Lines Matching refs:is

2 Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
3 Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
5 To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
6 To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
14 What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
20 Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
24 The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
25 The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
27 The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
28 Is the glass half full or half empty? That all depends on who's shout it is.
30 Confucius say... printf is the most useful debug statement.
39 There is one thing that all smart asses have in common... wise cracks.
44 A shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.
46 New York manufacturer of gentlemen's headwear is called Manhattan.
49 Confucius say... man in bathroom with tool in hand is not necessarily a plumber.
57 If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
60 Death is hereditary.
65 It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!
73 Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
74 Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
80 Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
84 Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
91 The leading cause of death is birth.
92 Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
94 Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questione…
95 The fundamental cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid are cocksure while the intel…
100 Organized Religion is like Organized Crime; it preys on peoples' weakness, generates huge profits f…
103 BIGOT n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. <BR…
104 Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
106 Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
109 Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction.
110 What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
111 Oliver's Law:     Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
112 The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
113 Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. <BR>	-- Philip K. Dick
116 Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.
117 Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion picture…
123 NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Guiseppe? 	  Everything he says is wrong. GUISEPPE: M…
126 Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer any…
127 …. (Awls)  * Tools that nobody should ever use because the potential danger is far greater than the…
128 The basic notion underlying USENET is the flame. <BR>	-- Chuq Von Rospach
130 All of this is for nothing if we don't go to the stars. <BR>	-- JMS, Babylon 5
131 The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
133 A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and …
134 The only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never stop and take a rest.
135 Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
140 Bureaucracy is the epoxy that greases the wheels of progress.
142 Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. <BR>	-- Freud
145 The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.
148 Earth is a beta site.
149 Reality is for people who lack imagination.
150 All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
153 Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
160 A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. <BR>	-- John Barrymore
168 Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life. <BR>	-- Immanuel Kant
179 It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies. <BR>	-- Arthur Calwell
185 Life begets life. Energy begets energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich. <BR>	-- Sa…
187 Our strength is often composed of the weakness we're damned if we're going to show. <BR>	-- Mignon …
188 Here is a test to see if your mission on earth is finished. If you are alive, it isn't. <BR>	-- Fra…
196 To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it. <BR>	-- G.K. Chest…
198 Exasperation is the mind's way of spinning its wheels until patience restores traction. <BR>	-- Geo…
200 Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced. <BR>	-- …
201 Time is a versatile performer. It flies, marches on, heals all wounds, runs out, and will tell. <BR…
204 Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almos…
209 Courage is like love - it must have hope to nourish it. <BR>	-- Napoleon Bonaparte
210 There is often less danger in the things we fear than in the things we desire. <BR>	-- John C. Coll…
214 All mankind is divided into three classes: those who are immovable, those who are movable; and thos…
216 An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding. <BR>	-- Robert Louis Stevenson
217 To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. <BR>	-- George MacDonald
218 Only in growth, reform, and change, paradoxically enough, is true security to be found. <BR>	-- Ann…
225 When a deep injury is done us, we never recover until we forgive. <BR>	-- Alan Paton
226 There is no truth existing which I fear, or would wish unknown to the whole world. <BR>	-- Thomas J…
233 Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and liste…
234 Good luck is with the man who doesn't include it in his plan. <BR>	-- Graffitti
237 The quickest way to become an old dog is to stop learning new tricks. <BR>	-- John Rooney
238 After all is said and done, more has usually been said than done. <BR>	-- Michael W. Hamrick
244 Knowledge is gained by learning; trust by doubt; skill by practice; and love by love. <BR>	-- Thoma…
245 A perfect wife is one who doesn't expect a perfect husband. <BR>	-- Anonymous
246 Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is when you learn that everythi…
248 The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid. <BR>	-- Anonymous
249 A friend is someone who can see through you and still enjoys the show. <BR>	-- Farmer's Almanac
250 A ship in harbor is safe -- but that is not what ships are for. <BR>	-- John A. Shedd
252 A pedestal is as much a prison as any small space. <BR>	-- Gloria Steinem
253 Efficiency is intelligent laziness. <BR>	-- Arnold H. Glasow
263 If I have seen farther than other men, it is because I stand on the shoulders of giants. <BR>	-- Is…
265 It is necessary for us to learn from others' mistakes. You will not live long enough to make them a…
266 The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
268 …excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosoph…
269 Happiness is not a reward - it is a consequence. Suffering is not a punishment - it is a result. <B…
271 Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. <BR>	-- Mar…
272 The dissenter is every human being at those moments of his life when he resigns momentarily from th…
273 Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences. No one can eliminate prejudices - just recognize the…
279 We can forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid o…
281 …are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though…
282 The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and …
283 Respect is what we owe; love, what we give. <BR>	-- Philip James Bailey
284 The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. <BR>	-- William James
285 Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after. <BR>	-- Anne …
286 The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. <BR>	-- Mahatma Ghandi
289 If we are ever in doubt about what to do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on …
292 The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of the wise man is in his heart. <BR>	-- Benjami…
293 If there is no wind, row. <BR>	-- Latin Proverb
300 The question is not whether we will die, but how we will live. <BR>	-- Borysenko, Joan
301 An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field. <BR>	-- Niel…
303 A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. <BR>	-- Sidney Goff
305 The difference between a hero and a coward is one step sideways. <BR>	-- Gene Hackman
306 The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. <BR>	-- Peter F. Drucker
309 Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. <BR>	-- Lazarus Long in "Time En…
310 The difference between a coward and a brave man is usually a matter of timing. <BR>	-- Robert Heinl…
314 A banker is the person who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and w ants it back the mi…
319 If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal …
324 There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
326 Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?  It is because we are not the person …
327 So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. <BR>	-- B…
328 If a million people belive in a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. <BR>	-- Anatole France
329 To know is nothing at all; to imagine is everything. <BR>	-- Anatole France
333 Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, usin…
352 A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
353 A gnab gib is a big bang in reverse. <BR>	-- Douglas Adams
355 A legend is a lie that has attained the dignity of age. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken
361 …ientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the t…
368 The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S"…
372 Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singula…
375 The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, "…
379 ACHTUNG!  Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springen…
385 The world is divided into people who do things, and people who get the credit.
395 People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is putting up …
403 Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules. Following the rules will not get the…
408 Today's subliminal thought is:
409 I'm not one of those who think Bill Gates is the devil. I simply suspect that if Microsoft ever met…
411 To count is a modern practice, the ancient method was to guess. <BR>	-- Dr. Johnson
414 The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. <BR>	--…
415 The mere act of drinking beer in an attempt to measure your tolerance is likely to affect your impr…
417 The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you've got it made. <BR>	…
423 Philosophy 101: If a man speaks in the woods, and a woman is not there to hear him, is he still wro…
429 It is a scientifically proven fact that not wearing socks helps people think in hexadecimal.
430 Si tu veux jouer au plus con, c'est pas toi qui va gagner. (If the game is to see who can be the bi…
432 Silence is not only golden, it's rarely misquoted.
433 The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equal…
434 The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate…
438 It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: f…
442 A man is like a fine wine. He starts out raw as grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and …
446 … manner: 'Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good…
447 The next time some academics tell you how important "diversity" is, ask how many Republicans there …
450 There is nothing wrong in having nothing to say, unless you insist on saying it.
452 In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is.
457 If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost... you can still call him vile names. <BR>	--…
458 …is the nature of manias, that the more obscure the vision... the more delightful we can imagine it…
461 All of us necessarily hold many casual opinions that are ludicrously wrong simply because life is f…
462 One of the surprising privileges of intellectuals is that they are free to be scandalously asinine …
463 …is the elimination or neutralization of the independent individual -- the independent voter, consu…
464 The kind of man who wants the government to adopt and enforce his ideas is always the kind of man w…
465 To complain of lack of leadership is, in the field of political affairs, the characteristic attitud…
466 If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doub…
471 The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried t…
472 The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pi…
474 …in from using resources now so that future generations can have them later is like asking the poor…
476 Necessity is seldom the mother of invention. Rather, true inventions beget necessities. <BR>	-- Nob…
479 It is acquired wisdom and experience only that teach incredulity, and they very seldom teach it eno…
483 Ubi dubium ibi libertas Where there is doubt, there is freedom  <BR>	-- Latin proverb
485 …n somebody else, or more importantly than the market, is to have a way of interpreting data that i…
486 The study of history is a powerful antidote to contemporary arrogance. It is humbling to discover h…
490 If a little knowledge is dangerous, where is the man who has so much as to be out of danger?  <BR>	…
491 … that we're all greedy SOBs, but the real SOB is the guy whose greed--whether for power, money, or…
492 He who is not aware of his ignorance will be only misled by his knowledge. <BR>	-- Richard Whatley
494 …son of economics is scarcity: there is never enough of anything to fully satisfy all those who wan…
495 The curse of the intelligentsia is their ability to rationalize and re-define. Ordinary people, lac…
500 Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. <BR>	-- Lewis Gr…
503 A camel is a horse designed by a committee.
505 A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline. <BR>	-- Harvey Mackay
506 Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our li…
508 All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win in this world is for enough good men to do noth…
511 A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
513 An angry person is seldom reasonable; a reasonable person is seldom angry.
514 An army of deer led by a lion is more to be feared than an army of lions led by a deer.
515 An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
520 A real patriot is someone who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
523 Being right is highly overrated. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
529 Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
530 Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
531 Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
532 Failure is nature's plan to prepare you for great responsibilities. <BR>	-- Napolean Hill
533 Freedom is not the right to do as you please, but the liberty to do as you ought.
535 Hating someone is like burning down your house to get rid of a rat.
536 Heaven is where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks are French, the lovers Ital…
540 Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
543 He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. <BR>	-- Chi…
544 He who breaks a thing to find out what it is, has left the path of wisdom. <BR>	-- J. R. R. Tolkien
546 History is a set of lies agreed upon by the victors.
552 If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping yo…
554 If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
561 I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while…
566 Imagination is more important than knowledge. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
571 Knowledge is that which is acquired by learning. Wisdom is knowing what to do with it.
573 Laughter is like changing a baby's nappy. It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes t…
575 Learning history is easy. Learning its lessons is almost impossible.
579 Life is hard, no one makes it out alive.
580 Life is what you have while you are waiting to have one.
584 My goal in life is to be the sort of person my dog thinks I am.
586 Never say anything unless it is kind, necessary and true.
594 One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
595 One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by y…
597 An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
602 Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sid…
603 Television is bubble gum for the eyes. <BR>	-- Frank Lloyd Wright
604 The definition of a recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you loose y…
605 The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
606 The horn of plenty is usually the one behind you in traffic!
607 The mind is like a parachute, it's no good unless it's open!
608 The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.
609 The moral test of any society is how is treats its weakest: children, elderly, sick, needy and hand…
612 The nice thing about standards is, there are so many to choose from.
613 The obstacle to discovery is not ignorance, but the illusion of knowledge.
614 The older I get, the older old is.
616 The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe. <BR>	-- Rob Kalnitsky
617 The only place you can win a football game is on the field. The only place you can lose it is in yo…
619 The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money.
622 Atheism is a non-prophet organization. <BR>	-- George Carlin
626 The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. <BR>	-- George …
630 Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?  <BR>	-- George Carlin
632 Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!
