Lines Matching refs:that

39 There is one thing that all smart asses have in common... wise cracks.
53 Internet. They have that on computers now?
65 It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!
90 Did you hear about the man that got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K...
94 Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questione…
95 The fundamental cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid are cocksure while the intel…
96 A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. <BR>	-- Nietzs…
99 History has the relation to truth that theology has to religion, i.e. none to speak of. <BR>	-- Rob…
103 BIGOT n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. <BR…
112 The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
113 Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. <BR>	-- Philip K. Dick
119 Don't be humble... you're not that great. <BR>	-- Golda Meir
127 …that they function perfectly. (These are your hammers, maces, bludgeons, and truncheons.)  * Tools…
134 The only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never stop and take a rest.
140 Bureaucracy is the epoxy that greases the wheels of progress.
150 All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
154 Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart…
166 My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. <BR>	-- Ashleigh Brilliant
185 Life begets life. Energy begets energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich. <BR>	-- Sa…
200 Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced. <BR>	-- …
204 Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almos…
246 Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is when you learn that everythi…
250 A ship in harbor is safe -- but that is not what ships are for. <BR>	-- John A. Shedd
260 Be sure that you put your feet in the right place, and then stand firm. <BR>	-- Unknown
268 The society that scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity and tolerates …
278 The world breaks everyone and afterward, many are strong at the broken places. Those that will not …
289 …o do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on the morrow that we had done. <BR>	-…
304 When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced; live your life so that when you die, the worl…
326 Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?  It is because we are not the person …
330 A new study reveals that 14% of all Americans do not speak English. And the vast majority of them w…
334 Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
337 …f 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slig…
343 They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty…
355 A legend is a lie that has attained the dignity of age. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken
370 Most American homes have alternating current, which means that the electricity goes in one directio…
384 There are only two industries that refer to their customers as "users". <BR>	-- Edward Tufte
409 I'm not one of those who think Bill Gates is the devil. I simply suspect that if Microsoft ever met…
412 This [controversy], alas, confirms the rule that human beings are often less interested in reliable…
414 The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. <BR>	--…
421 Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can t…
427 Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. <BR>	-- Robert Heinl…
429 It is a scientifically proven fact that not wearing socks helps people think in hexadecimal.
431 Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
433 The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equal…
436 … should argue with women. Through thorough field-testing, I have determined that neither one works.
438 It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: f…
449 …ceships that were powered by bad news but they didn't work particularly well and were so extremely…
451 Oh, sure, you can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!  <BR>	-- Homer Simpson
453 There was SOMETHING that I was going to do with my life... what WAS it?
458 But such is the nature of manias, that the more obscure the vision... the more delightful we can im…
460 Information wants to be beer... or something like that. <BR>	-- Anon.
461 …al opinions that are ludicrously wrong simply because life is far too short for us to think throug…
462 One of the surprising privileges of intellectuals is that they are free to be scandalously asinine …
463 …that, whether they know it or not, their main purpose is the elimination or neutralization of the …
466 If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doub…
468 Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side?  And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?…
469 … rule it will be both incomplete and wrong, and one would do well to keep that probability in mind…
471 The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried t…
473 We usually see only the things we are looking for--so much so that we sometimes see them where they…
474 …t we do about resources, asking us to refrain from using resources now so that future generations …
479 It is acquired wisdom and experience only that teach incredulity, and they very seldom teach it eno…
485 …r more importantly than the market, is to have a way of interpreting data that is different from o…
487 …r, I am going to get out of bed in a few minutes, and I will need a lot more help after that. Amen.
488 The idea that we cannot build a desirable social order like a mosaic, by selecting whatever particu…
491 Unified Theory of Greed (UTG) -- the insight that we're all greedy SOBs, but the real SOB is the gu…
495 …a is their ability to rationalize and re-define. Ordinary people, lacking that gift, are forced to…
