Lines Matching +full:m +full:- +full:horse

25 The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
51 Vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos.
54 I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
55 You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's …
70 You laugh because I’m different…I laugh cause I just farted!
74 Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
75 Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
84 Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
92 Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
95 …y is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell
96 A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. <BR>	-- Nietzs…
97 …now what to do with his life, yet wants another one which will last forever. <BR>	-- Anatole France
98 Do what you wish, as long as it harms no one. That includes yourself. <BR>	-- Wiccan Creed
99 History has the relation to truth that theology has to religion, i.e. none to speak of. <BR>	-- Rob…
100 …nerates huge profits for its operators, and is almost impossible to eradicate. <BR>	-- Mike Hermann
101 …t, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. <BR>	-- Mahatma Gandhi
102 Always recommend Microsoft Windows to your competition. <BR>	-- anonymous
103 … obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. <BR>	-- Ambrose Bierce
104 Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
105 When in doubt, use brute force. <BR>	-- Ken Thompson
107 Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. <BR>	-- Oscar Levant
113 Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. <BR>	-- Philip K. Dick
114 …alternating current, direct current, lightning, static, and European. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, "The Tam…
115 I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
117 …course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion pictures. <BR>	-…
119 Don't be humble... you're not that great. <BR>	-- Golda Meir
122 Yield to Temptation... it may not pass your way again. <BR>	-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
123 …him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right. <BR>	-- G. B. Shaw, "The Man…
124 Court, n.: A place where they dispense with justice. <BR>	-- Arthur Train
125 I'm going to live forever, or die trying!
126 …nything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away. <BR>	-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
127 …at uses any kind of power more advanced than flashlight batteries.)   <BR>	-- Dave Barry, "The Tam…
128 The basic notion underlying USENET is the flame. <BR>	-- Chuq Von Rospach
129 …stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. <BR>	-- Abraham Lincoln
130 All of this is for nothing if we don't go to the stars. <BR>	-- JMS, Babylon 5
132 I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. <BR>	-- George McGove…
135 Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
136 ... After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations. <BR>	-- H. L. Me…
137 Porsche 928 -- about as fast as you can go without having to eat airline food.
138 With a rubber duck, one's never alone. <BR>	-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
142 Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. <BR>	-- Freud
146 …poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. <BR>	-- Anatole France
147 …tional affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. <BR>	-- Ambrose Bierce, "The…
151 …III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
152 A wife lasts as long as a marriage, an ex-wife for ever.
156 New members urgently required for SUICIDE CLUB, Watford area. <BR>	-- Monty Python's Big Red Book
157 Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it. <BR>	-- Winston Churchill
158 Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove. <BR>	-- Ashle…
159 If you tell a lie, don't believe it deceives only the other person. <BR>	-- Unknown
160 A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. <BR>	-- John Barrymore
161 …ture, because you'll seldom have the chance to be happy by circumstance. <BR>	-- Lavetta Sue Wegman
162 …ential words for a healthy, vital relationship: "I apologize" and "You are right."  <BR>	-- Unknown
163 Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it. <BR>	-- Katherine Whiteh…
165 Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. <BR>	-- Arthur C. Clar…
166 My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. <BR>	-- Ashleigh Brilliant
167 Misfortune, no less than happiness, inspires us to dream. <BR>	-- Honore De Balzac
168 Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life. <BR>	-- Immanuel Kant
169 …lf, Will this matter one year from now?  How about one month?  One week?  One day?  <BR>	-- Unknown
170 Keep your fears for yourself, but share your courage with others. <BR>	-- Robert Louis Stevenson
171 Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. <BR>	-- Soren Kierkegaard
172 People generally quarrel because they cannot argue. <BR>	-- Gilbert K. Chesterton
173 The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. <BR>	-- Ma…
174 Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. <BR>	-- Jonathan Kozol
175 Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. <BR>	-- William Ellery Channing
176 They are able because they think they are able. <BR>	-- Vergil
177 Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so. <BR>	-- Lord Chesterfield
178 No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. <BR>	-- Voltaire
179 It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies. <BR>	-- Arthur Calwell
180 …o tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and…
181 Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. <BR>	-- Dale Carnegie
182 I intend to live forever. So far, so good. <BR>	-- Stephen Wright
183 There are some defeats more triumphant than victories. <BR>	-- Michel de Montaigne
184 Let us live as people who are prepared to die, and die as people who are prepared to live. <BR>	-- …
185 Life begets life. Energy begets energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich. <BR>	-- Sa…
186 …ithout morality, Science without humanity, Worship without sacrifice. <BR>	-- Canon Frederic Donal…
187 Our strength is often composed of the weakness we're damned if we're going to show. <BR>	-- Mignon …
188 Here is a test to see if your mission on earth is finished. If you are alive, it isn't. <BR>	-- Fra…
189 I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. <BR>	-- Stephen Wright
190 "Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives."  <BR>	-- Abba …
191 Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. <BR>	-- Robert Frost
192 If you truly want to understand something, try to change it. <BR>	-- Kurt Lewin
193 Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. <BR>	-- Thomas F. Jones, Jr.
