Lines Matching refs:in

6 To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
9 Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
21 Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
35 Confucius say... woman who make love in treehouse put ass out on limb.
37 Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
39 There is one thing that all smart asses have in common... wise cracks.
45 Confucius say... man who cooks carrots and peas in same pot, very unsanitary.
49 Confucius say... man in bathroom with tool in hand is not necessarily a plumber.
55 You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's …
58 When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
64 Half of the people in the world are below average.
73 Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
74 Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
83 The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.
89 Two fish were in a tank. One said "You man the guns, I'll drive!".
95 The fundamental cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid are cocksure while the intel…
105 When in doubt, use brute force. <BR>	-- Ken Thompson
113 Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. <BR>	-- Philip K. Dick
116 Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.
117 Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion picture…
127 … tighten them up or jar their many complex, sophisticated electrical parts in such a manner that t…
132 I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. <BR>	-- George McGove…
146 The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridge…
180 A person needs only two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use W…
191 Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. <BR>	-- Robert Frost
196 To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it. <BR>	-- G.K. Chest…
206 The most important things in life aren't things. <BR>	-- Illinois First Christian Church
210 There is often less danger in the things we fear than in the things we desire. <BR>	-- John C. Coll…
216 An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding. <BR>	-- Robert Louis Stevenson
218 Only in growth, reform, and change, paradoxically enough, is true security to be found. <BR>	-- Ann…
220 A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. <BR>	-- Arnold H. Glasow
222 Not the fastest horse can catch a word spoken in anger. <BR>	-- Chinese Proverb
231 There's no point in burying the hatchet if you're going to put up a marker on the site. <BR>	-- Syd…
234 Good luck is with the man who doesn't include it in his plan. <BR>	-- Graffitti
235 Pay no attention to what the critics say. A statue has never been erected in honor of a critic. <BR…
240 When you are in deep water, it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut. <BR>	-- St. Louis Tribune
247 Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they think laughable. <BR>	-- Goethe
248 The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid. <BR>	-- Anonymous
250 A ship in harbor is safe -- but that is not what ships are for. <BR>	-- John A. Shedd
260 Be sure that you put your feet in the right place, and then stand firm. <BR>	-- Unknown
268 The society that scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity and tolerates …
287 When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. <BR>	-- U.S. Grant
289 If we are ever in doubt about what to do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on …
292 The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of the wise man is in his heart. <BR>	-- Benjami…
301 An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field. <BR>	-- Niel…
303 A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. <BR>	-- Sidney Goff
306 The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. <BR>	-- Peter F. Drucker
309 Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. <BR>	-- Lazarus Long in "Time En…
312 One of the many things Steve Jobs didn't know in those days was Cringely's Second Law, which I figu…
315 A fine lass, of nice ways and orderly conduct, none ever seeing her drunk above four days in the se…
316 A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. <BR>	-- Mark Twa…
320 In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idi…
321 In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, "one when he was a boy and one…
325 Water, taken in moderation, can't hurt anyone. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
327 So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. <BR>	-- B…
328 If a million people belive in a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. <BR>	-- Anatole France
333 …martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands …
335 …ygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. <BR>	-- Dave B…
342 Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. Then when you do judge him, you'll be a …
344 ... idiots, imbeciles, aliens, the insane and women... <BR>	-- law standing in Texas until 1918 reg…
345 The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity. <BR>	-- Harlan Ellison
350 A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possib…
352 A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
353 A gnab gib is a big bang in reverse. <BR>	-- Douglas Adams
360 May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
361 Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it lea…
367 We satisfy our endless needs and justify our bloody deeds in the name of destiny and in the name of…
368 …rophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is comi…
370 …at the electricity goes in one direction for a while, then goes in the other direction. This preve…
371 Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. <BR>	-- Sir …
375 The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, "…
379 …Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets.
380 …gment of error: we call it "planning". <BR>	-- Martin Mayer, "Today and Tomorrow in America" (1976)
386 A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possibl…
395 …nius, but they don't realize how hard it is putting up with all the idiots in the world. <BR>	-- C…
397 If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
407 There are three types of people in this world... those who can count and those who can't.
412 …onfirms the rule that human beings are often less interested in reliable information than in its p…
415 The mere act of drinking beer in an attempt to measure your tolerance is likely to affect your impr…
416 Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but…
419 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
423 Philosophy 101: If a man speaks in the woods, and a woman is not there to hear him, is he still wro…
429 It is a scientifically proven fact that not wearing socks helps people think in hexadecimal.
435 …fit of humanity. This can be seen from the convenient way the sun comes up in the morning, when pe…
438 It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: f…
442 …rts out raw as grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and keep him in the dark until he ma…
444 It's all just 1's and 0's. You just have to get them in the right order.
446 A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: 'Inside of me there …
447 … tell you how important "diversity" is, ask how many Republicans there are in their sociology depa…
449 …nwelcome whenever they arrived anywhere that there wasn't really any point in being there. <BR>	--…
450 There is nothing wrong in having nothing to say, unless you insist on saying it.
455 …kes 42 muscles to frown; but it takes only 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.
459 Sloppy language leads to sloppy thinking, which leads to a career in education. <BR>	-- DMN
463 When watching men of power in action it must be always kept in mind that, whether they know it or n…
465 To complain of lack of leadership is, in the field of political affairs, the characteristic attitud…
466 If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doub…
467 … all get respectable if they last long enough. <BR>	-- Jack Nicholson to John Huston in "Chinatown"
468 Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side?  And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?…
469 … both incomplete and wrong, and one would do well to keep that probability in mind. <BR>	-- Dietri…
470 All people, however fanatical they may be in their zeal to disparage and to fight capitalism, impli…
471 The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried t…
480 …in the real world. Economists, by and large, do not study the workings of the actual economic syst…
484 Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, a…
486 … novel and plausible, have been tested before, not once but many times and in innumerable guises; …
487 …, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent. However, I am going to get out of bed in a few minutes, and I…
491 …SOB is the guy whose greed--whether for power, money, or love--is not held in check by his wife, t…
506 Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our li…
508 All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win in this world is for enough good men to do noth…
519 Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins.
521 A seminar on time travel will be held in two weeks ago.
552 If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping yo…
557 If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace... you are amon…
561 I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while…
562 …in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alon…
567 In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
569 I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.
582 Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one!
