
2309 Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke (1947--), Modern Manne…
2315 One of the best things about marriage is that it gets young people to bed at a decent hour. <BR>	--…
2318 Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. <BR>	-- Gloria Steinem (1934--), U.S. activist
2320 The bonds of wedlock are so heavy that it takes two to carry them -- sometimes three. <BR>	-- Alexa…
2321 The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. <BR>	-- Honore de Bal…
2322 The only good husbands stay bachelors; they're too considerate to get married. <BR>	-- Finley Peter…
2325 There is more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. <BR>	-- John Heywood (1497?-1580?), English…
2326 There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married ag…
2329 When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. <BR>	-- Sacha Gui…
2330 Where singleness is bliss, it's folly to be wives. <BR>	-- Bill Counselman, Ella Cinders
2342 I have nothing definite to apologize for; I'm just sorry about everything in general. <BR>	-- Ashle…
2349 Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me. <BR>	-- Ashleigh Brilliant (1933--), U.S. w…
2350 Reality continues to ruin my life. <BR>	-- Bill Watterson, "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strip
2363 I firmly believe that if the whole materia medica could be sunk to the bottom of the sea, it would …
2364 It was difficult for the Angel of Death to kill everybody in the whole world, so he appointed docto…
2367 One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine. <BR>	-- Sir…
2368 One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of th…
2373 …mogram"?  Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it t…
2377 …to meet myself. 'Dine with me today; dine with me and I will get Sydney Smith to meet you.' I admi…
2380 A man who won't lie to a woman has very little consideration for her feelings. <BR>	-- Olin Miller
2386 Beware of the man who praises women's liberation; he is about to quit his job. <BR>	-- Erica Jong (…
2391 Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him of th…
2394 God gave us a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time. <BR>	-- Robin Williams…
2396 …imming in a salt lake -- no matter how rotten you are, it's impossible to sink to the bottom. <BR>…
2400 I like men to behave like men. I like them strong and childish. <BR>	-- Francoise Sagan (1935--), F…
2402 I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. <BR>	-- Zsa Zsa Gabor (ca. 1918--), Hollywood…
2403 I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?  <BR>	-- Zsa Z…
2406 If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the …
2409 It is easier for a man to be loyal to his club than to his planet; the by-laws are shorter, and he …
2410 …s, in the yard he's raising tomatoes, and in the cellar he's making a bomb to blow it all up. <BR>…
2415 Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him. <BR>	-- Paul Eldridge
2416 Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2418 Man puts woman on a pedestal so he won't have to look her in the eye. <BR>	-- Marian Stewart
2421 Men and melons are hard to know. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), Poor Richard, September 1733
2425 Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the…
2426 Men hate to be misunderstood, and to be understood makes them furious. <BR>	-- Edgar Saltus (1855-1…
2427 Men have more problems than women. In the first place, they have to put up with women. <BR>	-- Fran…
2431 No man is ever old enough to know better. <BR>	-- Holbrook Jackson, Ladies' Home Journal (January, …
2432 Some men are so macho they'll get you pregnant just to kill a rabbit. <BR>	-- Maureen Murphy
2433 Talking with a man is like trying to saddle a cow. You work like hell, but what's the point. <BR>	-…
2435 The fastest way to a man's heart is through his chest. <BR>	-- Roseanne Barr, (1953--), U.S. comic
2437 The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do mo…
2442 Women and small men are hard to handle. <BR>	-- Japanese proverb
2443 Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to be as mediocre as possible. <BR>	-- Margaret M…
2446 Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. <BR>	--attributed to Samuel Gold…
2448 I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me…
2449 Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to adm…
2452 The only thing to know is how to use your neuroses. <BR>	-- Arthur Adamov (1908-1970), French drama…
2457 I don't want to make the wrong mistake. <BR>	-- Yogi Berra (1925--), U.S. baseball player
2462 Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. <BR>	-- Ma…
2470 …reasury with nothing -- and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even. <BR>	-- …
2471 Get what you can and keep what you have. That's the way to get rich. <BR>	-- Scots proverb
2474 I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. <BR>	-- Jackie Mason (1…
2475 I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. <BR>	-- Bill Hoest, (1926-1988), U.S. cartoon…
2476 I think every young man should have a hobby. Learning to handle money is the best hobby. <BR>	-- Ja…
2481 It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich. <BR>	-- Alan …
2482 It's not a sin to be rich -- it's a miracle. <BR>	-- W. F. Dettle
2486 Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the prob…
2487 Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. <B…
2489 Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. <BR>	-- R…
2494 There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. <…
2495 There is no economy in going to bed early to save candles if the results be twins. <BR>	-- Chinese …
2496 There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody. <BR>	…
2497 Try to save money. Someday it may be valuable again. <BR>	--Anonymous
2501 When I was young I used to think that wealth and power would bring me happiness. I was right. <BR>	…
2505 Do not join encounter groups. If you enjoy being made to feel inadequate, call your mother. <BR>	--…
2506 However much you dislike your mother-in-law, you must not set fire to her. <BR>	-- Ernest Wilde, re…
2512 The best thing that could happen to motherhood already has. Fewer women are going into it. <BR>	-- …
2515 Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it, and that …
2519 …refer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of gl…