504 Adolescence and snow are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
508 All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win in this world is for enough good men to do noth…
509 A man spends the first half of his life learning habits that shorten the other half of his life.
520 A real patriot is someone who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
525 Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. <BR…
530 Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
547 I am the master of my unspoken words, and a slave to those that should have remained unspoken. <BR>…
561 I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while…
562 … home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man…
570 …ry to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel tha…
571 Knowledge is that which is acquired by learning. Wisdom is knowing what to do with it.
578 Let us so live that when we die even the undertaker will be sorry. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
581 Live so that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. <BR>	-- Will Rog…
591 Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts. <BR>	-- S…
595 One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by y…
601 Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
605 The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
643 Don't be so humble - you are not that great. <BR>	-- Golda Meir (1898-1978), to a visiting diplomat
646 One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly i…
650 The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that …
654 …ions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. Yo…
657 …than another, but because it is so, because mathematical reality is built that way. <BR>	-- Godfre…
658 Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems. <BR>	-- R…
659 …ut you believe both of them, thinking that somewhere, hidden, there must be a third thing that con…
666 There is nothing that living things do that cannot be understood from the point of view that they a…
672 I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understa…
690 Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence. <BR>	-- Napoleon Bo…
695 Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. <BR>	-- Voltaire (1694-1778)
696 It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be i…
715 Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny. <BR>	-…
716 …rspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that wil…
723 The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.…
750 Never forget that it is the spirit with which you endow your work that makes it useful or futile. <…
762 …ally out of control. Chris Faber: "Well you see, war has a tendency to do that, ma'am. <BR>	-- V: …
775 …- I am almost done. <BR>	-- Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), when informed that his wife was dying
778 Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers?  Men don't like flowers. I've been wearing …
810 A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. <BR>	-- Mark Twa…
819 A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose. <BR>	-- …
821 …that useless letter 'c' would be dropped to be replased either by 'k' or 's', and likewise 'x' wou…
842 Happiness ain't a thing in itself -- it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant... And…
845 I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race…
846 I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever. All I need to know is that a man is a member of the huma…
847 I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. <BR>	-- …
848 I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody…
850 I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to pra…
852 I find that principles have no real force except when one is well fed. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
853 I find that the further I go back, the better things, whether they happened or not. <BR>	-- Mark Tw…
857 …e you the rest of the book to get them out of the natural consequences of that occurrence, and so …
858 …t is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickeni…
859 I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them tha…
864 …with his soiled mind, covers himself... Man is the Animal that Blushes. He is the only one that do…
865 I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe. <BR>	-- …
866 …right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to make it appear that it has. <BR>	-- Mar…
868 …e dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me now I would go to that man and take him ki…
871 It is not best that we should all think alike; it is differences of opinion that make horse races. …
875 …gely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing …
877 … Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion- several of them. He is the on…
878 …that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about…
884 Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a…
886 Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the…
896 Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
898 …that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but th…
899 The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it wi…
900 The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
903 The pause - that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence,…
907 …that refuse to be written. They stand their ground year after year and will not be persuaded. It i…
910 There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life that he has a raging desire to go somewh…
911 There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends. <BR>	-- Mark Tw…
917 The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things th…
918 Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
923 Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the on…
926 …ppened. Jim he allowed that the stars was made, but I allowed they just happened. Jim said the Moo…
929 …feeling for the rainbow that a savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as…
930 …om that is in it and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She wi…
932 … decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It …
936 Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
944 …a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thou…
945 …dual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy…
950 First off, you need an operating system, which is the 'Godfather' program that operates behind the …
952 …ure to include a current address' and (2) 'failure to be a large industry that gives humongous con…
953 …e enough to read last year's column no doubt recall that I advised you to cheat, on the grounds th…
955 The First Amendment states that members of religious groups, no matter how small and unpopular, sha…
956 The Second Amendment states that, since a well-regulated militia is necessary to the security of a …
957 The Third Amendment states that you don't have to quarter troops inside your house. "You troops are…
958 The Fifth Amendment states that your Fifth Amendment rights cannot be violated until you are advise…
959 The Sixth Amendment states that if you are accused of a crime, you have the right to a trial before…
960 The Seventh Amendment states that if you are in the Express Lane, and you have more than one item o…
961 …emely impressed by the Decleration of Independence that Jefferson had written, at least the part t…
962 The Mayans were constructing a culture down in Mexico featuring a calander so advanced that it can …
963 …lay tennis and work out every day. Of course, they're so busy getting fit that many don't even kno…
966 …nt to watch what you eat, at least until it gets inside your mouth. After that it becomes pretty d…
969 …that says: "The Middle East! Ha ha!  What a bunch of boogerheads!"  No, there is a lot more to it …
970 …an's collection of columns, walk a mile in his moccasins, bearing in mind that this is a good way …
972 I've determined that we have a worldwide exploding-thing epidemic on our hands, and until further n…
974 …ight-ton dead whale that washed up on Oregon's beach was placed upon the Oregon State Highway Divi…
975 Professor Donald Johnson has been studying cow flatulence for 20 years, and has determined that the…
