Lines Matching refs:U

287 When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. <BR>	-- U.S. Grant
963 …it that many don't even know where their offices are. That's why the entire U.S. economy is now ma…
1028 …ity in these entries, especially the ones proposing a nuclear strike on the U.S. Capitol. <BR>	-- …
1075 The U.S., determined to liberate Cuba from Spanish control, dispatched the famous "Rough Riders" in…
1125 …f the Entire Earth. This is basically the same instince that determines the U.S. foreign policy, e…
1139 …sive, venal, destructive, and frequently criminal organizations such as the U.S. Congress. <BR>	--…
1190 …, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S. humorist
1192 … when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. <BR>	-- Erica Jong (1942-), U.S. writer & poet
1197 No vice is so bad as advice. <BR>	-- Marie Dressler, (1869-1934). U.S. actress
1199 …h giving advice is that others want to return the favor. <BR>	-- Sam Ewing, (1921--), U.S. humorist
1201 …ce unless he is certain that it is positively bad. <BR>	-- Edward Dahlberg (1900-1977), U.S. author
1206 …u should always remember never to use. <BR>	-- Wendell Johnson (1906-1965), U.S. speech pathologist
1207 …hey are the ones who will choose your rest home. <BR>	-- Phyllis Diller, (1917-- ), U.S. comedienne
1210 …. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. <BR>	-- Ernest Hemingway, (1899-1961), U.S. novelist
1214 …mind -- listen to the birds. And don't hate nobody. <BR>	-- Eubie Blake, (1883-1983), U.S. musician
1222 Buy land, they're not making it any more. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910), U.S. writer
1223 Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable. <BR>	-- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), U.S. hu…
1227 Don't bite the hand that has your allowance in it. <BR>	-- Paul Dickson, U.S. journalist/writer
1231 Don't ever slam the door; you might want to go back. <BR>	-- Don Herold, (1889-1966), U.S. humorist
1232 Don't jump on a man unless he's down. <BR>	-- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), U.S. humorist
1233 Don't stay in bed... unless you can make money in bed. <BR>	-- George Burns (1896-1996), U.S. comed…
1234 Don't stick your tongue out unless you intend to use it. <BR>	-- David Lee Roth, (1954--), U.S. sin…
1235 …by the tail; then you can let go when you want to. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S. humorist
1237 Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third. <BR>	-- Knute Rockne, (1888-1931), U.S. foo…
1238 …t track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. <BR>	-- Will Rogers, (1879-1935), U.S. humorist
1239 Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. <BR>	-- Edward I. Koch, U.S. politician (also a…
1241 Grow angry slowly -- there's plenty of time. <BR>	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1883), U.S. essayist
1242 …hile your parents are still young enough to take care of them. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
1243 …have, but we ought to look as if we could. <BR>	-- Orson Welles, (1915 - 1985), U.S. actor/director
1244 If called by a panther/Don't anther. <BR>	-- Ogden Nash, (1902-1971), U.S. poet
1245 If it might break, don't go near it. <BR>	-- Herbert Stein, (--1999), U.S. economist
1247 If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button. <BR>	-- Sam Levenson (1911-1980), U.S. hu…
1248 …en by the police, put down the video camera and come help me. <BR>	-- Bobcat Goldthwait, U.S. comic
1252 If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it. <BR>	-- Leo Rosten, (1908-1997), U.S. wri…
1257 … conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. <BR>	-- Ann Landers (1918-2002), U.S. advice columnist
1259 Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. <BR>	-- P.D. East, 1921-1971), U.S. journalist
1260 Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955), U.S. s…
1261 …ke their heart in one hand and a club in the other. <BR>	-- Josh Billings(1815-1885), U.S. humorist
1266 Never fight an inanimate object. <BR>	-- P. J. O'Rourke, (1947--), U.S. humorist
1267 Never floss with a stranger. <BR>	-- Joan Rivers (1939--), U.S. comedienne
1268 …r finds you've already made one mistake. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard, (1856-1915), U.S. editor/publisher
1269 …ircumstances, no matter what -- never face the facts. <BR>	-- Ruth Gordon (1896-1985), U.S. actress
1272 Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing. <BR>	-- Billy Rose, (1899-1966), U.S. entrep…
1274 Never kick a fresh cow pie on a hot day. <BR>	-- Harry S. Truman (1884-1972), U.S. President
1275 Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. <BR>	-- Erma Bombeck (1927-1996), U.S. …
1276 …ains if you don't pray when the sun shines. <BR>	-- Satchel Paige (1906-1982), U.S. baseball player
1278 Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide. <BR>	-- Woodrow Wilson, (1856-1924), U.S. Pre…
1280 Never play cat and mouse games if you're a mouse. <BR>	-- Don Addis (1935--), U.S. editorial cartoo…
1285 …idn't realize she was pregnant unless you're certain that she is. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. humorist
1288 …wer of very stupid people in large groups. <BR>	-- John Kenneth Galbraith, (1908--), U.S. economist
1290 No matter who you are or what you plan to do, learn to type!  <BR>	-- Liz Smith, U.S. gossip column…
1297 …en on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart. <BR>	-- Erma Bombeck (1927-1996), U.S. humorist
1298 …shamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879-1935), U.S. humorist
1304 …end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. <BR>	-- Jeff Foxworthy, (1958--), U.S. comedian
1307 Try everything in life except incest and square dancing. <BR>	-- George Kaufman, U.S. playwright, i…
1311 …ut shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food. <BR>	-- Dean McLaughlin, U.S. sci-fi author
1319 Africa is God's county, and he can have it. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977), U.S. comedian
1320 A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-1937), U.S. humorist
1322 …ter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. <BR>	-- Satchel Paige, (1906-1982), U.S. baseball player
1325 Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. <BR>	-- Billie Burke, (1884--), U.S.…
1328 As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes get longer. <BR>	-- Robert Quillen, U.S.…
1329 …lder, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't. <BR>	-- Carrie Fisher, (1956--), U.S. actress
1330 …onal heart attack I feel as young as I ever did. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley,(1889-1945), U.S. humorist