2521 If anyone has conducted a Beethoven performance, and then doesn't have to go to an osteopath, then …
2535 It's pretty safe to assume the contemporary BMWs will depreciate like school milk. <BR>	-- Patrick …
2536 Thailand is primarily a Buddhist state and 'shit happens' -- but Allah has a lot of explaining to d…
2539 Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric. <BR>	-- …
2540 Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise. <BR>	-- …
2541 I think we ought always to entertain our opinions with some measure of doubt. I shouldn't wish peop…
2543 …ing, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a …
2545 In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have lon…
2548 It is a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a …
2549 Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russe…
2551 …bversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, establish…
2553 Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clev…
2554 …to most boys and girls. It involves no effort of independent thought, and seems rational because t…
2555 Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (…
2556 Science may set limits to knowledge, but should not set limits to imagination. <BR>	-- Bertrand Rus…
2558 The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution. <…
2559 The main things which seem to me important on their own account, and not merely as means to other t…
2560 The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either …
2566 There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2569 This is patently absurd; but whoever wishes to become a philosopher must learn not to be frightened…
2573 Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality. <BR>	-- Bertr…
2575 …. Certainly there are degrees of certainty, and one should be very careful to emphasize that fact,…
2577 A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, no…
2578 Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. <BR>	-- Bertr…
2579 To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the last product of civilization, and at present very f…
2580 …y to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary s…
2581 … fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this stat…
2582 To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead. <BR>	-- Bertran…
2583 …e silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more likely to be foolish than sens…
2587 It is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatsoever for supposing it is t…
2589 The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to e…
2592 I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound …
2593 If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. <B…
2594 If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. <BR>	-- Doroth…
2596 The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant -- and let the air out o…
2598 This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. <BR>	-- Dorot…
2599 That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it w…
2601 … going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don'…
2603 She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967), speaking of Katha…
2611 Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough. <BR>	-- George Bernard Sha…
2616 I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2617 If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. <BR>	-- George Bernard S…
2623 Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people l…
2625 Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were…
2627 Take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then say it with the utmost levity. <BR…
2628 The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a dru…
2630 The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt th…
2632 You are going to let the fear of poverty govern your life and your reward will be that you will eat…
2633 Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856…
2635 There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. <BR…
2643 The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that'…
2651 We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without prod…
2653 A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. <BR>	-- George B…
2654 My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world. <BR>	-- George Bernard…
2655 …t makes life bearable to millions of people who could not endure their existence if they were quit…
2657 He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. <BR…
2663 Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get. <BR>	-- George Bernard S…
2669 … ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. <B…
2672 It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or d…
2673 The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it. <BR>…
2674 What is life but a seires of inspired follies?  The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a …
2678 A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (…
2685 … to the public in return for the taxes spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, co…
2688 Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and h…
2692 …riends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe... Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly t…
2694 I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time. <B…
2695 …peaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet t…
2696 …n the United States, doing good has come to be, like patriotism, a favorite device of persons with…
2697 It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. <BR>	-- H. L. Menc…
2698 It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were …
2699 It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. <BR>	-- H. L. Menc…
2700 It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common hone…
2701 …ite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still…
2704 …to the rulings of the bench of gods. This fighting, no doubt, makes for human progress, for it fav…
2705 Men are the only animals that devote themselves, day in and day out, to making one another unhappy.…
2710 Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true. <BR>	-- H…
2712 Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that t…
2713 The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other …
2716 The most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief…