640 If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
644 It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man. <BR>	-- Scott Elledge, on his …
646 One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly i…
653 For there is nothing either good or bad, thinking makes it so. <BR>	-- William Shakespeare (1564-16…
654 …acing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong. <BR>	-- Ayn R…
655 I have no data yet. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins …
657 …is a prime, not because we think so, or because our minds are shaped in one way rather than anothe…
660 A problem well stated is a problem half solved. <BR>	-- Charles Franklin Kettering (1876-1958)
661 Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to ta…
662 Plurality is not to be posited without necessity. <BR>	-- William of Ockham (1280-1349)
666 There is nothing that living things do that cannot be understood from the point of view that they a…
669 All science is either physics or stamp collecting. <BR>	-- Ernest Rutherford (1871-1937)
670 The only possible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don't. <BR>	-- Ernest R…
671 In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely r…
673 Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest. <BR>	…
675 Faith: not wanting to know what is true. <BR>	-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
676 God for you is where you sweep away all the mysteries of the world, all the challenges to our intel…
678 Hell is paved with good samaritans. <BR>	-- William M. Holden
680 Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. <BR>	-- Woody Allen
681 The price of liberty is eternal vigilance. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
695 Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. <BR>	-- Voltaire (1694-1778)
696 It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be i…
698 A word to the wise ain't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice. <BR>	-- Bill Cos…
699 It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
701 It depends upon what the meaning of the word `is' means. <BR>	-- William Jefferson Clinton, August …
704 Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. <BR>	-- Proverb
708 Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to char…
714 The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
715 Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny. <BR>	-…
723 The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.…
725 Wit is educated insolence. <BR>	-- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
726 Criticism is prejudice made plausible. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
727 Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. <BR>	-- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
728 Imitation is the sincerest form of television. <BR>	-- Fred Allen (1894-1956)
729 Happiness is good health and a bad memory. <BR>	-- Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982)
732 The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. <BR>	-- Gloria Leonard
736 There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. <BR>	-- Ken Olson, president, chairm…
737 I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. <BR>	-- Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairm…
738 The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a `C', the idea must b…
741 We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. <BR>	-- Decca Recording Company, rej…
743 Do, or do not. There is no `try'. <BR>	-- Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back
747 Destiny is not a matter of change, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it…
748 They say time is the fire in which we burn. <BR>	-- Dr. Tolian Soran, Star Trek: Generations
749 If everything is under control, you are going too slow. <BR>	-- Mario Andretti
750 Never forget that it is the spirit with which you endow your work that makes it useful or futile. <…
752 Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is no…
756 When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail. <BR>	-- Abraham Ma…
761 The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. <BR>	-…
763 A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. <BR>	-- Joseph Stalin (1879-1953)
764 It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both. <BR>	-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527…
766 When a man is wrapped up in himself he makes a pretty small package. <BR>	-- John Ruskin (1819-1900)
768 Good teaching is one-forth preparation and three-fourths theater. <BR>	-- Gail Godwin
772 Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century. <BR>	-- Perelman
773 If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. <BR>	-- Derek Bok, Harvard University President
776 Show my head to the people, it is worth seeing. <BR>	-- Georges Danton (1759-1794), to his executio…
779 … water in the carburetor." Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. …
782 Wisdom is a comb given to a man once he is bald. (Irish proverb)
786 … money, love like your heart has never been broken, and dance as if no one is watching. <BR>	-- Sa…
787 Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you many never owe.
795 Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment. <BR>	-- Karen Crockett
797 It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. <BR>	-…
798 It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good - and less trouble. <BR>	-- M…
799 …n be always with the under dog in the fight - this is magnanimity; but bet on the other one - this…
800 Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
805 To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know, I've done it a thousand times. <…
808 A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
809 A classic is a book which people praise and don't read. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
810 A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. <BR>	-- Mark Twa…
812 Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
813 A good lie will have travled half way around the world while the truth is putting on her boots. <BR…
815 All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
816 A man with a new idea is a crank until he succeeds. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
820 Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
822 …owerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a boo…
824 "Be Yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to people. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
827 Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
828 Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
829 Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear; not absence of fear. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
830 Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and …
835 Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
837 Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
839 Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
842 …trast with something that ain't pleasant... And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force o…
845 I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race…
846 I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever. All I need to know is that a man is a member of the huma…
848 I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody…
852 I find that principles have no real force except when one is well fed. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
857 If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to hap…
858 Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't…
864 …ere is no trace of them. They hide nothing; they are not ashamed. Man, with his soiled mind, cover…
866 In the real world, the right thing never happens in the right place and the right time. It is the j…
869 It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. <BR>	--…
870 It is discouraging to try and penetrate a mind like yours. You ought to get it out and dance on it.…
871 It is not best that we should all think alike; it is differences of opinion that make horse races. …
874 Let us not be too particular: it is better to have old second hand diamonds than none at all. <BR>	…
875 …, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing thro…
877 Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True…
878 …is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers…
879 Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
885 October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July…
886 Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the…
887 Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
890 Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.…
896 Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
897 The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning…
899 The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it wi…
900 The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
901 The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous…
904 The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
905 The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he …
907 …ecause the book is not there and worth being written -- it is only because the right form of the s…
912 There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
913 There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it…
914 There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of …
915 The secret of success is to make your vocation your vacation. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
916 The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your comp…
917 The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things th…
918 Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
921 Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with…
922 Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
928 We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only ma…
929 We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that a savage has, because we know how it is made.…
930 …hat is in it and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will n…
931 What is the most rigorous law of our being?  Growth. No smallest atom of our moral, mental, or phys…
932 …I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces …
936 Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
940 You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
943 …tnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and yo…
945 …ngs look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take comma…
946 The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
947 What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
949 The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
950 First off, you need an operating system, which is the 'Godfather' program that operates behind the …
954 …to a little box next to Hawaii right off the coast of Calafornia, where it is today. <BR>	-- Dave …
956 The Second Amendment states that, since a well-regulated militia is necessary to the security of a …
957 …side your house. "You troops are just going to have to sleep on the patio" is a perfectly constitu…
963 …on't even know where their offices are. That's why the entire U.S. economy is now manufactured in …
967 …is in the Olympic marathon, because (a) you only have to do it once every four years, and (b) you …
969 … boogerheads!"  No, there is a lot more to it than THAT. As a respected commentator, I am expected…
970 …ection of columns, walk a mile in his moccasins, bearing in mind that this is a good way to catch …
971 All of Mister Language Person's answers are intended to be as accurate and informative as is humanl…
973 …is when people, with no apperant cause, suddenly start burning like campfire marshmellows, reachin…
975 … annual world cow methane output of 50 million metric TONS. (Campers: This is yet another argument…
976 Clearly what is called for is a federal task force, ideally headed by Dan Quayle, who seems to have…
978 …have very powerful feet," the official says, leading us to believe that it is just a matter of tim…
985 Disney World is a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wea…
986 …porate discipline program for Disney executives: "Johnson, your department is over budget again. Y…
992 The trick to remember while backing a boat into a carport is, if you turn your car wheels to the ri…
993 … to do this because - get ready for a fascinating nautical fact - seawater is very bad for boats. …
994 …with two other families and rented a sailboat in the Virgin Islands. There is nothing as relaxing …
997 The key to a successful Summer Vacation Adventure is preperation. For example, if you're planning a…
999 … reaction to my column about England, and all I can say to those concerned is: I humbly apoligize …
1000 Recently my family and I spent a week in London, which is a popular foreign place to visit because …
1002 …ing their heads chopped off, which is why members of the royal family now wear protective steel ne…
1003 …bout the size of toaster ovens. The best way to handle this, as a tourist, is to remain on one sid…
1006 This fall, we'll be seeing a new, redesigned $20 bill. This is part of an anti-counterfeiting progr…
1008 I turned 50, which is really not so old. A lot of very famous people accomplished great things afte…
1009 I decided I'd better go in for my annual physical examination, which is something I do approximatel…
1011 …, our lives would not be nearly so rich in - call me sentimental, but this is how I feel - dirt. <…
1012 A Labrador retriever is a large enthusiastic bulletproof species of dog made entirely of synthetic …
1021 The Holiday Season is here again, and there's "something special" in the air. It's the aroma being …
1023 The First Rule of Car Buying is one that I learned long ago from my father, namely: Never buy any c…
1026 It is at times like this that we should remember the words of President John F. Kennedy, who, in hi…
1027 …ainthat when the American people decide to "get involved" in a problem, it is best not to let them…
1032 English spelling is unusual because our language is a rich verbal tapestry woven together from the …
1034 There is definitely too much anger in the world today. Pick up almost any newspaper, and the odds a…
1037 …a passionate, heartfelt interest in: the 1978 World Series. Yes. The truth is, guys don't HAVE any…
1038 …ets who he's calling, so when somebody answers, Gene has to ask (a) who it is, and (b) does this p…
1040 …arold C. Crittenden Junior High School," although its technical Latin name is "Bernice."  <BR>	-- …
1041 Like many South Floridians, we have our house in a neighborhod that we are pretty sure is occupied …
1047 …id when he was alive, "History is a bunch of things that happened in the past."  His point was tha…
1051 … Hundred Years War, which, because of delays caused by equipment problems, is still going on. <BR>…
1053 …merica, which he believed was the East Indies. The reason he believed this is that prank-loving Vi…
1057 …invented by Scottish mathematician John Napier. Some day, when time travel is invented, high-schoo…
1058 …ff a tree, wrote his famous Principia Mathematica, which states that there is a universal force, c…
1075 …en they realized that San Juan was in Puerto Rico. Historians believe this is the first known inst…
1082 …was born in a happy celebration highlighted by festive artillery fire that is still going on in so…
1084 …ated 80 percent of the Etch-a-Sketches, will malfunction. In one way, this is good: Your Permanent…
1086 …the size of the Houston Astrodome to store canned food in, the Y2K problem is also going to cause …
1090 …ps for clothes, her primary objective is NOT to find clothes that fit her particular body. Her pri…
1091 The point, young people, is that there is a right way and a wrong way to prepare for your SATs, and…
1092 The term "SAT" is a set of initials, or "antonym," standing for "Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organiz…
1093 The SAT was developed by the prestigious Educational Testing Service, which is located in Princeton…
1095 … product is Windows, which now comes automatically installed on every computer in the world and ma…
1096 …nking Kenneth Starr -- to look into the very real possibility that Windows is cheating at solitair…
1099 And what is the Scientific Community doing about these problems, young people?  THEY'RE CLONING SHE…
1103 My point is that I have never been a huge fan of Beowulf, or epic poems in general. "Epic," in my o…
1104 Guys do not get enough credit for being domestic. This is because the people who give OUT the credi…
1107 …is the home of Harvard University. Whoops!  Princeton is of course the home of Yale University. Ha…
1108 …out the Napa Valley, that "pinot noir" is French for "a type of wine."  This is totally incorrect:…
1109 …is that I am very sorry about these pesky errors that keep creeping into my column, and I am grate…
1111 Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, …
1113 I hope you are ready to take over, Class of '99, because my generation is getting old and tired. An…
1114 …is type in the words "population of Rhode Island" into your computer, and a moment later the numbe…
1116 I realize that I'm making gender-based generalizations here, but my feeling is that if God did not …
1122 To understand guys, it is essential to remember that, deep down inside, they are biological creatur…
1125 …territory, he will be declared Dominant Male Dog of the Entire Earth. This is basically the same i…
1130 …luded that the problem is that guys, as a group, have the emotional maturity of a hamster. No, thi…
1132 …ke commitments, or even to take steps that might LEAD to commitments. That is why, when a guy goes…
1133 …the entire world. Scientists believe that the reason dogs howl at the moon is because they (the do…
1135 …y feel that there is something twisted about the values of a guy who can be more committed to a bu…
1137 … they routinely kill each other over soccer. (For the record, I think this is over reacting, unles…
1138 …is head back on with duct tape and see if he can play a few more innings," is the prevailing guy a…
1139 My feeling is that if more guys would join mellow, purposeless, and semi-dysfunctional organization…
1144 Let me stress for the benefit of any impressionable young readers out there that marijuana is very,…
1145 My point is that guys are not merely shallow, childish, irresponsible, unreliable, slovenly, sports…
1147 No matter what NASA would have us believe, the purpose of the space program is NOT to benefit the h…
1151 …you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anybody going faster than you…