1333 … you didn't know how old you was?  <BR>	-- Leroy "Satchel" Paige, (1906-1982), U.S. baseball player
1335 … but it is impossible. It keeps changing all the time. <BR>	-- Greer Garson, (1904-996)U.S. actress
1336 …ning years saluting strange women and grandfather clocks. <BR>	-- Ogden Nash (1902-1971), U.S. poet
1340 …, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-1937), U.S. humorist
1342 I'll never make the mistake of being seventy again!  <BR>	-- Casey Stengel, (1890-1975), U.S. baseb…
1343 …is a young girl wondering what the hell happened. <BR>	-- Cora Harvey Armstrong, U.S. gospel singer
1344 …der a man grows, the faster he could run as a boy. <BR>	-- Red Smith (1905-1982), U.S. sportswriter
1346 …he hill you begin to pick up speed. <BR>	-- Charles M. Schulz, (1922-2000), U.S. cartoonist, "Pean…
1347 … temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. <BR>	-- Dan Bennett, U.S. columnist
1349 …rson you meet reminds you of someone else and usually is. <BR>	-- Ogden Nash (1902-1971), U.S. poet
1351 …. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. <BR>	-- Fred Astaire, (1899-1987), U.S. actor
1352 Old age is no place for sissies. <BR>	-- Bette Davis, (1908-1989), U.S. actress
1358 The hardest years in life are those between 10 and 70. <BR>	-- U.S. actress Helen Hayes (1900-1993)…
1364 There is still no cure for the common birthday. <BR>	-- John Glenn (1921--), U.S. astronaut/politic…
1365 …y get your head together and your body starts falling apart. <BR>	-- Caryn Leschen, U.S. cartoonist
1369 … all the names in your black book have M. D. after them. <BR>	-- Harrison Ford (1942--), U.S. actor
1376 …cake in the middle of millions of starving people. <BR>	-- Gloria Steinem, (1934-- ), U.S. activist
1378 America is one of the finest countries anyone ever stole. <BR>	-- Bobcat Goldthwaite, U.S. comedian
1379 … best half-educated country in the world. <BR>	-- Nicholas Murray Butler (1862-1947), U.S. educator
1387 I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), U.S…
1388 …n a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. <BR>	-- Robert Orben (1927--), U.S. writer/editor
1389 …t the inventors one is sometimes ashamed of. <BR>	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1883), U.S. essayist
1390 … Rock, Plymouth Rock had not landed on the Pilgrim Fathers. <BR>	-- Chauncey Depew, U.S. politician
1391 …hat get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. <BR>	-- Lily Tomlin (1939--), U.S. comedienne
1392 …underestimating the taste of the American public. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journalist
1396 … English, probably make love worse than any other race. <BR>	-- Walt Whitman (1819-1892), U.S. poet
1397 The United States never lost a war or won a conference. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879-1935), U.S. humor…
1398 …e want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879-1935), U.S. humorist
1400 What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879-1935), U…
1402 A "good" family, it seems, is one that used to be better. <BR>	-- Cleveland Amory, U.S. critic & an…
1403 … ancestral, even if it is nothing more than a disease. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-1937), U.S. journalist
1404 …s left over from rich ancestors after the money is gone. <BR>	-- John Ciardi (1916-1986), U.S. poet
1409 …he records do not show that Adam and Eve were married. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-1937), U.S. journalist
1414 …hat they should leave us the money to pay with. <BR>	-- Don Marquis (1878-1937), U.S. poet/humorist
1415 … we think they are. They just can't buzz any slower. <BR>	-- Kin Hubbard (1868-1930), U.S. humorist
1416 …e cockroach would miss us the most. <BR>	-- Joseph Wood Krutch (1893-1970), U.S. drama critic/biog…
1418 …above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'  <BR>	-- Bruce Baum, U.S. comedian
1419 …ates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners. <BR>	-- Jeff Stilson, U.S. comedy writer
1421 No one can feel as hopeless as the owner of a sick goldfish. <BR>	-- Kin Hubbard (1868-1930), U.S. …
1432 …ach us that not everything in nature has a function. <BR>	-- Garrison Keillor (1942--), U.S. writer
1436 … any harm to ask for what you want. <BR>	-- Joseph Wood Krutch (1893-1970), U.S. drama critic/biog…
1445 …'s not. Mine had me trained in two days. <BR>	-- Bill Dana (October 5, 1924--), U.S. comedian/actor
1446 …y that women hate in a man, they love in a cat. <BR>	-- Jay Leno, (1950--), U.S. talk show host/co…
1448 Kittens can happen to anyone. <BR>	-- Paul Gallico, (1897-1976), U.S. writer
1450 …ght, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. <BR>	-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865), U.S. President
1453 …a cat that can ignore over 1000 words. <BR>	-- Jay Leno (April 28, 1950--), U.S. comedian/talk sho…
1454 …nstantly. There is no pleasing some people. <BR>	-- Will Cuppy (1884-1949), U.S. humorist/journali…
1457 The only good cat is a stir-fried cat. <BR>	-- Alf, U.S. puppet
1459 …and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well. <BR>	-- Missy Dizick, U.S. writer
1464 … you may rest assured that he was abnormal. <BR>	-- Will Cuppy (1884-1949), U.S. humorist/journali…
1467 … earth that loves you more than you love yourself. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S. humorist
1468 …nd to turn around three times before lying down. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. humorist
1472 …ld arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. humorist
1473 Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really. <BR>	-- Agnes Sligh Turnbull (1927-1987), U.S.…
1474 …og is what lies on the other side of the door. <BR>	-- Charlton Ogburn Jr. (1911-1988), U.S. writer
1477 I spilled spot remover on my dog -- and now he's gone. <BR>	-- Steven Wright (1955--), U.S. comedian
1478 …k it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one. <BR>	-- Andy Rooney (1919-- ), U.S. broadcaster
1480 …h his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl. <BR>	-- Penny Ward Moser, U.S. magazine writer
1482 …We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
1483 …rofit in boarding a Newfoundland. <BR>	-- H.W. Shaw (aka Josh Billings), (1815-1885), U.S. humorist
1486 Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. <BR>	-- Corey Ford (1902-1969), U.S. humorist
1488 Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job  <BR>	-- Franklin P. Jones (1853-1935), U.S. humorist
1489 The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. <BR>	-- Andrew A. Rooney (1919- ), U.S. …
1490 …l be there to keep the man from touching the equipment. <BR>	-- Warren Bennis, U.S. leadership guru
1496 Do incubator chicks love their mother?  <BR>	-- Arthur Baer (1876-1969), U.S. humorist