2719 … are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all. <…
2720 The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led …
2721 …th are simply opposite. They are nothing of the sort. What the world turns to, when it is cured on…
2723 …ocracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfi…
2728 America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record ge…
2730 An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it. <BR>	…
2732 Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame. <BR>	…
2740 Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. <BR>	-- Lauren…
2741 …roduces power for change in your life. Develop a train of thought on which to ride. The nobility o…
2743 The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1…
2744 The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. <BR>	-- Lau…
2745 Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2746 Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to believe. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 …
2752 America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. …
2754 Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854…
2755 At twilight, nature is not without loveliness, though perhaps its chief use is to illustrate quotat…
2756 Biography lends to death a new terror. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2758 Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. <BR>	-- Osc…
2759 I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones. <BR>	-- Oscar…
2760 I am not young enough to know everything. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2770 Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.…
2777 When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2783 It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. <BR>	-- Osc…
2784 Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2785 Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2794 One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upo…
2796 To lose one parent, Mr Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessn…
2798 It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2806 One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2809 …he only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with…
2811 …lf-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the …
2817 Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympa…
2818 I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2823 Don't be afraid to see what you see. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40th president of USA
2826 …xtinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected,…
2828 …ry, those who gave us nuclear weapons, to turn their great talents now to the cause of mankind and…
2829 I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabin…
2830 …hat is right will always eventually triumph. And there's purpose and worth to each and every life.…
2833 Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a ver…
2836 …g words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'  <BR>	-- Rona…
2837 …iritual resolve: the values we hold, the beliefs we cherish and the ideals to which we are dedicat…
2838 There are no great limits to growth because there are no limits of human intelligence, imagination,…
2840 To sit back hoping that someday, someway, someone will make things right is to go on feeding the cr…
2841 …hildren this, the last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step …
2844 My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia foreve…
2846 I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits…
2851 Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how r…
2852 When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?' …
2854 …tent, it is unobstructed action according to our will. But rightful liberty is unobstructed action…
2860 Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled unde…
2861 I never will, by any word or act, bow to the shrine of intolerance or admit a right of inquiry into…
2864 The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to bear arms is, as a last resort, to prote…
2867 I have seen enough of one war never to wish to see another. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), t…
2868 All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent. <BR>	-- Tho…
2870 In every country and every age, the priest had been hostile to Liberty. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1…
2874 Determine never to be idle... It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing. <BR>	-- …
2884 …ion. It is known to God and myself alone. Its evidence before the world is to be sought in my life…
2888 The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always t…
2889 Walking is the best possible exercise. Habituate yourself to walk very far. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferso…
2891 I have the consolation of having added nothing to my private fortune during my public service, and …
2892 No government ought to be without censors & where the press is free, no one ever will. <BR>	-- Thom…
2893 …without inquiring whether it was fired from within or without, we must try to extinguish it. <BR>	…
2895 Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson …
2896 …, and in that chiefly the advertisements, for they contain the only truths to be relied on in a ne…
2897 …imonious reverence, and deem them like the ark of the covenant, too sacred to be touched. <BR>	-- …
2898 As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to …
2900 Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2903 How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?  <BR>	-- Woody…
2905 I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. <BR>	-- Woody Allen…
2906 I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. <BR>…
2907 I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2909 …ng on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. <BR>	-- Woody Al…
2910 I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way arou…
2913 Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought …
2914 It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. <BR>	-- Woody Allen …
2915 It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's ha…
2916 …od and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hou…