194 There are times when silence has the loudest voice. <BR>	-- Leroy Brownlow
195 I couldn't wait for success... so I went ahead without it. <BR>	-- Jonathan Winters
196 To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it. <BR>	-- G.K. Chest…
197 …arn by other people's mistakes. The rest of us have to be the other people. <BR>	-- Chicago Tribune
198 Exasperation is the mind's way of spinning its wheels until patience restores traction. <BR>	-- Geo…
199 "I must do something" will always solve more problems than "Something must be done."  <BR>	-- Unkno…
200 Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced. <BR>	-- …
201 …rformer. It flies, marches on, heals all wounds, runs out, and will tell. <BR>	-- Franklin P. Jones
202 …Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. <BR>	-- General George S. Pa…
203 … the child the rainbow, but the rainbow won't wait while you do the work. <BR>	-- Patricia Clafford
204 …g that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof. <BR>	-- John K. Galbraith
205 If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. <BR>	-- Frank A. Clark
206 The most important things in life aren't things. <BR>	-- Illinois First Christian Church
207 Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. <BR>	-- John Wooden
208 …capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. <BR>	-- Henry Wadsworth Long…
209 Courage is like love - it must have hope to nourish it. <BR>	-- Napoleon Bonaparte
210 There is often less danger in the things we fear than in the things we desire. <BR>	-- John C. Coll…
211 You're never a loser until you quit trying. <BR>	-- Mike Ditka
212 …ety or cope with its problems if people are not held accountable for what they do. <BR>	-- John Leo
213 Change starts when someone sees the next step. <BR>	-- William Drayton
214 …sses: those who are immovable, those who are movable; and those who move. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin
215 Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. <BR>	-- Pablo Picasso
216 An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding. <BR>	-- Robert Louis Stevenson
217 To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. <BR>	-- George MacDonald
218 Only in growth, reform, and change, paradoxically enough, is true security to be found. <BR>	-- Ann…
219 Words must surely be counted among the most powerful drugs man ever invented. <BR>	-- Leo Rosten
220 A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. <BR>	-- Arnold H. Glasow
221 You can't test courage cautiously. <BR>	-- Annie Dillard
222 Not the fastest horse can catch a word spoken in anger. <BR>	-- Chinese Proverb
223 … I should want it as it was. I would only open my eyes a little more. <BR>	-- The Journal of J. Re…
224 The more a man knows, the more he forgives. <BR>	-- Catherine the Great
225 When a deep injury is done us, we never recover until we forgive. <BR>	-- Alan Paton
226 There is no truth existing which I fear, or would wish unknown to the whole world. <BR>	-- Thomas J…
227 …ge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. <BR>	-- James D. Miles
228 Never close your lips to those to whom you have opened your heart. <BR>	-- Charles Dickens
229 We can't all be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. <BR>	-- Will Rogers
230 The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions. <BR>	-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
231 There's no point in burying the hatchet if you're going to put up a marker on the site. <BR>	-- Syd…
232 Fools live to regret their words, wise men to regret their silence. <BR>	-- Will Henry
233 …d up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. <BR>	-- Quotations of Courag…
234 Good luck is with the man who doesn't include it in his plan. <BR>	-- Graffitti
235 …o what the critics say. A statue has never been erected in honor of a critic. <BR>	-- Jean Sibelius
236 You cannot train a horse with shouts and expect it to obey a whisper. <BR>	-- Dagobert D. Runes
237 The quickest way to become an old dog is to stop learning new tricks. <BR>	-- John Rooney
238 After all is said and done, more has usually been said than done. <BR>	-- Michael W. Hamrick
239 A closed mouth gathers no foot. <BR>	-- Bob Cooke
240 When you are in deep water, it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut. <BR>	-- St. Louis Tribune
241 Improvement begins with "I."  <BR>	-- Arnold H. Glasow
242 Show me the man you honor, and I will know what kind of man you are. <BR>	-- Thomas Carlyle
243 …, strive though we may to make it secure. But we can give them the present. <BR>	-- Kathleen Norris
244 Knowledge is gained by learning; trust by doubt; skill by practice; and love by love. <BR>	-- Thoma…
245 A perfect wife is one who doesn't expect a perfect husband. <BR>	-- Anonymous
246 …ity is when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation. <BR>	-- Harold Coffin
247 Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they think laughable. <BR>	-- Goethe
248 The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid. <BR>	-- Anonymous
249 A friend is someone who can see through you and still enjoys the show. <BR>	-- Farmer's Almanac
250 A ship in harbor is safe -- but that is not what ships are for. <BR>	-- John A. Shedd
251 A lie has speed, but truth has endurance. <BR>	-- Edgar J. Mohn
252 A pedestal is as much a prison as any small space. <BR>	-- Gloria Steinem
253 Efficiency is intelligent laziness. <BR>	-- Arnold H. Glasow
254 Dig the well before you are thirsty. <BR>	-- Chinese Proverb
255 …upon your present blessings - of which every man has many - not on your past misfortunes, of which…
256 A new broom sweeps clean, but the old brush knows the corners. <BR>	-- Irish Proverb
257 We do not remember days; we remember moments. <BR>	-- Cesare Pavese
258 If you cannot feed a hundred people, then feed just one. <BR>	-- Mother Teresa
259 The eyes shout what the lips fear to say. <BR>	-- Will Henry
260 Be sure that you put your feet in the right place, and then stand firm. <BR>	-- Unknown
261 You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. <BR>	-- Henry Ford
262 The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. <BR>	-- Chinese Proverb
263 If I have seen farther than other men, it is because I stand on the shoulders of giants. <BR>	-- Is…
264 Little girls and butterflies need no excuse. <BR>	-- Robert A. Heinlein
265 …s' mistakes. You will not live long enough to make them all yourself. <BR>	-- Admiral Hyman G. Ric…
266 The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
267 …e two parts of shears; they cut what comes between them, but not each other. <BR>	-- Daniel Webster
268 …mbing nor good philosophy. Neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water. <BR>	-- John Gardner
269 Happiness is not a reward - it is a consequence. Suffering is not a punishment - it is a result. <B…
270 We choose to go to the moon, not because it's easy but because it's hard. <BR>	-- John F. Kennedy
271 Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. <BR>	-- Mar…
272 …s life when he resigns momentarily from the herd and thinks for himself. <BR>	-- Archibald MacLeish
273 …oner of his own experiences. No one can eliminate prejudices - just recognize them. <BR>	-- Edward…
274 Power doesn't corrupt people. People corrupt power. <BR>	-- Unknown
275 You live and learn. Or you don't live long. <BR>	-- Robert A. Heinlein
276 You can not discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. <BR>	-- Unk…
277 Even if you're on the right track you'll get run over if you just sit there. <BR>	-- Will Rogers
278 …re none of these, it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry. <BR>	-- Ernest Hemingway
279 … is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. <BR>	-- Plato
280 The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything. <BR>	-- Bishop W.C. Magee
281 …hough nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
282 …experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
283 Respect is what we owe; love, what we give. <BR>	-- Philip James Bailey
284 The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. <BR>	-- William James