1499 … get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. <BR>	-- Cyrus Ching (1876-1967), U.S. labor leader/indu…
1501 …d of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?  <BR>	-- Jon Stewart (1962--), U.S. comedian
1504 …painting with something wrong about the mouth. <BR>	-- John Singer Sargent (1856-1925), U.S. artist
1509 …t girls and persuade themselves they have a better idea. <BR>	-- John Ciardi (1916-1986), U.S. poet
1515 …y. It is already tomorrow in Australia. <BR>	-- Charles Schulz (1922-2000), U.S. cartoonist, "Pean…
1516 …- Phyllis McGinley (1905-1978), U.S. poet A hair in the head is worth two in the brush. <BR>	-- Do…
1520 There's one thing about baldness, it's neat. <BR>	-- Don Herold (1889-1966), U.S. humorist
1522 … the world is full of thin skinned people. <BR>	-- Richard Armour (1906-1989), U.S. humorous writer
1523 …eep enough. What do you want -- an adorable pancreas?  <BR>	-- Jean Kerr, (1923--), U.S. playwright
1524 …n other people's patience. <BR>	-- John Updike, Confessions of a Wild Bore, (1932--), U.S. novelist
1525 …too, but it never seems to teach them anything. <BR>	-- Don Marquis (1878-1937), U.S. humorist/poet
1527 …yone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. <BR>	-- Mignon McLaughlin, U.S. journalist
1528 …n hour than others can in a week  <BR>	-- William Dean Howells (1837-1920), U.S. author, editor, a…
1530 The universe is becoming a bore. <BR>	-- Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946), U.S. essayist/critic
1532 If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?  <BR>	-- Marvin Kitman U.S. TV critic and au…
1536 City life: millions of people being lonesome together. <BR>	-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), U.S…
1539 …because it is such a pleasant place to get away from. <BR>	-- Oliver Herford (1863-1935), U.S. poet
1540 How did Buffalo get its start? They cloned Cleveland. <BR>	-- Mark Russell, U.S. humorist
1542 Hollywood's all right. It's the pictures that are bad. <BR>	-- Orson Welles (1915-1985), U.S. actor
1543 In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
1544 In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it. <BR>	-- Rex Reed, U.S. movie critic
1546 …ve relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977), U.S. comedian
1547 … birds change color and fall from the trees. <BR>	-- David Letterman, (1947--), U.S. talk show host
1548 …d everything loose will land in Los Angeles. <BR>	-- Frank Lloyd Wright, (1867-1959) U.S. architect
1551 …around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. <BR>	-- David Letterman (1947--), U.S. talk show host
1552 …ls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. <BR>	-- David Letterman (1947--), U.S. talk show host
1553 …t, they seem quite proud of knowing where they are themselves. <BR>	-- Katherine Brush, U.S. author
1554 Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. <BR>	-- David Letterman (1947--), U.S. talk …
1555 Omaha is a little like Newark -- without Newark's glamour. <BR>	-- Joan Rivers (1939--) U.S. comedi…
1556 Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. <BR>	-- John F. Kennedy, U.S. presi…
1558 … art of making people laugh without making them puke. <BR>	-- Steve Martin, (1945--), U.S. comedian
1559 … a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. <BR>	-- Fred Allen (1894-1956), U.S. comedian
1560 … tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn. <BR>	-- Irvin S. Cobb (1876-1944), U.S. humorist
1563 …ger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. <BR>	-- Mel Brooks (1926--), U.S. comedian
1564 Committee -- a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. <BR>	-- Milton Berle, (1908-2002), U.…
1568 …nnoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends. <BR>	-- Kin Hubbard (1868-1930), U.S. humorist
1569 …of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. <BR>	-- Ogden Nash (1902-1971), U.S. poet
1572 … to do, I seem to go in for catching colds. <BR>	-- George Jean Nathan, 18821958, U.S. drama critic
1574 I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. <BR>	-- Joe Walsh (1947--), U.S. singer
1575 …e because of our deep inner need to complain. <BR>	-- Jane Wagner (1935--), U.S. comedy writer/dir…
1577 … who knock the pyramids because they don't have elevators. <BR>	-- Jim Ferree (1931--), U.S. golfer
1579 …tament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy. <BR>	-- Joseph Campbell (1904-1987), U.S. mythologist
1582 Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer. <BR>	-- Rita May Brown (1944-- ), U.S. novelist
1584 … of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf. <BR>	-- Sam Ewing, U.S. humorist
1586 …failed to improve the quality of life, please press three. <BR>	-- Alice Kahn (1943--), U.S. writer
1589 …ers and microchips were very small snack foods. <BR>	-- Geraldine Ferraro (1935--), U.S. politician
1594 …e computer professionals. We cause accidents. <BR>	-- Nathaniel Borenstein, U.S. software strategi…
1597 …hey may have other weapons of mass destruction. <BR>	-- Janet Reno, (1938--), U.S. Attorney General
1598 To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so. <BR>	-- Robert Orben (1927--), U.…
1602 A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. <BR>	-- Steven Wright, (1955--), U.S. comed…
1603 Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journa…
1604 …ice that warns us that someone might be looking. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken ((1880-1956), U.S. journalist
1620 To escape criticism -- do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915), U.S…
1621 …my finger, but you can't say it the other way around. <BR>	-- George Carlin (1937--), U.S. comedian
1624 They also swear who only stand and wait. <BR>	-- Addison Mizner (1872-1933), U.S. resort architect
1653 …; two, a rotting smell; three, occasional drowsiness. <BR>	-- Henry Gibson, (1935--), U.S. comedian
1656 …ll amounts of saliva over a long period of time. <BR>	-- Rush Limbaugh, (1951--), U.S. conservative
1660 Don't die. <BR>	-- William Gaines, (1922-1992), U.S. publisher of MAD magazine
1663 …ls continue to grow but phone calls taper off. <BR>	-- Johnny Carson, (1925--), U.S. talk show host
1673 …but anyone who can pick up a frying pan owns death. <BR>	-- William Burroughs (1914--), U.S. writer
1674 …few things that can be done just as easily lying down. <BR>	--Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. film-maker
1677 Only the young die good. <BR>	-- Oliver Herford (1863-1935), U.S. poet
1679 … can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. comedian
1690 Where there's a will, there's a dead person. <BR>	-- Ronnie Shakes, late U.S. comedian