584 My goal in life is to be the sort of person my dog thinks I am.
591 …an be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts. <BR>	-- Sign in Albert Einstein's of…
595 One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by y…
602 Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sid…
606 The horn of plenty is usually the one behind you in traffic!
610 The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.
617 The only place you can win a football game is on the field. The only place you can lose it is in yo…
618 The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity. <BR>…
620 There are 10 types of people in the country, those who understand binary and those who don't.
634 We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
635 We treat this world of ours as though we had a spare in the trunk.
636 What do Microsoft Windows and a handgun have in common?  Both are harmless while not loaded.
641 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & dri…
642 …t when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. <BR>	--…
657 317 is a prime, not because we think so, or because our minds are shaped in one way rather than ano…
672 I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understa…
686 …in the bottom of the boat. On being remonstrating with, he answered, "I am only boring under my ow…
691 …car and got up uninjured, but lay back down in front of the car when a bystander told him to feign…
696 …is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in …
731 Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
736 There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. <BR>	-- Ken Olson, president, chairm…
737 … world market for maybe five computers. <BR>	-- Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, in 1943
738 …nd well-formed, but in order to earn better than a `C', the idea must be feasible. <BR>	-- A Yale …
739 640K ought to be enough for anybody. <BR>	-- Bill Gates, in 1981
741 …and guitar music is on the way out. <BR>	-- Decca Recording Company, rejecting the Beatles, in 1962
742 … hear actors talk?  <BR>	-- Harry Morris Warner (1881-1958), co-founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927
746 Ideas are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring…
748 They say time is the fire in which we burn. <BR>	-- Dr. Tolian Soran, Star Trek: Generations
755 Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog. <BR>	-- Mark Twain …
760 Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
766 When a man is wrapped up in himself he makes a pretty small package. <BR>	-- John Ruskin (1819-1900)
772 Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century. <BR>	-- Perelman
779 … car. It has water in the carburetor." Husband: "Water in the carburetor?  That's ridiculous." Wif…
785 Woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.<BR>HIM: "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in wo…
787 Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you many never owe.
794 You must be the change you wish to see in the world. <BR>	-- Gandhi
799 Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight - this is …
803 Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in i…
806 … his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, beca…
815 All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
817 Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an oppo…
821 …in Year 1 that useless letter 'c' would be dropped to be replased either by 'k' or 's', and likewi…
822 A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a b…
823 A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his …
825 Broad, wholesome, charitable views can not be acquired by vegetating in one's little corner of the …
833 Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
841 Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the …
842 Happiness ain't a thing in itself -- it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant... And…
845 … have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way o…
847 I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. <BR>	-- …
857 If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to hap…
861 I have not a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming vices. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
866 In the real world, the right thing never happens in the right place and the right time. It is the j…
878 …in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and go…
880 …o be 969 years old. You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw i…
882 Never let formal education get in the way of your learning. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
885 October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July…
890 Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.…
891 … a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be b…
892 Put all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
908 There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
909 There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when…
910 There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life that he has a raging desire to go somewh…
923 …ow off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore.…
925 We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
928 We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only ma…
930 We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there; lest…
943 Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in …
946 The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
948 The metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity…
950 … sure they cooperate, and if necessary leaving the heads of virtual horses in their beds. <BR>	-- …
953 …amount of money you gave the government, you'd be supporting the President in his program to reduc…
954 … past Canada, but this proved to be highly inconvenient for mapmakers, who in 1873 voted to make i…
955 …ups, no matter how small and unpopular, shall have the right to hassle you in airports. <BR>	-- Da…
960 …t if you are in the Express Lane, and you have more than one item of produce of the same biologica…
962 The Mayans were constructing a culture down in Mexico featuring a calander so advanced that it can …
963 … their offices are. That's why the entire U.S. economy is now manufactured in Japan. <BR>	-- Dave …
967 …in the Olympic marathon, because (a) you only have to do it once every four years, and (b) you hav…
968 Archeologists digging in what was once ancient Sumeria recently found the remains of a primitive st…
970 …fore you criticize a man's collection of columns, walk a mile in his moccasins, bearing in mind th…
974 …vision, apparently on the theory that highways and whales are very similar in the sense of being l…
975 …that the average cow emits 200 to 400 quarts of methane PER DAY, resulting in a total annual world…
976 …ly, without warning, become the president of the United States. (Published in DAVE BARRY TALKS BAC…
977 … going to suffer through seven years of war, plagues, famines, and sitting in a small room while a…
980 …ts) have to get hold of some falcon semen, which you cannot simply pick up in your local supermark…
982 …ded by shooting them down. Thus, the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless y…
990 …e while numerous powerful and inexplicably hostile forces try to kill him; in other words, it's ex…
994 …vacation, so we got together with two other families and rented a sailboat in the Virgin Islands. …
996 … there's no wind to make the ship lean over, thus allowing water to splash in and get all the clot…
998 …ith, like knowing how to operate the remote control or getting high fevers in distant airports. <B…
999 … ever again, even in jest, say anything remotely insulting about England, and I especially will no…
1000 Recently my family and I spent a week in London, which is a popular foreign place to visit because …
1001 … refusing to eat English food, much of which was designed and manufactured in medieval times durin…
1003 In America, people drive on the RIGHT side of the street, whereas in London, they drive on BOTH sid…
1004 … by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, br…
1005 Here at the Institute of Scary foods we are highly suspicious of olives, which, in our opinion, are…
1006 …ade all too clear when the Xerox Corp., in its 1997 annual report, reported profits of "$850 trill…
1009 I decided I'd better go in for my annual physical examination, which is something I do approximatel…
1011 …always owned pets, and without them, our lives would not be nearly so rich in - call me sentimenta…
1012 …synthetic materials. This is the kind of dog that, if it takes an interest in your personal region…
1013 …in a pet, you can't beat a parrot. I base this statement on a parrot I knew named Charles who belo…