976 …lly headed by Dan Quayle, who seems to have a lot of spare time, assuming that he is not called up…
978 …al as saying that great horned owls "regularly" attack people. "They have very powerful feet," the…
979 18th Century Tax Forms: "To determineth the amounteth that thou canst claimeth for depreciation to …
983 …tograph showing the kind of damage that a trout falling at such a high speed can inflict on the hu…
986 …executives: "Johnson, your department is over budget again. You know what that means." "No! Please…
989 …d to develop a sense of self-worth by mastering a complex, demanding task that makes his father lo…
992 …ctually go to the LEFT ("forecastle"), until your wife ("Beth") announces that you have run over a…
993 Finally, when I was fully confident that, if necessary, I could take the boat out myslef and get ev…
995 … was on our boat for a total of three hours, during which he demonstrated that he could drink six …
996 It's a basic rule of seamanship that everybody's clothes have to be wet all the time. If there's no…
998 …hildren just naturally knew how to catch a ball, that catching was an instinctive biological refle…
999 …o those concerned is: I humbly apoligize for offending you, and I promise that I will never, ever …
1005 …lives, which, in our opinion, are the eyeballs of giant frogs. We believe that if you stood outsid…
1006 … has become too easy to duplicate with modern color photocopiers - a fact that was made all too cl…
1008 …things after 50. For example, it was during the post-50 phase of his life that the brilliant physi…
1010 …that if a person comes into my office for any reason, whether it be for a physical examination or …
1012 …cies of dog made entirely of synthetic materials. This is the kind of dog that, if it takes an int…
1013 …amed Ed and ginny. Charles had an IQ of 260 and figured out early in life that if he talked to peo…
1014 …ding dozens of people who were willing to eat bugs for free. Bear in mind that, under our system o…
1019 … help but be deeply moved, as a journalist and a human being, by the fact that some of these peopl…
1020 …that I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera. The one time I did …
1023 The First Rule of Car Buying is one that I learned long ago from my father, namely: Never buy any c…
1024 … "liters."  Let's say you buy a car with a "5.7 liter engine": This means that when it breaks, you…
1025 Pennies were invented during the Great Depression, a grim era that was filmed entirely in black and…
1026 It is at times like this that we should remember the words of President John F. Kennedy, who, in hi…
1037 If you were to probe inside the guy psyche, beneath that macho exterior and the endless droning abo…
1039 Today's man knows that he's supposed to be a sensitive and caring relationship partner, and he's ma…
1041 Like many South Floridians, we have our house in a neighborhod that we are pretty sure is occupied …
1042 If you're looking for a sport that offers both of the Surgeon General's Two Recommended Key Element…
1046 I realize, of course, that there are countless examples of guys being faithful to their mates until…
1047 …bunch of things that happened in the past."  His point was that human civilization is a journey, a…
1048 …that humanity celebrated the dawn of our current millennium. The occasion was marked by feasting, …
1052 …ithout a permit. By the 1430s so many people had been burned at the stake that Europe ran out of s…
1053 …that in 1492 Christopher Columbus sailed from Spain and discovered America, which he believed was …
1055 …Hamlet Hears a Who", and who gave us a priceless legacy of famous phrases that, to this very day, …
1056 …ted a new device called the "telescope," peered through it and discovered that he could see direct…
1058 …ple fall off a tree, wrote his famous Principia Mathematica, which states that there is a universa…
1062 …e a letter from Publishers Clearing House informing the ancient Egyptians that they might already …
1063 In 1765 the British Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which decreed that if the colonists wanted to …
1064 …galloping all the way from Boston to Lexington while shouting the message that would resound throu…
1068 …onaparte had himself crowned emperor of France in recognition of the fact that he, alone among all…
1070 …, it sank like an anvil, thus confirming the widespread scientific belief that gravity was still w…
1072 …ublished his groundbreaking work Origin of Species, in which he theorized that life evolves, throu…
1073 …pleted, which meant that for the first time ships could go from wherever the Suez Canal started to…
1074 …ned, because the device was a pencil sharpener. Embarrassed, Edison vowed that one day he would in…
1075 …ill, only to enjoy a hearty laugh at their own expense when they realized that San Juan was in Pue…
1077 …that he had reached the North Pole; in 1911, Roald Amundsen reported that he had reached the South…
1080 …ess, a German-born physicist named Albert Einstein was thinking up things that were so amazing the…
1082 …ael was born in a happy celebration highlighted by festive artillery fire that is still going on i…
1083 …s who went before us, paving the way for the safe and secure civilization that we enjoy today. The…
1084 …ill be erased forever, which means future generations will never find out that you once mooned a T…
1090 …that fit her particular body. Her primary objective is to purchase clothes that are the size she w…
1091 The point, young people, is that there is a right way and a wrong way to prepare for your SATs, and…
1092 …eries of tests that predict your ability to perform in the college environment by measuring the de…
1093 …ment of Goals and Purposes, was "to sell a huge quantity of No. 2 pencils that we ordered by mista…
1094 Experts suggest that if you don't know the answer on an SAT, you start by "weeding out" the answers…
1095 … Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic comma…
1096 …y -- I'm thinking Kenneth Starr -- to look into the very real possibility that Windows is cheating…
1098 Young people, you'll find that the things you learned in school will be vitally important to your s…
1099 …, young people?  THEY'RE CLONING SHEEP. Great!  Just what we need!  Sheep that look MORE ALIKE tha…
1101 I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a go…
1102 …re now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire, except that as far as modern ki…
1103 My point is that I have never been a huge fan of Beowulf, or epic poems in general. "Epic," in my o…
1105 …boxes. But there are examples of guys coming up with decorative "touches" that Martha Stewart woul…
1106 …that guys are not domestic, OK?  When we see a guy who makes drapes by nailing trash bags over his…
1107 Many people, responding to a column I wrote on the SAT tests, angrily objected to my statement that…
1108 … a woman who chastised me for stating, in a column about the Napa Valley, that "pinot noir" is Fre…
1109 But the point is that I am very sorry about these pesky errors that keep creeping into my column, a…
1110 …peat that I am not saying that YOU are stupid. You, personally, are highly intelligent. How do I k…
1113 …ired. And we have good reason to be tired: We won World War II. No, wait, that was our parents. <B…
1114 …he population of Rhode Island, of course: This is the number of Web sites that contain the words "…
1115 …characteristically masculine, by which I mean stupid, behavioral patterns that can produce unfortu…
1116 I realize that I'm making gender-based generalizations here, but my feeling is that if God did not …
1117 I'm not saying guys are scum. I'm saying that many guys who consider themselves to be committed to …
1122 To understand guys, it is essential to remember that, deep down inside, they are biological creatur…
1123 …ing that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief p…
1124 I want to stress here that I am NOT saying that guys are stupid. I am saying that, because of subtl…
1125 …that if he pees on enough territory, he will be declared Dominant Male Dog of the Entire Earth. Th…
1126 We see that testosterone can lead to some very destructive forms of male behavior, the two worst be…