1152 RARE (5-10 minutes): The outside is burnt and welded to the grill; the inside is pink and swirling …
1158 Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
1159 No one is listening until you make a mistake.
1162 It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
1163 It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
1171 The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
1173 Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
1175 Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
1179 UNIX is an operating system, OS/2 is half an operating system, Windows is a shell, and DOS is a boo…
1181 It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched …
1183 When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know. …
1185 The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same; but the medical practice chang…
1186 This (preparing my tax return) is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher. <BR>	-…
1190 Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (…
1191 Advice is like kissing: It costs nothing and it's a pleasant thing to do. <BR>	-- George Bernard Sh…
1192 Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. <BR>	-- Erica Jong (1…
1193 Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give to some people. <BR>	-- Thomas L. Masson (1866-1…
1194 Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. <BR>	-- Louis La Roch…
1197 No vice is so bad as advice. <BR>	-- Marie Dressler, (1869-1934). U.S. actress
1199 The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor. <BR>	-- Sam Ewing, (1921--)…
1200 The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself. <BR>	-- …
1201 There is hardly a man on earth who will take advice unless he is certain that it is positively bad.…
1204 A large, clumsy umbrella is the best protection against the rain: there will be no rain as long as …
1221 Boys should abstain from all use of wine until after their eighteenth year, for it is wrong to add …
1261 My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey through life, is to take their h…
1285 Never tell a woman that you didn't realize she was pregnant unless you're certain that she is. <BR>…
1291 Of all the 36 alternatives, running away is best. <BR>	-- Chinese proverb
1295 Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!  <BR>	-- Tommy Smothers, US …
1301 The best way out is always through. <BR>	-- Robert Frost (1874-1963), US poet
1302 The best way to keep one's word is not to give it. <BR>	-- Napoleon Bonaparte, (1769-1821)
1303 The first and greatest commandment is: Don't let them scare you. <BR>	-- Elmer Davis (1890-1958)
1304 The problem with the designated driver program, is that it's not a desirable job. But if you ever g…
1305 There is one exception to the rule "Never eat at a restaurant called Mom's." If you're in a small t…
1315 When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him r…
1319 Africa is God's county, and he can have it. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977), U.S. comedian
1320 A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-1937), U.S. humorist
1322 Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. <BR>	-- Satchel Paige,…
1323 Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. <BR>	-- Tom Stoppard, (1937--), playwright
1324 Age is not different from earlier life as long as you're sitting down. <BR>	-- Malcolm Crowley, age…
1325 Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. <BR>	-- Billie Burke, (1884--), U.S.…
1327 An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he …
1331 Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed. <BR>	-- Anthony…
1335 I do wish I could tell you my age but it is impossible. It keeps changing all the time. <BR>	-- Gre…
1343 Inside every older woman is a young girl wondering what the hell happened. <BR>	-- Cora Harvey Arms…
1344 It is well known that the older a man grows, the faster he could run as a boy. <BR>	-- Red Smith (1…
1347 Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home ear…
1349 Middle age is when you have met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someon…
1351 Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. <BR>	-- Fred A…
1352 Old age is no place for sissies. <BR>	-- Bette Davis, (1908-1989), U.S. actress
1355 One of the delights known to age, and beyond the grasp of youth, is that of Not Going. <BR>	-- J. B…
1359 The idea is to die young as late as possible. <BR>	-- Ashley Montagu (1905-1999), British scientist…
1360 The muddle of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900…
1361 The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it. <BR>	-- …
1362 The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. <BR>	-- Lucill…
1363 The young don't know what age is, and the old forget what youth was. <BR>	-- Seumas MacManus, Irish…
1364 There is still no cure for the common birthday. <BR>	-- John Glenn (1921--), U.S. astronaut/politic…
1365 Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. <BR>	-- …
1366 To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. <BR>	-- Bernard Baruch (1870-1965), Preside…
1371 Youth is a blunder; manhood a struggle; old age a regret. <BR>	-- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881), Co…
1373 America is a land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy -- and won't even cro…
1374 America is a melting pot, the people at the bottom get burned while all the scum floats to the top.…
1375 America is a mistake, a giant mistake!  <BR>	-- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), psychoanalyst
1376 America is an enormous frosted cupcake in the middle of millions of starving people. <BR>	-- Gloria…
1377 America is one long expectoration. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish author
1378 America is one of the finest countries anyone ever stole. <BR>	-- Bobcat Goldthwaite, U.S. comedian
1379 America is the best half-educated country in the world. <BR>	-- Nicholas Murray Butler (1862-1947),…
1380 America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degene…
1387 I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), U.S…
1389 In America the geography is sublime, but the men are not; the inventions are excellent, but the inv…
1390 It is a pity that instead of the Pilgrim Fathers landing on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock had not la…
1395 The 100% American is 99% idiot. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), Irish playwright
1400 What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879-1935), U…
1402 A "good" family, it seems, is one that used to be better. <BR>	-- Cleveland Amory, U.S. critic & an…
1403 Everyone has something ancestral, even if it is nothing more than a disease. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-…
1404 Gentility is what is left over from rich ancestors after the money is gone. <BR>	-- John Ciardi (19…
1410 Not only is there a skeleton in every closet, but there is a screw loose in every skeleton. <BR>	--…
1413 The longer I live, the more keenly I feel that whatever was good enough for our fathers is not good…
1422 Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. <BR>	-- Plato (428-347 B.C.), Laws, book vii
1427 A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. <BR>	-- Robert J. Vogel
1428 …tays alive. A tomcat has it so easy, he has only to spray and his presence is there for years on r…
1431 Cats are a mysterious kind of folk. There is more passing in their minds than we are aware of. It c…
1438 I don't mind a cat, in its place. But its place is not in the middle of my back at 4 a.m. <BR>	-- M…
1440 If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it i…
1451 Of all the toys available, none is better designed than the owner himself. A large multipurpose pla…
1454 Some people lose all respect for a lion unless he devours them instantly. There is no pleasing some…
1457 The only good cat is a stir-fried cat. <BR>	-- Alf, U.S. puppet
1458 …rce, perseverance, courage of conviction -- and a cat. The last ingredient is usually hardest to c…
1462 Where there are no tigers, a wild cat is very self-important. <BR>	-- Korean Proverb
1465 A dog is a yes-animal, very popular with people who can't afford to keep a yes-man. <BR>	-- Roberts…
1466 A dog is not almost human, and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it a…
1467 A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than you love yourself. <BR>	-- Josh Bill…
1470 Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that is how dogs spend their l…
1474 Happiness to a dog is what lies on the other side of the door. <BR>	-- Charlton Ogburn Jr. (1911-19…
1481 Man is a dog's ideal of what God should be. <BR>	-- Holbrook Jackson (1874-1948), English writer/cr…
1489 The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. <BR>	-- Andrew A. Rooney (1919- ), U.S. …
1491 The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor. <BR>	-- Margot Kaufman, American writer
1493 To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. <BR>	-- Aldous Huxley (18…
1495 A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. <BR>	-- Samuel Butler II (1835-1902)
1501 …hat last one??  Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to …
1504 A portrait is a painting with something wrong about the mouth. <BR>	-- John Singer Sargent (1856-19…
1505 Art is long, and the talk about it is even longer. <BR>	-- William J. Locke (1863--1930), English n…
1509 Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves they have a …
1512 What is art?  Prostitution. <BR>	-- Charles Baudelaire (1821-1897), French poet
1513 Astrology is a disease, not a science. <BR>	-- Moses Maimonides, Hilboth Tshuvah (Laws of Repentenc…
1514 Australia is an outdoor country. People only go indoors to use the toilet, and that's only a recent…
1515 Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. <BR>	-- Ch…
1516 …ustralia, not reading poetry is the national pastime. <BR>	-- Phyllis McGinley (1905-1978), U.S. p…
1517 A man is usually bald four or five years before he knows it. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-1937)
1519 Of ten bald men, nine are deceitful and the tenth is stupid. <BR>	-- Chinese proverb
1522 Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people. <BR>	-- Richard Armour (190…
1530 The universe is becoming a bore. <BR>	-- Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946), U.S. essayist/critic
1534 It is easy to be brave from a safe distance. <BR>	-- Aesop (620?-560? BC), Thracian freed slave & w…
1537 I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. <BR>	--…
1538 …h America. They are decidedly the most servile imitators of the English it is possible to conceive…
1539 When I go abroad, I always sail from Boston because it is such a pleasant place to get away from. <…
1543 In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
1545 You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough. …
1547 Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.…
1555 Omaha is a little like Newark -- without Newark's glamour. <BR>	-- Joan Rivers (1939--) U.S. comedi…
1556 Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. <BR>	-- John F. Kennedy, U.S. presi…
1557 A rich man's joke is always funny. <BR>	-- Thomas Edward Brown (1830-1897), British poet
1558 Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke. <BR>	-- Steve Martin, (1945--), …
1559 Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. <BR>	-- Fred Allen (18…
1560 Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn. <BR>	-- Irvin S. Cobb (1876-1944)…
1562 It is difficult not to write satire. <BR>	-- Juvenal (50-130), Roman satirist
1563 Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. <BR>	-- Mel Br…
1567 What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. <BR>	-…
1569 A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the c…
1573 There is only one way to treat a cold, and that is with contempt. <BR>	-- Sir William Osler (1849-1…
1579 A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy. <BR>	-- Joseph Campbell …
1580 A human being is a computer's way of making another computer. Yes, we are their sex organs. <BR>	--…
1582 Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer. <BR>	-- Rita May Brown (1944-- ), U.S. novelist
1585 … to explain sex to virgins. <BR>	-- Robert Heinlein, (1907-1988), in "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress"
1590 Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produc…
1592 No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what it's doing; but most of the time, we …
1593 One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a …
1594 The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where…
1595 The question of whether computers can think is just like the question of whether submarines can swi…
1596 There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer. <BR>	-- J. H. Goldfuss
1598 To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so. <BR>	-- Robert Orben (1927--), U.…
1599 Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-…
1600 …the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. <BR>	-- R.…
1602 A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. <BR>	-- Steven Wright, (1955--), U.S. comed…
1603 Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journa…
1604 Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken ((1…
1607 Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The only completely consistent people are the …
1611 Inconsistency is the only thing in which men are consistent. <BR>	-- Horatio Smith (1779-1849), Eng…
1612 A critic is a legless man who teaches running. <BR>	-- Channing Pollack, The Green Book
1613 A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car. <BR>	-- Kenneth Tynan, British theatre…
1616 Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a str…
1619 It is much easier to be critical than to be correct. <BR>	-- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881), British…
1654 Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing to do with it. <BR>	--…
1655 Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. <BR>	-- J.J. Furnas
1656 Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. <BR>	-- Rush Limb…
1657 Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.. <BR>	-- R. Geis
1661 Dying is not everything: you have to die in time. <BR>	-- Jean-Paul Sartre
1665 I am one of those unfortunates to whom death is less hideous than explanations. <BR>	-- D.B. Wyndha…
1666 I am ready to meet my maker, but whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is…
1668 I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so. <BR>	…
1669 If fame is only to come after death, I am in no hurry for it. <BR>	-- Martial (43-104), Roman epigr…
1672 My prayer to the Lord every day, is this -- I have been a great sinner. I do not deserve Heaven. Le…
1674 On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. <BR>	-…
1676 One difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets. <…
1679 The difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make …
1681 Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me -- I quit."  <BR>	--Bill Maher, on Politica…
1682 The thought of suicide is a great comfort. It's helped me through many a bad night. <BR>	-- Friedri…
1685 To have died once is enough. <BR>	-- Virgil (70-19 B.C.), Roman poet
1692 All I desire for my own burial is not to be buried alive. <BR>	-- Philip Stanhope, Earl of Chesterf…
1694 There is nothing quite so good as burial at sea. It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating. <B…
1697 Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first. <BR>	-- Bill Cosby, Time Flies
1698 Life is pleasant and I have enjoyed it, but I have no yearning to clutter up the Universe after it …
1709 The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn. <BR>	-- David Russell
1712 Dentopedology is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it. I've been practicin…