2917 …rossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let u…
2922 Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2923 The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get …
2926 To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2930 You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundr…
2933 It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. <BR>	-- Woody Allen…
2940 …ving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouragi…
2943 History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2944 I cannot pretend to feel impartial about colours. I rejoice with the brilliant ones and am genuinel…
2945 I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his oppone…
2947 It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at …
2948 Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothi…
2950 …asure the tides and hurricanes he will encounter. The statesman who yields to war fever must reali…
2951 One ought never to turn one's back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do th…
2952 Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. <BR>	-- Sir Winst…
2953 Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. <BR>	-- Sir Wi…
2955 …f modern assertions is sometimes pushed to extremes, in which the fear of being contradicted leads…
2958 When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own cou…
2959 Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash. <BR>	-- Sir Wins…
2961 …que in this respect. They are the only people who like to be told how bad things are, who like to …
2962 I would say to the House, as I said to those who have joined this Government: 'I have nothing to of…
2963 … of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time. <BR>	-- Sir Wi…
2964 …ange paradox, decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, solid fo…
2965 It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill…
2966 I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is …
2968 I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma…
2969 Here is the answer which I will give to President Roosevelt... We shall not fail or falter; we shal…
2972 For myself I am an optimist -- it does not seem to be much use being anything else. <BR>	-- Sir Win…
2973 >From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic an iron curtain has descended across the Con…
2977 … large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to forc…
2979 An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. <BR…
2980 Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate …
2986 Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. <BR>	-- Wi…
2988 …ocracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government fo…
2992 …is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know. <BR>	-- W…
2995 There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (…
2996 There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. <BR>	-- Wi…
2997 This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a …
2999 We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. <BR>	-- Will…
3002 The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse …
3004 Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3006 Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life try…
3016 It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3017 It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it…
3022 We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 …
3025 … the ingenious have invented, when they were supplied with food and women, to escape the tediousne…
3027 Follow your inclinations with due regard to the policeman round the corner. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Mau…
3028 He had heard people speak contemptuously of money: he wondered if they had ever tried to do without…
3032 It is cruel to discover one's mediocrity only when it is too late. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (187…
3033 It is not wealth one asks for, but just enough to preserve one's dignity, to work unhampered, to be…
3034 It's asking a great deal that things should appeal to your reason as well as your sense of the aest…
3038 The important thing was to love rather than to be loved. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3040 …between the quick and the dead: they did not seem to belong to the same species; and it was strang…
3042 When I read a book I seem to read it with my eyes only, but now and then I come across a passage, p…
3046 Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actual…
3063 Why is it so easy to acquire the solutions of past problems and so difficult to solve current ones?…
3075 Camp is popular because it gives people a sense of reality to see a replay of their lives. <BR>	-- …
3079 Politics offers yesterdays answers to todays questions. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Cana…
3081 In big industry new ideas are invited to rear their heads so they can be clobbered at once. The ide…
3086 The ignorance of how to use new knowledge stockpiles exponentially. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911…
3088 At the speed of light, policies and political parties yield place to charismatic images. <BR>	-- Ma…
3091 …t like Rod Steiger, enunciate like Sir Laurence Olivier, and when it comes to Richard Burton, I'm …
3096 …h century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they cam…
3100 …h as my younger brothers or the dog - to get myself checkmated in under three minutes. I challenge…
3101 Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer …
3102 Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: version…
3103 Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nu…
3106 … after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that mig…
3107 Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that doe…
3110 …like mine?  All you have to do is think up a certain number of words!  Plus, you can repeat words!…
3122 Harvard University, according to the directory of the American Society of Colleges and Universities…
3123 …ve you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling y…
3126 …engines than actually driving anywhere; I sometimes wonder why they bother to have wheels on their…
3127 I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks s…
3129 …ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding. …
3131 …I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much st…