1127 …to the stereotype-toy trap. When my son, Rob, was born, my philosophy was that he should have only…
1128 …ike what trained professional psychologists call "jerks."  Or it could be that boys are born with …
1130 A lot of women have concluded that the problem is that guys, as a group, have the emotional maturit…
1132 Guys are extremely reluctant to make commitments, or even to take steps that might LEAD to commitme…
1133 …d. Scientists believe that the reason dogs howl at the moon is because they (the dogs) (also some …
1134 …t simply roting; I'm talking about a RELATIONSHIP that guys develop, a COMMITMENT to a sports team…
1135 You may feel that there is something twisted about the values of a guy who can be more committed to…
1136 You should understand that, as a longtime 76ers fan, I hated the Celtics. Not in the way I hate, fo…
1137 I read an article once stating that down in Central America, they take sports a little too seriousl…
1139 My feeling is that if more guys would join mellow, purposeless, and semi-dysfunctional organization…
1140 …that guys devote so much of their brain to remembering vital facts such as who was named MVP of th…
1141 …arsomethingsofAmerica") contain strings of small electrons called "genes" that provide, in secret …
1143 I will admit that most guys do not do any more laundry than they absolutely have to. A single-sock …
1144 … any impressionable young readers out there that marijuana is very, very bad. Medical research has…
1145 My point is that guys are not merely shallow, childish, irresponsible, unreliable, slovenly, sports…
1146 Guys are capable of achievements that a nonguy cannot imagine without the aid of strong prescriptio…
1148 …ributions that guys make to society - positive contributions, vital contributions, contributions t…
1149 … 35 minutes. I realize that sounds like a lot of work, but bear in mind that writer/director James…
1151 Have you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anybody going faster than…
1157 It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the …
1162 It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
1165 If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
1170 Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
1178 There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a…
1184 …d the Christian world clean with their foul blood. Then it was discovered that there was no such t…
1199 The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor. <BR>	-- Sam Ewing, (1921--)…
1201 There is hardly a man on earth who will take advice unless he is certain that it is positively bad.…
1218 Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. <BR>	-- Henry David Thoreau, Walden (1854), "Ec…
1220 Borrow trouble for yourself, if that's your nature, but don't lend it to your neighbors. <BR>	-- Ru…
1227 Don't bite the hand that has your allowance in it. <BR>	-- Paul Dickson, U.S. journalist/writer
1229 Don't despair, not even over the fact that you don't despair. <BR>	-- Franz Kafka (1884-1924), Diar…
1257 Know thyself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. <BR…
1264 Never do anything yourself that others can do for you. <BR>	-- Agatha Christie (1890-1976), mystery…
1272 Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing. <BR>	-- Billy Rose, (1899-1966), U.S. entrep…
1285 Never tell a woman that you didn't realize she was pregnant unless you're certain that she is. <BR>…
1298 So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. <BR>	-- Will Rog…
1304 The problem with the designated driver program, is that it's not a desirable job. But if you ever g…
1325 Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. <BR>	-- Billie Burke, (1884--), U.S.…
1337 I refuse to admit I'm more than fifty-two even if that does make my sons illegitimate. <BR>	-- Lady…
1344 It is well known that the older a man grows, the faster he could run as a boy. <BR>	-- Red Smith (1…
1347 Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home ear…
1349 Middle age is when you have met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someon…
1355 One of the delights known to age, and beyond the grasp of youth, is that of Not Going. <BR>	-- J. B…
1360 The muddle of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900…
1361 The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it. <BR>	-- …
1387 I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), U.S…
1390 It is a pity that instead of the Pilgrim Fathers landing on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock had not la…
1391 …e decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publici…
1394 Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had been merely d…
1399 What a pity, when Christopher Columbus discovered America, that he ever mentioned it. <BR>	-- Margo…
1402 A "good" family, it seems, is one that used to be better. <BR>	-- Cleveland Amory, U.S. critic & an…
1405 He that hath no fools, knaves, or beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning. <BR>	-- …
1409 None of us can boast about the morality of our ancestors. The records do not show that Adam and Eve…
1413 The longer I live, the more keenly I feel that whatever was good enough for our fathers is not good…
1414 We pay for the mistakes of our ancestors, and it seems only fair that they should leave us the mone…
1419 …aid that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. Tha…
1420 No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can ho…
1428 A man has to work so hard so that something of his personality stays alive. A tomcat has it so easy…
1432 Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. <BR>	-- Garrison Keillo…
1436 Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. <BR>	-- Jose…
1445 I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained …
1446 … home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man…
1453 …y have found a border collie named Rico that can understand more than 200 words. They also discove…
1459 Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualitie…
1464 Young normal tigers do not eat people. If eaten by a tiger, you may rest assured that he was abnorm…
1467 A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than you love yourself. <BR>	-- Josh Bill…
1470 Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that is how dogs spend their l…
1472 Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should ari…
1491 The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor. <BR>	-- Margot Kaufman, American writer
1494 You may have a dog that won't sit up, roll over or even cook breakfast, not because she's too stupi…
1497 God forbid that I should go to any heaven in which there are no horses. <BR>	-- R. B. Cunningham-Gr…
1498 Woe to them that... rely on horses. <BR>	-- Isaiah 31:1, 8th century B.C.
1501 …on't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one??  Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the wo…
1514 Australia is an outdoor country. People only go indoors to use the toilet, and that's only a recent…
1521 …y tell them that the way I figure it, the good Lord only gave men so many hormones, and if others …
1541 Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland. <BR>	-- Nat…
1542 Hollywood's all right. It's the pictures that are bad. <BR>	-- Orson Welles (1915-1985), U.S. actor
1566 …ard -- but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we were reorganized. …
1573 There is only one way to treat a cold, and that is with contempt. <BR>	-- Sir William Osler (1849-1…
1581 All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling…
1587 Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. <BR>	-- Jeff Pesis
1589 It was not so very long ago that people thought that semiconductors were part-time orchestra leader…
1590 Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produc…
1592 No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what it's doing; but most of the time, we …
1593 One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a …
1600 We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce…
1604 Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken ((1…
1605 I feel bad that I don't feel worse. <BR>	-- Michael Frayn (1933--) English dramatist
1627 …eir el-Bahri Graffito No. 11, Dyn. 20) (What will happen to he who damages that Egyptian memorial.)