1714 Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse. <BR>	-- Louis Saffan
1721 It is better to have loved and lost, but only if you have a good lawyer. <BR>	-- Herb Caen, U.S. jo…
1723 One reason people get divorced is that they run out of gift ideas. <BR>	-- Robert Byrne
1724 Open marriage is nature's way of telling you you need a divorce. <BR>	-- Marshall Brickman, (1941--…
1725 Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
1726 The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time t…
1729 A feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry. <BR>	-- Ecclesiastes 10:19
1733 Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirte…
1734 Although man is already ninety percent water, the Prohibitionists are not yet satisfied. <BR>	-- Jo…
1737 American beer is a lot like making love in a row boat -- It's f**king close to water!  <BR>	-- Eric…
1738 An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. <BR>	-- Dylan Thomas (1914-195…
1740 Bibamus, moriendum est. (Let's drink, death is inevitable.)  <BR>	-- Seneca the Elder (ca. 55 B.C.-…
1742 Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth. <BR>	-- Steve A…
1761 I'm a prohibitionist. What I propose to prohibit is the reckless use of water. <BR>	-- Bob Edwards
1769 Sometimes too much drink is barely enough. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1770 The difference between a drunk and a alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those mee…
1773 There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation. <BR>	-- John Ciardi (1916-1986), Saturday Revie…
1776 Two reasons for drinking: one is, when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thi…
1778 What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others. <BR>	-- Diogenes the Cynic, 4th cen. B.C.…
1779 What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. <BR>	-- Irish proverb
1780 When there is no wine there is no love. <BR>	-- Euripedes (ca. 496-406), Greek dramatist
1781 Whiskey and vermouth cannot meet as friends, and the Manhattan is an offense against piety. <BR>	--…
1782 Why is American beer served cold?  So you can tell it from urine. <BR>	-- David Moulton
1783 Wine is bottled poetry. <BR>	-- Robert Louis Stevenson (1854-1894), English author
1786 Work is the curse of the drinking class. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish playwright
1788 A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. <BR>	…
1790 Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately?  I say that what we really need is a car t…
1791 Life is too short for traffic. <BR>	-- Dan Bellack
1792 Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf. <BR>	-- Lewis Mumford, (1895-1990), U.S. writer
1793 The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. <BR>	-- Dudley Moore, (1935-2002…
1794 Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money. <BR>	-- Robin Williams, U.S. comedian
1801 … up England today. They've got white of egg in their veins and their spunk is that watery it's a m…
1806 In all the four corners of the earth one of these three names is given to him who steals from his n…
1808 It is cowardly to commit suicide. The English often kill themselves -- it is a malady caused by the…
1810 London is full of fogs -- and serious people. Whether the fogs produce the serious people or whethe…
1813 The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it. <BR>	-- James Ag…
1815 The typical Englishman is a strong being who takes a cold bath in the morning and talks about it fo…
1821 Extinct is forever. <BR>	-- Kurt Benirschke, U.S. scientist
1823 Man is a complex being; he makes deserts bloom -- and lakes die. <BR>	-- Gil Stern
1824 Remember, this planet is also disposable. <BR>	-- Paul Palmer
1825 The environment is everything that isn't me. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein,(1879-1955), scientist
1834 Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothin…
1835 If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will …
1836 …writer is important; in France all writers are important; in England no writer is important, and i…
1846 The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again. <BR>	-- Erma Bomb…
1848 The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far t…
1850 Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. <BR…
1851 Experience is what allows us to repeat our mistakes, only with more finesse!  <BR>	-- Derwood Finch…
1854 There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply. <BR>	-- Josh Billings…
1856 Anyone attempting to generate random numbers by deterministic means is, of course, living in a stat…
1857 …cretary Robert Reich [4' 10" tall], born 1946. 	   (US basketball star Shaquille ONeal is 71 tall.)
1858 Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. <BR>	-- John Kenneth Galbrait…
1864 In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), U.S.…
1865 It is now proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics…
1866 Life is too short to balance a checkbook. <BR>	-- Howard Ogden
1867 The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them. <BR>	-- Samuel McChord Crothers, (1879-19…
1871 Father and son are natural enemies and each is happier and more secure in keeping it that way. <BR>…
1872 No man is responsible for his father; that is entirely his mother's affair. <BR>	-- Margaret Turnbu…
1880 The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. <BR>	-- Douglas Adams (1952-2002), B…
1882 A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch. <BR>	-- Hermione Gingo…
1883 A waist is a terrible thing to mind. <BR>	-- Tom Wilson, U.S. cartoonist, "Ziggy"
1886 Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1890 Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon, or not all. <BR>	-- Harriet Van Horne…
1892 Food is an important part of a balanced diet. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), Metropolitan Life, 19…
1893 Happiness for me is largely a matter of digestion. <BR>	-- Lin Yutang (1895-1976), Chinese-American…
1902 I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days. <BR>	-- Totie Fields (-1978),…
1903 Licorice is the liver of candy. <BR>	-- Michael O'Donoghue (1942-1994), U.S. comedy writer
1904 Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. <BR>	-- Shirley Conran (1932--), U.S. novelist, Superwoman, …
1906 My favorite animal is steak. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), U.S. writer
1909 Obesity is really widespread. <BR>	-- Joseph O. Kern II
1913 Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-1961), U.S. humorist
1914 Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn. <BR>	-- Garrison Keillor, (1942--), U.S. writer
1917 The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. <BR>	-- …
1918 There is no sincerer love than the love of food. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), Irish pla…
1919 To eat is human; to digest, divine. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910) (also attributed to Charles Town…
1921 What's sauce for the goose may be sauce for the gander but is not necessarily sauce for the chicken…
1925 France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands, but you can't tear the toilet paper. <…
1928 The trouble with the French is that they sit around twenty-four hours a day talking French. <BR>	--…
1929 A friend in need is a friend to be avoided. <BR>	-- Lord Samuel, English liberal politician (1870 -…
1930 A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway. <BR>	-- Fr. Jerome Cummings
1931 A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. <BR>	-- Walter Winchell (18…
1947 Sometimes I get the feeling that the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not tru…
1952 Your friend is that man who knows all about you, and still likes you. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard U.S. e…
1954 I think a secure profession for young people is history teacher, because in the future, there will …
1956 The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. <BR>	-- Dean Acheson (1893…
1957 The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. <BR>	-- Paul Valery (1871-…
1958 This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we m…
1959 A gentleman is one who never strikes a woman without provocation. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956),…
1960 A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally. <BR>	-- Lilian Day, Kiss and Tell
1965 It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen. <BR>	-- Mamie Van Doren, (1931--), U.S. actress
1968 Life is too short to learn German. <BR>	-- Richard Porson (1759-1808), English classical scholar
1971 The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law. <BR>	-- Alex Levin
1975 Some people will believe anything if it is whispered to them. <BR>	-- Pierre de Miramax
1979 Good taste is the excuse I've always given for leading such a bad life. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1…
1983 I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. <BR>	-- Flanne…
1992 It is a cursed evil to any man to become so absorbed in any subject as I am in mine. <BR>	-- Charle…
1997 The trouble with me is I can't worry. Damn it, I try to worry, and I can't. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley…
2003 Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. <BR>	-- Hector Berlioz (1803-18…
2004 Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson. <BR>	-- Vernon Law…
2005 It is easy to assume a habit; but when you try to cast it off, it will take skin and all. <BR>	-- J…
2006 The unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the …
2012 History is bunk. <BR>	-- Henry Ford (1863-1947), U.S. industrialist
2014 History is the sum total of the things that could have been avoided. <BR>	-- Konrad Adenauer (1876-…
2020 The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-…
2027 Honesty is praised and starves. <BR>	-- Juvenal (50-130), Roman satirist
2028 Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. <BR>	-- Steve Landesberg (1945--), U.…
2033 If one cannot invent a really convincing lie, it is often better to stick to the truth. <BR>	-- Ang…
2034 It is annoying to be honest to no purpose. <BR>	-- Ovid (43 B.C.-18 A.D.), Roman poet
2035 It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good lia…
2036 Make yourself an honest man and then you can be sure there is one rascal less in the world. <BR>	--…
2044 The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. <BR>	-- Jean Girado…
2046 There are times and countries when the only place for an honest man is in jail. <BR>	-- Thomas Mann…
2050 Truth is like a well-known whore. Everyone knows her, but it is embarrassing to encounter her on th…
2051 Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2053 What a lot of people are saving for a rainy day is somebody else's umbrella. <BR>	-- Caroline Clark…
2063 All that I care to know is that a man is a human being -- that is enough for me; he can't be any wo…
2068 Everyone is as God made him, and often a great deal worse. <BR>	-- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616),…
2075 I don't know what a scoundrel is like, but I know what a respectable man is like, and it's enough t…
2084 It is easier to denature plutonium than to denature the evil spirit of man. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein…
2090 Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it…
2093 Such is the human race. Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party didn't miss the boat. <BR…
2095 The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a b…
2097 The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish author
2098 The world is divided into people who do things -- and people who get the credit. <BR>	-- Dwight Mor…
2104 What keeps people apart is their inability to get together. <BR>	-- Mayor Richard J. Daley of Chica…
2107 Why did Nature create Man?  Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it pure …
2111 What the world needs is more geniuses with humility. There are so few of us left. <BR>	-- Oscar Lev…
2112 One of the great disadvantages of hurry is that it takes such a long time. <BR>	-- G.K. Chesterton …
2113 There is never enough time, unless you're serving it. <BR>	-- Malcolm Forbes (1919-1990), U.S. publ…
2117 Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects. <BR>	-- Arnold H. Glasow
2118 A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1…
2120 Apologists for the profession contend that lawyers are as honest as other men, but that is not very…
2123 He is no lawyer who cannot take sides. <BR>	-- Charles Lamb (1775-1834), poet
2128 Laws are like sausages. It is better not to see them being made. <BR>	-- Otto von Bismarck (1815-18…
2137 The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is t…
2139 We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only ma…
2145 Half a loaf is better than no free time at all. <BR>	-- J.D. Ward
2147 How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward. <BR>	-- Spanish proverb
2148 It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. <BR>	-- Jerome K. …
2151 It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-…
2154 Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash. <BR>	-- Rita…
2156 He is either dead or teaching school. <BR>	-- Zenobius (117-138), Greek sophist
2160 It is tiresome to hear education discussed, tiresome to educate, and tiresome to be educated. <BR>	…
2161 It is when the gods hate a man with uncommon abhorrence that they drive him into the profession of …
2162 Much knowledge is a curse. <BR>	-- Chuang-Tzu (369-286 B.C.) Chinese Taoist philosopher
2164 Of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh. <BR>	-- Ecclesias…
2166 Try not to have a good time... this is supposed to be educational. <BR>	-- Charles Schulz, "Peanuts…
2167 You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over??  Movie Day. <BR>	-- Jay Mohr (1970--), U.S. come…
2170 Be careful how you interpret the world; it is like that. <BR>	-- Erich Heller, U.S. literary critic
2171 Have you ever had the feeling life is a black tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?  <BR>	-- G…
2177 It is not certain that everything is uncertain. <BR>	-- Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pensees, 1670
2178 It may be that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -- but that's the …
2181 Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. humorist
2182 Lif is too short. <BR>	-- Bart Gold (1970--)
2183 Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impote…
2184 Life is a dead-end street. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journalist
2185 Life is a dream -- but don't wake me. <BR>	-- Yiddish proverb
2186 Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can. <BR>	-- Danny Kaye (1913-1987), U.S.…
2187 Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire to change his bed. <BR>	-- Pie…
2188 Life is a quarantine for paradise. <BR>	-- Karl Julius Weber (1767-1832), German writer
2189 Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch. <BR>	-- David A. Schmaltz, U.S. writer
2190 Life is a sexually-transmitted disease. <BR>	-- Guy Bellamy, U.S. author
2191 Life is a zoo in a jungle. <BR>	-- Peter De Vries, (1910--), U.S. writer
2192 Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. By this definition, the amoeba, the mango, the fro…
2193 Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh p…
2194 Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. film-maker
2195 Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering -- and it's all over much too soon. <BR>	-- Woody…
2196 Life is just one damned thing after another. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915), U.S. editor/publis…
2197 Life is like a B-grade movie. You don't want to leave in the middle, but you don't want to see it a…
2198 Life is like a dog-sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. <BR>	-- Lewis G…