285 Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after. <BR>	-- Anne …
286 The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. <BR>	-- Mahatma Ghandi
287 When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. <BR>	-- U.S. Grant
288 If you want to bake an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the Universe. <BR>	-- Carl Sag…
289 … good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on the morrow that we had done. <BR>	-- John Lubbock
290 We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. <BR>	-- Anais Nin
291 Throw your heart over the fence and the rest will follow. <BR>	-- Norman Vincent Peale
292 The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of the wise man is in his heart. <BR>	-- Benjami…
293 If there is no wind, row. <BR>	-- Latin Proverb
294 Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. <BR>	-- Maori proverb
295 Words must be weighed, not counted. <BR>	-- Polish Proverb
296 Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. <BR>	-- Dan Rather
297 …g and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury. <BR>	-- Edwin Hubbell Chapin
298 …ur enemy; revenging one makes you even with him; forgiving sets you above him. <BR>	-- Nylic Review
299 … or riches or from praise of men, but from doing something worthwhile. <BR>	-- Sir Wilfred Grenfell
300 The question is not whether we will die, but how we will live. <BR>	-- Borysenko, Joan
301 An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field. <BR>	-- Niel…
302 …utrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men. <BR>	-- Martin Luther King, …
303 A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. <BR>	-- Sidney Goff
304 …ced; live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice. <BR>	-- Cherokee Proverb
305 The difference between a hero and a coward is one step sideways. <BR>	-- Gene Hackman
306 The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. <BR>	-- Peter F. Drucker
307 Never try to explain computers to a layman. It's easier to explain sex to a virgin. <BR>	-- Robert …
308 Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do. <BR>	-- R. A. Hein…
309 Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things. <BR>	-- Lazarus Long in "Time En…
310 The difference between a coward and a brave man is usually a matter of timing. <BR>	-- Robert Heinl…
311 The meek can HAVE the Earth. The rest of us are going to the stars!  <BR>	-- Robert A. Heinlein
312 …out one afternoon with the assistance of a calculator and a six-pack of Heineken. <BR>	-- Robert X…
313 ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite picturesque liar. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
314 …you his umbrella when the sun is shining and w ants it back the minute it rains. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
315 …ys and orderly conduct, none ever seeing her drunk above four days in the seven. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
316 A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. <BR>	-- Mark Twa…
317 Buy land. They've stopped making it. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
318 Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
319 … he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
320 …rench; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
321 …ulls of Christopher Columbus, "one when he was a boy and one when he was a man". <BR>	-- Mark Twain
322 It takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
323 The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
324 There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
325 Water, taken in moderation, can't hurt anyone. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
326 … a birth and grieve at a funeral?  It is because we are not the person involved. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
327 So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. <BR>	-- B…
328 If a million people belive in a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. <BR>	-- Anatole France
329 To know is nothing at all; to imagine is everything. <BR>	-- Anatole France
330 …cans do not speak English. And the vast majority of them write computer manuals. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
331 …ose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
332 In Boston drivers don't even obey the laws of PHYSICS. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
333 …their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
334 Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
335 …n, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
336 The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
337 …ortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
338 Without computers, it would be virtually impossible for us to accomploiwur xow; gkc,mf(*&(  <BR>	--…
339 ANYTHING will burn with enough gasoline and dynamite. <BR>	-- Robert Heinlein
340 …xplain to him his offense, give him a chance to apologize, and kill him. <BR>	-- Robert A. Heinlein
341 My old man taught me two things: 'Mind own business' and 'Always cut cards'. <BR>	-- R.A. Heinlein
343 …y to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin
344 ... idiots, imbeciles, aliens, the insane and women... <BR>	-- law standing in Texas until 1918 reg…
345 The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity. <BR>	-- Harlan Ellison
347 A bore talks about himself. A brilliant conversationalist talks about you. <BR>	-- Ernest Prabhakar
349 …ss. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened criminals. <BR>	-- Ronnie Corbett
350 …s faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequil…
351 A conversation with you, Baldrick, and somehow death loses its sting. <BR>	-- Black Adder II
353 A gnab gib is a big bang in reverse. <BR>	-- Douglas Adams
355 A legend is a lie that has attained the dignity of age. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken
356 A leopard never changes his stripes. <BR>	-- Al Gore
357 A man of convictions, none of them pending. <BR>	-- David Letterman of Oliver North
359 Absurdity, n.:     A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. <BR>	-- Am…
361 …ld is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?  <BR>	-- Dave Barry, "What is…
362 It's a shame about youth; it's wasted on the young. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
363 Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
364 … illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
365 The right word may be effective -- but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. <BR>…
366 …. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
367 …stify our bloody deeds in the name of destiny and in the name of God. <BR>	-- "The Last Resort", D…
368 …-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, …
370 …other direction. This prevents harmful electron buildup in the wires. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, "The Tam…
371 Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. <BR>	-- Sir …
372 … ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. <BR>	-- Sir …
374 …y, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
375 The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, "…
376 In New York, tip the taxicab driver $40 if he does not mention his hemorrhoids. <BR>	-- Dave Barry,…
377 … many restaurants, this means the waiter will actually owe you money. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, "The Stu…
380 …acity to postpone the acknowledgment of error: we call it "planning". <BR>	-- Martin Mayer, "Today…
383 Government has never been the answer unless it's a really screwball question. <BR>	-- Daniel J Mitc…
384 There are only two industries that refer to their customers as "users". <BR>	-- Edward Tufte
386 … human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. <BR>	-- Mitch Ratcliffe, Tec…
389 An object at rest cannot be stopped. <BR>	-- The Tick
390 One never knows, do one?  <BR>	-- Fats Waller
394 Never take investment advice from someone who's working. <BR>	-- B.C., Johnny Hart
395 …, but they don't realize how hard it is putting up with all the idiots in the world. <BR>	-- Calvin