1014 …mn, including dozens of people who were willing to eat bugs for free. Bear in mind that, under our…
1016 …eel compelled to watch only ONE PROGRAM AT A TIME, the way people did back in the Middle Ages, bef…
1017 There was a survey in which researchers asked tourists how come they didn't want to come back to Ne…
1018 Everybody in New York, including police horses, dresses fashionably, and whenevr I'm there, even in…
1020 …tely as long as fourth grase and featured large men singing for 45 minutes in a foreign language m…
1021 …gain, and there's "something special" in the air. It's the aroma being given off by our mailperson…
1024 Modern cars employ all kinds of technologically advanced concepts such as measuring the engine in "…
1025 Pennies were invented during the Great Depression, a grim era that was filmed entirely in black and…
1026 It is at times like this that we should remember the words of President John F. Kennedy, who, in hi…
1027 …s really came through in our Defecit Reduction Contest, proving once againthat when the American p…
1028 …st, by reading between the lines, I detected a certain amount of hostility in these entries, espec…
1029 I am sick and tired of our so-called representatives in Washington being influenced by powerful spe…
1034 There is definitely too much anger in the world today. Pick up almost any newspaper, and the odds a…
1036 …in the animal kingdom. The great white shark, for example, periodically gets furious at the small …
1037 …Series, you would find, deep down inside, a passionate, heartfelt interest in: the 1978 World Seri…
1040 There was respect in Robert's eyes as I strode out to face the spider. As well there should have be…
1041 Like many South Floridians, we have our house in a neighborhod that we are pretty sure is occupied …
1043 …Worms. How good are we?  I don't wish to brag, but we happen to be ranked, in the World Bowling As…
1045 Guys are AWARE of the rules of moral behaviour, but they have trouble keeping these rules in the fo…
1047 … often said when he was alive, "History is a bunch of things that happened in the past."  His poin…
1049 …izational structure, similar to Amway. You started out on the bottom rung, in the position of serf…
1053 And thus it was that in 1492 Christopher Columbus sailed from Spain and discovered America, which h…
1056 …in 1609 an astronomer named Galileo, who had just invented a new device called the "telescope," pe…
1057 Another important scientific advance occurred in 1614 when the logarithm was invented by Scottish m…
1059 …ho became known as the "Sun King" because he was more than 2 million miles in circumference. <BR>	…
1060 …and, which in 1665 suffered through the Great Plague of London, which was followed in 1666 by the …
1063 …which decreed that if the colonists wanted to buy stamps, they had to wait in long lines at inconv…
1066 Soon the delegates to the Constitutional Convention were hard at work, and in 1788, the constitutio…
1068 …in Europe, Napoleon Bonaparte had himself crowned emperor of France in recognition of the fact tha…
1071 …e's Taller Than You") and was elected, only to see the nation rent asunder in 1861 by the Civil Wa…
1072 …cies, in which he theorized that life evolves, through natural selection, from lower and cruder to…
1074 In 1877, inventor Thomas Alva Edison leaned over a device and recited "Mary Had a Little Lamb" in a…
1075 …in the legendary charge up San Juan Hill, only to enjoy a hearty laugh at their own expense when t…
1076 But an even more important thing happened in on Dec. 17, 1903, in Kitty Hawk, N.C.: two bicycle mec…
1077 …in 1911, Roald Amundsen reported that he had reached the South Pole; and in 1913 Walter M. Fleemot…
1081 The nation was plunged into the Great Depression, which resulted in joblessness, homelessness, pove…
1082 … hope in the Middle East, where the state of Israel was born in a happy celebration highlighted by…
1084 Dave on Y2K: At exactly midnight on Dec. 31, all the computers in the world, and an estimated 80 pe…
1086 … the Houston Astrodome to store canned food in, the Y2K problem is also going to cause all the can…
1088 … the Star Wars legend with the release of the long-awaited new installment in the series, entitled…
1092 …our ability to perform in the college environment by measuring the degree to which you possess kno…
1093 …ng Service, which is located in Princeton, N.J., home of Harvard University. The original idea beh…
1095 Microsoft's No. 1 product is Windows, which now comes automatically installed on every computer in …
1098 Young people, you'll find that the things you learned in school will be vitally important to your s…
1100 We live in troubled and uncertain times, but I am feeling good -- about myself; about my homeland; …
1102 Last year, in history class, my son Rob studied The Sixties. That's right: The Sixties are now cons…
1103 My point is that I have never been a huge fan of Beowulf, or epic poems in general. "Epic," in my o…
1108 Second, I received a letter from a woman who chastised me for stating, in a column about the Napa V…
1109 …y readers who, week after week, write angry letters correcting me. This is in no way whatsoever re…
1114 Thanks to the Internet, all you have to do is type in the words "population of Rhode Island" into y…
1115 Men tend to attach great significance to Manhood. This results in certain characteristically mascul…
1118 Sitting around for no reason in the guise of being engaged in productive work was the first real gu…
1120 The Middle Ages saw the breakdown of civilization in Western Europe - a severe decline in cultural …
1121 …in philosophy, science, and the arts, and above all the rise of humanism - a philosophy centered o…
1124 … because of subtle and extremely complex biochmical reactions taking place in their bodies, guys A…
1128 …re born with some kind of jerk gene, and the toy people are merely cashing in on this. <BR>	-- Dav…
1133 … guy dogs, who spend their lives in a ceaseless quest to establish their masculine dominance by pe…
1136 You should understand that, as a longtime 76ers fan, I hated the Celtics. Not in the way I hate, fo…
1137 I read an article once stating that down in Central America, they take sports a little too seriousl…
1138 …uy mind doesn't believe in medical care. Guys will generally not seek medical treatment, for thems…
1139 …as the Lawn Rangers, then there would be a lot fewer guys getting involved in aggressive, venal, d…
1141 …fAmerica") contain strings of small electrons called "genes" that provide, in secret code (to prev…
1148 …iety - positive contributions, vital contributions, contributions that are in no way diminished by…
1149 …of the last 35 minutes. I realize that sounds like a lot of work, but bear in mind that writer/dir…
1155 Sometimes in politics the moral high ground can only be reached by wading through the lowlands of p…
1162 It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
1171 The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
1181 …in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth…
1182 …in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got rel…
1184 … up its halters, thumb-screws, and firebrands, and set about its holy work in earnest. She worked …
1189 The absent are always in the wrong. <BR>	-- Philippe Destouches (1680-1754), French playwright
1198 Please give me some good advice in your next letter. I promise not to follow it. <BR>	-- Edna St. V…
1212 …around gently as you move. Go very light on the vices, such as carrying on in society. The social …
1217 …eginning and go on until you come to the end; then stop. <BR>	-- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
1224 Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer. <BR>	-- B…
1227 Don't bite the hand that has your allowance in it. <BR>	-- Paul Dickson, U.S. journalist/writer
1233 Don't stay in bed... unless you can make money in bed. <BR>	-- George Burns (1896-1996), U.S. comed…
1240 Gnaw not thy nails in the presence of others, nor bite them with thy teeth. <BR>	-- Francis Hawkins…
1247 If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button. <BR>	-- Sam Levenson (1911-1980), U.S. hu…
1249 If you want to get on in this world, make many promises, but don't keep them. <BR>	-- Napoleon I, (…
1261 …to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey through life, is to take their heart in o…
1265 Never eat Chinese food in Oklahoma. <BR>	-- Bryan Miller
1268 Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've alrea…
1272 Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing. <BR>	-- Billy Rose, (1899-1966), U.S. entrep…
1277 Never look a gift horse in the mouth. <BR>	-- St. Jerome (345-420)
1282 Never say "oops" in the operating room. <BR>	-- Dr. Leo Troy
1286 Never transmit a sexual disease in public. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke (1947--), Modern Manners
1288 Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups. <BR>	-- John Kenneth Galbraith…