1691 You can't take it with you. You never see a U-Haul following a hearse. <BR>	-- Ellen Glasgow (1874-…
1694 …is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating. <BR>	-- Alfred Hitchcock, (1899-1980), U.S. film-maker
1695 …ork... I want to achieve it through not dying. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935- ), U.S. comedian/director
1696 I intend to live forever. So far, so good. <BR>	-- Steven Wright, U.S. comedian
1701 …not our brother's keeper, let us at least not be his executioner. <BR>	-- Marlon Brando, U.S. actor
1702 … citizens will occasionally kill theirs. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard, (1856-1915), U.S. editor/publisher
1706 I'll give you a definite maybe. <BR>	-- Samuel Goldwyn (1884-1974), U.S. film producer
1707 Indecision may, or may not, be my problem. <BR>	-- Jimmy Buffett, U.S. singer
1708 Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision. <BR>	-- Oscar Levant (1906--), U.S. TV personality
1713 …eaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. <BR>	-- Robin Williams, (1952--), U.S. actor
1718 … find a woman I don't like and give her a house. <BR>	-- Lewis Grizzard, (1947-1994), U.S. humorist
1719 …he laws are altogether too lenient with them. <BR>	-- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), U.S. humorist
1720 …I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me. <BR>	-- Elayne Boosler, U.S. comedienne
1721 It is better to have loved and lost, but only if you have a good lawyer. <BR>	-- Herb Caen, U.S. jo…
1724 …s way of telling you you need a divorce. <BR>	-- Marshall Brickman, (1941--), U.S. TV & film writer
1726 …legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. <BR>	-- Johnny Carson, U.S. talk show host
1727 …homes, I begin to think of the victims of intact ones. <BR>	-- Peter De Vries (1910--), U.S. writer
1728 …his the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"  <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
1730 A drink a day keeps the shrink away. <BR>	-- Edward Abbey, 1927-1989, U.S. writer
1732 Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. <BR>	-- Addison Mizner (1872-1933), U.S. resort architect
1733 …n't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth. <BR>	-- George Burns, (1896-1996), U.S. comedian
1735 …akebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake. <BR>	-- W.C. Fields (1880-1946), U.S. comedian
1739 …with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian. <BR>	-- Herman Melville, (1819-1891), U.S. novelist
1742 …is unseemly and they use too much vermouth. <BR>	-- Steve Allen, (1920-2000), U.S. writer/performer
1744 …s to begin with, that it's compounding a felony. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley (1989-1945), U.S. humorist
1746 …ied, no one has ever found a way to drink for a living. <BR>	-- Jean Kerr (1923--), U.S. playwright
1747 …2/3 gin, and into this drop a small girl named Olive. <BR>	-- Fred Allen (1894-1956), U.S. comedian
1748 …e we used to drink water before the Prohibition. <BR>	-- Ring Lardner Sr., (1885-1933), U.S. author
1753 I don't have a drink problem except when I can't get one. <BR>	-- Tom Waits, 1979, U.S. singer
1754 I drink to make other people interesting. <BR>	-- George Jean Nathan, (1882-1958), U.S. drama critic
1756 I have never been drunk, but I've often been overserved. <BR>	-- George Gobel(1919-1991), U.S. come…
1759 If you drink like a fish, don't drive. Swim. <BR>	-- Joe E. Louis, (1914-1981), U.S. comedian
1760 If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. <BR>	-- Dean Martin, (1917-1995), U.S. singer
1762 …the hardest to control: Wine, Women, and Song. <BR>	-- Franklin P. Adams (1881-1960), U.S. humorist
1764 …daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken, (1880-1956), U.S. journalist
1765 Never drink from your finger bowl -- it contains only water. <BR>	-- Addison Mizner (1872-1933), U.…
1767 … should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. <BR>	-- Ann Landers, (1918--), U.S. advice columnist
1781 …e Manhattan is an offense against piety. <BR>	-- Bernard De Voto (1897-1956), U.S. historian/critic
1787 You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float. <BR>	-- John Barrymore, (1882-1942), U.S.…
1788 …children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. <BR>	-- Peter De Vries (1910--), U.S. writer
1790 …eed is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. <BR>	-- Russell Baker, (1925-- ), U.S. columnist
1792 Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf. <BR>	-- Lewis Mumford, (1895-1990), U.S. writer
1794 Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money. <BR>	-- Robin Williams, U.S. comedian
1795 … I should know -- I've been using it for years. <BR>	-- Tallulah Bankhead (1903-1968), U.S. actress
1797 …e them. But they're much more effective when I take them. <BR>	-- Ronnie Shakes, late U.S. comedian
1803 … the dinner guests comes without his teeth!  <BR>	-- Calvin Trillin, (1935--), U.S. verse columnist
1809 …spoil a breakfast -- even the English can't do it!  <BR>	-- J K Galbraith, (1908--), U.S. economist
1820 Earth-- God's golf ball. <BR>	--Captain Beefheart, U.S. singer/artist
1821 Extinct is forever. <BR>	-- Kurt Benirschke, U.S. scientist
1822 …mpurities in our air and water that are doing it. <BR>	-- Dan Quayle, (1947--), U.S. vice-president
1827 … and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?  <BR>	-- Lee Iacocca, (1924--), U.S. businessman
1834 …ve been let in on the invention of the motor car. <BR>	-- Bill Bryson, (1951--), U.S. travel writer
1842 …'m damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street. <BR>	-- U.S. astronaut Neil Ar…
1843 …ng as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise. <BR>	-- Chauncey Depew, (1834-1928), U.S. politician
1844 I don't jog, if I die I want to be sick. <BR>	-- Abe Lemons, U.S. basketball coach
1845 I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. <BR>	-- Carol Leifer, (1956--), U.S. com…
1846 … jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again. <BR>	-- Erma Bombeck, (1927-1996), U.S. humorist
1857 … You know, Shaquille O'Neal and I have an average height of 6 feet. <BR>	-- U.S. Labor Secretary R…
1858 …ful as a form of employment for economists. <BR>	-- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908--), U.S. economist
1862 …t, because I don't know my mother's maiden name. <BR>	-- Paula Poundstone (1959--), U.S. comedienne
1864 In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), U.S.…
1867 …acts is that there are so many of them. <BR>	-- Samuel McChord Crothers, (1879-1927), U.S. minister
1868 …know and those who don't know they don't know. <BR>	-- Robert Reich [1946-- ], U.S. Labor Secretary
1870 … the kind you look up and the kind you make up. <BR>	-- Rex Stout, (1896-1975), U.S. mystery writer