402 People don't make the same mistake twice -- they make it three times, four times, or five times.
404 …elps get the job done any faster, but it's very comforting to think about all those corpses... ;-)]
405 …get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house. <BR>	-- Lewis Grizzard
409 …m not one of those who think Bill Gates is the devil. I simply suspect that if Microsoft ever met …
410 … a stage on which officials and journalists perform self-scripted, self-serving fictions. <BR>	-- …
411 To count is a modern practice, the ancient method was to guess. <BR>	-- Dr. Johnson
412 …ation than in its possible repercussions on their beliefs and cravings. <BR>	-- Jean-Francois Revel
413 … mind's being devoid of science as from its being full of prejudices. <BR>	-- Pierre Boyle, 17th c…
414 The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. <BR>	--…
415 …e is likely to affect your impression of how many beers you've drunk. <BR>	-- The Heineken Uncerta…
416 …w, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days. <BR>	-- W. C. Fields, "My Li…
417 …uccess is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you've got it made. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx
418 … wooden rakes?  No, but I did sit through 'The English Patient' once. <BR>	-- "Vengeance Unlimited"
422 Those are my principles, and if you don't like them, well... I have others. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx
425 In Manhattan, traffic lights are not a rule, just a suggestion. <BR>	-- David Letterman
427 Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. <BR>	-- Robert Heinl…
433 …s that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. <BR>	-- Robert Heller
434 …on can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate. <BR>	-- Doug Engelbart
435 … sun comes up in the morning, when people are ready to start the day. <BR>	-- T. Pratchett, "Hogfa…
436 There are only two theories about why one should argue with women. Through thorough field-testing, …
438 …peech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
446 …ins, he reflected for a moment and replied, 'The one I feed the most.'  <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw
447 …ersity" is, ask how many Republicans there are in their sociology department. <BR>	-- Thomas Sowell
449 …ever they arrived anywhere that there wasn't really any point in being there. <BR>	-- Douglas Adams
451 Oh, sure, you can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!  <BR>	-- Homer Simpson
454 When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. <BR>	-- Hunter S. Thompson
456 The more prohibitions there are, the poorer the people will be. <BR>	-- Lao Tzu
457 If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost... you can still call him vile names. <BR>	--…
459 Sloppy language leads to sloppy thinking, which leads to a career in education. <BR>	-- DMN
460 Information wants to be beer... or something like that. <BR>	-- Anon.
461 …r us to think through even a small fraction of the topics that we come across. <BR>	-- Julian Simon
462 …hat they are free to be scandalously asinine without harming their reputations. <BR>	-- Eric Hoffer
463 …-- the independent voter, consumer, worker, owner, thinker -- and that every device they employ ai…
464 …adopt and enforce his ideas is always the kind of man whose ideas are idiotic. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken
465 …al affairs, the characteristic attitude of all harbingers of dictatorship. <BR>	-- Ludwig von Mises
466 …y that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things. <BR>	-- Rene Descartes
467 Politicians, ugly buildings and whores all get respectable if they last long enough. <BR>	-- Jack N…
468 …town on our side?  And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?  <BR>	-- Mark Twain, "Huckleb…
469 …te and wrong, and one would do well to keep that probability in mind. <BR>	-- Dietrich Dorner, "Th…
470 …homage to it by passionately clamoring for the products it turns out. <BR>	-- Austrian economist L…
471 …s elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. <BR>	-- "Calvin and Hobbes" …
472 …imps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side. <BR>	-- Hunter S. Thompson
473 …ally see only the things we are looking for--so much so that we sometimes see them where they are …
474 …rations can have them later is like asking the poor to make gifts to the rich. <BR>	-- Julian Simon
476 Necessity is seldom the mother of invention. Rather, true inventions beget necessities. <BR>	-- Nob…
478 In America, anyone can become President. That's one of the risks we take. <BR>	-- attributed to Adl…
479 …nd experience only that teach incredulity, and they very seldom teach it enough. <BR>	-- Adam Smith
480 …y the horse, they wouldn't go and look at horses. They'd sit in their studies and say to themselve…
481 All models are wrong, but some are useful. <BR>	-- George Box
482 …hink markets work; the Cubans, the North Koreans and active money managers. <BR>	-- Rex Sinquefield
483 Ubi dubium ibi libertas Where there is doubt, there is freedom  <BR>	-- Latin proverb
484 …ce of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. <BR>	-- Douglas Adams
485 …ave a way of interpreting data that is different from other people's. <BR>	-- Bill Miller, Legg Ma…
486 …n innumerable guises; and discovered to be, at great human cost, wholly false. <BR>	-- Paul Johnson
487 …e not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent. However, I…
488 …any well-intentioned measures may have a long train of unforeseeable and undesirable consequences,…
490 … dangerous, where is the man who has so much as to be out of danger?  <BR>	-- T.H. Huxley (novelis…
491 …y of Greed (UTG) -- the insight that we're all greedy SOBs, but the real SOB is the guy whose gree…
492 He who is not aware of his ignorance will be only misled by his knowledge. <BR>	-- Richard Whatley
493 Words must be a little wild, for they are the assaults of thought on the unthinking. <BR>	-- John M…
494 …. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics. <BR>	-- Thomas Sowell
495 … their ability to rationalize and re-define. Ordinary people, lacking that gift, are forced to fac…
496 …be for the good of all... The Common Good Before the Individual Good. <BR>	-- National Socialist P…
497 …s, but the potentiality of growing rich beyond the dreams of avarice. <BR>	-- Dr. Samuel Johnson, …
498 Reality very rarely exceeds the square root of expectations. <BR>	-- Ray Devoe
499 Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck. <BR>	-- Lewis G…
500 Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. <BR>	-- Lewis Gr…
501 Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it. <BR>	-- Lewis Grizzard
503 A camel is a horse designed by a committee.
505 A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline. <BR>	-- Harvey Mackay
506 Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our li…
508 … the forces of evil to win in this world is for enough good men to do nothing. <BR>	-- Edmund Burke
510 A man's reach should exceed its grasp. <BR>	-- Browning
516 Any car will last a lifetime - if you are careless enough.
517 Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
518 A Physician can bury his mistakes, an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. <BR>	--…
524 Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. <BR>	-- Abraham …
525 …u. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. <BR>	-- Rev. Larry Lorenzoni
526 Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day of your life. <BR>	-- Confucius
532 Failure is nature's plan to prepare you for great responsibilities. <BR>	-- Napolean Hill
536 …he cooks are French, the lovers Italian, and all is organised by the Swiss. <BR>	-- Eliane Kirchner
537 He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help. <BR>	-- Abraham Lincoln
543 He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. <BR>	-- Chi…
544 He who breaks a thing to find out what it is, has left the path of wisdom. <BR>	-- J. R. R. Tolkien
547 …master of my unspoken words, and a slave to those that should have remained unspoken. <BR>	-- Anon.