2199 Life is like a scrambled egg. <BR>	-- Don Marquis (1878-1937), "Frustration"
2200 Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use. <BR>	-- Charles M. Schulz (1922-…
2201 Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer and then you find there is nothing in it. <BR…
2202 Life is not a spectacle or a feast; it is a predicament. <BR>	-- George Santayana (1863-1952), Arti…
2203 Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination. <BR>	-…
2204 Life is one long process of getting tired. <BR>	-- Samuel Butler, 1912
2205 Life is something that everyone should try at least once. <BR>	-- Henry J. Tillman
2206 Life is something to do when you can't get to sleeep. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), U.S. writer
2207 Life is too short to be small. <BR>	-- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881), British Prime Minister
2208 Life is too short to do anything for one's self that one can pay others to do for one. <BR>	-- W. S…
2211 …terature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way arou…
2212 Living is like licking honey off a thorn. <BR>	-- Louis Adamic (1899-1951), U.S. novelist/journalist
2214 My theory is to enjoy life, but the practice is against it. <BR>	-- Charles Lamb (1775-1834), Engli…
2215 Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. <BR>	-- Brendan Gill (191…
2216 Reality is a collective hunch. <BR>	-- Mel Seesholtz, Penn State U. professor
2218 Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story. <BR>	-- Ashley Brilliant, (1933--), U.S. …
2219 The meaning of life is that it stops. <BR>	-- Franz Kafka (1884-1924), novelist
2222 The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively. <BR>	-- Peter Beard (1938--), U.…
2224 There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. <BR…
2225 There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. <BR>	-- George Santayana (1863-195…
2227 To dream is happiness; to wake is life. <BR>	-- Victor Hugo (1802-1885), French novelist
2229 Hamlet is the tragedy of tackling a family problem too soon after college. <BR>	-- Tom Masson (1866…
2230 Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way aro…
2236 …is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph N…
2237 It is better to have loved a small man than never to have loved a tall. <BR>	-- Mary Jo Crowley, Co…
2239 Love is a grave mental disease. <BR>	-- Plato (428-347 B.C.), Greek philosopher
2240 Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature m…
2241 …is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. …
2242 Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke  <BR>	-- Lynda Barry (1956--), U.S. cartoonist
2243 Love is being stupid together. <BR>	-- Paul Valery (1871-1945), French poet/essayist
2244 Love is just a chemical reaction. But it's fun trying to find the formula. <BR>	-- J.D. Shantel, pr…
2245 Love is like the measles. The older you get it, the worse the attack. <BR>	-- Mary Roberts Rinehart…
2246 Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a…
2247 Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin -- it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring. <BR>	--…
2248 Love is the same as like except you feel sexier. <BR>	-- Judith Viorst, (1931--), U.S. poet
2252 True love is like seeing ghosts: we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one. <BR>	-- Lo…
2253 Two things only a man cannot hide: that he is drunk and that he is in love. <BR>	-- Antiphanes (c.3…
2259 If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?  <BR>	--Stanislaw J. Lec
2260 It is bad luck to be superstitious. <BR>	-- Andrew W. Mathis
2262 The only sure thing about luck is that it will change. <BR>	-- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933), U.S. wit
2266 A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. <BR>	-- Grace Hansen
2268 An ideal husband is one who treats his wife like a new car. <BR>	-- Dan Bennett, U.S. columnist
2269 Any woman who still thinks marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition is only proving that she doesn't u…
2274 Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same. <BR>	-- Erica Jong (1942--)
2276 Call no man unhappy until he is married. <BR>	-- Socrates (469-399 B.C.), Greek philosopher/teacher
2277 He who lives without quarreling is a bachelor. <BR>	-- St. Jerome (340-420)
2293 It is as hard to arrange a good marriage as it was to divide the Red Sea. <BR>	-- Talmud: Sotah, 2A
2294 It is really asking too much of a woman to expect her to bring up her husband and her children too.…
2300 Marriage, if one will face the truth, is an evil, but a necessary evil. <BR>	-- Menander (342-291 B…
2301 Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. <BR>	-- F. M. Knowles, A Chee…
2302 Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. <BR>	-- G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936), English writer
2303 Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night. <BR>	-- St. Jerome (345-420), At…
2304 Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. <BR>	-- Irwin C…
2305 Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up. <BR>	-- Joseph Barth
2307 My advice to you is get married. If you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a p…
2312 Niagara Falls is only the second biggest disappointment of the standard honeymoon. <BR>	-- Oscar Wi…
2313 One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued. <BR>…
2314 One man's folly is another man's wife. <BR>	-- Helen Rowland (1876 - 1950), English-American writer
2315 One of the best things about marriage is that it gets young people to bed at a decent hour. <BR>	--…
2317 Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.…
2323 The trouble with marrying your mistress is that you create a job vacancy. <BR>	-- Sir James Goldsmi…
2325 There is more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. <BR>	-- John Heywood (1497?-1580?), English…
2326 There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married ag…
2329 When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. <BR>	-- Sacha Gui…
2330 Where singleness is bliss, it's folly to be wives. <BR>	-- Bill Counselman, Ella Cinders
2332 Wife-swapping is never done in the best circles of society. Wives can rarely, if ever, be traded fo…
2337 Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. …
2352 There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise. <BR>	-- …
2355 A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. <BR>	-- Carrie Snow, U.S. comed…
2367 One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine. <BR>	-- Sir…
2368 One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of th…
2369 Suicide is cheating the doctors out of a job. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S. humorist
2370 The trouble with being a hypochondriac these days is that antibiotics have cured all the good disea…
2372 Vaccination is undoubtedly a definite recognition of smallpox. <BR>	-- Winston Churchill (1874-1965…
2374 A strong memory is commonly coupled with infirm judgment. <BR>	-- Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592), …
2375 …g three things: faces, names, and -- I can't remember what the third thing is. <BR>	--Fred Allen (…
2378 Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. <BR>	-- Austin O'Malley (185…
2379 A man is so in the way in the house. <BR>	-- Elizabeth Gaskell (1810-1865), English novelist
2381 A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. <BR>	-- Flo Kennedy (1916-2000), political …
2386 Beware of the man who praises women's liberation; he is about to quit his job. <BR>	-- Erica Jong (…
2392 Giving a man space is like giving a dog a computer: the chances are he will not use it wisely. <BR>…
2396 Growing up white and male in this society is like swimming in a salt lake -- no matter how rotten y…
2399 I believe the best definition of man is the ungrateful biped. <BR>	-- Feodor Dostoevski (1821-1881)…
2405 If man is only a little lower than the angels, the angels should reform. <BR>	-- Mary Wilson Little…
2406 If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the …
2409 It is easier for a man to be loyal to his club than to his planet; the by-laws are shorter, and he …
2410 Look, we're all the same; a man is a fourteen-room house -- in the bedroom he's asleep with his int…
2413 Man is nature's sole mistake. <BR>	-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744), English poet
2414 Man is nature's sole mistake. <BR>	-- William S. Gilbert (1836-1911), Princess Ida
2415 Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him. <BR>	-- Paul Eldridge
2416 Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2417 Man is the second strongest sex in the world. <BR>	-- Philip Barry (1896-1949), U.S. playwright
2424 …erts, and yet they contend successfully that the job of sewing on a button is beyond them. <BR>	--…
2430 My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. <BR>	-- Tim All…
2431 No man is ever old enough to know better. <BR>	-- Holbrook Jackson, Ladies' Home Journal (January, …
2433 Talking with a man is like trying to saddle a cow. You work like hell, but what's the point. <BR>	-…
2434 The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots. <BR>	-- Re…
2435 The fastest way to a man's heart is through his chest. <BR>	-- Roseanne Barr, (1953--), U.S. comic
2437 The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do mo…
2439 The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can. <BR>	-- Margo Kaufman, U.S. wri…
2440 The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. <BR>	-- Natalie Wood, …
2444 You know, sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented de…
2445 A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a p…
2449 Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to adm…
2451 The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of me…
2452 The only thing to know is how to use your neuroses. <BR>	-- Arthur Adamov (1908-1970), French drama…
2453 There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. humorist
2454 There is a thin line between genius and insanity. I have erased that line. <BR>	-- Oscar Levant (19…
2456 Miscellaneous is always the largest category. <BR>	-- Joel Rosenberg, The Warrior Lives, SF novelist
2464 Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish p…
2465 A feast is made for laughter/And wine maketh merry/But money answereth all things. <BR>	-- Ecclesia…
2467 A man who has a million dollars is as well off as if he were rich. <BR>	-- John Jacob Astor II
2476 I think every young man should have a hobby. Learning to handle money is the best hobby. <BR>	-- Ja…
2484 Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. com…
2487 Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. <B…
2491 The lack of money is the root of all evil. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
2492 The most popular labor saving device is still money. <BR>	-- Phyllis George, U.S. actress/sportscas…
2494 There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. <…
2495 There is no economy in going to bed early to save candles if the results be twins. <BR>	-- Chinese …
2502 When you are young you think money is the most important thing in life. When you are old, you know …
2503  A mother who is really a mother is never free. <BR>	-- Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)
2504 Behind every successful man is surprised mother-in-law. <BR>	-- Hubert Humphrey (1911-1978), U.S. V…
2510 My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed u…
2513 The phrase "working mother" is redundant. <BR>	-- Jane Sellman, U.S. writer
2515 Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it, and that …
2517 I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is the language I don't understand. <B…
2519 I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and try…
2523 Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny. <BR>	-- Frank Zappa (1941-1993), U.S. musician
2525 Music is the brandy of the damned. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), Irish author
2527 Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, he sings. <BR>	-- Ed Gardner
2529 The public doesn't want new music; the main thing it demands of a composer is that he be dead. <BR>…
2531 Wagner's music is better than it sounds. <BR>	-- Bill Nye (1850-1896), U.S. humorist
2533 Liberty once lost is lost forever. <BR>	-- John Adams
2536 Thailand is primarily a Buddhist state and 'shit happens' -- but Allah has a lot of explaining to d…
2540 Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise. <BR>	-- …
2543 …is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the …
2546 …that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, an…
2547 It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence whic…
2548 It is a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a …
2549 Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russe…
2551 …is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, esta…
2553 Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clev…
2554 …is easy to most boys and girls. It involves no effort of independent thought, and seems rational b…
2555 Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (…
2557 The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be ha…
2558 The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution. <…
2560 The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either …
2562 The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays…
2563 The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2564 The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, bu…
2566 There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2567 There is no nonsense so errant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate go…
2568 This is one of those views which are so absolutely absurd that only very learned men could possibly…
2569 This is patently absurd; but whoever wishes to become a philosopher must learn not to be frightened…
2570 To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness. <BR>	-- Bertrand R…
2572 What the world needs is not dogma but an attitude of scientific inquiry combined with a belief that…
2573 Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality. <BR>	-- Bertr…
2574 When one admits that nothing is certain one must, I think, also admit that some things are much mor…
2575 …is certain one must, I think, also admit that some things are much more nearly certain than others…
2577 A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, no…
2578 Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. <BR>	-- Bertr…
2579 To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the last product of civilization, and at present very f…
2580 …is necessary to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is …
2582 To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead. <BR>	-- Bertran…
2583 …ly held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd; indeed in view of the silliness of …
2584 …ch we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true. <BR>	-- Bertra…
2585 Every man, wherever he goes, is encompassed by a cloud of comforting convictions, which move with h…
2587 It is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatsoever for supposing it is t…
2588 It is obvious that 'obscenity' is not a term capable of exact legal definition; in the practice of …
2589 The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to e…
2590 Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is…
2591 Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, h…
2596 The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant -- and let the air out o…
2598 This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. <BR>	-- Dorot…
2600 The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1…
2604 A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2606 A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing no…