1642 … blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself ca…
1646 May those that love us love us; and those that don't love us, may God turn their hearts; and if he …
1668 I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so. <BR>	…
1670 I wouldn't mind dying -- it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me. <…
1671 Let us hope that when we are dead things will be better arranged. <BR>	-- Marcel Proust (1871-1922)
1674 On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. <BR>	-…
1676 One difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets. <…
1693 I have nothing against undertakers personally. It's just that I wouldn't want one to bury my sister…
1711 We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it. <BR>	-- Lester B. Pearson (1897-1972), Canadian prim…
1723 One reason people get divorced is that they run out of gift ideas. <BR>	-- Robert Byrne
1726 The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time t…
1731 A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once…
1736 Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. <BR>	-- Win…
1744 Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding…
1767 People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. <BR>	-- Ann La…
1770 The difference between a drunk and a alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those mee…
1778 What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others. <BR>	-- Diogenes the Cynic, 4th cen. B.C.…
1790 … efficiency really what we need most desperately?  I say that what we really need is a car that ca…
1801 …thering, palsied pulseless lot that make up England today. They've got white of egg in their veins…
1807 In dealing with Englishmen, you can be sure of one thing only, that the logical solution will not b…
1819 You must look out in Britain that you are not cheated by the charioteers. <BR>	-- Marcus Tullius Ci…
1822 It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that ar…
1825 The environment is everything that isn't me. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein,(1879-1955), scientist
1829 American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find i…
1835 …ill declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that …
1837 In England I would rather be a man, a horse, a dog or a woman, in that order. In American I would t…
1842 I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to u…
1848 The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far t…
1850 Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. <BR…
1865 It is now proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics…
1867 The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them. <BR>	-- Samuel McChord Crothers, (1879-19…
1871 Father and son are natural enemies and each is happier and more secure in keeping it that way. <BR>…
1872 No man is responsible for his father; that is entirely his mother's affair. <BR>	-- Margaret Turnbu…
1875 It's bad manners to apply cosmetics in public. It reminds people that you need them. <BR>	-- P.J. O…
1876 Never wear anything that panics the cat. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke, (1947--), U.S. humorist
1877 Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much be…
1894 I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.-- Katherine Cebrian
1912 Research tells us that 14 out of any 10 individuals like chocolate. <BR>	-- Sandra Boynton, Chocola…
1913 Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-1961), U.S. humorist
1916 Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive. <BR>	-- Wallace I…
1926 How can you be expected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheeses?  <BR>	-- Charles De Gaul…
1928 The trouble with the French is that they sit around twenty-four hours a day talking French. <BR>	--…
1939 I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much b…
1945 Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that. <BR>	-- Robert C. Edwards
1947 Sometimes I get the feeling that the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not tru…
1952 Your friend is that man who knows all about you, and still likes you. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard U.S. e…
1956 The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. <BR>	-- Dean Acheson (1893…
1957 The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. <BR>	-- Paul Valery (1871-…
1958 This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we m…
1965 It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen. <BR>	-- Mamie Van Doren, (1931--), U.S. actress
1971 The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law. <BR>	-- Alex Levin
1987 …I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?  <BR>	-- Zsa …
1988 I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what …
1994 …ated by my own personal appearance. This doesn't mean that I am pleased with it, mind you, or that…
2000 We are all worms, but I do believe that I am a glow-worm. <BR>	-- Winston Churchill (1874-1965 ), E…
2006 The unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the …
2009 Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. <BR>	-- L…
2011 History repeats itself, and that's one of the things that's wrong with history. <BR>	-- Clarence Da…
2014 History is the sum total of the things that could have been avoided. <BR>	-- Konrad Adenauer (1876-…
2022 We learn from history that we learn nothing from history. <BR>	-- George Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (1…
2041 Put all thine eggs in one basket and -- watch that basket. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910).
2044 The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. <BR>	-- Jean Girado…
2063 All that I care to know is that a man is a human being -- that is enough for me; he can't be any wo…
2073 …and rocketlaunchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However,…
2077 I haven't much doubt that man sprang from the monkey, but where did the monkey spring from?  <BR>	-…
2080 If I didn't panic when I found out that I was a human being, I'm never going to. <BR>	-- James Thur…
2088 No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature. <BR>	-- Alan Alex…
2091 People shouldn't be treated like objects. They aren't that valuable. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke (1947--)…
2092 People will buy anything that's one to a customer. <BR>	-- Sinclair Lewis (1885-1951), U.S. novelist
2093 Such is the human race. Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party didn't miss the boat. <BR…
2095 The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a b…
2105 Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this -- that you are dreadfully like other people. <BR>	-- …
2107 Why did Nature create Man?  Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it pure …
2109 Don't be so humble. You're not that great. <BR>	-- Golde Meir, Prime Minister of Israel
2112 One of the great disadvantages of hurry is that it takes such a long time. <BR>	-- G.K. Chesterton …
2120 Apologists for the profession contend that lawyers are as honest as other men, but that is not very…
2125 I always figured that being a good robber was like being a good lawyer. <BR>	-- Willie Sutton, (190…
2137 …een a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid mark…
2150 …for months without performing any kind of labor, and at the expiration of that time I should feel …
2152 Never do anything standing that you can do sitting, or anything sitting that you can do lying down.…
2161 It is when the gods hate a man with uncommon abhorrence that they drive him into the profession of …
2169 Any idiot can face a crisis -- it's this day-to-day living that wears you out. <BR>	-- Anton Chekho…
2170 Be careful how you interpret the world; it is like that. <BR>	-- Erich Heller, U.S. literary critic
2176 In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these. <BR>	-- Paul …
2177 It is not certain that everything is uncertain. <BR>	-- Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pensees, 1670
2178 It may be that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -- but that's the …
2181 Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. humorist
2192 Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. By this definition, the amoeba, the mango, the fro…
2205 Life is something that everyone should try at least once. <BR>	-- Henry J. Tillman
2208 Life is too short to do anything for one's self that one can pay others to do for one. <BR>	-- W. S…
2215 Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. <BR>	-- Brendan Gill (191…
2219 The meaning of life is that it stops. <BR>	-- Franz Kafka (1884-1924), novelist
2220 The things that I can't have I want,/And what I have seems second-rate,/The things I want to do I c…
2233 To mankind in general, Macbeth and Lady Macbeth stand out as the supreme type of all that a host an…
2236 …s Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woo…