3132 I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software inc…
3133 …arry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him …
3134 I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. …
3136 I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news …
3138 If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and …
3139 If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same ans…
3142 If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you w…
3143 …high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps. <BR>…
3145 …pting to obtain a chicken salad sandwich, you wind up with a dish whose name, when you look it up …
3146 …ne big factor, of course, is that people are a lot stupider than they used to be, although we here…
3147 …ll travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. <BR>…
3148 It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Me…
3150 … when taken individually, when it forms itself into large groups, it tends to act as though it has…
3153 … from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerator…
3155 …ami International, a cramped and dingy labyrinth, the message is: Just Try to Find Our Baggage Cla…
3156 …t in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers from consuming them. These days y…
3157 Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the "patty" group, which includes hambur…
3158 My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. <BR>	-- Da…
3160 My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I…
3163 Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his…
3164 People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with t…
3165 …ds that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-sa…
3166 Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. <BR…
3171 …n to the CPU, which processes billions of tiny facts called bytes, and within a fraction of a seco…
3172 …ous elongated stones in England - is actually a crude effort by the Druids to build a computing de…
3173 …t absolute minimum essential items we'd need to carry in our backpacks for the final, treacherous …
3174 …ys boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball;…
3175 …means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no wa…
3176 Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic wi…
3177 The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that the…
3184 …ng sparklers and signing their John Hancocks to the Declaration, with one prankster even going so …
3187 The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and at…
3188 …vernment is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - "to spew out paper."  <B…
3191 The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president?  What is it about the job that makes…
3192 The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3205 …t turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around. <BR>	--…
3208 We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this …
3210 We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to adm…
3211 We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty no…
3212 What I want to know is: Why is it important to have visible stomach muscles?  I grew up in an era (…
3213 What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another p…
3216 You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a …
3217 Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who r…
3219 …m showed us that nearly half of humanity will click on anything purporting to contain nude picture…
3222 Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. <BR>	-- The Law of Reality
3226 Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. <BR>	-- Weiler's Law
3239 The one course you must take to graduate will not be offered during your last semester. <BR>	-- Sei…
3240 Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them. <BR>	-- Cornuelle's Law
3241 Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage. <BR>	-- Ruan's Law
3242 The love letter you finally got the courage to send will be delayed in the mail long enough for you…
3243 People to whom you are attracted invariably think you remind them of someone else. <BR>	-- Arthurs …
3244 The stomach expands to accomodate the amount of junk food available. <BR>	-- Iske's Teenage Law
3247 The probablility of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to …
3249 To err is human - to blame it on someone else is even more human. <BR>	-- Jacob's Law
3251 …re outside the door fumbling for your keys. You will reach it just in time to hear the click of th…
3254 If you allow someone to get in front of you, you both will have the same destination and the other …
3255 In any series of calculations, errors tend to occur at the opposite end at which you begin checking…
3257 If you allow someone to get in front of you, you both will have the same destination, and the other…
3262 If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you - the next time he's in need. <BR>	-- Chei…
3263 In any series of calculations, errors tend to occur at the opposite end from the end at which you b…
3267 No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep. <BR>	-- Attwood's Law
3273 People will buy anything that's one to a customer. <BR>	-- Lewis' Law
3281 …ue which contained the article, story or installment you were most anxious to read. <BR>	-- Johnso…
3282 The first bug to hit a clean windscreen lands directly in front your eyes. <BR>	-- Drew's Law
3285 The Traffic Light will turn green as soon as your vehicle comes to a complete stop. <BR>	-- McKee's…
3286 …elopes which don't stick when you lick them will stick to other things when you don't want them to…
3298 You'll save yourself a lot of needless worry if you don't burn your bridges until you come to them.…
3301 Never make a decision you can get someone else to make. <BR>	-- Pfeifer's Principle
3307 …ever a superstar is traded to your favourite team, he fades. Whenever your team trades away a no-n…
3308 The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount spent on the wedding. <BR>	-- Thom…
3313 If you can get to the faulty part you don't have the tool to get it off. <BR>	-- Automotive Repair …
3318 Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers. <BR>	-- Grossman's Misquote
3319 In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. <BR>	-- Imbesi's Law ... …
3324 The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. <BR>	-- Law of …