2609 Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. <BR>	-- George B…
2611 Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough. <BR>	-- George Bernard Sha…
2614 Hell is full of musical amateurs. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2619 …an measure a pyramid, there would be finality in universal suffrage. As it is, the political probl…
2621 Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine an…
2622 Lack of money is the root of all evil. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2624 Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability. <BR>	-- George Bernard …
2625 Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were…
2628 The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a dru…
2629 The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. <BR>	--…
2631 When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - …
2633 Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856…
2635 There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. <BR…
2637 The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 …
2641 Women upset everything. When you let them into your life, you find that the woman is driving at one…
2643 The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that'…
2645 "Do you know what a pessimist is?" "A man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates th…
2647 Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2648 When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. <BR>…
2652 Parentage is a very important profession, but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the inte…
2654 My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world. <BR>	-- George Bernard…
2655 Alcohol is a very necessary article... It makes life bearable to millions of people who could not e…
2656 I am a Millionaire. That is my religion. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2658 Beware of the man whose God is in the skies. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2660 Every man over forty is a scoundrel. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2662 Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 19…
2664 The golden rule is that there are no golden rules. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2665 Youth, which is forgiven everything, forgives itself nothing: age, which forgives itself everything…
2666 An Englishman thinks he is moral when he is only uncomfortable. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 -…
2667 Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1…
2669 This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; …
2670 A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2671 There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw …
2672 It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or d…
2674 What is life but a seires of inspired follies?  The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a …
2677 The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love…
2678 A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (…
2679 A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (188…
2680 A home is not a mere transient shelter: its essence lies in the personalities of the people who liv…
2681 A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2682 A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2683 All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. <BR>	…
2684 …cose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced on them, they…
2685 … upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a visit to a penitentiary, o…
2686 An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it wil…
2687 Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - …
2688 Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and h…
2689 Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2692 …is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friend…
2694 I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time. <B…
2697 It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. <BR>	-- H. L. Menc…
2698 It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were …
2699 It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. <BR>	-- H. L. Menc…
2700 It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common hone…
2701 It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though s…
2702 It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (…
2703 Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2704 Man is never honestly the fatalist, nor even the stoic. He fights his fate, often desperately. He i…
2705 …t devote themselves, day in and day out, to making one another unhappy. It is an art like any othe…
2709 …He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself. <BR>	--…
2710 Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true. <BR>	-- H…
2714 The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. <…
2716 The most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief…
2718 The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the…
2719 …is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppr…
2720 The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led …
2721 …is identical with the discovery of truth--that the error and truth are simply opposite. They are n…
2722 To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ide…
2723 … always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and …
2724 Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he f…
2725 We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencke…
2726 The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable ac…
2727 Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2728 America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record ge…
2729 An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happe…
2732 Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame. <BR>	…
2733 Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter …
2736 If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?  <BR…
2739 Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. <BR>	--…
2741 …s your happiness depends upon the direction in which that train of thought is going. <BR>	-- Laure…
2744 The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. <BR>	-- Lau…
2747 Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. <BR>	-- Laurence …
2748 A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. <BR>	-- Oscar …
2752 America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. …
2755 At twilight, nature is not without loveliness, though perhaps its chief use is to illustrate quotat…
2757 Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2758 Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. <BR>	-- Osc…
2763 Illusion is the first of all pleasures. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2764 It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1…
2766 …he sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of s…
2767 Music makes one feel so romantic -- at least it always gets on one's nerves -- which is the same th…
2770 Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.…
2771 Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2772 The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2773 To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity. <BR>…
2780 Work is the curse of the drinking classes. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2781 One's real life is often the life that one does not lead. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2783 It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. <BR>	-- Osc…
2784 Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2785 Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2786 What is a cynic?  A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. <BR>	-- Oscar W…
2787 The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly -- that is what each of us i…
2789 Vile deeds like poison weeds bloom well in prison air, it is only what is good in man, that wastes …
2791 But what is the difference between literature and journalism? ... Journalism is unreadable and lite…
2792 It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art. <BR>	-- Oscar W…
2793 The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854…
2794 One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upo…
2795 The truth is rarely pure and never simple. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2797 Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who…
2798 It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2802 I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2805 Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that …
2807 The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray, and the advantage of science is that it …
2808 The basis of optimism is sheer terror. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2809 The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with…
2811 There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right t…
2813 When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again,…
2814 Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives. <BR>	-- Oscar…
2816 There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written. <BR>…
2819 Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - …
2820 …o weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men …
2826 Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children i…
2830 I know in my heart that man is good. That what is right will always eventually triumph. And there's…
2832 Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself y…
2833 Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a ver…
2840 To sit back hoping that someday, someway, someone will make things right is to go on feeding the cr…
2842 History teaches that wars begin when governments believe the price of aggression is cheap. <BR>	-- …
2854 …is unobstructed action according to our will. But rightful liberty is unobstructed action accordin…
2857 …e as necessary as reading. I will rather say more necessary because health is worth more than lear…
2859 Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), third US …
2864 The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to bear arms is, as a last resort, to prote…
2866 Nobody can acquire honor by doing what is wrong. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), third US Pre…
2868 All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent. <BR>	-- Tho…
2869 The freedom of the press is on of the great bulwarks of liberty, and can never be restrained but by…
2872 The Christian God is a being of terrific character -- cruel, vindictive, capricious, and unjust. <B…
2874 Determine never to be idle... It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing. <BR>	-- …
2875 Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it. <BR>	-- Thomas Jeffe…
2884 Say nothing of my religion. It is known to God and myself alone. Its evidence before the world is t…
2886 The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), t…
2887 The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers. …
2888 The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always t…
2889 Walking is the best possible exercise. Habituate yourself to walk very far. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferso…
2892 No government ought to be without censors & where the press is free, no one ever will. <BR>	-- Thom…
2899 Eighty percent of success is showing up. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2900 Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2901 His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. <BR>	-…
2903 How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?  <BR>	-- Woody…
2911 If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say a…
2913 Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought …
2914 It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. <BR>	-- Woody Allen …
2915 It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's ha…
2919 My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2920 Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2923 The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get …
2927 What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?  In that case, I definitely overpaid for my c…
2934 A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Church…
2935 A joke is a very serious thing. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2938 An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile -- hoping it will eat him last. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Church…
2941 >From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. <BR>	…
2945 I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his oppone…
2946 It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have bee…
2947 It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at …
2949 Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. <BR>	-- Sir Winston C…
2950 … statesman who yields to war fever must realize that once the signal is given, he is no longer the…
2953 Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. <BR>	-- Sir Wi…
2954 The price of greatness is responsibility. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2955 The reserve of modern assertions is sometimes pushed to extremes, in which the fear of being contra…
2956 There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are tr…
2961 The British nation is unique in this respect. They are the only people who like to be told how bad …
2963 …in and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that d…
2965 It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill…
2966 I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is …
2968 …o you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma: but perhaps ther…
2969 Here is the answer which I will give to President Roosevelt... We shall not fail or falter; we shal…
2974 Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of th…
2978 An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 …
2982 Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 -…
2984 I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child …
2990 Politics is applesauce. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2992 The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's…
2994 The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2995 There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (…
2997 This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a …
3001 There is only one thing that can kill the Movies, and that is education. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 …
3002 The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse …
3004 Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3005 You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3006 Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life try…
3008 Well, all I know is what I read in the papers. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3009 Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3013 Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3015 Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a…
3019 She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit. <BR>	-- W. Somerset…
3021 Tradition is a guide and not a jailer. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3025 Art is merely the refuge which the ingenious have invented, when they were supplied with food and w…
3031 It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know th…
3032 It is cruel to discover one's mediocrity only when it is too late. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (187…
3033 It is not wealth one asks for, but just enough to preserve one's dignity, to work unhampered, to be…
3037 Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot make a complete use of the other five. <BR>	--…
3049 A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. <BR>	-- Fred Allen (1894-1956), U.…