1294 Put your trust in God -- but keep your powder dry. <BR>	--attributed to Oliver Cromwell
1296 Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -- and another, in case it doesn't rain. <BR>	-- Mae West (1892-19…
1305 There is one exception to the rule "Never eat at a restaurant called Mom's." If you're in a small t…
1306 Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night. <BR>	-- William Blak…
1307 Try everything in life except incest and square dancing. <BR>	-- George Kaufman, U.S. playwright, i…
1311 Welcome thy neighbor to thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food. <BR>	-- De…
1324 …fe as long as you're sitting down. <BR>	-- Malcolm Crowley, age 80, quoted in Richard Restak's The…
1327 … husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. <BR>	-- Agatha …
1334 I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it. <BR>	-- Eva …
1358 The hardest years in life are those between 10 and 70. <BR>	-- U.S. actress Helen Hayes (1900-1993)…
1369 You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have M. D. after them. <BR>	-- Ha…
1372 Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. <BR>	-- Herbert Asquith, British p…
1373 …he ocean to fight for democracy -- and won't even cross the street to vote in a national election.…
1376 America is an enormous frosted cupcake in the middle of millions of starving people. <BR>	-- Gloria…
1379 America is the best half-educated country in the world. <BR>	-- Nicholas Murray Butler (1862-1947),…
1380 America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degene…
1384 … rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows…
1388 Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. <BR>	-- Robert Orbe…
1391 Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's …
1405 He that hath no fools, knaves, or beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning. <BR>	-- …
1410 Not only is there a skeleton in every closet, but there is a screw loose in every skeleton. <BR>	--…
1420 …e dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. <B…
1431 Cats are a mysterious kind of folk. There is more passing in their minds than we are aware of. It c…
1432 Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. <BR>	-- Garrison Keillo…
1438 I don't mind a cat, in its place. But its place is not in the middle of my back at 4 a.m. <BR>	-- M…
1440 If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it i…
1445 … training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days. <BR>	-- Bi…
1446 …in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alon…
1447 Kittens are born with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look around, then c…
1451 …ner himself. A large multipurpose plaything, its parts can be made to move in almost any direction…
1453 Researchers in Germany have found a border collie named Rico that can understand more than 200 word…
1470 Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that is how dogs spend their l…
1472 … they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violent…
1475 Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. <BR>	-- Mar…
1480 I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl. <BR>	-- Penny Ward Mo…
1483 …st have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundl…
1492 …ile you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation. <B…
1497 …forbid that I should go to any heaven in which there are no horses. <BR>	-- R. B. Cunningham-Graha…
1502 A snake should not be in your yard unless it has your written permission. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, "Inse…
1510 Rembrandt painted about 700 pictures -- of these, 3000 are in existence. <BR>	-- Wilhelm Bode, Germ…
1515 Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. <BR>	-- Ch…
1516 …astime. <BR>	-- Phyllis McGinley (1905-1978), U.S. poet A hair in the head is worth two in the bru…
1524 A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's …
1528 Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week  <BR>	-- William Dean Howells (183…
1538 The Bostonians are really, as a race, far inferior in point of anything beyond mere intellect to an…
1541 Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland. <BR>	-- Nat…
1546 It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1…
1547 Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.…
1548 Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. <BR>	-- Frank Lloyd W…
1551 New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make …
1553 New Yorkers are nice about giving you street directions; in fact, they seem quite proud of knowing …
1554 Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. <BR>	-- David Letterman (1947--), U.S. talk …
1561 Humor results when society says you can't scratch certain things in public, but they itch in public…
1565 I've searched all the parks in all the cities and found no statues of committees. <BR>	-- G.K. Ches…
1566 … beginning to form up into teams we were reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to…
1572 Like everyone else, when I don't know what else to do, I seem to go in for catching colds. <BR>	-- …
1585 …. Simpler to explain sex to virgins. <BR>	-- Robert Heinlein, (1907-1988), in "The Moon is a Harsh…
1593 One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a …
1594 … to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer prof…
1603 Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journa…
1611 Inconsistency is the only thing in which men are consistent. <BR>	-- Horatio Smith (1779-1849), Eng…
1614 Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize t…
1615 Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but t…
1623 Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect. <BR>	-- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1…
1634 Let onions grow in his navel!  <BR>	-- Jewish proverb
1644 May the fleas of a thousand camels lodge in your armpit. <BR>	-- Arab curse
1647 May you have a lawsuit in which you know you are in the right. <BR>	-- Gypsy curse
1661 Dying is not everything: you have to die in time. <BR>	-- Jean-Paul Sartre
1662 Every morning I read the obits in The Times. If I'm not there, I carry on. <BR>	-- A.E. Mathews, (1…
1669 If fame is only to come after death, I am in no hurry for it. <BR>	-- Martial (43-104), Roman epigr…
1689 When you wake up in the morning and nothing hurts, you can be sure you're dead. <BR>	-- Herbert Ach…
1699 …t know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. <BR>	-- Susan Ertz, Anger in the Sky
1703 …ck to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said th…
1705 Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps. <BR>	-- David Lloyd…
1709 The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn. <BR>	-- David Russell
1710 We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. <BR>	-- Aneur…
1712 Dentopedology is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it. I've been practicin…
1715 Divorces are made in heaven. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish playwright
1717 I don't believe in divorce. I believe in widowhood. <BR>	-- Carolyn Green
1735 Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of a snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake…
1737 American beer is a lot like making love in a row boat -- It's f**king close to water!  <BR>	-- Eric…
1757 If die I must, let me die drinking in an inn. <BR>	-- Walter Mapes, 1200
1771 The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. <BR>	-- Jewish proverb
1773 There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation. <BR>	-- John Ciardi (1916-1986), Saturday Revie…
1777 Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1787 You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float. <BR>	-- John Barrymore, (1882-1942), U.S.…
1793 The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. <BR>	-- Dudley Moore, (1935-2002…
1796 Don't do drugs because if you do drugs you'll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in priso…
1801 …palsied pulseless lot that make up England today. They've got white of egg in their veins and thei…
1803 …ls are taught to boil all vegetables for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinn…
1804 I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire: God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark. …
1815 The typical Englishman is a strong being who takes a cold bath in the morning and talks about it fo…
1816 There are in England sixty different religious sects and only one sauce. <BR>	-- Caracciolo (died 1…
1818 When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London. <BR>	-- Bette Midler, The Times, 19…
1819 You must look out in Britain that you are not cheated by the charioteers. <BR>	-- Marcus Tullius Ci…
1822 It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that ar…