3325 The one ingredient you make a special trip to the store to get will be the one your guest is allerg…
3326 Once a dish is fouled up, anything added to to save it only makes it worse. <BR>	-- Second Law of K…
3332 Its morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. <BR>	-- Bill Jones Motto
3338 Government expands to absorb revenue... and then some. <BR>	-- Wiker's Law
3340 Expenditure always rises to meet income. <BR>	-- Parkinson's Law
3344 When somebody you greatly admire and respect appears to be thinking deep thoughts, they are probabl…
3345 The less you enjoy serving on committees, the more likely you are to be pressed to do so. <BR>	-- L…
3346 The cream rises to the top - so does the scum... <BR>	-- Wellington's Law of Command
3351 Its easier to get forgiveness than ask permission. <BR>	-- Stewarts Law of Retroaction
3353 The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake. <BR>	-- Young's Corollary
3355 If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of. <BR>	-- Maier's Law
3356 Enough research will tend to support your theory. <BR>	-- Murphy's Law of Research
3364 Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. <BR>	-- Shaw's Princi…
3366 When you need to knock on wood is when you realise that the world is made of plastic and aluminium.…
3368 Whenever the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. <BR>	-- Airpla…
3369 Whatever happens, look as if you intended it to happen. <BR>	-- First Rule of Acting
3371 The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick. <BR>	-- Martial …
3372 After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat. <BR>	-- Martial Arts L…
3373 If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer. <BR>	-- …
3383 When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first p…
3384 It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. <BR>	-- Murphy's Sixth …
3386 Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. <BR>	-- Murphy's Fourth Co…
3387 …hings going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. <BR>	-- Mu…
3390 If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man - he will find an easier way to do it. <BR>	-- …
3391 There are some things which are impossible to know, but it is impossible to know which things they …
3392 The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want. <BR>	--…
3394 People who can least afford to pay rent, pay rent. People who can most afford to pay rent, build up…
3396 It's a simple task to make things more complex, but a complex task to make them simple. <BR>	-- Mey…
3405 When the need arises, any tool closest to you becomes a hammer. <BR>	-- Bromberg's Law of Auto Repa…
3409 The first bug to hit a clean windshield always lands directly in front of the driver's eyes. <BR>	-…
3410 The only way to make up for being lost is to make record time while you are lost. <BR>	-- Rule of t…
3411 Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can. <BR>	-- Zymurgy's …
3413 There's no time like the present to postpone what you don't want to do. <BR>	-- Hecht's Fourth Law
3415 …ly during normal business hours will break down when you return to the office at night to use them…
3416 Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to wh…
3418 Cleanliness is next to impossible. <BR>	-- O'Reilly's Law
3423  <BR>	-- First Law of Travel It always takes longer to get there than to get back.
3428 Teamwork is essential - it allows you to blame someone else. <BR>	-- Finagle's 8th Rule
3434 The inside contact you just made at great expense is the first to person to be let go in any re-org…
3435 The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to it's desirability. <BR>	-- Gumperson's…
3439 Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value. <BR>	-- Murphy's Constant
3440 …ong have not gone wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong. <BR…
3443 Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen. <BR>	-- Kitman's Law
3446 If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in. <…
3458 In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it. <BR>	-- Collateral Corollary
3469 The trouble with most jobs is the resemblance to being in a sled dog team. No one gets a change of …
3471 One's propensity to be appointed to non-paying positions of responsibility is inversely proportiona…
3472 …success if no more than 50% of the observed measurements must be discarded to obtain a corresponde…
3473 Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration, may be expected to perform, a…
3474 It's impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. <BR>	-- Edsel Murphy
3476 The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. <BR>	-- Coveyou's Claim
3482 The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the …
3483 …aries directly with the size of the part and inversely with its importance to the completion of th…
3484 In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternate courses of action, most people will cho…
3487 That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to or subtracted from the answer you got…
3490 Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why, then do it. <BR>	-- Longs T…
3493 Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something. <BR>	-- Chisholm's Law
3495 In any given set of circumstances, events will combine to provide the maximum amount of inconvenien…
3499 Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse. <BR>	-- Finagle's Law
3500 The light at the end of the tunnel could turn out to be the headlight of an oncoming train. <BR>	--…
3502 The probability of an event occurring is proportional to its desirability. <BR>	-- Gusterman's Law
3505 Anything that fails will fail in the manner most difficult to explain. <BR>	-- Second Corollary to …
3510 If God had meant for us to travel tourist class, He would have made us narrower. <BR>	-- Martha's M…
3512 Nothing is important for the person who doesn't have to do it for themself. <BR>	-- Weiler's Law
3522 Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away. <BR>	-- English proverb
3523 A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. <BR>	-- Spike Milligan
3524 Computerworld:  What will be the largest cyber-threats to freedom and 	        privacy in the futur…
3526 The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest possible amount of f…