2253 Two things only a man cannot hide: that he is drunk and that he is in love. <BR>	-- Antiphanes (c.3…
2261 So unlucky that he runs into accidents which started out to happen to somebody else. <BR>	-- Don Ma…
2262 The only sure thing about luck is that it will change. <BR>	-- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933), U.S. wit
2266 A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. <BR>	-- Grace Hansen
2269 Any woman who still thinks marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition is only proving that she doesn't u…
2282 I do not refer to myself as a 'housewife' for the reason that I did not marry a house. <BR>	-- Wilm…
2283 I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest …
2286 …which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at …
2315 One of the best things about marriage is that it gets young people to bed at a decent hour. <BR>	--…
2317 Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.…
2320 The bonds of wedlock are so heavy that it takes two to carry them -- sometimes three. <BR>	-- Alexa…
2323 The trouble with marrying your mistress is that you create a job vacancy. <BR>	-- Sir James Goldsmi…
2360 Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.…
2361 He that sinneth before his Maker, let him fall into the hands of a physician. <BR>	-- Ecclesiastes …
2363 I firmly believe that if the whole materia medica could be sunk to the bottom of the sea, it would …
2368 …ost difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff tha…
2370 The trouble with being a hypochondriac these days is that antibiotics have cured all the good disea…
2378 Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. <BR>	-- Austin O'Malley (185…
2389 Don't accept rides from strange men -- and remember that all men are as strange as hell. <BR>	-- Ro…
2395 God invented man and I can do better than that. <BR>	-- Erma Bombeck (1927-1996), 1982
2403 I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?  <BR>	-- Zsa Z…
2412 Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (189…
2415 Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him. <BR>	-- Paul Eldridge
2416 Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2424 Men build bridges and throw railroads across deserts, and yet they contend successfully that the jo…
2434 The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots. <BR>	-- Re…
2448 I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me…
2449 Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to adm…
2451 The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of me…
2454 There is a thin line between genius and insanity. I have erased that line. <BR>	-- Oscar Levant (19…
2458 I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterward. <BR>…
2470 Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing -- and that was the closest our country h…
2501 When I was young I used to think that wealth and power would bring me happiness. I was right. <BR>	…
2509 Mother always said that honesty was the best policy, and money isn't everything. She was wrong abou…
2512 The best thing that could happen to motherhood already has. Fewer women are going into it. <BR>	-- …
2515 Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it, and that …
2519 I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and try…
2520 I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. <BR>	-- Lily Tomlin…
2529 The public doesn't want new music; the main thing it demands of a composer is that he be dead. <BR>…
2536 …te and 'shit happens' -- but Allah has a lot of explaining to do South of that meridian. <BR>	-- P…
2546 In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and …
2547 It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence whic…
2548 … angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won't go. <BR>	-- B…
2550 …ses not only truth, but supreme beauty -- a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture. <BR>	…
2553 Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clev…
2554 …d to accept a leader, and to accept as a leader whoever is established in that position. <BR>	-- B…
2557 … as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy -- I mean…
2558 The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution. <…
2564 The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, bu…
2565 There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast abo…
2567 There is no nonsense so errant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate go…
2568 This is one of those views which are so absolutely absurd that only very learned men could possibly…
2572 What the world needs is not dogma but an attitude of scientific inquiry combined with a belief that…
2574 When one admits that nothing is certain one must, I think, also admit that some things are much mor…
2575 …that nothing is certain one must, I think, also admit that some things are much more nearly certai…
2580 … is necessary to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is…
2581 Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never …
2583 The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd…
2588 It is obvious that 'obscenity' is not a term capable of exact legal definition; in the practice of …
2589 …le as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe…
2597 They sicken of the calm that know the storm. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
2601 …thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more. <BR>	-- D…
2609 Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. <BR>	-- George B…
2613 Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from hist…
2625 Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were…
2628 The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a dru…
2632 You are going to let the fear of poverty govern your life and your reward will be that you will eat…
2634 You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?"  <BR>…
2640 There are no secrets better kept than the secrets that everybody guesses. <BR>	-- George Bernard Sh…
2641 Women upset everything. When you let them into your life, you find that the woman is driving at one…
2642 One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't. <BR>	-- George …
2643 The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that'…
2648 When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. <BR>…
2650 …that the things people make fools of themselves about are any less real and true than the things t…
2653 A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. <BR>	-- George B…
2655 …y were quite sober. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person woul…
2664 The golden rule is that there are no golden rules. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2668 Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same. …
2669 … of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not …
2675 I never resist temptation because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me. <BR…
2683 All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. <BR>	…
2686 An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it wil…
2687 Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - …
2688 Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and h…
2692 …st that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe…
2694 I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time. <B…
2697 It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. <BR>	-- H. L. Menc…
2698 It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were …
2700 It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common hone…
2705 Men are the only animals that devote themselves, day in and day out, to making one another unhappy.…
2709 … one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add tha…
2710 Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true. <BR>	-- H…
2711 Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - …
2712 Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that t…
2713 The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other …
2714 The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. <…
2717 The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. <BR>	-- H. L. Me…
2719 … fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is …
2721 The world always makes the assumption that the exposure of an error is identical with the discovery…
2722 …questionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true!  <BR>	--…
2723 Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party…
2725 We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencke…
2726 The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable ac…
2728 America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record ge…
2741 …that shapes your destiny, and your hour-by-hour mental conduct produces power for change in your l…
2752 America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. …
2758 Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. <BR>	-- Osc…
2761 I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 19…