1829 American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find i…
1834 …ting dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of …
1836 … the successful writer is important; in France all writers are important; in England no writer is …
1837 In England I would rather be a man, a horse, a dog or a woman, in that order. In American I would t…
1838 On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners. <BR>	-- George M…
1848 The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far t…
1856 Anyone attempting to generate random numbers by deterministic means is, of course, living in a stat…
1871 Father and son are natural enemies and each is happier and more secure in keeping it that way. <BR>…
1875 It's bad manners to apply cosmetics in public. It reminds people that you need them. <BR>	-- P.J. O…
1884 All the vitamins needed seem to be found in plebian dishes. <BR>	-- William Feather(1889-1981), U.S…
1897 I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce... I thou…
1910 Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sug…
1925 France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands, but you can't tear the toilet paper. <…
1929 A friend in need is a friend to be avoided. <BR>	-- Lord Samuel, English liberal politician (1870 -…
1931 A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. <BR>	-- Walter Winchell (18…
1932 A true friend stabs you in the front. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Irish writer
1936 …s F. Jones (1916-1981), president of the University 	   of South Carolina, in Wall Street Journal,…
1941 If all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world. <BR>	-- Blai…
1942 Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards. <BR>	-- R. A. Dicks…
1951 Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies. <BR>	-- Gore Vidal (1925--) in New York …
1954 I think a secure profession for young people is history teacher, because in the future, there will …
1971 The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law. <BR>	-- Alex Levin
1972 …son with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke "Holidays in Hell"
1973 I don't believe in ghosts, but I've been afraid of them all my life. <BR>	-- Charles A. Dana (1819-…
1974 … rumors -- but what else can one do with them. <BR>	-- Amanda Lear, model/singer, in 1978 interview
1983 I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. <BR>	-- Flanne…
1988 …y father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter. <BR>	-- …
1992 It is a cursed evil to any man to become so absorbed in any subject as I am in mine. <BR>	-- Charle…
1994 … mind you, or that I can even tolerate it. I simply have a morbid interest in it. <BR>	-- Robert B…
2017 Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these. <BR>	-- Ovid (43 B.C.-17 A.D.), Rom…
2024 A gypsy tells the truth once in his life, and immediately repents. <BR>	-- Russian proverb
2025 Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete/Successfully in business. Cheat. <BR>	-- Ambrose Bierce (18…
2030 I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. <BR>	-- Ashleigh Brilliant (193…
2036 Make yourself an honest man and then you can be sure there is one rascal less in the world. <BR>	--…
2041 Put all thine eggs in one basket and -- watch that basket. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910).
2043 …rminological inexactitude. <BR>	-- Alexander Haig (1924--), U.S. politician, in a 1983 TV interview
2045 The world will be a better place when the Found ads in the newspapers begin to outnumber the Lost a…
2046 There are times and countries when the only place for an honest man is in jail. <BR>	-- Thomas Mann…
2053 …saving for a rainy day is somebody else's umbrella. <BR>	-- Caroline Clark in Saturday Evening Post
2054 When in doubt, tell the truth. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2071 I am a member of the rabble in good standing. <BR>	-- Westbrook Pegler (1894 - 1969), U.S. journali…
2073 I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocketlauncher…
2095 The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a b…
2096 The people are to be taken in very small doses. <BR>	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1883), U.S. essay…
2099 There may be said to be two classes of people in the world: those who constantly divide the people …
2100 We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900),…
2111 …es with humility. There are so few of us left. <BR>	-- Oscar Levant (1906-- ), TV personality in US
2114 He who laughs, lasts. <BR>	-- Mary Pettibone Poole, writer, in A Glass Eye at a Keyhole, 1938
2116 If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there. <BR>	-- Martin Luther (1483-15…
2124 I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters. <BR>	-- John Keats (1795-1821),…
2137 The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is t…
2139 We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only ma…
2149 If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how …
2150 …ration of that time I should feel fresh and vigorous enough to go right on in the same way for num…
2165 Thou hast most traitorously corrupted the youth of the realm in erecting a grammar school. <BR>	-- …
2187 Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire to change his bed. <BR>	-- Pie…
2191 Life is a zoo in a jungle. <BR>	-- Peter De Vries, (1910--), U.S. writer
2193 …lieve, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it. <BR>	-- Alice Wa…
2197 Life is like a B-grade movie. You don't want to leave in the middle, but you don't want to see it a…
2201 Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer and then you find there is nothing in it. <BR…
2214 …enjoy life, but the practice is against it. <BR>	-- Charles Lamb (1775-1834), English poet, in 1822
2215 Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. <BR>	-- Brendan Gill (191…
2224 There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. <BR…
2225 … and death save to enjoy the interval. <BR>	-- George Santayana (1863-1952), Soliloquies in England
2233 To mankind in general, Macbeth and Lady Macbeth stand out as the supreme type of all that a host an…
2235 A lot of people wonder how you know if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this one question: …
2246 …er to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding patter…
2253 Two things only a man cannot hide: that he is drunk and that he is in love. <BR>	-- Antiphanes (c.3…
2254 We had a lot in common. I loved him and he loved him. <BR>	-- Shelley Winters, (1920--), US movie a…
2263 We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?  <BR>	-- J…
2278 Housewives deserve well-furnished minds. They have to live in them such a lot of the time. <BR>	-- …
2279 I am too much interested in other men's wives to think of getting one of my own. <BR>	-- George Moo…
2280 I believe in large families. Every woman should have at least three husbands. <BR>	-- Zsa Zsa Gabor…
2281 I can't mate in captivity. <BR>	-- Gloria Steinem (1934--), U.S. activist
2287 I shall marry in haste, and repeat at leisure. <BR>	-- James Branch Cabell (1879-1958), U.S. fantas…
2298 Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. <BR>	-- Stephen Leac…
2304 Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. <BR>	-- Irwin C…
2324 There are only about twenty murders a year in London, and not all are serious. Some are just husban…
2325 There is more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. <BR>	-- John Heywood (1497?-1580?), English…
2327 We wedded men live in sorrow and care. <BR>	-- Chaucer (1340-1410), English author
2332 Wife-swapping is never done in the best circles of society. Wives can rarely, if ever, be traded fo…
2337 Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. …
2338 However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner... sulking and nausea. …
2340 I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. <BR>	-- Garrison Keillor (1942--),…
2341 I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining. <BR>	-- Lily Toml…
2342 I have nothing definite to apologize for; I'm just sorry about everything in general. <BR>	-- Ashle…
2345 I'm from Indiana, the home of more first-rate second-class men than any other state in the union. <…
2356 And Nathan, being sick, trusted not in the Lord, but sent for a physician; and Nathan was gathered …
2364 It was difficult for the Angel of Death to kill everybody in the whole world, so he appointed docto…
2368 One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of th…
2373 … "Mammogram"?  Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send…
2377 Lord Dudley was one of the most absent men I think I ever met in society. One day he met me in the …
2379 A man is so in the way in the house. <BR>	-- Elizabeth Gaskell (1810-1865), English novelist
2385 Behind every successful man stands a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law. <BR>	-- Brooks Hayes…