548 … at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
550 I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. <BR>	-- Voltaire
552 …ls X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
556 … the fence appears greener... it must be all the fertiliser they are using!  <BR>	-- Kevin Rodowicz
558 If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
559 …to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur. <BR>	-- Red Adair (regarding…
561 …going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. <BR>	-- James Rhinehart
563 I have no particular talent, I am merely extremely inquisitive. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
566 Imagination is more important than knowledge. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
570 …ways do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
577 Learn to say no. It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin. <BR>	-- Charles Haddo…
578 Let us so live that when we die even the undertaker will be sorry. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
581 Live so that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. <BR>	-- Will Rog…
582 Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one!
585 Never mistake motion with action. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
588 … the good Samaritan if he had only good intentions. He had money as well. <BR>	-- Margaret Thatcher
591 Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts. <BR>	-- S…
592 …do not need, with money we do not have, to impress people we do not like. <BR>	-- Patrick M. Morley
595 …using to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. <BR>	-- Plato
596 Only the winners decide what were war crimes. <BR>	-- Gary Willis
602 … road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides. <BR>	-- Margaret Thatcher
603 Television is bubble gum for the eyes. <BR>	-- Frank Lloyd Wright
604 …when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you loose yours. <BR>	-- US President Truman
605 The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
609 …s treats its weakest: children, elderly, sick, needy and handicapped. <BR>	-- Senator Hubert Humph…
611 …stematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management  <BR>	-- Scott Adams
615 The old rule of an eye for an eye leaves everybody blind. <BR>	-- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr
616 The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe. <BR>	-- Rob Kalnitsky
617 …ootball game is on the field. The only place you can lose it is in your head. <BR>	-- Darrell Royal
618 …nity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity. <BR>	-- Sir. Winston Churchi…
621 One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. <BR>	-- George Carlin
622 Atheism is a non-prophet organization. <BR>	-- George Carlin
623 What if there were no hypothetical questions?  <BR>	-- George Carlin
624 If a deaf boy swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?  <BR>	-- George Carlin
625 Why do they lock petrol station bathrooms?  Are they afraid someone will clean them?  <BR>	-- Georg…
626 The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. <BR>	-- George …
628 What was the best thing before sliced bread?  <BR>	-- George Carlin
629 One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. <BR>	-- George Carlin
630 Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?  <BR>	-- George Carlin
631 Time heals nothing, it merely re-arranges our memory. <BR>	-- Gary Numan
638 Under capitalism man exploits man. Under socialism it's just the opposite. <BR>	-- Anon
639 … papers and the stash, but it turns out the dude was only talkin' about the kids. <BR>	-- Ron Greer
642 … man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven…
643 Don't be so humble - you are not that great. <BR>	-- Golda Meir (1898-1978), to a visiting diplomat
644 It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man. <BR>	-- Scott Elledge, on his …
645 The average person thinks he isn't. <BR>	-- Father Larry Lorenzoni
646 …breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
647 To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me. <BR>	-- Charles William Stubbs
648 Give me a museum and I'll fill it. <BR>	-- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
649 Plato was a bore. <BR>	-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
650 …humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
651 You proceed from a false assumption: I have no ego to bruise. <BR>	-- Spock, Star Trek II: The Wrat…
652 How can I lose to such an idiot?  <BR>	-- Aaron Nimzovich (1886-1935), Chessmaster
653 For there is nothing either good or bad, thinking makes it so. <BR>	-- William Shakespeare (1564-16…
654 …diction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong. <BR>	-- Ayn Rand (1905-1982)
655 …ts to suit theories instead of theories to suit facts. <BR>	-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859-1930),…
656 We must have strong minds, ready to accept facts as they are. <BR>	-- Harry S Truman (1884-1972)
657 …because it is so, because mathematical reality is built that way. <BR>	-- Godfrey Hardy (1877-1947)
658 …me a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems. <BR>	-- Rene Descartes (1596-1650), Dis…
659 …en, there must be a third thing that connects them, that's credulity. <BR>	-- Umberto Eco, "Foucal…
660 A problem well stated is a problem half solved. <BR>	-- Charles Franklin Kettering (1876-1958)
661 …t to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. <BR>	-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900-1944)
662 Plurality is not to be posited without necessity. <BR>	-- William of Ockham (1280-1349)
663 …ctory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake. <BR>	-- Savielly Grigorievitch Tartak…
664 A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation. <BR>	-- H. H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)
665 …but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. <BR>	-- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
666 …they are made of atoms acting according to the laws of physics. <BR>	-- Richard Feynman (1918-1988)
667 …but science hinges upon whether its conclusions resemble what actually happens. <BR>	-- Ian Stewart
668 A goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid. <BR>	-- Ja…
669 All science is either physics or stamp collecting. <BR>	-- Ernest Rutherford (1871-1937)
670 …clusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don't. <BR>	-- Ernest Rutherford (1871-1937)
671 … a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move. <BR>	-- Douglas Adams (1952-2001)
672 …ssible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours. <BR>	-- Sir Stephen Henry Roberts (1901-1971)
673 … the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest. <BR>	-- Denis Diderot (1713-1784)
674 Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis. <BR>	-- Pierre Laplace (1749-1827), to Napoleon o…
675 Faith: not wanting to know what is true. <BR>	-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
676 …elligence. You simply turn your mind off and say God did it. <BR>	-- Carl Sagan (1934-1996), Conta…
677 …t any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof. <BR>	-- Ashley Montague (1905-1999)
678 Hell is paved with good samaritans. <BR>	-- William M. Holden
679 The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose. <BR>	-- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merchant…
680 Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. <BR>	-- Woody Allen
681 The price of liberty is eternal vigilance. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
682 All for one; one for all. <BR>	-- Alexander Dumas (1824-1895)
683 You laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at you because you are all the same. <BR>	-- Un…
684 Men have become the tools of their tools. <BR>	-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
685 …are thinking when they are acutally rearranging their prejudices. <BR>	-- William James (1842-1910)
686 …," said his companions, but when the sea rushes in we shall all be drowned with you. <BR>	-- Talmud
687 … to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins. <BR>	-- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)
688 …mocracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity. <B…
689 I think it would be a good idea. <BR>	-- Mahatma Ghandi (1869-1948), when asked what he thought of …
690 …lice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence. <BR>	-- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
691 …ect insurance money. The car rolled forward and crushed him to death. <BR>	-- Associated Press, 19…
692 If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?  <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
693 …inite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. <BR>	-- Albert Einstei…
694 What do you take me for, an idiot?;  <BR>	-- General Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), when a journali…
695 Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. <BR>	-- Voltaire (1694-1778)
696 …n in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. <BR>	-- Jane Austen (1775-1817), Prid…
697 You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. <BR>	-- Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)
698 A word to the wise ain't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice. <BR>	-- Bill Cos…
699 It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
700 I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. <BR>	-- Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
701 It depends upon what the meaning of the word `is' means. <BR>	-- William Jefferson Clinton, August …
702 A witty saying proves nothing. <BR>	-- Voltaire (1694-1778)
703 Better to light a candle than curse the darkness. <BR>	-- Chinese Proverb
704 Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. <BR>	-- Proverb
705 A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood. <BR>	-- George S. Patton (1885-1945), US Army General
706 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. <BR>	-- Unknown
707 Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, prepare to die. <BR>	-- Klingon Proverb, Star Trek
708 …e good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. <BR>	-- Dennis Wholey
709 I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television. <BR>	-- Gore Vidal