1871 …s happier and more secure in keeping it that way. <BR>	-- John Steinbeck (1902-1968), U.S. novelist
1874 If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. <BR>	-- Sue Grafton (1940--), U.S…
1876 Never wear anything that panics the cat. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke, (1947--), U.S. humorist
1877 …he same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?  <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
1879 If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. <BR>	-- Mel Brooks (1926--), U.S. comedian
1883 A waist is a terrible thing to mind. <BR>	-- Tom Wilson, U.S. cartoonist, "Ziggy"
1884 All the vitamins needed seem to be found in plebian dishes. <BR>	-- William Feather(1889-1981), U.S…
1887 Cheese. The adult form of milk. <BR>	-- Richard Condon (1915-1996), U.S. novelist, A Talent For Lov…
1890 …should be entered into with abandon, or not all. <BR>	-- Harriet Van Horne (1920--), U.S. columnist
1895 …se if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it. <BR>	-- Clarence Darrow (1857-1938), U.S. attorney
1897 …on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce... I thought he was missing. <BR>	-- Bob Saget, U.S. comedian
1898 I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
1899 I'm a light eater. When it gets light, I start eating. <BR>	-- Tommy John (1943--), U.S. baseball p…
1901 I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short. <BR>	-- Shelley Winters (1920--), U.S. actress
1902 …iet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days. <BR>	-- Totie Fields (-1978), U.S. comedienne
1903 Licorice is the liver of candy. <BR>	-- Michael O'Donoghue (1942-1994), U.S. comedy writer
1904 Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. <BR>	-- Shirley Conran (1932--), U.S. novelist, Superwoman, …
1906 My favorite animal is steak. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), U.S. writer
1907 …ners for four. Unless there are three other people. <BR>	-- Orson Welles, (1915 - 1985), U.S. actor
1913 Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-1961), U.S. humorist
1914 Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn. <BR>	-- Garrison Keillor, (1942--), U.S. writer
1916 …ntract the habit of eating, very few survive. <BR>	-- Wallace Irwin (1876-1959), U.S. editor/author
1917 … than the first. By the second day you're off it. <BR>	-- Jackie Gleason (1916-1987), U.S. comedian
1922 Where do you go to get anorexia?  <BR>	-- Shelley Winters, (1920--), U.S. actress
1927 If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. <BR>	-- Wilfred Sheed (1920--), U.S. w…
1931 …in when the rest of the world walks out. <BR>	-- Walter Winchell (1897-1972), U.S. gossip columnist
1940 …better not ask me to do up a parcel. <BR>	-- Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946), U.S. essayist/critic
1943 …d be the man who blew my brains out with a pistol. <BR>	-- Edgar Allan Poe (1804-1849), U.S. author
1947 … true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral. <BR>	-- Robert Orben (1927--), U.S. writer/editor
1950 … they were imaginary and they would only play with each other. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
1952 Your friend is that man who knows all about you, and still likes you. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard U.S. e…
1954 … because in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach. <BR>	-- Bill Muse, U.S. humorist
1955 It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future. <BR>	-- Yogi Berra (1925--), U.S. base…
1956 …e future is that it comes only one day at a time. <BR>	-- Dean Acheson (1893-1971), U.S. politician
1959 …ne who never strikes a woman without provocation. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journalist
1961 …a woman without feeling just a big unchivalrous. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. humorist
1962 Gentlemen prefer blondes, but take what they can get. <BR>	-- Don Herold (1889-1966), U.S. humorist
1963 Gentlemen prefer blondes. <BR>	-- Anita Loos (1893-1981), U.S. screenwriter
1964 Gentlemen prefer bonds. <BR>	-- Andrew Mellon (1921-1932), U.S. industrialist
1965 It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen. <BR>	-- Mamie Van Doren, (1931--), U.S. actress
1967 …Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me. <BR>	-- Bette Midler (1945--), U.S. entertainer
1970 …ind has a talent for making no mistakes but the very greatest. <BR>	-- Clifton Fadiman, U.S. writer
1973 …sts, but I've been afraid of them all my life. <BR>	-- Charles A. Dana (1819-1897), U.S. journalist
1978 …rd for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. <BR>	-- George Carlin (1937-- ), U.S. comedian
1980 I am a deeply superficial person. <BR>	-- Andy Warhol (1928-1987), U.S. artist
1981 …e, I work at it harder than the average man. <BR>	-- Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919), U.S. president
1983 …g the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. <BR>	-- Flannery O'Connor, (1925-1964), U.S. author
1988 …rs old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter. <BR>	-- Drew Carey, (1958--), U.S. comedian
1995 My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. <BR>	-- John Barrymore, (1882-1942), U.…
1999 …elieve you are the best. If you're not, pretend you are. <BR>	-- Mohammed Ali, (1942--), U.S. boxer
2001 …talents. Mine just happens to be beating people up. <BR>	-- Sugar Ray Leonard, (1956--), U.S. boxer
2004 …t teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson. <BR>	-- Vernon Law, U.S. baseball player
2005 …you try to cast it off, it will take skin and all. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S. humorist
2011 …t's one of the things that's wrong with history. <BR>	-- Clarence Darrow (1857-1938), U.S. attorney
2012 History is bunk. <BR>	-- Henry Ford (1863-1947), U.S. industrialist
2016 … to make birth control retroactive. <BR>	-- Charles E. Wilson, (1890-1961), U.S. Secretary of Defe…
2019 …as; it's only pleasant because it isn't here. <BR>	-- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), U.S. humorist
2021 …s. Those who do study it will find some other ways to err. <BR>	-- Charles Wolf Jr., U.S. economist
2023 A guy who'd cheat on his wife would cheat at cards. <BR>	-- Texas Guinan (1878-1933), U.S. bartender
2028 Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. <BR>	-- Steve Landesberg (1945--), U.…
2030 …s corruption, or more chance to participate in it. <BR>	-- Ashleigh Brilliant (1933--), U.S. writer
2031 I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. filmma…
2040 People need good lies. There are too many bad ones. <BR>	-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr. (1922--), U.S. noveli…
2043 That's not a lie, it's a terminological inexactitude. <BR>	-- Alexander Haig (1924--), U.S. politic…
2045 …en the Found ads in the newspapers begin to outnumber the Lost ads. <BR>	-- Lisa Kirk, U.S. actress
2049 Trust everybody, but cut the cards. <BR>	-- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), U.S. humorist
2056 Housework can kill you if done right. <BR>	-- Erma Bombeck, (1927-1996), U.S. humorist
2057 I would rather lie on a sofa than sweep beneath it. <BR>	-- Shirley Conran (1932--), U.S. novelist
2058 Nature abhors a vacuum and so do I. <BR>	-- Anne Gibbons, U.S. cartoonist
2061 …ith a riding vacuum cleaner, then I'll clean the house. <BR>	-- Roseanne Barr, (1953--), U.S. comic
2064 …n; confess them to man and you will be laughed at. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S. humorist
2065 Don't overestimate the decency of the human race. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journalist
2067 …hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journalist
2070 …vice of transporting itself from one place to another. <BR>	-- Tom Robbins (1936-- ), U.S. novelist
2071 I am a member of the rabble in good standing. <BR>	-- Westbrook Pegler (1894 - 1969), U.S. journali…
2077 …the monkey, but where did the monkey spring from?  <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S. humorist
2080 … out that I was a human being, I'm never going to. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-1961), U.S. humorist
2082 … right -- ninety percent of the time. <BR>	-- Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945), U.S. President
2087 …le more. We might climb a tree, at least. <BR>	-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), U.S. philosopher
2090 …y want and are willing to go through hell to get it. <BR>	-- Don Marquis (1878-1937), U.S. humorist
2092 People will buy anything that's one to a customer. <BR>	-- Sinclair Lewis (1885-1951), U.S. novelist
2094 The average person thinks he isn't. <BR>	-- Reverend Larry Lorenzoni, U.S. priest
2096 The people are to be taken in very small doses. <BR>	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1883), U.S. essay…
2098 … who do things -- and people who get the credit. <BR>	-- Dwight Morrow (1873-1931), U.S. politician
2099 …he world into two classes, and those who do not. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. humorist
2102 We are only cave men who have lost their cave. <BR>	-- Christopher Morley (1890-1957), U.S. editor/…
2103 We are the people our parents warned us against. <BR>	-- Nicholas von Hoffman, U.S. columnist
2110 It ain't bragging if you really done it. <BR>	-- Dizzy Dean (1911-1974), U.S. baseball player
2113 There is never enough time, unless you're serving it. <BR>	-- Malcolm Forbes (1919-1990), U.S. publ…
2115 I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935-- ), U…
2119 …lve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. <BR>	-- Robert Frost (1874-1963), U.S. poet
2120 …as other men, but that is not very encouraging. <BR>	-- Ferdinand Lundberg (1902-1995), U.S. writer
2125 …ng a good robber was like being a good lawyer. <BR>	-- Willie Sutton, (1901-1980), U.S. bank-robber
2127 If it weren't for the lawyers we wouldn't need them. <BR>	-- William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925), U.…
2140 … twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. <BR>	-- Norm Crosby, U.S. comedian
2142 Where there's a will, there's a lawsuit. <BR>	-- Addison Mizner (1872-1933), U.S. resort architect
2151 … loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-1961), U.S. humorist
2153 …down until it passes over. <BR>	--attributed to Robert Maynard Hutchins (1899-1977 ), U.S. educator
2154 … you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash. <BR>	-- Rita Mae Brown (1944--), U.S. novelist
2167 You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over??  Movie Day. <BR>	-- Jay Mohr (1970--), U.S. come…
2170 Be careful how you interpret the world; it is like that. <BR>	-- Erich Heller, U.S. literary critic
2171 …a black tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?  <BR>	-- George Gobel,(1919-1991), U.S. comedian
2173 …again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. <BR>	-- Tallulah Bankhead (1900-1968), U.S. actress
2175 … sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on. <BR>	-- Robert Frost (1874-1963), U.S. poet
2176 …that there have always been times like these. <BR>	-- Paul Harvey, (1918--), U.S. radio commentator
2178 …o the strong -- but that's the way to bet  <BR>	-- Damon Runyon 1884-1946), U.S. short story write…
2181 Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. humorist
2183 …nly rage impotently against your persecutors. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. comedian/film-mak…
2184 Life is a dead-end street. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journalist
2186 Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can. <BR>	-- Danny Kaye (1913-1987), U.S.…
2189 Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch. <BR>	-- David A. Schmaltz, U.S. writer
2190 Life is a sexually-transmitted disease. <BR>	-- Guy Bellamy, U.S. author
2191 Life is a zoo in a jungle. <BR>	-- Peter De Vries, (1910--), U.S. writer
2193 … is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it. <BR>	-- Alice Walker (1944--), U.S. author
2194 Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. film-maker
2195 …ness, and suffering -- and it's all over much too soon. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. comedian
2196 Life is just one damned thing after another. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915), U.S. editor/publis…
2197 …e in the middle, but you don't want to see it again. <BR>	-- Ted Turner, (1938--), U.S. billionaire
2198 …u ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. <BR>	-- Lewis Grizzard, (1947-1994), U.S. humorist
2200 …speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use. <BR>	-- Charles M. Schulz (1922--), U.S. cartoonist
2201 …en you find there is nothing in it. <BR>	-- James Gibbons Huneker (1860-1921),U.S. musician, critic
2206 Life is something to do when you can't get to sleeep. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), U.S. writer
2209 … and the first hundred years are the hardest. <BR>	-- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933), U.S. dramatist/wit
2212 Living is like licking honey off a thorn. <BR>	-- Louis Adamic (1899-1951), U.S. novelist/journalist
2213 My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot. <BR>	-- Ashley Brilliant (1933--), U.S. …
2215 …xists in favor of the idea that life is serious. <BR>	-- Brendan Gill (1914-1997), U.S. U.S. writer
2216 Reality is a collective hunch. <BR>	-- Mel Seesholtz, Penn State U. professor
2218 Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story. <BR>	-- Ashley Brilliant, (1933--), U.S. …
2220 … I want to do I can't,/And what I have to do I hate. <BR>	-- Don Marquis (1878-1937), U.S. humorist
2222 The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively. <BR>	-- Peter Beard (1938--), U.…
2226 Things aren't as bad as they seem. They are worse. <BR>	-- Bill Press, U.S. columnist
2230 …having children. Life is the other way around. <BR>	-- David Dodge (1910-1974), U.S. mystery writer
2232 …literature clean and cold and pure and very dead. <BR>	-- Sinclair Lewis (1885-1951), U.S. novelist
2234 It's the poor loser who finally loses out. <BR>	-- Kin Hubbard (1868-1930), U.S. humorist
2235 …ng destroyed financially by this person?"  <BR>	-- Ronnie Shakes, "Famous Womanisms," U.S. comedian
2236 …othing like Robert Redford -- but you'll take him anyway. <BR>	-- Judith Viorst (1931--), U.S. poet
2238 Love conquers all except poverty and toothache. <BR>	-- Mae West (1892-1980), U.S. actress
2240 …enly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun. <BR>	-- Matt Groening, (1954--), U.S. cartoonist
2242 Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke  <BR>	-- Lynda Barry (1956--), U.S. cartoonist
2245 …r you get it, the worse the attack. <BR>	-- Mary Roberts Rinehart, (1876-1958), U.S. mystery writer
2247 …lin -- it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring. <BR>	-- S. J. Perelman, (-1979), U.S. screenwriter
2248 Love is the same as like except you feel sexier. <BR>	-- Judith Viorst, (1931--), U.S. poet
2249 Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. film-maker
2251 …lashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. <BR>	-- Erich Segal (1937--), U.S. writer
2255 You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. <BR>	-- Henny Youngman, (1906-1998), U.S. comed…
2257 I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. <BR>	-- William H. Mauldin (1921--), U.S. cartooni…
2258 … chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), U.S. writer
2262 The only sure thing about luck is that it will change. <BR>	-- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933), U.S. wit
2265 A fool and his money are soon married. <BR>	-- Carolyn Wells (1870-1942), U.S. writer
2268 An ideal husband is one who treats his wife like a new car. <BR>	-- Dan Bennett, U.S. columnist
2270 … nails and picking his nose, but not of marrying. <BR>	-- William Faulkner (1897-1962), U.S. author
2278 …. They have to live in them such a lot of the time. <BR>	-- Phyllis McGinley (1905-1978), U.S. poet
2281 I can't mate in captivity. <BR>	-- Gloria Steinem (1934--), U.S. activist
2282 …' for the reason that I did not marry a house. <BR>	-- Wilma Scott Heide (1926-1985), U.S. feminist
2283 …ne special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
2287 I shall marry in haste, and repeat at leisure. <BR>	-- James Branch Cabell (1879-1958), U.S. fantas…
2288 I think, therefore I'm single. <BR>	-- Liz Winstead, U.S. comedy TV writer
2289 …l be on sudden impulse, as a man shoots himself. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journalist
2290 … marriage means always having to say everything twice. <BR>	-- Estelle Getty (1924--), U.S. actress
2296 Jesus was a bachelor. <BR>	-- Don Herold (1889-1966), U.S. humorist
2304 …unt. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. <BR>	-- Irwin Corey (1914--), U.S. comedian
2308 … I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time. <BR>	-- Lee Trevino (1939--), U.S. golfer
2318 Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. <BR>	-- Gloria Steinem (1934--), U.S. activist
2319 Take it from me -- marriage isn't a word -- it's a sentence. <BR>	-- King Vidor, (1894-1982), U.S. …
2322 …rs; they're too considerate to get married. <BR>	-- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), U.S. journalist
2326 … as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. <BR>	-- Clint Eastwood, (1930--), U.S. actor
2328 …ut asunder, why should man put it together?  <BR>	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1883), U.S. essayist
2334 Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977), U.S. comedian
2336 All phone calls are obscene. <BR>	-- Karen Elizabeth Gordon, U.S. writer
2337 Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. …
2338 … my traditional manner... sulking and nausea. <BR>	-- Tom K. Ryan (1926--), U. S. "Tumbleweeds" ca…
2339 I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. <BR>	-- Gilda Radner, (1946-1989), U.S. comed…
2340 … looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. <BR>	-- Garrison Keillor (1942--), U.S. writer
2341 …but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining. <BR>	-- Lily Tomlin (1939-- ), U.S. actress/comedienne
2342 …e for; I'm just sorry about everything in general. <BR>	-- Ashleigh Brilliant (1933--), U.S. writer
2344 I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. <BR>	-- Ashleigh Brilliant (1933--), U…
2345 … men than any other state in the union. <BR>	-- Thomas R. Marshall (1854-1925), U.S. Vice-President
2349 Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me. <BR>	-- Ashleigh Brilliant (1933--), U.S. w…
2354 With me, it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935-- ), U.S. f…
2355 A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. <BR>	-- Carrie Snow, U.S. comed…
2357 …ation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live. <BR>	-- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), U.S. writer
2363 …, and all the worse for the fishes. <BR>	-- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894), U.S. essayist & poet
2368 … lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind. <BR>	-- Jean Kerr, (1923-- ), U.S. playwright
2369 Suicide is cheating the doctors out of a job. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S. humorist
2371 I don't know much about medicine, but I know what I like. <BR>	-- S.J. Perelman (-1979), U.S screen…
2375 …ames, and -- I can't remember what the third thing is. <BR>	--Fred Allen (1894-1956), U.S. comedian
2382 … categories; those with eleven fingers and those without. <BR>	-- Ned Rorem (1923--), U.S. composer
2383 …hate, too, unless, of course, it kills them first. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-1961), U.S. humorist
2385 …ssful man stands a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law. <BR>	-- Brooks Hayes, U.S. Congressman
2386 …s women's liberation; he is about to quit his job. <BR>	-- Erica Jong (1942-- ), U.S. poet/novelist
2387 Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. <BR>	-- Kin Hubbard (1868-1930), U.S. humo…
2388 …  No crime and lots of happy fat women. <BR>	-- Nicole Hollander, (1929--), U.S. cartoonist, "Silv…