2393 God created man because he was so disappointed in the monkey. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2396 Growing up white and male in this society is like swimming in a salt lake -- no matter how rotten y…
2410 …in the bedroom he's asleep with his intelligent wife, in the living-room he's rolling around with …
2412 Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (189…
2417 Man is the second strongest sex in the world. <BR>	-- Philip Barry (1896-1949), U.S. playwright
2418 Man puts woman on a pedestal so he won't have to look her in the eye. <BR>	-- Marian Stewart
2425 …olice came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner…
2440 The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. <BR>	-- Natalie Wood, …
2445 A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a p…
2447 Everything good in the world comes from neurotics. They alone have founded our religions and compos…
2454 … genius and insanity. I have erased that line. <BR>	-- Oscar Levant (1906-- ), TV personality in US
2458 I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterward. <BR>…
2463 Everything in moderation -- including moderation. <BR>	-- Harvey Steiman, U.S. editor of Wine Spect…
2466 A man can live well enough even in a palace. <BR>	-- Marcus Aurelius (121-180), Roman philosopher/E…
2488 Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust. <BR>	-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
2495 There is no economy in going to bed early to save candles if the results be twins. <BR>	-- Chinese …
2502 When you are young you think money is the most important thing in life. When you are old, you know …
2504 Behind every successful man is surprised mother-in-law. <BR>	-- Hubert Humphrey (1911-1978), U.S. V…
2506 However much you dislike your mother-in-law, you must not set fire to her. <BR>	-- Ernest Wilde, re…
2507 I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. <BR>	-- W.C. Fields (1880-1946), U.S.…
2514 Brass bands are all very well in their place -- outdoors and several miles away. <BR>	-- Sir Thomas…
2517 I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is the language I don't understand. <B…
2524 Music helps not the toothache. <BR>	-- George Herbert (1593-1633), English poet, in "Jarula Pruchen…
2527 Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, he sings. <BR>	-- Ed Gardner
2530 The sound of a harpsichord -- two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm. <BR>	-- Sir…
2532 As watchful as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. <BR>	-- Patrick Cusack
2539 Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric. <BR>	-- …
2543 … the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his in…
2544 …in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desir…
2554 …is a disastrous one in later life. It causes man to seek and to accept a leader, and to accept as …
2558 The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution. <…
2561 …s are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the…
2562 The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays…
2572 …lions is not desirable, whether inflicted by Stalin or by a Deity imagined in the likeness of the …
2573 Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality. <BR>	-- Bertr…
2575 … is in the right. Certainly there are degrees of certainty, and one should be very careful to emph…
2577 A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, no…
2578 Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. <BR>	-- Bertr…
2580 …in so far as is necessary to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes be…
2583 … widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd; indeed in view of the sillines…
2584 Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whe…
2586 We have, in fact, two kinds of morality side by side: one which we preach but do not practice, and …
2588 It is obvious that 'obscenity' is not a term capable of exact legal definition; in the practice of …
2591 Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, h…
2615 I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have …
2619 …e the greater as a footrule can measure a pyramid, there would be finality in universal suffrage. …
2624 Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability. <BR>	-- George Bernard …
2625 …that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it. <BR>	-- George B…
2630 The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt th…
2635 There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. <BR…
2639 …their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in …
2644 We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well an…
2652 Parentage is a very important profession, but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the inte…
2654 My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world. <BR>	-- George Bernard…
2655 …ent to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning. <BR>	--…
2658 Beware of the man whose God is in the skies. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2669 This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; …
2680 …me is not a mere transient shelter: its essence lies in the personalities of the people who live i…
2685 …in return for the taxes spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which…
2690 Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. <BR>	-- H.…
2691 For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. <…
2698 …at a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. <BR>	-- H…
2700 It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common hone…
2705 Men are the only animals that devote themselves, day in and day out, to making one another unhappy.…
2714 The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. <…
2716 The most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief…
2718 The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the…
2724 …is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.…
2741 …in the creative thought that shapes your destiny, and your hour-by-hour mental conduct produces po…
2747 Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. <BR>	-- Laurence …
2752 America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. …
2761 I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 19…
2789 Vile deeds like poison weeds bloom well in prison air, it is only what is good in man, that wastes …
2790 We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. <BR>	-- Osca…
2794 … rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the …
2799 A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2803 …ers, and my enemies for their good intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his en…
2804 …rinciples, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world. <BR>	-- O…
2811 There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right t…
2812 To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be re…
2820 …no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men…
2821 All great change in America begins at the dinner table. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40th p…
2824 Entrepreneurs and their small enterprises are responsible for almost all the economic growth in the…
2826 …in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or on…
2828 I call upon the scientific community in our country, those who gave us nuclear weapons, to turn the…
2829 I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabin…
2830 I know in my heart that man is good. That what is right will always eventually triumph. And there's…
2834 The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. <BR>	-- Ronald Re…
2835 The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it…
2836 The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here t…
2837 The ultimate determinant in the struggle now going on for the world will not be bombs and rockets b…
2844 …I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. <BR>	-…
2848 My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and…
2850 Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. <BR>	-- Rita Ru…
2854 Of liberty I would say that, in the whole plenitude of its extent, it is unobstructed action accord…
2859 Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), third US …
2864 …t to bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. <BR>	-- …
2879 I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. <BR>	-- Thomas Je…
2880 In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. <BR>	-- Tho…
2884 …own to God and myself alone. Its evidence before the world is to be sought in my life: if it has b…
2885 …ejudices, under which weak minds are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call o…
2890 We confide in our strength, without boasting of it; we respect that of others, without fearing it. …