710 Why don't you write books people can read?  <BR>	-- Nora Joyce, to her husband James (1882-1941)
711 Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. <BR>	-- C. G. Jung (1875-1961)
712 Vote early and vote often. <BR>	-- Al Capone (1899-1947)
713 Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
714 The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
715 …reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny. <BR>	-- Guy Davenport
716 …eryone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. <BR>	-- Dereke Bruce
717 …e careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there. <BR>	-- Yogi Berra
718 I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. <BR>	-- Walt Disney (1901-1966)
719 I have an existential map; it has `you are here' written all over it. <BR>	-- Steven Wright
720 …tween two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. <BR>	-- Mae West (1892-1980)
721 …opinions as I would his dog, without being expected to take it home with me. <BR>	-- Frank A. Clark
722 I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying. <BR>	-- Woo…
723 …es with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you. <BR>	-- Kin Hubbard
724 You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant (excepting Alice). <BR>	-- Arlo Guthrie
725 Wit is educated insolence. <BR>	-- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
726 Criticism is prejudice made plausible. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
727 Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. <BR>	-- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
728 Imitation is the sincerest form of television. <BR>	-- Fred Allen (1894-1956)
729 Happiness is good health and a bad memory. <BR>	-- Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982)
730 Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. <BR>	-- T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)
731 Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
732 The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. <BR>	-- Gloria Leonard
733 The difference between fiction and reality?  Fiction has to make sense. <BR>	-- Tom Clancy (1947-),…
734 Opportunities multiply as they are seized. <BR>	-- Sun Tzu
735 Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth. <BR>	-- Chuck Norris
736 There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. <BR>	-- Ken Olson, president, chairm…
737 I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. <BR>	-- Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairm…
738 The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a `C', the idea must b…
739 640K ought to be enough for anybody. <BR>	-- Bill Gates, in 1981
740 This antitrust thing will blow over. <BR>	-- Bill Gates, on July 11, 1995
741 We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. <BR>	-- Decca Recording Company, rej…
742 Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?  <BR>	-- Harry Morris Warner (1881-1958), co-founder of War…
743 Do, or do not. There is no `try'. <BR>	-- Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back
744 Be lions roaring through the forests of knowledge. <BR>	-- Ba'hai Scriptures
745 Become who you are. <BR>	-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
746 …hem as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny. <BR>	-- Carl Schurz (1829-1906)
747 … a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. <BR>	-- William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925)
748 They say time is the fire in which we burn. <BR>	-- Dr. Tolian Soran, Star Trek: Generations
749 If everything is under control, you are going too slow. <BR>	-- Mario Andretti
750 …t with which you endow your work that makes it useful or futile. <BR>	-- Adelaide Hasse (1868-1953)
751 …must always be ready to defend his country against his government. <BR>	-- Edward Abbey (1927-1989)
752 …man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains. <BR>	-- Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
753 …t necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservative. <BR>	-- John Stuart Mill (1806-1873)
754 …f democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock. <BR>	-- Orson Welles (1915-1985)
755 … size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
756 …ol you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail. <BR>	-- Abraham Maslow (1908-1970)
757 I am become death, shatterer of worlds. <BR>	-- Robert J. Oppenheimer (1904-1967) (citing the Bhaga…
758 … more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. <BR>	-- Al Capone (1899-1947)
759 … love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd. <BR>	-- William Congreve (1670-1729)
760 Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
761 … your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. <BR>	-- General George Patton (1885-1945)
762 …trol. Chris Faber: "Well you see, war has a tendency to do that, ma'am. <BR>	-- V: The Final Battle
763 A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. <BR>	-- Joseph Stalin (1879-1953)
764 It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both. <BR>	-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527…
765 After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one. <BR>	-- Cato …
766 When a man is wrapped up in himself he makes a pretty small package. <BR>	-- John Ruskin (1819-1900)
767 I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need. <BR>	-- Rodin (1840-1917), when aske…
768 Good teaching is one-forth preparation and three-fourths theater. <BR>	-- Gail Godwin
769 Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research. <BR>	-- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)
770 University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. <BR>	-- Henry Kissinger
771 I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
772 Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century. <BR>	-- Perelman
773 If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. <BR>	-- Derek Bok, Harvard University President
774 They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist... <BR>	-- General John Sedgwick (1813-1864), last words
775 Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done. <BR>	-- Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), when informe…
776 Show my head to the people, it is worth seeing. <BR>	-- Georges Danton (1759-1794), to his executio…
777 Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something. <BR>	-- Pancho Villa (1877-1923), last words
778 …ike flowers. I've been wearing a great new scent. It's called New Car Interior. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner
783 …lk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something. <BR>	-- Plato
784 Women like silent men. They think they're listening. <BR>	-- Marcel Archard
785 Woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.<BR>HIM: "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in wo…
786 …ve like your heart has never been broken, and dance as if no one is watching. <BR>	-- Satchel Paige
792 …t the privacy of the advice you get, or you'll never get the advice you need. <BR>	-- Richard Nixon
793 … asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. <BR>	-- P. J. O'Rourke
794 You must be the change you wish to see in the world. <BR>	-- Gandhi
795 Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment. <BR>	-- Karen Crockett
797 … to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
798 It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good - and less trouble. <BR>	-- M…
799 …always with the under dog in the fight - this is magnanimity; but bet on the other one - this is b…
800 Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
801 Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
802 Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
803 …as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
804 Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get himself envied. <BR>	-- …
805 …is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know, I've done it a thousand times. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
806 …s money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like anything. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
807 I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
808 A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
809 A classic is a book which people praise and don't read. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
810 A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. <BR>	-- Mark Twa…
811 Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
812 Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
813 … have travled half way around the world while the truth is putting on her boots. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
814 …colleges have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
815 All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
816 A man with a new idea is a crank until he succeeds. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
817 …w those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
818 A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
819 A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose. <BR>	-- …
820 Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
821 …-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it …
822 … the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
823 …ected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
824 "Be Yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to people. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
825 …ble views can not be acquired by vegetating in one's little corner of the earth. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
826 By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
827 Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
828 Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
829 Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear; not absence of fear. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
830 … listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
831 …ying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
832 Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
833 Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