2764 It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1…
2766 Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that pass…
2781 One's real life is often the life that one does not lead. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2787 The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly -- that is what each of us i…
2789 Vile deeds like poison weeds bloom well in prison air, it is only what is good in man, that wastes …
2802 I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2805 Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that …
2807 The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray, and the advantage of science is that it …
2810 There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up…
2811 … When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, …
2818 I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2820 Above all, we must realize that no arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formid…
2830 I know in my heart that man is good. That what is right will always eventually triumph. And there's…
2833 Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a ver…
2839 …ge a president by his age, only by his works.'  And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying…
2840 To sit back hoping that someday, someway, someone will make things right is to go on feeding the cr…
2841 …ldren's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done. <BR>…
2842 History teaches that wars begin when governments believe the price of aggression is cheap. <BR>	-- …
2846 I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits…
2848 … paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than m…
2854 Of liberty I would say that, in the whole plenitude of its extent, it is unobstructed action accord…
2855 I hope our wisdom will grow with our power, and teach us that the less we use our power the greater…
2856 I find as I grow older that I love those most whom I loved first. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-18…
2862 …cause, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear…
2876 Every citizen should be a soldier. This was the case with the Greeks and Romans, and must be that o…
2885 …cause, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear…
2888 The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always t…
2890 We confide in our strength, without boasting of it; we respect that of others, without fearing it. …
2896 I read no newspaper now but Ritchie's, and in that chiefly the advertisements, for they contain the…
2905 I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. <BR>	-- Woody Allen…
2911 If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say a…
2919 My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2927 What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?  In that case, I definitely overpaid for my c…
2930 You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundr…
2931 What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?  Or what's worse, what if only that fat g…
2933 It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. <BR>	-- Woody Allen…
2937 Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1…
2945 I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his oppone…
2946 It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have bee…
2950 …that anyone who embarks on the strange voyage can measure the tides and hurricanes he will encount…
2951 … one's back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double th…
2963 …nds that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst fo…
2970 One day President Roosevelt told me that he was asking publicly for suggestions about what the war …
2986 Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. <BR>	-- Wi…
2988 On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has…
3001 There is only one thing that can kill the Movies, and that is education. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 …
3002 …serve about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one…
3007 You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way…
3010 … found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I never yet met a man that I didn't like. <BR>…
3031 It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know th…
3034 It's asking a great deal that things should appeal to your reason as well as your sense of the aest…
3040 …y did not seem to belong to the same species; and it was strange to think that but a little while …
3046 Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actual…
3054 The nature of people demands that most of them be engaged in the most frivolous possible activities…
3055 With telephone and TV it is not so much the message as the sender that is sent. <BR>	-- Marshall Mc…
3064 The trouble with a cheap, specialized education is that you never stop paying for it. <BR>	-- Marsh…
3094 …p on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping fo…
3095 …carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. <BR>…
3097 … message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with …
3101 …xes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel…
3106 …t around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks tha…
3107 Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that doe…
3109 Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3114 Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the mar…
3118 Genes are little items that are found in every living thing except Sen. Alfonse D'Amato. <BR>	-- Da…
3119 Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed b…
3123 Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling …
3129 I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seve…
3130 I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. <BR…
3132 …th messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of comple…
3133 I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if p…
3135 …tly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adult…
3136 I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news …
3137 I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower-body garments I own that still fit me co…
3139 …hree scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: …
3141 If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them cou…
3142 If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you w…
3143 … Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had some…
3146 …st people do not. What caused this change?  One big factor, of course, is that people are a lot st…
3149 It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another pers…
3150 It is a well-known fact that although the public is fine when taken individually, when it forms its…
3151 It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own perso…
3153 Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be at…
3157 …patty" group, which includes hamburgers, fish sticks, and McNuggets-foods that have had all of the…
3158 My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. <BR>	-- Da…
3161 Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading…
3163 Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his…
3165 …that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satis…
3166 Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. <BR…
3170 Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is…
3171 …ed bytes, and within a fraction of a second it sends you an error message that requires you to cal…
3172 Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stone…
3175 … Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic comma…
3177 The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that the…
3179 …ternet "browser"... is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen informing…
3183 …uct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notic…
3186 The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have ey…
3189 The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in wint…
3190 The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious p…
3191 …ger to be president?  What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national televisi…
3193 The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose," which is also sometimes called …
3194 The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, wherea…
3198 The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. De…
3199 …ms: "passive" systems collect the sunlight that hits your home, and "active" systems collect the s…
3206 We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but…
3210 …em in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no bette…
3215 Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that th…
3218 A male chauvinist is a man who thinks that "harass" is two words. <BR>	-- The proprietor, Ballandea…
3219 The Anna Kournikova worm showed us that nearly half of humanity will click on anything purporting t…
3230 Them that has, gets. <BR>	-- Iron Law of Distribution