3055 With telephone and TV it is not so much the message as the sender that is sent. <BR>	-- Marshall Mc…
3056 Money is the poor mans credit card. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analyst &…
3058 Spaceship earth is still operated by railway conductors, just as NASA is managed by men with Newton…
3059 Invention is the mother of necessities. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analy…
3063 Why is it so easy to acquire the solutions of past problems and so difficult to solve current ones?…
3064 The trouble with a cheap, specialized education is that you never stop paying for it. <BR>	-- Marsh…
3066 The road is our major architectural form. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media ana…
3068 Today the business of business is becoming the constant invention of new business. <BR>	-- Marshall…
3069 The price of eternal vigilance is indifference. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian med…
3070 News, far more than art, is artifact. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analyst…
3072 Tomorrow is our permanent address. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analyst & …
3075 Camp is popular because it gives people a sense of reality to see a replay of their lives. <BR>	-- …
3076 This information is top security. When you have read it, destroy yourself. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan…
3077 The specialist is one who never makes small mistakes while moving toward the grand fallacy. <BR>	--…
3078 One of the nicest things about being big is the luxury of thinking little. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan…
3081 … heads so they can be clobbered at once. The idea department of a big firm is a sort of lab for is…
3082 When a thing is current, it creates currency. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media…
3083 Food for the mind is like food for the body: the inputs are never the same as the outputs. <BR>	-- …
3085 The future of the book is the blurb. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analyst …
3087 A road is a flattened-out wheel, rolled up in the belly of an airplane. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (…
3097 Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has alway…
3099 Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. <BR>	-- D…
3102 Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: version…
3103 Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nu…
3104 Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3107 Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that doe…
3108 DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllab…
3109 Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3110 Don't you wish you had a job like mine?  All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! …
3111 Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3112 'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3113 Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything. <BR>	-- Dave Ba…
3114 Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the mar…
3115 Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3119 Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed b…
3120 Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpeto…
3121 Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. <…
3122 …ing to the directory of the American Society of Colleges and Universities, is a "type of weevil." …
3123 Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling …
3130 I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. <BR…
3140 If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3146 …, most people do not. What caused this change?  One big factor, of course, is that people are a lo…
3148 It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Me…
3149 It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another pers…
3150 It is a well-known fact that although the public is fine when taken individually, when it forms its…
3151 It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own perso…
3153 Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be at…
3154 MEGAHERTZ: This is a really, really big hertz. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3155 …irport. At Miami International, a cramped and dingy labyrinth, the message is: Just Try to Find Ou…
3159 My son does not appreciate classical musicians such as the Stones; he is more into bands with names…
3160 My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I…
3161 Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading…
3165 …hat he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjami…
3166 Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. <BR…
3170 Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is…
3172 …nge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones in England - is actually a crude eff…
3174 Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you tr…
3175 Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the …
3176 …ds on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job…
3179 …he Internet "browser"... is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen info…
3180 The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by whi…
3181 The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since t…
3185 The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3186 The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have ey…
3187 The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and at…
3188 The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constituti…
3189 The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in wint…
3190 The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious p…
3191 The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president?  What is it about the job that makes…
3192 The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3193 …is that it contains "dextrose," which is also sometimes called "grape sugar," and also because "Gr…
3194 The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, wherea…
3196 The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization…
3198 The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. De…
3200 There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3201 This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as be…
3202 To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3208 … point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objectiv…
3212 What I want to know is: Why is it important to have visible stomach muscles?  I grew up in an era (…
3215 Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that th…
3216 You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a …
3217 Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who r…
3218 A male chauvinist is a man who thinks that "harass" is two words. <BR>	-- The proprietor, Ballandea…
3224 Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster. <BR>	-- The Law of Motivation
3226 Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. <BR>	-- Weiler's Law
3229 In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired. <BR>…
3231 There is always one more bug. <BR>	-- Law of Cybernetic Entomology
3232 The first myth of management is that it exists. <BR>	-- Heller's Law
3234 For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. <BR>	-- Main's Law
3238 An expert is anyone from out of town. <BR>	-- Mars Rule
3248 Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. <BR>	-- Green's Law
3249 To err is human - to blame it on someone else is even more human. <BR>	-- Jacob's Law
3250 Virtue is its own punishment  <BR>	-- Denniston's Law
3262 If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you - the next time he's in need. <BR>	-- Chei…
3274 …esponsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired. <BR>	-- Sixth…
3292 Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups. <BR>	-- Wethern's Law
3300 There is no such thing as a straight line. <BR>	-- The Ruler Rule
3307 Whenever a superstar is traded to your favourite team, he fades. Whenever your team trades away a n…
3308 The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount spent on the wedding. <BR>	-- Thom…
3310 For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. <BR>	-- Harrison's Postulate
3314 Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach. <BR>	-- Murray's Rule
3322 A crisis is when you can't say 'let's forget the whole thing'. <BR>	-- Ferguson's Precept
3324 The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. <BR>	-- Law of …
3325 The one ingredient you make a special trip to the store to get will be the one your guest is allerg…
3326 Once a dish is fouled up, anything added to to save it only makes it worse. <BR>	-- Second Law of K…
3333 The one time in the day that you lean back and relax is the one time the boss walks through the off…
3334 If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it. <BR>	--Arthur Kasspe
3336 The one you want is never the one on sale. <BR>	-- Bargain Basement Principle
3337 The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it is compromising. <BR…
3341 A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. <BR>	-- Patton's Law
3343 You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it. <BR>	-- Miller's Law
3348 What you don't do is always more important than what you do. <BR>	-- Worker's Dilemma #2
3361 No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would. <BR>	-- Evan's Law
3366 When you need to knock on wood is when you realise that the world is made of plastic and aluminium.…
3367 The secret of success is sincerity... once you can fake that, you've got it made. <BR>	-- Glyme's F…
3368 Whenever the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. <BR>	-- Airpla…
3377 90% of everything is crud. <BR>	-- Sturgeon's Law
3379 A shortcut is the longest distance between two points. <BR>	-- Issawi's Law of Progress
3381 If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. <BR>	-- Law of Life's Highway
3384 It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. <BR>	-- Murphy's Sixth …
3387 If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage wi…
3389 Nothing is as easy as it looks. <BR>	-- Murphy's First Corollary
3391 There are some things which are impossible to know, but it is impossible to know which things they …
3395 For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision. <BR>	-- Thal's Law
3410 The only way to make up for being lost is to make record time while you are lost. <BR>	-- Rule of t…
3411 Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can. <BR>	-- Zymurgy's …
3412 An unbreakable toy is good for breaking other toys. <BR>	-- Van Roy's Law
3418 Cleanliness is next to impossible. <BR>	-- O'Reilly's Law
3424 A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost. <BR>	-- Gourd's Axiom
3425 A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking. <BR>	-- Matz's Maxim
3428 Teamwork is essential - it allows you to blame someone else. <BR>	-- Finagle's 8th Rule
3431 The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing. <BR>	-- Cole's …
3434 The inside contact you just made at great expense is the first to person to be let go in any re-org…
3435 The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to it's desirability. <BR>	-- Gumperson's…
3442 How long a minute is depends on which side of the Toilet Door you're on. <BR>	-- Ballance's Law
3447 The other line is always faster. <BR>	-- First Queue Principle
3452 The slowest checker is always at the express checkout lane. <BR>	-- Flugg's Rule
3453 Hindsite is an exact science. <BR>	-- Fagin's Rule
3454 If an item is advertised as under $40, you can bet it's not $9.95. <BR>	-- Christmas Shopping Axiom
3466 A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead. <BR>	-- Newton's Seventh Law
3469 The trouble with most jobs is the resemblance to being in a sled dog team. No one gets a change of …
3470 If there is more than one way in which a system can operate, it will usually operate the wrong way.…
3471 One's propensity to be appointed to non-paying positions of responsibility is inversely proportiona…
3475 A flat file is not a list of apartments. <BR>	-- Euclid
3476 The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. <BR>	-- Coveyou's Claim
3477 A committee is a body with 6 or more legs and no brain. <BR>	-- Lazarus' Lecture
3478 If de-bugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them…
3479 Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. <BR>	-- Clarke's Third Law
3480 There is no such thing as a large whisky. <BR>	-- Rev. Mahaffy's Observation
3491 One million times nothing is still nothing. <BR>	-- Porteous's Proposition
3492 No experiment is ever a complete failure, it can always serve as a bad example. <BR>	-- Futility Fa…
3499 Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse. <BR>	-- Finagle's Law
3502 The probability of an event occurring is proportional to its desirability. <BR>	-- Gusterman's Law
3507 The leak in the roof is never in the same place as the hole. <BR>	-- Cannon's Comment
3512 Nothing is important for the person who doesn't have to do it for themself. <BR>	-- Weiler's Law
3513 The simplest explanation of any phenomenon is usually the correct one. <BR>	-- Occam's Theory
3518 For anything that requires reasonable security, the era of passwords is over. <BR>	-- Bruce Schneie…
3519 Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes. <BR>	-- Edsger W. D…
3523 A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. <BR>	-- Spike Milligan
3525 A: Yes. > Q: Are you sure? >>A: Because it reverses the logical flow of conversation. >>>Q: Why is …
3527 Not only is UNIX dead, it's starting to smell really bad. <BR>	-- Rob Pike (circa 1991)
3528 Object-oriented design is the roman numerals of computing. <BR>	-- Rob Pike
3538 A bachelor is like a new detergent, works fast and leaves no ring. <BR>	-- Terry Canterbury
3540 Bill Gates is a monocle and a Persian cat away from being the villain in a James Bond movie. <BR>	-…
3547 In most countries selling harmful things like drugs is punishable. Then how come people can sell Mi…
3548 …aid an extraordinarily large sum for Leonardo da Vinci's Codex. The rumour is he intends to sue fo…
3550 It seems the only aspect of Microsoft Windows Vista which scales well is the price. <BR>	-- (adapte…
3552 My other computer is your Windows box. <BR>	-- Nils Vogels
3554 …is way better in terms of how few defects we have. Compare, say, with Linux -- how many defects we…
3555 So it is that Microsoft, by refusing to secure almost half of its installed desktop base, is trying…
3557 …echnology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify the…
3559 The nice thing about Windows is -- It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you pr…
3560 The only thing Microsoft has done for society is make people believe that computers are inherently …
3561 The only thing that I'd rather own than Windows is English, because then I could charge you two hun…
3562 …is like an ordinary eighteenth-century piece of farm equipment -- say, a wheelbarrow. He operates …
3563 There never was a chip, it is said, that Bill Gates couldn't slow down with a new batch of features…
3564 The WWW is exciting because Microsoft doesn't own it, and therefore, there's a tremendous amount of…
3565 …is going to introduce the first portable toilet with Internet access. You know why it's the first?…
3569 We think our software is far more secure than open-source software. It is more secure because we st…
3573 A big reason that UNIX administration is challenging is that every UNIX vendor believes standards a…
3575 Even if you have carefully followed the configuration procedures outlined in this guide, there is s…
3579 …is easy under the UNIX operating system. Therefore, users tend to create numerous files using larg…
3581 …is that Perl itself is a subset of UNIX features condensed into a quick-and-dirty scripting langua…