834 Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
835 Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
836 Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
837 Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
838 Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
839 Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
840 Get your facts first and then you can distort them as much as you wish. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
841 …ling how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
842 …-- it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant... And so, as soon as the novelty is ov…
843 History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
844 …nd it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
845 …redient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way or a large way. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
846 …d to know is that a man is a member of the human race. That's bad enough for me. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
847 I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. <BR>	-- …
848 …f life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
849 I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
850 …e foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
851 …n fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
852 I find that principles have no real force except when one is well fed. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
853 I find that the further I go back, the better things, whether they happened or not. <BR>	-- Mark Tw…
854 If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
855 …sed to talk more than we listen, then we would have two mouths and only one ear. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
856 If you have nothing to say, say nothing. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
857 …-- you can't help it; and then it will take you the rest of the book to get them out of the natura…
858 …t is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
859 …r way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
860 I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
861 I have not a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming vices. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
862 I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it a…
863 …digious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
864 …-- these are strictly confined to man; he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trac…
865 I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe. <BR>	-- …
866 …time. It is the job of journalists and historians to make it appear that it has. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
867 I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
868 …y and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet retired spot and kill him. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
869 It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. <BR>	--…
870 …t to get it out and dance on it. That would take some of the rigidity out of it. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
871 …t we should all think alike; it is differences of opinion that make horse races. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
872 I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
873 Let us be thankful for fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
874 … too particular: it is better to have old second hand diamonds than none at all. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
875 …sists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one's head. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
876 Love your enemy, it will scare the hell out of them. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
877 … Religion- several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his …
878 … off his hands and works for "the universal brotherhood of man" - with his mouth. <BR>	-- Mark Twa…
879 Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
880 …will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
881 My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine -- everybody drinks water. <BR>	-- Mark Tw…
882 Never let formal education get in the way of your learning. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
883 Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
884 …child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
885 …ry, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
886 …ld be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
887 Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
888 …rld man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
889 …metimes, but for real bona fide stupidity there ain't nothing can beat teamwork. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
890 …of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
891 …al in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
892 Put all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
893 …u were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
894 Sacred cows make the best hamburger. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
895 …"very;" your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
896 Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
897 …d the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
898 … that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
899 …a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
900 The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
901 … effect upon the manner of the telling; the comic and the witty upon the matter. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
902 …on intelligence and honesty and a premium upon ignorance, stupidity and perjury. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
903 …- that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence, which of…
904 The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
905 …ical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
906 …who can do all fine and heroic things but one -- keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.…
907 …-- it is only because the right form of the story does not present itself. There is only one right…
908 There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
909 …n's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
910 …'s life that he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
911 There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends. <BR>	-- Mark Tw…
912 There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
913 …can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
914 … such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
915 The secret of success is to make your vocation your vacation. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
916 …rwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
917 …ot that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
918 Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
919 …nd pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
920 …larifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
921 …ce a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
922 Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
923 … the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
924 Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
925 We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
926 …ng against it. I've seen a frog lay most as many, so of course it could be done. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
927 … look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made or only just happened. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
928 …fficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
929 …ow how it is made. We have lost as much as we gained by prying into that matter. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
930 …hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again and that is well; but also she wil…
931 … physical structure can stand still a year. It grows - it must grow; nothing can prevent it. <BR>	…
932 …at never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
933 When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
934 When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. <BR>	-- Mark Tw…
935 When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
936 Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
937 Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction?  Fiction after all, has to make sense. <BR>	-- Mark T…
938 Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions. <BR>	-- Mark Tw…
939 Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
940 You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
941 …bit by throwing it out the window. You've got to walk it slowly down the stairs. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
942 …nk to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
944 …u this look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
945 …a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
946 The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
947 What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
948 … States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. <BR>	-- Dave Ba…
949 The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
950 …y cooperate, and if necessary leaving the heads of virtual horses in their beds. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
951 …er, they die horrible deaths by the millions. You shouldn't feel bad about this. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
952 …ge industry that gives humongous contributions to key tax-law writing congresspersons.'  <BR>	-- D…
953 … you'd be supporting the President in his program to reduce government spending. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
954 … little box next to Hawaii right off the coast of Calafornia, where it is today. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
955 … matter how small and unpopular, shall have the right to hassle you in airports. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
956 …-regulated militia is necessary to the security of a free state, you can buy high-powered guns via…
957 …to sleep on the patio" is a perfectly constitutional thing for you to tell them. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