3232 The first myth of management is that it exists. <BR>	-- Heller's Law
3235 If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came…
3237 Class schedules are designed so that every student will waste the maximum time between classes. <BR…
3256 If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. <BR>	-- Chicholm's Law
3273 People will buy anything that's one to a customer. <BR>	-- Lewis' Law
3274 The last person who quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong - unt…
3287 Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives. <BR>	-- Third Law of…
3316 The longer you wait in line, the greater likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line. <BR>	-…
3333 The one time in the day that you lean back and relax is the one time the boss walks through the off…
3357 When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you've finished with, you wil…
3364 Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. <BR>	-- Shaw's Princi…
3365 Anything that begins well, ends badly, Anything that begins badly, ends worse. <BR>	-- Pudder's Law
3366 When you need to knock on wood is when you realise that the world is made of plastic and aluminium.…
3367 The secret of success is sincerity... once you can fake that, you've got it made. <BR>	-- Glyme's F…
3370 Everyone has a scheme that will not work. <BR>	-- Howe's Law
3387 If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage wi…
3403 It's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save that matters. <BR>	-- Paul's Law
3406 If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent…
3407 If you explain so clearly that nobody can mis-understand, somebody will. <BR>	-- Chicholm's Second …
3419 Whenever in doubt, predict that the trend will continue. <BR>	-- Merkin's Maxim
3427 Never put off until tomorrow that which you could have forgotten about entirely. <BR>	-- Wade's Adv…
3440 If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong, it would have been ultimately ben…
3468 A four hour staff meeting rarely accomplishes anything that a ten minute slap fight can't. <BR>	-- …
3473 …ected to perform, at any time, in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely…
3483 The accessibility during recovery of small parts that fall from the work bench, varies directly wit…
3484 In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternate courses of action, most people will cho…
3505 Anything that fails will fail in the manner most difficult to explain. <BR>	-- Second Corollary to …
3518 For anything that requires reasonable security, the era of passwords is over. <BR>	-- Bruce Schneie…
3541 Did you know that if you play a Windows Vista CD backwards, you will hear the voice of Satan?  That…
3544 …-- but you'd be able to shift gears with your car stereo. Useful feature, that. <BR>	-- Marus J. R…
3545 I love the way Microsoft follows standards. In much the same manner that fish follow migrating cari…
3548 I note that Bill Gates of Microsoft has paid an extraordinarily large sum for Leonardo da Vinci's C…
3551 … list of innovations that could be attributed to Microsoft. Once I realized that Ctrl-Alt-Del was …
3555 So it is that Microsoft, by refusing to secure almost half of its installed desktop base, is trying…
3557 …ology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify the eff…
3558 …ea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armor to lead all customers out of a mire…
3560 The only thing Microsoft has done for society is make people believe that computers are inherently …
3561 The only thing that I'd rather own than Windows is English, because then I could charge you two hun…
3562 …hill with a load of fertilizer, when suddenly an icon flashes to tell him that rust has been detec…
3563 There never was a chip, it is said, that Bill Gates couldn't slow down with a new batch of features…
3565 …he first? Because nobody wants a toilet with Internet access. What is that? Is that really the fut…
3570 When you say "I wrote a program that crashed Windows", people just stare at you blankly and say "He…
3571 …m originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand for 1 b…
3572 Windows supports general-purpose non-Microsoft applications in the same way that a rope can be said…
3573 A big reason that UNIX administration is challenging is that every UNIX vendor believes standards a…
3575 …figuration procedures outlined in this guide, there is still no guarantee that your Solaris instal…
3579 …create numerous files using large amounts of file space. It has been said that the only standard t…
3581 The irony is that Perl itself is a subset of UNIX features condensed into a quick-and-dirty scripti…
3607 A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
3653 Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
3657 Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum. I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
3661 Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
3667 Don't be humble, you're not that great.
3668 Don't be sexist. Broads hate that.
3694 Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
3738 I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch!
3761 If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
3771 If god is inside us, then I hope he likes Fajita's, cause that's what he's getting.
3803 It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
3805 It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.
3808 It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
3809 It's people that give drinking a bad name.
3810 It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease.
3904 The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.
3916 The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.
3960 When I was young I was told that anyone could be Prime Minister. Now I'm beginning to believe it.
3968 When someone points skyward, it's the fool that looks at the finger.
3979 Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
4002 Don't test for errors that you can't handle.
4033 It's not that your life is so short, it's just that you're dead for so long.
4046 Of course, that was long ago, but at the time it seemed like the present. <BR>	--P. Steiner
4056 No no no. Don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to. <BR>	--Buckaroo Banzai
4059 It isn't the stuff we don't know. It is the stuff we know that just ain't so. <BR>	--Josh Billings
4069 The struggling for knowledge has a pleasure in it like that of wrestling with a fine woman. <BR>	--…
4072 It's rare that you're presented with a knob whose only two positions are Make History and Flee Your…
4077 Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only specification is that it sh…
4090 … study of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. <BR>	--Mike …
4097 Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in…
4119 Display the things that you value in yourself, and you will attract people who also value those thi…
4123 The optimist sees that the glass is half full. The pessimist sees that the glass is half empty. The…
4124 We pray for one last landing On the globe that gave us birth; Let us rest our eyes on fleecy skies …
4125 The word is the only system of encoding thoughts - the only medium - that refuses to dissolve in th…
4127 …g. And they aren't. I see. Is there anything else they aren't adapted for that I should know about?
4128 …cked into a custom cyberspace deck that projected his disembodied consciousness into the consensua…
4137 Twenty years ago, I never would've believed that we'd have a black, female Secretary of State, much…
4138 …an and simple. Crappy old OSes have value in the basically negative sense that changing to new one…
4140 The fossil record - the La Brea Tar Pit - of software technology is the Internet. Anything that sho…
4144 …eed that your theory is crazy. The question which divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have…
4145 …nd awareness, he moved...grace of the mind-body interface granted him, in that second, by the clar…
4146 …of Pisa, or should we just let the damn thing fall over and build a tower that doesn't suck?  <BR>…
4149 …or lettuce or cucumber. I need it for my dreams. <BR>	--Racter (a program that sometimes writes po…
4156 … ... which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering. <BR…
4157 … out?"  I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such …
4161 …at votes and 0 (that's zero, as in none at all) for the Democrans. That's a possible, but unlikely…
4165 …rstood reality concept, but into the transparent clarity of a mathematics that represents no longe…
4166 I have long argued that the entertainment industry doesn't want people to have computers. Computers…
4172 I don't think of the past. The only thing that matters is the everlasting present. <BR>	-- W. Somer…
4175 …r test - if activists are using your tools, it's a pretty good indication that your tools are usef…
4176 The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet …