Lines Matching full:it

2 Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
6 To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
16 Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
20 Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
24 The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
25 The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
28 Is the glass half full or half empty? That all depends on who's shout it is.
34 If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
47 Confucius say... it take many nails to build crib, only one screw to fill it.
55 You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's …
63 He who laughs last, didn't get it.
65 It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!
82 It's bad luck to be superstitious.
92 Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
98 Do what you wish, as long as it harms no one. That includes yourself. <BR>	-- Wiccan Creed
100 Organized Religion is like Organized Crime; it preys on peoples' weakness, generates huge profits f…
106 Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
107 Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. <BR>	-- Oscar Levant
111 Oliver's Law:     Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
113 Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. <BR>	-- Philip K. Dick
117 Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion picture…
120 It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
122 Yield to Temptation... it may not pass your way again. <BR>	-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
133 A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and …
135 Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
157 Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it. <BR>	-- Winston Churchill
158 Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove. <BR>	-- Ashle…
159 If you tell a lie, don't believe it deceives only the other person. <BR>	-- Unknown
163 Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it. <BR>	-- Katherine Whiteh…
171 Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. <BR>	-- Soren Kierkegaard
179 It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies. <BR>	-- Arthur Calwell
180 …ly two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it move…
185 Life begets life. Energy begets energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich. <BR>	-- Sa…
188 Here is a test to see if your mission on earth is finished. If you are alive, it isn't. <BR>	-- Fra…
191 Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. <BR>	-- Robert Frost
192 If you truly want to understand something, try to change it. <BR>	-- Kurt Lewin
195 I couldn't wait for success... so I went ahead without it. <BR>	-- Jonathan Winters
196 To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it. <BR>	-- G.K. Chest…
200 Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced. <BR>	-- …
201 Time is a versatile performer. It flies, marches on, heals all wounds, runs out, and will tell. <BR…
205 If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. <BR>	-- Frank A. Clark
209 Courage is like love - it must have hope to nourish it. <BR>	-- Napoleon Bonaparte
223 If I were to begin life again, I should want it as it was. I would only open my eyes a little more.…
233 Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and liste…
234 Good luck is with the man who doesn't include it in his plan. <BR>	-- Graffitti
236 You cannot train a horse with shouts and expect it to obey a whisper. <BR>	-- Dagobert D. Runes
240 When you are in deep water, it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut. <BR>	-- St. Louis Tribune
243 We can't give our children the future, strive though we may to make it secure. But we can give them…
263 If I have seen farther than other men, it is because I stand on the shoulders of giants. <BR>	-- Is…
265 It is necessary for us to learn from others' mistakes. You will not live long enough to make them a…
268 …umbing is a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activi…
269 Happiness is not a reward - it is a consequence. Suffering is not a punishment - it is a result. <B…
270 We choose to go to the moon, not because it's easy but because it's hard. <BR>	-- John F. Kennedy
271 Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. <BR>	-- Mar…
278 …that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impart…
282 The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and …
289 If we are ever in doubt about what to do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on …
296 Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. <BR>	-- Dan Rather
297 Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgiv…
307 Never try to explain computers to a layman. It's easier to explain sex to a virgin. <BR>	-- Robert …
308 Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do. <BR>	-- R. A. Hein…
314 …son who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and w ants it back the minute it rains. <BR…
317 Buy land. They've stopped making it. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
322 It takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
326 Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?  It is because we are not the person …
328 If a million people belive in a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. <BR>	-- Anatole France
338 Without computers, it would be virtually impossible for us to accomploiwur xow; gkc,mf(*&(  <BR>	--…
361 Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it lea…
362 It's a shame about youth; it's wasted on the young. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
374 Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anyb…
377 You should tip the waiter $10; minus $2 if he tells you his name, another $2 if he claims it will b…
380 We have a word for our enlarged capacity to postpone the acknowledgment of error: we call it "plann…
383 Government has never been the answer unless it's a really screwball question. <BR>	-- Daniel J Mitc…
391 Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss!
395 People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is putting up …
399 If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damned fool about it.
401 If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
402 People don't make the same mistake twice -- they make it three times, four times, or five times.
404 …it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?" [Note: In …
409 … the devil. I simply suspect that if Microsoft ever met up with the devil, it wouldn't need an int…
417 The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you've got it made. <BR>	…
426 Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your …
428 Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.
429 It is a scientifically proven fact that not wearing socks helps people think in hexadecimal.
432 Silence is not only golden, it's rarely misquoted.
433 The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equal…
438 It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: f…
441 A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it wor…
442 A man is like a fine wine. He starts out raw as grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and …
443 I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
444 It's all just 1's and 0's. You just have to get them in the right order.
450 There is nothing wrong in having nothing to say, unless you insist on saying it.
453 There was SOMETHING that I was going to do with my life... what WAS it?
455 Thought for the day: When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown; but it takes only 4 mus…
458 …it to be. It is a little like the difference between meeting a woman by candlelight... and seeing …
463 When watching men of power in action it must be always kept in mind that, whether they know it or n…
466 If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doub…
469 An individual's reality model can be right or wrong, complete or incomplete. As a rule it will be b…
470 …e and to fight capitalism, implicitly pay homage to it by passionately clamoring for the products …
471 The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried t…
479 It is acquired wisdom and experience only that teach incredulity, and they very seldom teach it eno…
480 … not study the workings of the actual economic system. They theorize about it. As Ely Devons, an E…
486 The study of history is a powerful antidote to contemporary arrogance. It is humbling to discover h…
489 If voting could change things, it would be illegal.
494 …ity: there is never enough of anything to fully satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of…
501 Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it. <BR>	-- Lewis Grizzard
511 A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
530 Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
540 Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
544 He who breaks a thing to find out what it is, has left the path of wisdom. <BR>	-- J. R. R. Tolkien
550 I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. <BR>	-- Voltaire
551 I'd love to make up my mind, but I can't remember where I left it.
556 If the grass on the other side of the fence appears greener... it must be all the fertiliser they a…
559 If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur. <…
564 I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it.
568 In spite of the cost of living, it's still quite popular.
571 Knowledge is that which is acquired by learning. Wisdom is knowing what to do with it.
572 Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it!
573 Laughter is like changing a baby's nappy. It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes t…
577 Learn to say no. It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin. <BR>	-- Charles Haddo…
579 Life is hard, no one makes it out alive.
583 Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
586 Never say anything unless it is kind, necessary and true.
587 Never wrestle with a pig. You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
589 No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
590 Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
594 One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
600 It's often easier to obtain forgiveness than to seek permission.
607 The mind is like a parachute, it's no good unless it's open!
617 The only place you can win a football game is on the field. The only place you can lose it is in yo…
630 Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?  <BR>	-- George Carlin
631 Time heals nothing, it merely re-arranges our memory. <BR>	-- Gary Numan
632 Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!
638 Under capitalism man exploits man. Under socialism it's just the opposite. <BR>	-- Anon
639 … custody," I assumed I was gonna get to keep the papers and the stash, but it turns out the dude w…
644 It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man. <BR>	-- Scott Elledge, on his …
648 Give me a museum and I'll fill it. <BR>	-- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
653 For there is nothing either good or bad, thinking makes it so. <BR>	-- William Shakespeare (1564-16…
655 I have no data yet. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins …
657 …r because our minds are shaped in one way rather than another, but because it is so, because mathe…
676 …llenges to our intelligence. You simply turn your mind off and say God did it. <BR>	-- Carl Sagan …
688 Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity. <…
689 I think it would be a good idea. <BR>	-- Mahatma Ghandi (1869-1948), when asked what he thought of …
692 If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?  <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
696 It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be i…
698 A word to the wise ain't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice. <BR>	-- Bill Cos…
699 It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
701 It depends upon what the meaning of the word `is' means. <BR>	-- William Jefferson Clinton, August …
714 The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
719 I have an existential map; it has `you are here' written all over it. <BR>	-- Steven Wright
721 …admire a man's opinions as I would his dog, without being expected to take it home with me. <BR>	-…
722 I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying. <BR>	-- Woo…
747 Destiny is not a matter of change, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it…
750 Never forget that it is the spirit with which you endow your work that makes it useful or futile. <…
764 It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both. <BR>	-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527…
769 Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research. <BR>	-- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)
776 Show my head to the people, it is worth seeing. <BR>	-- Georges Danton (1759-1794), to his executio…
777 Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something. <BR>	-- Pancho Villa (1877-1923), last words
778 …ike flowers?  Men don't like flowers. I've been wearing a great new scent. It's called New Car Int…
779 …It has water in the carburetor." Husband: "Water in the carburetor?  That's ridiculous." Wife: "I …
781 Wisdom has two parts: 1) having a lot to say; and 2) not saying it.
797 It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. <BR>	-…
798 It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good - and less trouble. <BR>	-- M…
805 To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know, I've done it a thousand times. <…
806 …oot, and ended by saying such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor'…
812 Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
820 Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
821 …it with 'i' and Iear 4 might fiks the 'g/j' anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improv…
830 …g like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth. <…
831 Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. …
834 Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
842 …elf -- it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant... And so, as soon as the novelty i…
843 History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
844 Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it woul…
849 I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
857 …r manuscript, something is bound to happen to them -- you can't help it; and then it will take you…
858 Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't…
862 I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it a…
863 I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. <…
864 …rs himself... Man is the Animal that Blushes. He is the only one that does it -- or has occasion t…
866 …ns in the right place and the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to make it a…
869 It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. <BR>	--…
870 It is discouraging to try and penetrate a mind like yours. You ought to get it out and dance on it.…
871 It is not best that we should all think alike; it is differences of opinion that make horse races. …
874 Let us not be too particular: it is better to have old second hand diamonds than none at all. <BR>	…
875 Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the s…
876 Love your enemy, it will scare the hell out of them. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
886 …lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would d…
888 Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his …
890 Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.…
891 …ecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a pl…
895 … you're inclined to write "very;" your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it sh…
896 Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
899 The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it wi…
903 …effect where no combination of words, howsoever felicitous, could accomplish it. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
907 …ear after year and will not be persuaded. It isn't because the book is not there and worth being w…
909 There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when…
913 …do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and …
918 Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
919 They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pro…
926 …nd of reasonable so I didn't say nothing against it. I've seen a frog lay most as many, so of cour…
929 We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that a savage has, because we know how it is made.…
930 We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there; lest…
931 …ental, or physical structure can stand still a year. It grows - it must grow; nothing can prevent …
932 …it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember…
936 Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
941 You can't break a bad habit by throwing it out the window. You've got to walk it slowly down the st…
943 …it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist …
954 … who in 1873 voted to make it smaller and put it into a little box next to Hawaii right off the co…
962 The Mayans were constructing a culture down in Mexico featuring a calander so advanced that it can …
966 … cause death within hours. So it's important to watch what you eat, at least until it gets inside …
967 One good place to run is in the Olympic marathon, because (a) you only have to do it once every fou…
969 …le East! Ha ha!  What a bunch of boogerheads!"  No, there is a lot more to it than THAT. As a resp…
978 …ey have very powerful feet," the official says, leading us to believe that it is just a matter of …
979 …II... No, waiteth, we meaneth Line XCII of Schedule CXVIILMM... No holdeth it, we meaneth..."  <BR…
980 …u cannot simply pick up in your local supermarket. (Well, OK, you CAN, but it's not fresh.)  <BR>	…
987 …nd the employees say things like "Howdy, folks!" and actually seem to mean it. You wonder: Where d…
990 … powerful and inexplicably hostile forces try to kill him; in other words, it's exactly like real …
996 It's a basic rule of seamanship that everybody's clothes have to be wet all the time. If there's no…
1008 …lot of very famous people accomplished great things after 50. For example, it was during the post-…
1010 … by my Lexus that if a person comes into my office for any reason, whether it be for a physical ex…
1011 …ust because the American Pet Council gave me a helicopter. I'm also saying it because my family ha…
1012 …is is the kind of dog that, if it takes an interest in your personal regions (which of course it d…
1017 …come they didn't want to come back to New York City, and the tourists said it was because there wa…
1018 …isible ketchup stains, I feel as though I'm wearing a Hefty trash bag. And it's LAST YEAR'S Hefty …
1020 …via Weed Whacker than attend an opera. The one time I did sit through one, it lasted approximately…
1021 The Holiday Season is here again, and there's "something special" in the air. It's the aroma being …
1022 …the first born, wild beasts, lice, boils, locusts, hail and -- you guessed it -- Leonardo DiCaprio…
1024 … with a "5.7 liter engine": This means that when it breaks, you should not ask your mechanic how m…
1025 …ery small unit of money, because back then - ask anybody who lived through it - the average salary…
1026 It is at times like this that we should remember the words of President John F. Kennedy, who, in hi…
1027 … againthat when the American people decide to "get involved" in a problem, it is best not to let t…
1034 …r hands. We use a special kind of easy-smear ink, because we know how much it irritates you. <BR>	…
1037 …e truth is, guys don't HAVE any sensitive innermost thoughts and feelings. It's time you women kne…
1038 …orgets who he's calling, so when somebody answers, Gene has to ask (a) who it is, and (b) does thi…
1040 …e in South Florida we have a special name for this kind of spider: We call it "a spider the size o…
1050 …ing weeks at sea during which they almost perished, discovered a new land. It turned out to be Can…
1053 And thus it was that in 1492 Christopher Columbus sailed from Spain and discovered America, which h…
1056 … who had just invented a new device called the "telescope," peered through it and discovered that …
1062 …one (daughter of Sol and Esther Stone). This was very significant, because it enabled scholars, fo…
1067 … residents, burned the Internal Revenue Service to the ground. Tragically, it was rebuilt, and eve…
1070 …ton put a steam engine aboard a ship called the Clermont. Needless to say, it sank like an anvil, …
1073 …first time ships could go from wherever the Suez Canal started to wherever it ended, something tha…
1077 It was also an Age of Exploration. In 1909, Robert E. Peary reported that he had reached the North …
1091 … your SATs, and unless you are even stupider than you look, you want to do it the right way. <BR>	…
1095 …dows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands …
1097 …ress, I am reminded of a humorous story. Unfortunately, I can't tell it, because it's dirty. <BR>	…
1110 …ur name . . . wait a minute . . . it's coming to me . . . your name contains at least one vowel. A…
1119 …o the collapse of the Egyptian empire, but everybody involved agreed it was worth it. <BR>	-- Dave…
1120 …al values and standards; a rapid descent into chaos and near-barbarism. So it was a pretty good ti…
1121 …d ideals of... not deities, but PEOPLE. Guys were in favor of this because it resulted in statues …
1122 To understand guys, it is essential to remember that, deep down inside, they are biological creatur…
1126 …ry destructive forms of male behavior, the two worst being: (1) War (2) Do-it-yourself projects. <…
1127 It's hard to avoid falling into the stereotype-toy trap. When my son, Rob, was born, my philosophy …
1128 …time acting like what trained professional psychologists call "jerks."  Or it could be that boys a…
1129 …it's fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship wi…
1130 …capable of making a lasting commitment to a woman, especially if she gives it those little food pe…
1133 …lso some of the scientists) are upset that the can't get up there and pee on it. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1141 … in secret code (to prevent other species, such as raccoons, from stealing it), all the informatio…
1148 Let's face it, the human race needs guys because of the numerous contributions that guys make to so…
1149 I am darned proud of my script for "Titanic II."  I have been working on it, without sleeping or ea…
1157 It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the …
1158 Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
1162 It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
1163 It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
1165 If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
1169 Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
1171 The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
1173 Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
1181 It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched …
1184 …it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes a…
1186 This (preparing my tax return) is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher. <BR>	-…
1191 Advice is like kissing: It costs nothing and it's a pleasant thing to do. <BR>	-- George Bernard Sh…
1195 I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it. <BR>	-- Lady Mary Wortle…
1198 Please give me some good advice in your next letter. I promise not to follow it. <BR>	-- Edna St. V…
1200 The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself. <BR>	-- …
1201 There is hardly a man on earth who will take advice unless he is certain that it is positively bad.…
1204 …otection against the rain: there will be no rain as long as you're lugging it around. <BR>	-- Pete…
1212 Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it wi…
1220 Borrow trouble for yourself, if that's your nature, but don't lend it to your neighbors. <BR>	-- Ru…
1221 Boys should abstain from all use of wine until after their eighteenth year, for it is wrong to add …
1222 Buy land, they're not making it any more. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910), U.S. writer
1226 Don't believe the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing -- it was here first. <BR>	--…
1227 Don't bite the hand that has your allowance in it. <BR>	-- Paul Dickson, U.S. journalist/writer
1234 Don't stick your tongue out unless you intend to use it. <BR>	-- David Lee Roth, (1954--), U.S. sin…
1245 If it might break, don't go near it. <BR>	-- Herbert Stein, (--1999), U.S. economist
1252 If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it. <BR>	-- Leo Rosten, (1908-1997), U.S. wri…
1253 It seldom pays to be rude. It never pays to be only half-rude. <BR>	-- Norman Douglas (1868-1952), …
1254 It will not always be summer. Build barns. <BR>	-- Hesiod, (8th century B.C.), Greek poet
1255 It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back. <BR>	-- Mick Jagger, (194…
1259 Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. <BR>	-- P.D. East, 1921-1971), U.S. journalist
1268 Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've alrea…
1273 Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much. <BR>	-- G. K…
1276 …ver give up and sit down and grieve. Find another way. And don't pray when it rains if you don't p…
1296 Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -- and another, in case it doesn't rain. <BR>	-- Mae West (1892-19…
1302 The best way to keep one's word is not to give it. <BR>	-- Napoleon Bonaparte, (1769-1821)
1304 …esignated driver program, is that it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing …
1315 When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him r…
1317 You can't have everything. Where would you put it?  <BR>	-- Steven Wright, Omni, 1984
1319 Africa is God's county, and he can have it. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977), U.S. comedian
1322 Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. <BR>	-- Satchel Paige,…
1332 Growing old -- it's not nice, but it's interesting. <BR>	-- August Strindberg, (1849-1912), Swedish…
1334 I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it. <BR>	-- Eva …
1335 I do wish I could tell you my age but it is impossible. It keeps changing all the time. <BR>	-- Gre…
1344 It is well known that the older a man grows, the faster he could run as a boy. <BR>	-- Red Smith (1…
1345 It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool. <BR>	-- Calvin
1351 Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. <BR>	-- Fred A…
1361 The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it. <BR>	-- …
1372 Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. <BR>	-- Herbert Asquith, British p…
1383 Every time Europe looks across the Atlantic to see the American eagle, it observes only the rear en…
1390 It is a pity that instead of the Pilgrim Fathers landing on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock had not la…
1391 Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's …
1393 Of course, America had often been discovered before, but it had always been hushed up. <BR>	-- Osca…
1394 Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had been merely d…
1398 We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879-…
1399 What a pity, when Christopher Columbus discovered America, that he ever mentioned it. <BR>	-- Margo…
1402 A "good" family, it seems, is one that used to be better. <BR>	-- Cleveland Amory, U.S. critic & an…
1403 Everyone has something ancestral, even if it is nothing more than a disease. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-…
1414 We pay for the mistakes of our ancestors, and it seems only fair that they should leave us the mone…
1419 I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the d…
1428 A man has to work so hard so that something of his personality stays alive. A tomcat has it so easy…
1430 … like or dislike them. They do not always care enough to do anything about it. <BR>	-- Winifred Ca…
1431 Cats are a mysterious kind of folk. There is more passing in their minds than we are aware of. It c…
1436 Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. <BR>	-- Jose…
1440 If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it i…
1443 If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat. <BR>	-…
1445 I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained …
1451 …be made to move in almost any direction. It comes completely assembled, and it makes a sound when …
1455 The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. <BR>	-- Doug La…
1460 When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it …
1466 A dog is not almost human, and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it a…
1475 Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. <BR>	-- Mar…
1478 If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one. <BR>	-- Andy Rooney (1919-- ),…
1499 I learned long ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. <BR>	…
1502 A snake should not be in your yard unless it has your written permission. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, "Inse…
1505 Art is long, and the talk about it is even longer. <BR>	-- William J. Locke (1863--1930), English n…
1508 It does not matter how badly you paint so long as you don't paint badly like other people. <BR>	-- …
1515 Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. <BR>	-- Ch…
1517 A man is usually bald four or five years before he knows it. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-1937)
1520 There's one thing about baldness, it's neat. <BR>	-- Don Herold (1889-1966), U.S. humorist
1521 When others kid me about being bald, I simply tell them that the way I figure it, the good Lord onl…
1525 Bores bore each other, too, but it never seems to teach them anything. <BR>	-- Don Marquis (1878-19…
1527 No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. <BR>	-- Mignon …
1529 Somebody's boring me. I think it's me. <BR>	-- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953), poet
1531 Bravery has no place where it can avail nothing. <BR>	-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784), English writer
1534 It is easy to be brave from a safe distance. <BR>	-- Aesop (620?-560? BC), Thracian freed slave & w…
1537 I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. <BR>	--…
1538 …orth America. They are decidedly the most servile imitators of the English it is possible to conce…
1539 When I go abroad, I always sail from Boston because it is such a pleasant place to get away from. <…
1541 Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland. <BR>	-- Nat…
1542 Hollywood's all right. It's the pictures that are bad. <BR>	-- Orson Welles (1915-1985), U.S. actor
1543 In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
1544 In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it. <BR>	-- Rex Reed, U.S. movie critic
1546 It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1…
1549 It's a city where everyone mutinies but no one deserts. <BR>	-- Harry Hershfield, New York Times, 5…
1562 It is difficult not to write satire. <BR>	-- Juvenal (50-130), Roman satirist
1566 …it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we were reorganized. I was to le…
1568 A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends. <BR>	-- Kin Hubbard…
1570 I have the perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it. <BR>	-- Alfred Hitchcock, (1899-1980), film-maker
1571 It takes about a week of treatment to cure a cold, but without treatment it takes about seven days.…
1589 It was not so very long ago that people thought that semiconductors were part-time orchestra leader…
1592 No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what it's doing; but most of the time, we …
1598 To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so. <BR>	-- Robert Orben (1927--), U.…
1599 …, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it. <BR>	-- Gene Spaffo…
1606 My conscience aches but it's going to lose the fight. <BR>	-- Allanah Myles, Canadian singer
1615 …e like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're un…
1617 I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise. <BR>	-- Noel Coward (1899-1973), English …
1619 It is much easier to be critical than to be correct. <BR>	-- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881), British…
1621 In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around. <BR>	-- Ge…
1623 Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect. <BR>	-- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1…
1630 He should give it all away to doctors. <BR>	-- Yiddish curse
1637 May every day of it be wet for ye. <BR>	-- Saint Patrick of Oreland
1641 May she marry a ghost and bear him a kitten, and may the high king of glory permit it to get mange.…
1650 If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well dance with it. <BR>	-- George Bernard…
1654 Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing to do with it. <BR>	--…
1669 If fame is only to come after death, I am in no hurry for it. <BR>	-- Martial (43-104), Roman epigr…
1670 I wouldn't mind dying -- it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me. <…
1679 The difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make …
1680 The shortness of life, so often lamented, may be the best thing about it. <BR>	-- Arthur Schopenhau…
1682 The thought of suicide is a great comfort. It's helped me through many a bad night. <BR>	-- Friedri…
1683 There are so many ways of us dying it's astonishing any of us choose old age. <BR>	-- Beryl Bainbri…
1691 You can't take it with you. You never see a U-Haul following a hearse. <BR>	-- Ellen Glasgow (1874-…
1693 I have nothing against undertakers personally. It's just that I wouldn't want one to bury my sister…
1694 There is nothing quite so good as burial at sea. It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating. <B…
1695 I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. <BR>…
1698 Life is pleasant and I have enjoyed it, but I have no yearning to clutter up the Universe after it …
1700 If Senator Donovan can get resurrection into the death penalty, I might be willing to give it a sec…
1711 We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it. <BR>	-- Lester B. Pearson (1897-1972), Canadian prim…
1712 … is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it. I've been practicing it for yea…
1719 I think if people marry it ought to be for life; the laws are altogether too lenient with them. <BR…
1721 It is better to have loved and lost, but only if you have a good lawyer. <BR>	-- Herb Caen, U.S. jo…
1733 Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirte…
1737 American beer is a lot like making love in a row boat -- It's f**king close to water!  <BR>	-- Eric…
1741 Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question. <BR>	-- Henry Mon
1742 Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth. <BR>	-- Steve A…
1744 Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding…
1755 I drink when I have occasion for it, and sometimes when I have not. <BR>	-- Miguel de Cervantes (15…
1764 I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark. <BR>	-- H.L.…
1765 Never drink from your finger bowl -- it contains only water. <BR>	-- Addison Mizner (1872-1933), U.…
1776 … drinking: one is, when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to preve…
1782 Why is American beer served cold?  So you can tell it from urine. <BR>	-- David Moulton
1790 …esperately?  I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. <BR>	--…
1793 The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. <BR>	-- Dudley Moore, (1935-2002…
1795 Coke isn't habit-forming. I should know -- I've been using it for years. <BR>	-- Tallulah Bankhead …
1801 …ay. They've got white of egg in their veins and their spunk is that watery it's a marvel they can …
1808 It is cowardly to commit suicide. The English often kill themselves -- it is a malady caused by the…
1809 It takes some skill to spoil a breakfast -- even the English can't do it!  <BR>	-- J K Galbraith, (…
1813 The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it. <BR>	-- James Ag…
1815 The typical Englishman is a strong being who takes a cold bath in the morning and talks about it fo…
1818 When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London. <BR>	-- Bette Midler, The Times, 19…
1822 It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that ar…
1828 What's the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?  <BR>	-- Henry David …
1848 The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far t…
1850 Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. <BR…
1865 It is now proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics…
1871 Father and son are natural enemies and each is happier and more secure in keeping it that way. <BR>…
1875 It's bad manners to apply cosmetics in public. It reminds people that you need them. <BR>	-- P.J. O…
1878 If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport. <BR>	-- George Wi…
1890 Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon, or not all. <BR>	-- Harriet Van Horne…
1891 Eat as much as you like -- just don't swallow it. <BR>	-- Steve Burns
1895 I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it. <B…
1899 I'm a light eater. When it gets light, I start eating. <BR>	-- Tommy John (1943--), U.S. baseball p…
1900 I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat. <BR>	-- Jennifer Greene Duncan
1913 Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-1961), U.S. humorist
1917 The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. <BR>	-- …
1953 I have seen the future and it doesn't work. <BR>	-- Robert Fulford, Canadian journalist
1954 …e is history teacher, because in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach. <BR>	-- Bi…
1955 It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future. <BR>	-- Yogi Berra (1925--), U.S. base…
1956 The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. <BR>	-- Dean Acheson (1893…
1957 The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. <BR>	-- Paul Valery (1871-…
1965 It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen. <BR>	-- Mamie Van Doren, (1931--), U.S. actress
1971 The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law. <BR>	-- Alex Levin
1972 …erman. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does. <BR>	-- P.J. O…
1975 Some people will believe anything if it is whispered to them. <BR>	-- Pierre de Miramax
1981 I am only an average man, but, by George, I work at it harder than the average man. <BR>	-- Theodor…
1983 I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. <BR>	-- Flanne…
1992 It is a cursed evil to any man to become so absorbed in any subject as I am in mine. <BR>	-- Charle…
1994 …oesn't mean that I am pleased with it, mind you, or that I can even tolerate it. I simply have a m…
1997 The trouble with me is I can't worry. Damn it, I try to worry, and I can't. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley…
1998 There used to be a me, but I had it surgically removed. <BR>	-- Peter Sellers, Time, 1980, British …
2002 You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long. <BR>	-- Boris Yeltsin, (193…
2003 Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. <BR>	-- Hector Berlioz (1803-18…
2004 Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson. <BR>	-- Vernon Law…
2005 It is easy to assume a habit; but when you try to cast it off, it will take skin and all. <BR>	-- J…
2010 History does not always repeat itself. Sometimes it just yells "Can't you remember anything I told …
2016 It's futile to talk much about the past -- something like trying to make birth control retroactive.…
2018 The British never remember it, the Irish never forget it, the Russians never make it, and the Ameri…
2019 The past always looks better than it was; it's only pleasant because it isn't here. <BR>	-- Finley …
2021 Those who don't study the past will repeat its errors. Those who do study it will find some other w…
2026 …hat he thinks truth, and every other man has a right to knock him down for it. <BR>	-- Samuel John…
2030 I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. <BR>	-- Ashleigh Brilliant (193…
2033 If one cannot invent a really convincing lie, it is often better to stick to the truth. <BR>	-- Ang…
2034 It is annoying to be honest to no purpose. <BR>	-- Ovid (43 B.C.-18 A.D.), Roman poet
2035 It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good lia…
2043 That's not a lie, it's a terminological inexactitude. <BR>	-- Alexander Haig (1924--), U.S. politic…
2044 The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. <BR>	-- Jean Girado…
2050 Truth is like a well-known whore. Everyone knows her, but it is embarrassing to encounter her on th…
2051 Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2057 I would rather lie on a sofa than sweep beneath it. <BR>	-- Shirley Conran (1932--), U.S. novelist
2060 There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse. <BR>	-- Quentin …
2062 All men are born equal, but quite a few eventually get over it. <BR>	-- Lord Mancroft (1914--), Bri…
2072 I believe I've found the missing link between animal and civilized man. It's us. <BR>	-- Konrad Lor…
2075 I don't know what a scoundrel is like, but I know what a respectable man is like, and it's enough t…
2078 I love mankind, it's people I can't stand. <BR>	-- Charles M. Shulz, Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown, …
2084 It is easier to denature plutonium than to denature the evil spirit of man. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein…
2088 No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature. <BR>	-- Alan Alex…
2090 Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it…
2093 Such is the human race. Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party didn't miss the boat. <BR…
2107 Why did Nature create Man?  Was it to show that she is big enough to make mistakes, or was it pure …
2110 It ain't bragging if you really done it. <BR>	-- Dizzy Dean (1911-1974), U.S. baseball player
2112 One of the great disadvantages of hurry is that it takes such a long time. <BR>	-- G.K. Chesterton …
2113 There is never enough time, unless you're serving it. <BR>	-- Malcolm Forbes (1919-1990), U.S. publ…
2127 If it weren't for the lawyers we wouldn't need them. <BR>	-- William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925), U.…
2128 Laws are like sausages. It is better not to see them being made. <BR>	-- Otto von Bismarck (1815-18…
2133 Lawyers: persons who write a 10,000 word document and call it a brief. <BR>	-- Franz Kafka (1884-19…
2147 How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward. <BR>	-- Spanish proverb
2148 It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. <BR>	-- Jerome K. …
2151 It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-…
2153 Whenever I feel the urge to exercise coming on, I lie down until it passes over. <BR>	--attributed …
2160 It is tiresome to hear education discussed, tiresome to educate, and tiresome to be educated. <BR>	…
2161 It is when the gods hate a man with uncommon abhorrence that they drive him into the profession of …
2163 It's easier to graduate than to learn. <BR>	-- Robert Half
2169 Any idiot can face a crisis -- it's this day-to-day living that wears you out. <BR>	-- Anton Chekho…
2170 Be careful how you interpret the world; it is like that. <BR>	-- Erich Heller, U.S. literary critic
2175 In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on. <BR>	-- Robert Frost (1…
2176 In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these. <BR>	-- Paul …
2177 It is not certain that everything is uncertain. <BR>	-- Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pensees, 1670
2178 It may be that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -- but that's the …
2179 It's a grand life, if you don't tire. <BR>	-- Gaelic proverb
2181 Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. humorist
2186 Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can. <BR>	-- Danny Kaye (1913-1987), U.S.…
2192 Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. By this definition, the amoeba, the mango, the fro…
2193 …s better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peache…
2195 Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering -- and it's all over much too soon. <BR>	-- Woody…
2197 Life is like a B-grade movie. You don't want to leave in the middle, but you don't want to see it a…
2201 Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer and then you find there is nothing in it. <BR…
2202 Life is not a spectacle or a feast; it is a predicament. <BR>	-- George Santayana (1863-1952), Arti…
2214 My theory is to enjoy life, but the practice is against it. <BR>	-- Charles Lamb (1775-1834), Engli…
2218 Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story. <BR>	-- Ashley Brilliant, (1933--), U.S. …
2219 The meaning of life is that it stops. <BR>	-- Franz Kafka (1884-1924), novelist
2222 The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively. <BR>	-- Peter Beard (1938--), U.…
2224 There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. <BR…
2234 It's the poor loser who finally loses out. <BR>	-- Kin Hubbard (1868-1930), U.S. humorist
2237 It is better to have loved a small man than never to have loved a tall. <BR>	-- Mary Jo Crowley, Co…
2241 Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you undernea…
2244 Love is just a chemical reaction. But it's fun trying to find the formula. <BR>	-- J.D. Shantel, pr…
2245 Love is like the measles. The older you get it, the worse the attack. <BR>	-- Mary Roberts Rinehart…
2247 Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin -- it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring. <BR>	--…
2249 Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. film-maker
2252 True love is like seeing ghosts: we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one. <BR>	-- Lo…
2255 You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. <BR>	-- Henny Youngman, (1906-1998), U.S. comed…
2256 Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit. <BR>	-- R. E. …
2260 It is bad luck to be superstitious. <BR>	-- Andrew W. Mathis
2262 The only sure thing about luck is that it will change. <BR>	-- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933), U.S. wit
2283 I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest …
2285 I never knew what real happiness was until I got married and by then it was too late. <BR>	-- Max K…
2289 If I ever marry it will be on sudden impulse, as a man shoots himself. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880-…
2292 If you marry, you will regret it. If you do not marry, you will also regret it. <BR>	-- Soren Kierk…
2293 It is as hard to arrange a good marriage as it was to divide the Red Sea. <BR>	-- Talmud: Sotah, 2A
2294 It is really asking too much of a woman to expect her to bring up her husband and her children too.…
2295 It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. <BR>	-- Spike Milligan, (1918-2002),…
2304 Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. <BR>	-- Irwin C…
2306 Married women are kept women, and they are beginning to find it out. <BR>	-- Logan Pearsall Smith (…
2315 One of the best things about marriage is that it gets young people to bed at a decent hour. <BR>	--…
2317 Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.…
2319 Take it from me -- marriage isn't a word -- it's a sentence. <BR>	-- King Vidor, (1894-1982), U.S. …
2320 The bonds of wedlock are so heavy that it takes two to carry them -- sometimes three. <BR>	-- Alexa…
2326 There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married ag…
2328 What God has put asunder, why should man put it together?  <BR>	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1883),…
2330 Where singleness is bliss, it's folly to be wives. <BR>	-- Bill Counselman, Ella Cinders
2340 I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. <BR>	-- Garrison Keillor (1942--),…
2341 I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining. <BR>	-- Lily Toml…
2354 With me, it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935-- ), U.S. f…
2358 Both the doctor and the Angel of Death kill -- but the doctor charges a fee for it. <BR>	-- Ibn Zab…
2363 I firmly believe that if the whole materia medica could be sunk to the bottom of the sea, it would …
2364 It was difficult for the Angel of Death to kill everybody in the whole world, so he appointed docto…
2373 … the word "Mammogram"?  Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope…
2383 All men kill the thing they hate, too, unless, of course, it kills them first. <BR>	-- James Thurbe…
2392 Giving a man space is like giving a dog a computer: the chances are he will not use it wisely. <BR>…
2396 …s society is like swimming in a salt lake -- no matter how rotten you are, it's impossible to sink…
2397 He took misfortune like a man -- blamed it on his wife. <BR>	-- Brigid De Vine
2398 However we brave it out, we men are a little breed. <BR>	-- Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809-1892), "Maud…
2404 If it weren't for women, men would still be wearing last week's socks. <BR>	-- Cynthia Nelms (1942-…
2406 If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the …
2407 If men liked shopping, they'd call it research. <BR>	-- Cynthia Nelms (1942-1995), US musician, sin…
2409 It is easier for a man to be loyal to his club than to his planet; the by-laws are shorter, and he …
2410 …e yard he's raising tomatoes, and in the cellar he's making a bomb to blow it all up. <BR>	-- Arth…
2428 Men love putting women on a pedestal because it's so much more satisfying when they knock them off.…
2445 A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a p…
2449 Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to adm…
2451 …f mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you. <BR>	-- Rita …
2481 It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich. <BR>	-- Alan …
2482 It's not a sin to be rich -- it's a miracle. <BR>	-- W. F. Dettle
2486 Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the prob…
2490 That money talks/I'll not deny,/I heard it once;/It said, "Goodbye."  <BR>	-- Richard Armour (1906-…
2496 There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody. <BR>	…
2497 Try to save money. Someday it may be valuable again. <BR>	--Anonymous
2499 We at Chrysler borrow money the old-fasioned way. We pay it back. <BR>	-- Lee Iacocca (1924--), U.S…
2500 When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money. <BR>	-- Fr…
2502 …hink money is the most important thing in life. When you are old, you know it. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde…
2512 The best thing that could happen to motherhood already has. Fewer women are going into it. <BR>	-- …
2515 Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it, and that …
2517 I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is the language I don't understand. <B…
2518 I hate music, especially when it's played. <BR>	-- Jimmy Durante (1893-1980), U.S. musician/comedian
2523 Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny. <BR>	-- Frank Zappa (1941-1993), U.S. musician
2528 The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes. <BR>	-- Sir Thomas Bee…
2529 The public doesn't want new music; the main thing it demands of a composer is that he be dead. <BR>…
2531 Wagner's music is better than it sounds. <BR>	-- Bill Nye (1850-1896), U.S. humorist
2535 It's pretty safe to assume the contemporary BMWs will depreciate like school milk. <BR>	-- Patrick …
2540 Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise. <BR>	-- …
2543 …it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the othe…
2545 In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have lon…
2547 It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence whic…
2548 It is a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a …
2554 …It involves no effort of independent thought, and seems rational because the teacher knows more th…
2557 The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be ha…
2565 …re two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.…
2567 There is no nonsense so errant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate go…
2575 …e much more nearly certain than others. It is much more nearly certain that we are assembled here …
2581 Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never …
2583 The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd…
2587 It is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatsoever for supposing it is t…
2588 It is obvious that 'obscenity' is not a term capable of exact legal definition; in the practice of …
2589 …stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it. <BR>	-- Bertrand Ru…
2594 If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. <BR>	-- Doroth…
2598 This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. <BR>	-- Dorot…
2599 That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it w…
2607 A lifetime of happiness!  No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth.
2616 I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2619 …e can measure a pyramid, there would be finality in universal suffrage. As it is, the political pr…
2620 If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. <BR>	-- George Bernard…
2623 Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people l…
2625 …t this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it. <BR>	-- George Bern…
2627 Take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then say it with the utmost levity. <BR…
2629 The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. <BR>	--…
2631 When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - …
2633 Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856…
2635 There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. <BR…
2636 A lifetime of happiness!  No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth. <BR>	-- George Ber…
2642 One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't. <BR>	-- George …
2645 …s?" "A man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it."  <BR>	-- George Be…
2648 When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. <BR>…
2651 …no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing i…
2652 Parentage is a very important profession, but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the inte…
2654 My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world. <BR>	-- George Bernard…
2655 …necessary article... It makes life bearable to millions of people who could not endure their exist…
2662 Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 19…
2671 There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw …
2672 It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or d…
2673 The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it. <BR>…
2674 …pired follies?  The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn't come every d…
2680 …t shelter: its essence lies in the personalities of the people who live in it. <BR>	-- H. L. Menck…
2683 All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. <BR>	…
2684 …ey never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced on them, they tackle …
2686 An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it wil…
2688 Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and h…
2692 For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our …
2694 I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time. <B…
2697 It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. <BR>	-- H. L. Menc…
2698 It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were …
2699 It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. <BR>	-- H. L. Menc…
2700 It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common hone…
2701 It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though s…
2702 It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (…
2704 …. This fighting, no doubt, makes for human progress, for it favors the strong and the brave. It al…
2705 …that devote themselves, day in and day out, to making one another unhappy. It is an art like any o…
2707 Never let your inferiors do you a favor - it will be extremely costly. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 …
2709 …f one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add th…
2714 The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. <…
2716 The most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief…
2718 The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the…
2719 …g scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression mu…
2720 …the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless seri…
2721 …mply opposite. They are nothing of the sort. What the world turns to, when it is cured on one erro…
2722 To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ide…
2725 We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencke…
2726 …d a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he ha…
2728 America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record ge…
2730 An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it. <BR>	…
2738 In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2739 Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. <BR>	--…
2743 The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1…
2748 A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. <BR>	-- Oscar …
2751 America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. <BR>	-- Oscar …
2758 Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. <BR>	-- Osc…
2762 … of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again. <BR>	-- …
2764 It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1…
2767 Music makes one feel so romantic -- at least it always gets on one's nerves -- which is the same th…
2770 Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.…
2783 It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. <BR>	-- Osc…
2789 Vile deeds like poison weeds bloom well in prison air, it is only what is good in man, that wastes …
2792 It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art. <BR>	-- Oscar W…
2793 The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854…
2798 It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2802 I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2805 Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that …
2807 The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray, and the advantage of science is that it …
2809 …o get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for …
2811 …When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, n…
2813 When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again,…
2814 Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives. <BR>	-- Oscar…
2817 Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympa…
2820 …rld, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women. It is a weapon our adve…
2826 …it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to…
2827 How do you tell a communist?  Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an a…
2833 Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a ver…
2835 …ed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stop…
2845 I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. <BR>	-- Rita Rudn…
2848 My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and…
2854 …it is unobstructed action according to our will. But rightful liberty is unobstructed action accor…
2855 …ow with our power, and teach us that the less we use our power the greater it will be. <BR>	-- Tho…
2874 Determine never to be idle... It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing. <BR>	-- …
2875 Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it. <BR>	-- Thomas Jeffe…
2878 …spaper, nor read one a month, and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it. <BR>	-- Thomas Jeff…
2879 I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. <BR>	-- Thomas Je…
2882 Never spend your money before you have it. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), third US President
2884 …It is known to God and myself alone. Its evidence before the world is to be sought in my life: if …
2888 The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always t…
2890 We confide in our strength, without boasting of it; we respect that of others, without fearing it. …
2893 …house be on fire, without inquiring whether it was fired from within or without, we must try to ex…
2898 As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to …
2900 Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2903 How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?  <BR>	-- Woody…
2906 I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. <BR>…
2908 I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. <BR>	…
2910 I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way arou…
2911 If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say a…
2914 It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. <BR>	-- Woody Allen …
2915 It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's ha…
2916 It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the b…
2923 The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get …
2933 It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. <BR>	-- Woody Allen…
2937 Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1…
2938 An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile -- hoping it will eat him last. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Church…
2943 History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2946 It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have bee…
2947 It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at …
2951 …threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if …
2956 There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are tr…
2958 When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own cou…
2959 Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash. <BR>	-- Sir Wins…
2963 …in and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that d…
2965 It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill…
2968 I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma…
2972 For myself I am an optimist -- it does not seem to be much use being anything else. <BR>	-- Sir Win…
2974 Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of th…
2975 We shall show mercy, but we shall not ask for it. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2976 A love of tradition has never weakened a nation, indeed it has strengthened nations in their hour o…
2980 Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate …
2983 …ur savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, d…
2984 …, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows…
2988 …tion in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. <BR>	-- Will R…
3000 Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3004 Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3013 Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3015 Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a…
3016 It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3017 It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it…
3026 …downs, we've had our struggles, we've always been poor, but it's been worth it, ay, worth it a hun…
3028 … contemptuously of money: he wondered if they had ever tried to do without it. <BR>	-- W. Somerset…
3031 It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know th…
3032 It is cruel to discover one's mediocrity only when it is too late. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (187…
3033 It is not wealth one asks for, but just enough to preserve one's dignity, to work unhampered, to be…
3034 It's asking a great deal that things should appeal to your reason as well as your sense of the aest…
3040 …e quick and the dead: they did not seem to belong to the same species; and it was strange to think…
3042 … I seem to read it with my eyes only, but now and then I come across a passage, perhaps only a phr…
3055 With telephone and TV it is not so much the message as the sender that is sent. <BR>	-- Marshall Mc…
3063 Why is it so easy to acquire the solutions of past problems and so difficult to solve current ones?…
3064 The trouble with a cheap, specialized education is that you never stop paying for it. <BR>	-- Marsh…
3075 Camp is popular because it gives people a sense of reality to see a replay of their lives. <BR>	-- …
3076 This information is top security. When you have read it, destroy yourself. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan…
3082 When a thing is current, it creates currency. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media…
3084 …n their previous identities. Neighborhood gives identity. Frontiers snatch it away. <BR>	-- Marsha…
3091 …vin, grunt like Rod Steiger, enunciate like Sir Laurence Olivier, and when it comes to Richard Bur…
3093 …it it, sport-utility-vehicle owners!  It's shaped a little differently, but it's a station wagon! …
3094 …gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hop…
3095 …but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3100 …t myself checkmated in under three minutes. I challenge any computer to do it faster. <BR>	-- Dave…
3103 Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nu…
3107 Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that doe…
3115 Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3120 Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpeto…
3145 … chicken salad sandwich, you wind up with a dish whose name, when you look it up in your Spanish-E…
3147 It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for t…
3148 It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Me…
3149 It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another pers…
3150 It is a well-known fact that although the public is fine when taken individually, when it forms its…
3151 It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own perso…
3152 Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern ar…
3171 …ses billions of tiny facts called bytes, and within a fraction of a second it sends you an error m…
3175 …dows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands …
3191 …n is, why are politicians so eager to be president?  What is it about the job that makes it worth …
3193 …it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose," which is also sometimes called "grape sug…
3206 …s, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it tra…
3208 We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this …
3209 …ill, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially if it involves outer space…
3210 We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to adm…
3212 What I want to know is: Why is it important to have visible stomach muscles?  I grew up in an era (…
3226 Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. <BR>	-- Weiler's Law
3232 The first myth of management is that it exists. <BR>	-- Heller's Law
3245 When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly. <BR>	-- Lab Workers Law
3249 To err is human - to blame it on someone else is even more human. <BR>	-- Jacob's Law
3251 The Telephone will ring when you are outside the door fumbling for your keys. You will reach it jus…
3261 If you do something which you are sure will meet with everybody's approval, somebody won't like it.…
3264 If it's good, they discontinue it. <BR>	-- Herblock's Law
3272 1. If it's green or wriggles, it's biology. 2. If it stinks, it's chemistry. 3. If it doesn't work,…
3276 If you like it, it fits, and you can afford it, it falls apart the first time you wash it. <BR>	-- …
3277 If you like it, and it fits, you can't afford it. <BR>	-- Hadley's Third Law of Shopping
3278 If you like it, and its in your size, it doesn't fit anyway. <BR>	-- Hadley's Second Law of Shopping
3279 If you like it, they don't have it in your size. <BR>	-- Hadley's First Law of Shopping
3280 All of your friends either missed it, lost it or threw it out. <BR>	-- Corollary of Johnson's Law
3281 If you miss one issue of a magazine it will be the issue which contained the article, story or inst…
3295 If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same e…
3305 …d if the project fails but when all of the authorisers can claim credit if it succeeds. <BR>	-- Ro…
3306 If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented, it wasn't worth doing. <BR>	-- Mol…
3311 If a situation requires undivided attention, it will occur simultaneously with a compelling distrac…
3313 If you can get to the faulty part you don't have the tool to get it off. <BR>	-- Automotive Repair …
3314 Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach. <BR>	-- Murray's Rule
3321 You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damn foolproof. <BR>	-- Naeser's Law
3323 If it was bad, it'll be back. <BR>	-- Grelb's Law
3324 The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. <BR>	-- Law of …
3326 Once a dish is fouled up, anything added to to save it only makes it worse. <BR>	-- Second Law of K…
3329 It won't work. <BR>	-- Jenkinson's Law
3334 If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it. <BR>	--Arthur Kasspe
3337 The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it is compromising. <BR…
3343 You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it. <BR>	-- Miller's Law
3352 When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer. <BR>	-- Rul…
3353 The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake. <BR>	-- Young's Corollary
3357 …ou put away a tool that you're certain you've finished with, you will need it again instantly. <BR…
3358 …icular word in a piece of technical writing, ignore it. The piece will make perfect sense without …
3361 No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would. <BR>	-- Evan's Law
3362 If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break. <BR>	-- Schmidt's Law
3364 Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. <BR>	-- Shaw's Princi…
3367 The secret of success is sincerity... once you can fake that, you've got it made. <BR>	-- Glyme's F…
3369 Whatever happens, look as if you intended it to happen. <BR>	-- First Rule of Acting
3371 The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick. <BR>	-- Martial …
3375 The wimp who made it through the elimination round on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee …
3383 When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first p…
3384 It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. <BR>	-- Murphy's Sixth …
3389 Nothing is as easy as it looks. <BR>	-- Murphy's First Corollary
3390 If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man - he will find an easier way to do it. <BR>	-- …
3391 There are some things which are impossible to know, but it is impossible to know which things they …
3396 It's a simple task to make things more complex, but a complex task to make them simple. <BR>	-- Mey…
3400 As soon as you mention something... if it's good, it goes away. <BR>	-- Unspeakable Law
3401 It works better if you plug it in. <BR>	-- Sattinger's Law
3403 It's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save that matters. <BR>	-- Paul's Law
3417 If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it. <BR>	-- Law of Shopping
3421 No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale som…
3422 No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind. <BR>	-- First Law of Bicycling
3423  <BR>	-- First Law of Travel It always takes longer to get there than to get back.
3428 Teamwork is essential - it allows you to blame someone else. <BR>	-- Finagle's 8th Rule
3429 If the shoe fits - it's ugly. <BR>	-- Gold's Law
3430 The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on. <BR>	-- Jones…
3435 The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to it's desirability. <BR>	-- Gumperson's…
3436 If you wait, it will go away. <BR>	-- Hellrung's Law ...having done it's damage  <BR>	-- Shavelson'…
3440 If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong, it would have been ultimately ben…
3451 If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. <BR>	-- Lowery's Law
3454 If an item is advertised as under $40, you can bet it's not $9.95. <BR>	-- Christmas Shopping Axiom
3455 If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away If you throw it away, you will need it the …
3457 If it's in stock, it didn't need replacing in the first place. <BR>	-- Campbell's Third Law of Auto…
3458 In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it. <BR>	-- Collateral Corollary
3461 Everyone lies, but it doesn't matter, as nobody listens. <BR>	-- Lieberman's Law
3463 If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it!  <BR>	-- Boling's Postulate
3470 If there is more than one way in which a system can operate, it will usually operate the wrong way.…
3474 It's impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. <BR>	-- Edsel Murphy
3490 Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why, then do it. <BR>	-- Longs T…
3492 No experiment is ever a complete failure, it can always serve as a bad example. <BR>	-- Futility Fa…
3499 Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse. <BR>	-- Finagle's Law
3508 …emperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it darn well pleases. <…
3509 Don't force it; get a larger hammer. <BR>	-- Anthony's Law of Force
3512 Nothing is important for the person who doesn't have to do it for themself. <BR>	-- Weiler's Law
3517 If something can go wrong, it will. <BR>	-- Murphys Law
3525 A: Yes. > Q: Are you sure? >>A: Because it reverses the logical flow of conversation. >>>Q: Why is …
3527 Not only is UNIX dead, it's starting to smell really bad. <BR>	-- Rob Pike (circa 1991)
3532 Sometimes when you fill a vacuum, it still sucks. <BR>	-- Rob Pike (on the X Window System)
3535 If we had named "Kentucky Fried Chicken", it would have been "Hot Dead Birds". <BR>	-- Vinton Cerf …
3541 …rds, you will hear the voice of Satan?  That's nothing!  If you play it forward, it'll install Win…
3546 I may have invented it, but Bill (Gates) made it famous. <BR>	-- David Bradley (inventor of the Ctr…
3550 It seems the only aspect of Microsoft Windows Vista which scales well is the price. <BR>	-- (adapte…
3555 …it is that Microsoft, by refusing to secure almost half of its installed desktop base, is trying t…
3558 …logical chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led …
3559 The nice thing about Windows is -- It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you pr…
3561 …could charge you two hundred and forty-nine dollars for the right to speak it. <BR>	-- Scott McNea…
3563 There never was a chip, it is said, that Bill Gates couldn't slow down with a new batch of features…
3564 The WWW is exciting because Microsoft doesn't own it, and therefore, there's a tremendous amount of…
3565 …it's the first? Because nobody wants a toilet with Internet access. What is that? Is that really t…
3566 …keting, channel strong-arm tactics, and predatory pricing. They worked for it!  <BR>	-- Geoff Park…
3569 …re secure than open-source software. It is more secure because we stand behind it, we fixed it, be…
3574 A UNIX signature isn't a return address, it's the ASCII equivalent of a black velvet clown painting…
3576 If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a UNIX user to show you how it's done. <BR>	--…
3578 Unix? You can get a less powerful system, but it will cost you more.
3579 …re, users tend to create numerous files using large amounts of file space. It has been said that t…
3580 Sigh. I like to think it's just the Linux people who want to be on the "leading edge" so bad they w…
3583 Those who do not understand UNIX are condemned to reinvent it, poorly. <BR>	-- Henry Spencer
3586 UNIX is like sex: If you don't know it, you don't miss is. But if you know it, you'll need it. <BR>…
3587 UNIX is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are.
3588 UNIX: It's not just 'User-Unfriendly', it's 'Proactively User-Hostile'!
3590 We know Linux is the best, it can do infinite loops in five seconds. <BR>	-- Linus Torvalds
3597 A day for firm decisions!  Or is it?
3600 A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
3603 A little bit of powder, a little bit of paint, makes a girl's complexion seem what it ain't.
3662 Cult: It just means not enough people to make a minority.
3670 Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened.
3672 Don't steal a police car unless you're prepared to floor it all the way to Mexico.
3675 Don't trust reality. After all, it's only a collective hunch.
3683 Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
3684 Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
3686 Entropy isn't what it used to be.
3688 Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
3696 Everything is always okay in the end, if it's not okay, then it's not the end.
3701 Failure is not an option - it's a lifestyle.
3702 Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.
3704 Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.
3706 First rule of acting: whatever happens, look as if it were intended.
3711 Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.
3726 Happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you have.
3728 Hey!  It compiles!  Ship it!
3737 I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
3743 I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
3747 I thought I was wrong once, but it turns out I was mistaken.
3754 If 50 million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.
3756 If I look confused it's because I'm thinking.
3757 If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far.
3775 If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
3777 If oranges smell like chicken, why are tomatoes blue?  Think about it!
3788 If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
3791 If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
3792 If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
3793 If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
3798 If you're not having fun, then you're not doing it right.
3803 It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
3804 It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
3805 It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.
3806 It's better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you are a fool than to open it and remove…
3807 It's like deja vu all over again.
3808 It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
3809 It's people that give drinking a bad name.
3810 It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease.
3819 Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don't complain about the draught.
3828 Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
3833 Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
3839 Most people don't act stupid - it's the real thing.
3848 Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
3855 Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
3857 Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
3860 Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.
3879 Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
3882 Software isn't released, it's allowed to escape.
3892 Take it easy, and if you get it easy take it twice.
3903 The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it.
3907 The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
3912 The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
3913 The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
3916 The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.
3927 They call it "pms" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.
3930 This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.
3931 This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it's dimwit resistant.
3946 Unix is user friendly - it's just picky about it's friends.
3949 Viewer discretion may be advised, but it's never really expected.
3960 When I was young I was told that anyone could be Prime Minister. Now I'm beginning to believe it.
3962 When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
3966 When in doubt, poke it with a stick.
3967 When it's dark enough you can see the stars.
3968 When someone points skyward, it's the fool that looks at the finger.
3971 When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
3972 When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
3979 Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
3985 Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.
3987 Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.
3990 You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
3995 You're driving a car. It isn't a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant.
4005 Seven Deadly Sins?  I thought it was a to-do list!
4009 In the beginning, there was nothing. Then it exploded.
4010 Insanity is hereditary: you get it from your children.
4020 I have not lost my mind. It's backed up on disk somewhere.
4031 Law of Software Envelopment: Every program expands until it can read mail.
4032 I've known many IT shops where the backups worked better than the restores.
4033 It's not that your life is so short, it's just that you're dead for so long.
4035 The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. <BR>	--Abbie Hoffman
4044 Some mornings it's just not worth gnawing through the leather straps. <BR>	--Emo Philips
4046 Of course, that was long ago, but at the time it seemed like the present. <BR>	--P. Steiner
4049 It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up. <BR>	--Joan Rivers
4056 No no no. Don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to. <BR>	--Buckaroo Banzai
4059 It isn't the stuff we don't know. It is the stuff we know that just ain't so. <BR>	--Josh Billings
4062 The Microsoft tax isn't the money you pay them. It's the time you spend coping with their wretched …
4064 Never put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today, you can do it agai…
4067 I've been aware of the time going by; they say in the end, it's the blink of an eye. <BR>	--Jackson…
4069 The struggling for knowledge has a pleasure in it like that of wrestling with a fine woman. <BR>	--…
4072 It's rare that you're presented with a knob whose only two positions are Make History and Flee Your…
4077 Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only specification is that it sh…
4081 Backups are for wimps. Real men upload their data to an FTP site and have everyone else mirror it. …
4083 …ce of the president is not to wield power, but to draw attention away from it. <BR>	--Douglas Adams
4086 The essence of XML is this: the problem it solves is not hard, and it does not solve the problem we…
4100 If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second. <B…
4106 The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to …
4109 Unix... is not so much a product as it is a painstakingly compiled oral history of the hacker subcu…
4110 …nds and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. <BR>	--A…
4111 Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particul…
4112 Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall, Aleph-null bottles of beer, You take one down, and pass it …
4113 A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him th…
4119 …f, and you will attract people who also value those things. It works for finding jobs, and it work…
4123 …s that the glass is half empty. The engineer sees that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
4142 …he ground."  "Nonsense," replies the other. If there were, someone would already have picked it up.
4143 It was the kind of place where a state legislator could actually say, "If the English language was …
4144 …question which divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct. My own …
4149 …more than gold, I need electricity. I need it more than I need lamb or pork or lettuce or cucumber…
4150 …it at first, till it tired him; and then he kept it in a pouch next his skin, till it galled him; …
4152 Since, therefore, the substance of the mind has been found to be extraordinarily mobile, it must co…
4154 …rs of peace and prosperity, and a highly entertaining sex scandal besides. It wasn't enough. Ameri…
4158 …oes it is worth $25; made into kitchen cutlery it is worth $250; made into needles it is worth $3,…
4160 …it) 0. No way!  1. I don't really want it, I just like to think about it. 2. Be careful what you w…
4162 …it - a question of showing rather than telling. It's a convenient distinction to have in colloquia…
4163 It's more or less immaterial whether your Artist creates because of a liking for Deluxe Designer Un…
4170 I love acting. It is so much more real than life. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
4173 Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
4175 …it's like tapping a mike and asking, "Is it on?" If you're not getting porn in your system, it doe…
4182 …It's Einstein's turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off an…
4184 Entropy isn't what it used to be.
4188 …mediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl?" Th…
4198 How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
4199 I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
4201 I'm reading about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
4202 I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
4203 They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type O.
4209 I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
4210 How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
4213 What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
4214 I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!