2894 An honest man can feel no pleasure in the exercise of power over his fellow citizens. <BR>	-- Thoma…
2895 Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson …
2896 …newspaper now but Ritchie's, and in that chiefly the advertisements, for they contain the only tru…
2902 How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric ty…
2903 How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?  <BR>	-- Woody…
2908 I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. <BR>	…
2912 If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. …
2917 More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utte…
2919 My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2921 Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on off…
2924 There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesma…
2931 What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?  Or what's worse, what if only that fat g…
2936 All great things are simple, and many can be expressed in single words: freedom, justice, honor, du…
2949 Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. <BR>	-- Sir Winston C…
2955 The reserve of modern assertions is sometimes pushed to extremes, in which the fear of being contra…
2961 The British nation is unique in this respect. They are the only people who like to be told how bad …
2963 Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pr…
2964 So they [the Government] go on in strange paradox, decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irr…
2967 I am reminded of the professor who, in his declining hours, was asked by his devoted pupils for his…
2968 I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma…
2973 >From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic an iron curtain has descended across the Con…
2976 A love of tradition has never weakened a nation, indeed it has strengthened nations in their hour o…
2977 Never give in -- never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give …
2986 Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. <BR>	-- Wi…
2988 On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has…
2991 Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - …
2992 The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's…
2997 This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a …
3007 You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way…
3008 Well, all I know is what I read in the papers. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3031 …uthless ideal which have been instilled into them, and each time they come in contact with the rea…
3036 Men seek but one thing in life -- their pleasure. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3046 Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actual…
3054 The nature of people demands that most of them be engaged in the most frivolous possible activities…
3067 Today each of us lives several hundred years in a decade. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Ca…
3087 A road is a flattened-out wheel, rolled up in the belly of an airplane. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (…
3089 I may be wrong, but Im never in doubt. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analys…
3091 …like Sir Laurence Olivier, and when it comes to Richard Burton, I'm really in trouble. <BR>	-- Bob…
3095 … but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. <BR>	-- Dave Bar…
3100 …pponent, such as my younger brothers or the dog - to get myself checkmated in under three minutes.…
3101 …ss never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organizat…
3103 … no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room usin…
3107 Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that doe…
3113 Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything. <BR>	-- Dave Ba…
3118 Genes are little items that are found in every living thing except Sen. Alfonse D'Amato. <BR>	-- Da…
3121 Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. <…
3132 …ssages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity,…
3133 …the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted…
3144 In fact, just about all the major natural attractions you find in the West - the Grand Canyon, the …
3145 …en salad sandwich, you wind up with a dish whose name, when you look it up in your Spanish-English…
3146 … lot stupider than they used to be, although we here in the newspaper industry would never say so …
3156 More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumer…
3163 Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his…
3165 …that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satis…
3167 Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in Jan…
3172 … that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones in England - is actuall…
3173 …need to carry in our backpacks for the final, treacherous ascent to the summit of Mount Everest, w…
3176 …c without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism. <BR>	-- …
3178 The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex,…
3181 The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since t…
3187 … is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furnitur…
3189 The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in wint…
3193 …sometimes called "grape sugar," and also because "Grape Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, …
3202 To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3207 We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days …
3210 We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to adm…
3212 What I want to know is: Why is it important to have visible stomach muscles?  I grew up in an era (…
3215 Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that th…
3216 …actly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge University in England; exactly h…
3219 … pictures of semi-famous females. <BR>	-- Marcus Ranum "The Six Dumbest Ideas in Computer Security"
3220 When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse. <BR>	-- The Law of Avoiding Ov…
3225 You always find something in the last place you look. <BR>	-- Boob's Law
3228 People are always available for work in the past tense. <BR>	-- Law of Volunteer Labor
3242 …nally got the courage to send will be delayed in the mail long enough for you to make a fool of yo…
3251 …en you are outside the door fumbling for your keys. You will reach it just in time to hear the cli…
3254 If you allow someone to get in front of you, you both will have the same destination and the other …
3257 If you allow someone to get in front of you, you both will have the same destination, and the other…
3262 If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you - the next time he's in need. <BR>	-- Chei…
3275 People are always available for work in the past tense. <BR>	-- Zymurgy's Law
3278 If you like it, and its in your size, it doesn't fit anyway. <BR>	-- Hadley's Second Law of Shopping
3279 If you like it, they don't have it in your size. <BR>	-- Hadley's First Law of Shopping
3282 The first bug to hit a clean windscreen lands directly in front your eyes. <BR>	-- Drew's Law
3302 You never know who's right, but you always know who's in charge. <BR>	-- Whistler's Law
3316 The longer you wait in line, the greater likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line. <BR>	-…
3333 The one time in the day that you lean back and relax is the one time the boss walks through the off…
3342 When in doubt, mingle. When in trouble, delegate. When in charge, ponder. <BR>	-- Boren's Laws
3343 You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it. <BR>	-- Miller's Law
3358 If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical writing, ignore it. The piece wi…
3373 If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer. <BR>	-- …
3381 If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. <BR>	-- Law of Life's Highway
3383 When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first p…
3401 It works better if you plug it in. <BR>	-- Sattinger's Law
3406 If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent…
3409 The first bug to hit a clean windshield always lands directly in front of the driver's eyes. <BR>	-…
3419 Whenever in doubt, predict that the trend will continue. <BR>	-- Merkin's Maxim
3434 The inside contact you just made at great expense is the first to person to be let go in any re-org…
3435 The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to it's desirability. <BR>	-- Gumperson's…
3439 Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value. <BR>	-- Murphy's Constant
3444 The item you had your eye on the minute you walked in will be take by the person in front of you. <…
3446 If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in. <…
3457 If it's in stock, it didn't need replacing in the first place. <BR>	-- Campbell's Third Law of Auto…
3466 A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead. <BR>	-- Newton's Seventh Law