3527 Not only is UNIX dead, it's starting to smell really bad. <BR>	-- Rob Pike (circa 1991)
3536 A Singapore Airways flight from Singapore to London carrying 178 passengers made an emergency landi…
3543 If rebooting to solve software problems had been unacceptable to the Windows using community, Micro…
3544 …e cockpit, none of which followed the same principles -- but you'd be able to shift gears with you…
3548 …to sue for the basic patents on the siege engine and then create a new kind of war which will run …
3549 … has tried dozens of different business models, from Internet access to Web sites to monthly softw…
3551 I was going to compile a list of innovations that could be attributed to Microsoft. Once I realized…
3555 …hat Microsoft, by refusing to secure almost half of its installed desktop base, is trying to force…
3557 …s is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify the efficiency. The second is …
3558 The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armor to lead all customers out of a…
3561 …e then I could charge you two hundred and forty-nine dollars for the right to speak it. <BR>	-- Sc…
3562 …self. He is trying to perform ordinary tasks, such as lumbering up a hill with a load of fertilize…
3565 This summer Microsoft is going to introduce the first portable toilet with Internet access. You kno…
3568 We're obviously going to spend a lot in marketing because we think the product sells itself. <BR>	-…
3571 Windows 98 (n): 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating sy…
3572 …purpose non-Microsoft applications in the same way that a rope can be said to support someone who …
3576 If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a UNIX user to show you how it's done. <BR>	--…
3577 …misfits worldwide to walk around with little felt bags of twenty-sided dice, discussing their imag…
3579 …to create numerous files using large amounts of file space. It has been said that the only standar…
3580 Sigh. I like to think it's just the Linux people who want to be on the "leading edge" so bad they w…
3582 The number of Unix installations has grown to 10, with more expected. <BR>	-- The Unix Programmer's…
3583 Those who do not understand UNIX are condemned to reinvent it, poorly. <BR>	-- Henry Spencer
3584 UNIX gives you just enough rope to hang yourself -- and then a couple of more feet, just to be sure…
3585 UNIX is like a toll road on which you have to stop every 50 feet to pay another nickel. But hey! Yo…
3589 We are preparing to think about contemplating preliminary work on plans to develop a schedule for p…
3600 A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
3614 According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
3616 Adult: One old enough to know better.
3623 Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3627 Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
3628 Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
3641 Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
3650 Carpenter's rule: cut to fit; beat into place.
3662 Cult: It just means not enough people to make a minority.
3663 Dawn is nature's way of telling you to go to bed.
3671 Don't let yesterday take up to much of today.
3672 Don't steal a police car unless you're prepared to floor it all the way to Mexico.
3679 Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.
3685 Elevators smell different to midgets.
3686 Entropy isn't what it used to be.
3693 Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
3698 Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex.
3699 Excuse me, is there an airport nearby large enough for a private jet to land?
3705 Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
3711 Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.
3712 Freedom of speech is wonderful - right up there with the freedom not to listen.
3722 God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
3729 Hey, you want to go out for pizza and some sex?  What, you don't like pizza?
3734 I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
3738 I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch!
3740 I drink to make other people interesting.
3744 I prefer old age to the alternative.
3748 I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.
3755 If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
3759 If all the cars on the Earth were lined up bumper to bumper, some idiot would try to pass them.
3760 If all the girls in Australia were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.
3769 If everything seems to be going right, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.
3770 If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
3780 If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
3782 If we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.
3784 If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance.
3786 If you are willing to admit faults, you have one less fault to admit.
3788 If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
3804 It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
3805 It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.
3806 It's better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you are a fool than to open it and remove…
3817 Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
3820 Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans.
3829 Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
3832 Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
3836 Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
3838 Money should be utilized as a tool. You just gotta know which nuts to screw.
3840 Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before.
3841 Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level and then beat you with experience.
3845 Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
3855 Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
3858 Old age is nothing to worry about, except if you're a cheese.
3860 Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.
3861 One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
3865 Pretend to spank me - I'm a pseudo-masochist!
3866 Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
3868 Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
3869 Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
3873 Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF, all of my base are belong to you.