3585 UNIX is like a toll road on which you have to stop every 50 feet to pay another nickel. But hey! Yo…
3586 UNIX is like sex: If you don't know it, you don't miss is. But if you know it, you'll need it. <BR>…
3587 UNIX is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are.
3590 We know Linux is the best, it can do infinite loops in five seconds. <BR>	-- Linus Torvalds
3592 "I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."  <BR>…
3595 A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
3596 A bad plan is better than no plan.
3597 A day for firm decisions!  Or is it?
3598 A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.
3600 A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
3601 A gentleman is a patient wolf.
3602 A good pun is its own reword.
3606 A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
3607 A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
3608 A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
3609 A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
3610 A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend.
3612 A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students
3617 After all is said and done, more is said than done.
3621 All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
3625 An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
3626 Any clod can have the facts, but having an opinion is an art.
3629 Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
3630 Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
3632 Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
3643 Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
3649 Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
3651 Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.
3652 Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.
3653 Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
3660 Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.
3661 Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
3663 Dawn is nature's way of telling you to go to bed.
3664 Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.
3682 Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun.
3687 Even at a Mensa convention someone is the dumbest person in the room.
3689 Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95.
3692 Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
3695 Everyone is beautiful if you squint a bit.
3696 Everything is always okay in the end, if it's not okay, then it's not the end.
3697 Examine what is said, not who speaks.
3699 Excuse me, is there an airport nearby large enough for a private jet to land?
3701 Failure is not an option - it's a lifestyle.
3702 Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.
3708 For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
3709 For every problem there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong.
3712 Freedom of speech is wonderful - right up there with the freedom not to listen.
3716 Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
3719 Getting screwed while everybody else is getting laid.
3722 God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
3730 Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.
3732 How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
3734 I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
3738 I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch!
3745 I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.
3751 I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
3755 If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
3769 If everything seems to be going right, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.
3771 If god is inside us, then I hope he likes Fajita's, cause that's what he's getting.
3772 If god is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
3773 If homosexuality is a disease, can I call into work 'gay'?
3774 If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
3779 If the opposite of pro is con, then what must be the opposite of progress?
3787 If you can see this, you're not blind, which is a very good start.
3789 If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed towards you.
3794 If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
3804 It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
3816 Learning from your mistakes is smart, learning from the mistakes of others is wise.
3819 Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don't complain about the draught.
3820 Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans.
3823 Linux: because rebooting is for adding new hardware.
3824 Logic is in the eye of the logician.
3825 Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.
3826 Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
3830 Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
3834 Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
3835 Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. 'No' is the answer.
3836 Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
3837 Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
3847 Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
3848 Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
3855 Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
3858 Old age is nothing to worry about, except if you're a cheese.
3860 Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.
3861 One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
3869 Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
3870 Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.
3871 Rehab is for quitters.
3876 Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
3881 Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
3886 Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
3887 Spelling is a lossed art.
3888 Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
3891 Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
3895 The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
3898 The chance of a piece of bread falling the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost …
3899 The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
3903 The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it.
3905 The only certain thing in life is death.
3906 The only job you start at the top is digging a hole.
3907 The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
3908 The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
3912 The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
3913 The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
3914 The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
3916 The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.
3917 The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
3919 The web isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
3923 There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
3924 There is no time like the pleasant.
3934 To err is human, to forgive highly unlikely.
3935 To generalize is to be an idiot.
3936 To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
3937 Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.
3938 Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
3942 Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
3943 Too much of everything is just enough.
3946 Unix is user friendly - it's just picky about it's friends.
3950 War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
3952 Wasting time is an important part of living.
3959 When I am sad, I sing, and then the world is sad with me.
3969 When the pin is pulled, Mr. grenade is not our friend.
3974 Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy?  Who knows?  Who cares?
3977 Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free.
3979 Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
3984 Work is the curse of the drinking class.
3986 Worry is a misuse of the imagination.
3987 Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.
3990 You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
4003 Short term memory is always the first to go.
4010 Insanity is hereditary: you get it from your children.
4013 The steady state of disks is full. <BR>	--Ken Thompson
4019 History is made at night!  Character is what you are in the dark.
4023 Time is an illusion; lunchtime, doubly so. <BR>	--Ford Prefect
4026 An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest. <BR>	--Spanish proverb
4027 God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. <BR>	--Kronecker
4033 It's not that your life is so short, it's just that you're dead for so long.
4034 Every man is as God made him; ay, and often worse. <BR>	--Miguel de Cervantes
4035 The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. <BR>	--Abbie Hoffman
4038 Infertility is hereditary: if your parents didn't have any children, you won't either.
4039 Discipline is always a means to an end, never an end in itself. <BR>	--King Crimson
4042 The amount of weight an evangelist carries with the almighty is measured in billigrahams.
4048 Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box. <BR>	--Italian proverb
4051 Control is an illusion, order our comforting lie. From chaos, through chaos, into chaos we fly.
4055 Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; all else is opinion. <BR>	--Democritus, ca. 400 BCE
4057 Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is Enemy Action. <BR>	--Auric Goldfinger
4059 It isn't the stuff we don't know. It is the stuff we know that just ain't so. <BR>	--Josh Billings
4060 If you believe in strong AI, then death is no longer a mystery, but merely a lack of adequate backu…
4061 Sex among humans, as among most mammals, is accomplished with a certain amount of biting and scratc…
4063 Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down. <BR>	--Collis P. Hunt…
4066 In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful Dead. <BR>	--Egyptian Book o…
4077 Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only specification is that it sh…
4083 The purpose of the office of the president is not to wield power, but to draw attention away from i…
4085 Linux per se is not a specific set of ones and zeroes, but a self-organizing Net subculture. <BR>	-…
4086 The essence of XML is this: the problem it solves is not hard, and it does not solve the problem we…
4087 Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your fo…
4090 Organic chemistry is the study of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds t…
4091 At a certain raw motivational level, my primary use of the voicemail system is to make the little r…
4098 The default Magic Word, "Abracadabra", actually is a corruption of the Hebrew phrase "ha-Bracha dab…
4102 A fractal is by definition a set for which the Hausdorff Besicovitch dimension strictly exceeds the…
4109 Unix... is not so much a product as it is a painstakingly compiled oral history of the hacker subcu…
4110 Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is …
4111 Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particul…
4117 Properly defined, privacy is the subjective condition people experience when they have power to con…
4121 Probability factor of one to one. We have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefor…
4122 …ligent life forms everywhere... and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks to…
4123 …timist sees that the glass is half full. The pessimist sees that the glass is half empty. The engi…
4125 The word is the only system of encoding thoughts - the only medium - that refuses to dissolve in th…
4126 What is a kludge, after all, but not enough Ks, not enough ROMs, not enough RAMs, poor quality inte…
4133 Our current obsession with creativity is the result of our continued striving for immortality in an…
4136 …ne, women, and engineers. While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far the more cert…
4139 If you think C++ is not overly complicated, just what is a protected abstract virtual base pure vir…
4140 …cord - the La Brea Tar Pit - of software technology is the Internet. Anything that shows up there …
4144 …ur theory is crazy. The question which divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance o…
4151 …rse think of Perl. But the superficial ugliness of Perl is not the sort I mean. Real ugliness is n…
4153 Her mind is Tiffany twisted; She's got the Mercedes bends. She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys T…
4158 …is worth $5, but made into horse shoes it is worth $25; made into kitchen cutlery it is worth $250…
4162 …s a convenient distinction to have in colloquial speech. The only question is why English should s…
4163 …gner Universes or merely because of a liking for caffeine. The simple fact is, we have Artists, an…
4164 …gramming is costly and unpredictable compared to many other activities, and the resulting code is …
4167 Assassination is the extreme form of censorship. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
4169 Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
4170 I love acting. It is so much more real than life. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
4171 Health is worth more than learning. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), third US President
4172 I don't think of the past. The only thing that matters is the everlasting present. <BR>	-- W. Somer…
4174 When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
4175 …is a weak test for the success of participatory media - it's like tapping a mike and asking, "Is i…
4176 …round a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indic…
4177 BSD is for people who love UNIX and Linux is for people who hate Windows.
4181 Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
4188 A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife a…
4196 A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.