3469 The trouble with most jobs is the resemblance to being in a sled dog team. No one gets a change of …
3470 If there is more than one way in which a system can operate, it will usually operate the wrong way.…
3473 …its composition or configuration, may be expected to perform, at any time, in a totally unexpected…
3478 …ess of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. <BR>	-- Dykstra's L…
3482 The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the …
3498 Quit when you're still behind. When you're in a hole, don't dig. <BR>	-- Salinger's Law
3505 Anything that fails will fail in the manner most difficult to explain. <BR>	-- Second Corollary to …
3507 The leak in the roof is never in the same place as the hole. <BR>	-- Cannon's Comment
3524 Computerworld:  What will be the largest cyber-threats to freedom and 	        privacy in the futur…
3526 The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest possible amount of f…
3536 …from Singapore to London carrying 178 passengers made an emergency landing in New Delhi, India, af…
3540 Bill Gates is a monocle and a Persian cat away from being the villain in a James Bond movie. <BR>	-…
3542 How could this be a problem in a country where we have Intel and Microsoft?  <BR>	-- Al Gore (on th…
3549 …ess to Web sites to monthly software subscriptions. They all had one thing in common: they lost mo…
3551 … be attributed to Microsoft. Once I realized that Ctrl-Alt-Del was handled in the BIOS, I found th…
3554 Our technology, at this point, is way better in terms of how few defects we have. Compare, say, wit…
3557 The first rule of any technology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient oper…
3558 …in shining armor to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fac…
3562 …a wheelbarrow. He operates without much self-awareness. He will know he is in need of repair when …
3565 …emember, we thought it would be flying cars, now it's an outhouse you can plug in. <BR>	-- Jay Leno
3566 Too many "innovators", especially in the U.S., are resting on their laurels collecting government m…
3568 We're obviously going to spend a lot in marketing because we think the product sells itself. <BR>	-…
3572 Windows supports general-purpose non-Microsoft applications in the same way that a rope can be said…
3575 Even if you have carefully followed the configuration procedures outlined in this guide, there is s…
3590 We know Linux is the best, it can do infinite loops in five seconds. <BR>	-- Linus Torvalds
3608 A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
3612 A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students
3620 All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
3623 Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3629 Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
3631 Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
3643 Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
3653 Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
3654 Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
3680 Earn cash in your spare time. Blackmail your friends.
3687 Even at a Mensa convention someone is the dumbest person in the room.
3690 Every snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.
3696 Everything is always okay in the end, if it's not okay, then it's not the end.
3698 Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex.
3718 Gee, Toto, I don't think we're in kansas anymore.
3750 I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
3760 If all the girls in Australia were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.
3764 If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
3799 Illegal drugs are the chlorine in the gene pool.
3802 In the dark I hold your hand, because in the light you look like a man.
3803 It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
3824 Logic is in the eye of the logician.
3850 Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
3860 Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.
3864 People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.
3897 The best things in life aren't things.
3905 The only certain thing in life is death.
3918 The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
3919 The web isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
3923 There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
3926 There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
3951 Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
3957 What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
3963 When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
3964 When in doubt empty the magazine.
3965 When in doubt, do what the President does. Guess.
3966 When in doubt, poke it with a stick.
3971 When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
3979 Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
3999 When in doubt, get a bigger hammer.
4019 History is made at night!  Character is what you are in the dark.
4029 When in doubt, hold onto your altitude. No one ever crashed into the sky.
4039 Discipline is always a means to an end, never an end in itself. <BR>	--King Crimson
4041 There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. <BR>	--Dr. Who
4042 The amount of weight an evangelist carries with the almighty is measured in billigrahams.
4048 Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box. <BR>	--Italian proverb
4058 There are two kinds of cookies - chocolate-chip cookies - cookies deficient in chocolate chips
4060 If you believe in strong AI, then death is no longer a mystery, but merely a lack of adequate backu…
4067 I've been aware of the time going by; they say in the end, it's the blink of an eye. <BR>	--Jackson…
4069 The struggling for knowledge has a pleasure in it like that of wrestling with a fine woman. <BR>	--…
4073 One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop. <BR>	--…
4074 If you eat a live frog first thing in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for t…
4075 If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home. <BR>	--Eu…
4079 You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you've got knives; shit happens. <BR>	--Angelina Jolie, …
4084 You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than about 1012 to 1. <BR>	--Ernes…
4088 Lockwood's Long Shot: The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't one in a mill…
4093 When your client's hopping mad Put his picture in the ad. If he still should prove refractory, add …
4095 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogoves, …
4097 Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in…
4101 If one gave me six lines written by the hand of the most honest man, I would find something in them…
4104 Rather than feeling vulnerable in the presence of powerful authorities, they feel safer. <BR>	--Joh…
4114 …, women are beautiful, monsters are monstrous, and spaceships make whooshing sounds in hard vacuum.
4119 Display the things that you value in yourself, and you will attract people who also value those thi…
4125 The word is the only system of encoding thoughts - the only medium - that refuses to dissolve in th…
4130 There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are intensely, obsessively, driven to have s…
4132 …erstood what OSes are, and why people use them, they could crush Microsoft in a year or two. <BR>	…
4133 …the result of our continued striving for immortality in an era when most people no longer believe …
4138 Very few upgrades are [...] clean and simple. Crappy old OSes have value in the basically negative …
4145 …beyond awareness, he moved...grace of the mind-body interface granted him, in that second, by the …
4150 …it tired him; and then he kept it in a pouch next his skin, till it galled him; and now usually he…
4152 … and round. This discovery, my dear fellow, will prove a timely aid to you in many problems. <BR>	…
4153 …'s got a lot of pretty, pretty boys That she calls friends. How they dance in the courtyard: Sweet…
4156 The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. Instead of altering their views to …
4159 Image data should be written in top-to-bottom scanline order. The JPEG spec contains some weasel wo…
4161 … voting] machine indicates 15,000 Republicrat votes and 0 (that's zero, as in none at all) for the…
4162 …tion of showing rather than telling. It's a convenient distinction to have in colloquial speech. T…
4165 The conception of the objective reality of the elementary particles has thus evaporated in a curiou…
4175 …t's like tapping a mike and asking, "Is it on?" If you're not getting porn in your system, it does…
4180 A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest says "we don't allow Higgs Bosons in here". The Hi…
4182 …Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the…
4183 There are only two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-o…