3882 Software isn't released, it's allowed to escape.
3884 Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
3885 Some people wish to get what they deserve, while others fear the same.
3888 Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
3893 Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
3895 The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
3898 The chance of a piece of bread falling the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost …
3901 The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
3907 The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
3908 The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
3909 The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
3912 The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
3913 The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
3915 The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
3921 There are no short cuts to any place worth going.
3928 They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
3932 This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget.
3934 To err is human, to forgive highly unlikely.
3935 To generalize is to be an idiot.
3936 To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
3940 Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
3941 Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
3953 We all can't be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.
3956 What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
3960 When I was young I was told that anyone could be Prime Minister. Now I'm beginning to believe it.
3971 When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
3973 When you have nothing to say, say nothing.
3975 While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
3992 You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
3993 You don't have to explain something you never said.
3996 You're just jealous because the little voices only talk to me.
4001 Are you afraid to die, or afraid to live?
4003 Short term memory is always the first to go.
4005 Seven Deadly Sins?  I thought it was a to-do list!
4008 You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
4014 Russia: Where Russians are sent to die  <BR>	--The Onion
4035 The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. <BR>	--Abbie Hoffman
4039 Discipline is always a means to an end, never an end in itself. <BR>	--King Crimson
4047 You Only Received One Set of Eyeballs?  <BR>	--Sam's Laser FAQ: Introduction to Laser Safety
4056 No no no. Don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to. <BR>	--Buckaroo Banzai
4068 Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. <BR>…
4070 Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine. My sins are my own: they belong to me. <BR>	--Patty S…
4071 If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about the answers. <BR>	--…
4073 One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop. <BR>	--…
4074 If you eat a live frog first thing in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for t…
4077 Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only specification is that it sh…
4078 The more accurate the calculations became, the more the concepts tended to vanish into thin air. <B…
4080 Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoo…
4081 Backups are for wimps. Real men upload their data to an FTP site and have everyone else mirror it. …
4082 Big fleas have little fleas on their backs to bite 'em, And little fleas have littler still And so …
4083 The purpose of the office of the president is not to wield power, but to draw attention away from i…
4084 You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than about 1012 to 1. <BR>	--Ernes…
4091 At a certain raw motivational level, my primary use of the voicemail system is to make the little r…
4094 This License explicitly affirms your unlimited permission to run the unmodified Program. <BR>	--The…
4096 I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one…
4097 Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in…
4101 …written by the hand of the most honest man, I would find something in them to have him hanged. <BR…
4103 God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I…
4105 …ear no evil for I am at 80,000 feet and climbing. <BR>	--sign over the entrance to SR-71 operations
4106 The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to …
4108 You must license the entire work, as a whole, under this License to anyone who comes into possessio…
4113 A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him th…
4117 Properly defined, privacy is the subjective condition people experience when they have power to con…
4121 …factor of one to one. We have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own …
4122 We'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere... and to everyone else out th…
4123 …s that the glass is half empty. The engineer sees that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
4125 The word is the only system of encoding thoughts - the only medium - that refuses to dissolve in th…
4126 …not enough ROMs, not enough RAMs, poor quality interface and too few bytes to go around? Have I ex…
4130 There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are intensely, obsessively, driven to have s…
4131 …I have conquered hell and driven out the demons I have come with the light to set you free  <BR>	-…
4135 …f I'm not there I know I'm not dead. So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed. <BR>	--Pete See…
4136 There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and engineers. While the first two are m…
4138 …. Crappy old OSes have value in the basically negative sense that changing to new ones makes us wi…
4141 …to do for them they simply did without until such time as they were able to rectify the gross anat…
4144 …eory is crazy. The question which divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of bei…
4145 …ace granted him, in that second, by the clarity and singleness of his wish to die. <BR>	--William …
4148 …to run the program for any purpose 1. to study and adapt the program 2. to redistribute copies of …
4150 …to wear it at first, till it tired him; and then he kept it in a pouch next his skin, till it gall…
4151 …not the sort I mean. Real ugliness is not harsh-looking syntax, but having to build programs out o…
4152 …to be extraordinarily mobile, it must consist of particles exceptionally small and smooth and roun…
4153 …ow they dance in the courtyard: Sweet summer sweat. Some dance to remember; Some dance to forget. …
4155 … dead men rise up never, That even the weariest river Winds somewhere safe to sea. <BR>	--Swinburne
4156 …altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit their views ... which can be ve…
4157 …ne wrong figures, will the right answers come out?"  I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind o…
4159 …to-bottom scanline order. The JPEG spec contains some weasel wording about how top and bottom are …
4160 The badness scale (how bad you want it) 0. No way!  1. I don't really want it, I just like to think…
4162 …- a question of showing rather than telling. It's a convenient distinction to have in colloquial s…
4163 …ffeine. The simple fact is, we have Artists, and they do Art. We just have to deal with it. We rea…
4164 …to many other activities, and the resulting code is often less than 100% reliable. Programming is …
4166 …to have computers. Computers give users too much capability, too much flexibility, too much freedo…
4168 Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. <BR>	-- …
4173 Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
4174 When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
4176 …0 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our pe…
4182 …re playing hide and go seek. It's Einstein's turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counti…
4184 Entropy isn't what it used to be.
4187 How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.
4188 A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife a…
4193 I tried to catch some fog. I missed.
4197 I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.
4199 I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
4207 Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.