2389 …men -- and remember that all men are as strange as hell. <BR>	-- Robin Morgan, U.S. poet/journalist
2394 …d a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time. <BR>	-- Robin Williams, (1952--), U.S. actor
2396 …tten you are, it's impossible to sink to the bottom. <BR>	-- Sheila Tobias, U.S. writer, science c…
2401 I like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign. <BR>	-- Mae West (1892-1980), U.S. actress
2405 …y a little lower than the angels, the angels should reform. <BR>	-- Mary Wilson Little, U.S. writer
2406 … the day by tying a little noose around your neck?  <BR>	-- Linda Ellerbee, U.S. journalist/TV anc…
2408 If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle. <BR>	-- Rita Mae Brown (1944--), U.S…
2410 …n the cellar he's making a bomb to blow it all up. <BR>	-- Arthur Miller, (1915--), U.S. playwright
2412 …is own fate. The women in his life do that for him. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977), U.S. comedian
2417 Man is the second strongest sex in the world. <BR>	-- Philip Barry (1896-1949), U.S. playwright
2419 …s, and has been getting a little lower ever since. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S. humorist
2422 …eel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth. <BR>	-- Chuck Norris, (1940--), U.S. actor
2424 …t the job of sewing on a button is beyond them. <BR>	-- Heywood Broun, (1888-1939), U.S. journalist
2426 …nderstood, and to be understood makes them furious. <BR>	-- Edgar Saltus (1855-1921), U.S. novelist
2428 …uch more satisfying when they knock them off. <BR>	-- Clare Booth Luce (1903-1987), U.S. politician
2435 The fastest way to a man's heart is through his chest. <BR>	-- Roseanne Barr, (1953--), U.S. comic
2439 The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can. <BR>	-- Margo Kaufman, U.S. wri…
2440 …lly succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. <BR>	-- Natalie Wood, (1938-1981), U.S. actress
2441 …they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. <BR>	-- Elayne Boosler, U.S. comedienne
2443 …working hard to be as mediocre as possible. <BR>	-- Margaret Mead, (1901-1978), U.S. anthropologist
2446 …t ought to have his head examined. <BR>	--attributed to Samuel Goldwyn (1884-1974), U.S. film maker
2448 …ened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-1961), U.S. humorist
2449 …ople who are willing to admit that they are crazy. <BR>	-- Nora Ephron (1941-- ), U.S. screenwriter
2451 …hree best friends. If they are okay, then it's you. <BR>	-- Rita Mae Brown (1944-- ), U.S. novelist
2453 There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. humorist
2457 I don't want to make the wrong mistake. <BR>	-- Yogi Berra (1925--), U.S. baseball player
2460 …an always be assured by spectacular error. <BR>	-- John Kenneth Galbraith, (1908--), U.S. economist
2461 If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything. <BR>	-- Marva Collins, U.S. teacher
2463 Everything in moderation -- including moderation. <BR>	-- Harvey Steiman, U.S. editor of Wine Spect…
2468 A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. <BR>	-- Yogi Berra, U.S. baseball player
2470 Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing -- and that was the closest our country h…
2474 …o last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. <BR>	-- Jackie Mason (1930--), U.S. comedian
2475 I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. <BR>	-- Bill Hoest, (1926-1988), U.S. cartoon…
2477 If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. <BR>	-- J. Paul Getty (1892-1976), U…
2484 Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. com…
2485 Money often costs too much. <BR>	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1883), U.S. essayist
2489 …y lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
2490 … deny,/I heard it once;/It said, "Goodbye."  <BR>	-- Richard Armour (1906-1989), U.S. poet/humorist
2492 The most popular labor saving device is still money. <BR>	-- Phyllis George, U.S. actress/sportscas…
2493 The rich are different from you and me because they have more credit. <BR>	-- John Leonard, U.S. jo…
2496 … soon parted, but now it happens to everybody. <BR>	-- Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965), U.S. politician
2499 We at Chrysler borrow money the old-fasioned way. We pay it back. <BR>	-- Lee Iacocca (1924--), U.S…
2500 …iple of the thing,' it's the money. <BR>	-- Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard (1868-1930), U.S. humorist
2501 …d power would bring me happiness. I was right. <BR>	-- Gahan Wilson, (1930--), U.S. artist & writer
2504 Behind every successful man is surprised mother-in-law. <BR>	-- Hubert Humphrey (1911-1978), U.S. V…
2505 …you enjoy being made to feel inadequate, call your mother. <BR>	-- Liz Smith, U.S. gossip columnist
2507 I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. <BR>	-- W.C. Fields (1880-1946), U.S.…
2510 … hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. <BR>	-- Erma Bombeck (1927-1996), U.S. humorist
2512 … already has. Fewer women are going into it. <BR>	-- Victoria Billinger (1945-- ) , U.S. journalist
2513 The phrase "working mother" is redundant. <BR>	-- Jane Sellman, U.S. writer
2518 I hate music, especially when it's played. <BR>	-- Jimmy Durante (1893-1980), U.S. musician/comedian
2520 …ho thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. <BR>	-- Lily Tomlin, U.S. comedienne/actress
2523 Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny. <BR>	-- Frank Zappa (1941-1993), U.S. musician
2531 Wagner's music is better than it sounds. <BR>	-- Bill Nye (1850-1896), U.S. humorist
2845 … ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
2846 …ced that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
2847 …etter the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
2848 … want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
2849 My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comed…
2850 …es in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
2851 …y lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
2852 …his the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'  <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
2989 Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3049 A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. <BR>	-- Fred Allen (1894-1956), U.…
3132 …ve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look lik…
3188 The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constituti…
3536 … they're British, they've never seen a toothbrush before. <BR>	-- Jay Leno, U.S. talk show host, 2…
3566 Too many "innovators", especially in the U.S., are resting on their laurels collecting government m…