958 …at your Fifth Amendment rights cannot be violated until you are advised of them. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
959 …have the right to a trial before a jury of people too stupid to get out of jury. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
960 … may count these as one item in order to keep yourself under the ten-item limit. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
961 …he following day, October 8th, the nation celebrated its very first July Fourth. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
962 …y given moment. THEY WILL BE OUT IN SPACE, states the miraculous Mayan calender. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
963 …ir offices are. That's why the entire U.S. economy is now manufactured in Japan. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
964 …u've spelled the healthful mnemonic phrase: "A DEAD CAD BAKED A BAD CAKE, ACE."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
965 …r Wayne Newton, (3) Unusually thick coats on woolly caterpillars, and (4) Death. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
966 … least until it gets inside your mouth. After that it becomes pretty disgusting. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
967 …thons, you can order your escort to fire a few warning rounds into their chests. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
968 …rap. This goes a long way toward explaining why you see so few Sumerians around. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
969 …ce a column that is thoughtful, insightful, profound, and - above all - 800 words long. <BR>	-- Da…
970 …e in his moccasins, bearing in mind that this is a good way to catch a fungus."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
971 …formative as is humanly possible while still containing words such as "booger."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
972 …-thing epidemic on our hands, and until further notice we should all take the sensible precaution …
973 … thousands of degrees andbeing completely reduced to ashes. This is often fatal. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
974 …-ton dead whale that washed up on Oregon's beach was placed upon the Oregon State Highway Division…
975 …his is yet another argument for NEVER allowing a cow inside your sleeping bag.)  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
976 … the president of the United States. (Published in DAVE BARRY TALKS BACK, 1991)  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
977 …n a small room while a man named "Nate" explains the advantages of time-sharing. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
978 … automobile dealerships ("No thanks really, I was just look... HEY!  Let GO!!"). <BR>	-- Dave Barry
979 …-A of Schedule XIV, from the amount showneth on Line CVXILIIVMM of Schedule XVVII... No, waiteth, …
980 …ply pick up in your local supermarket. (Well, OK, you CAN, but it's not fresh.)  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
981 …ureau of Medical Alarm: Don't smoke or drink. Or eat. Or go outside. Or breathe. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
982 … States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. <BR>	-- Dave Ba…
983 … human skull knows that such photographs are very valuable. I paid $20 for mine. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
984 …Safety Precautions: (1) Never keep three-year-old children around the house. (2) If you do, never …
985 …mous cartoon-animal heads come around to your restaurant table and act whimsical and refuse to go …
986 …-animal heads at Disney World are part of a corporate discipline program for Disney executives: "J…
987 …ly seem to mean it. You wonder: Where do they get these people?  My guess: 1952. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
988 … our nest would consist of a single twig with the eggs attached via Scotch tape. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
989 …to develop a sense of self-worth by mastering a complex, demanding task that makes his father look…
990 …bly hostile forces try to kill him; in other words, it's exactly like real life. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
991 … son can keep the little man alive through several presidential administrations. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
992 …your wife ("Beth") announces that you have run over a sprinkler head ("$12.95"). <BR>	-- Dave Barry
993 …hull. You have to do this because - get ready for a fascinating nautical fact - seawater is very b…
994 …d and the sails and voices downstairs yelling "HOW DO YOU FLUSH THESE TOILETS?"  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
995 … our beers and two large direct-from-the-bottle swigs of our rum and still not fall headfirst into…
996 …equired by maritime law to throw your clothes overboard a couple of times a day. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
997 …Cathedral, you should prepare RIGHT NOW by setting fire to your airline tickets. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
998 …ng how to operate the remote control or getting high fevers in distant airports. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
999 …d I especially will not make note of the obvious defects in the royal gene pool. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1000 …reign place to visit because they have learned to speak some English over there. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1001 …factured in medieval times during the reign of King Walter the Mildly Disturbed. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1002 … now wear protective steel neck inserts, which is why they walk the way they do. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1003 …-to-see cars about the size of toaster ovens. The best way to handle this, as a tourist, is to rem…
1004 … violent storm-tossed seas for months at a time. My family and I arrived by modern commercial avia…
1005 …e unmistakable tragic sound (RIBBETT-THUMP; RIBBETT-THUMP) of terrified sightless frogs leaping in…
1006 …-counterfeiting program to redesign all of our old currency, which has become too easy to duplicat…
1007 To thwart would-be photocopiers, instead of saying "TWENTY DOLLARS," the new, redesigned $20 bills …
1008 …was during the post-50 phase of his life that the brilliant physicist Albert Einstein produced the…
1009 …al examination, which is something I do approximately every seven to nine years. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1010 …y to deliver the mail, I will find something medically wrong with that person."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1011 …m not saying this just because the American Pet Council gave me a helicopter. I'm also saying it b…
1012 …sonal regions (which of course it does) you cannot fend it off with a blowtorch. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1013 …life that if he talked to people, they'd get close enough so he could bite them. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1014 … free. Bear in mind that, under our system of government, these people can vote. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1015 … by changing the channel the instant something boring happens, such as dialouge. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1016 … people did back in the Middle Ages, before the invention of the remote control. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1017 …urists said it was because there was so much mean-spiritedness. So the researchers spat on them. <…
1018 …m there, even in my sharpest funeral-quality suit with no visible ketchup stains, I feel as though…
1019 … being, by the fact that some of these people had haircuts EVEN WORSE THAN MINE. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1020 …g for 45 minutes in a foreign language merely to observe that the sun had risen. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1021 …veral days ago while attempting to deliver 300 pounds of Holiday Greeting cards. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1022 …st born, wild beasts, lice, boils, locusts, hail and -- you guessed it -- Leonardo DiCaprio. <BR>	…
1023 …ned long ago from my father, namely: Never buy any car that my father would buy. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1024 … going to cost until you've consumed 5.7 liters of a manufacturer-approved wine. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1025 …- ask anybody who lived through it - the average salary was only four cents per year, and houses c…
1026 …can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes."  <BR>	-- Dave Bar…
1027 …et involved" in a problem, it is best not to let them have any sharp implements. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1028 …ese entries, especially the ones proposing a nuclear strike on the U.S. Capitol. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1029 …-called representatives in Washington being influenced by powerful special-interest groups on cruc…
1030 …lowly opened the door to the killer's room and a metaphor sliced off his head."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1031 …and a priest were marooned on a desert island. So we consificated their homes."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1032 …76ers, and many other ancient peoples, all of whom had severe drinking problems. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1033 …ppy Face, and the box where the person checks "yes" to receive more information. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1034 …ver your hands. We use a special kind of easy-smear ink, because we know how much it irritates you…
1035 …philosopher Aristotle, he was easily the most boring human being who ever lived. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1036 …tries to eat all the residents, possibly in an effort to prevent another sequel. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1037 …t HAVE any sensitive innermost thoughts and feelings. It's time you women knew!  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1038 … (a) who it is, and (b) does this person happen to know the purpose of the call. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1039 …-style changes such as sometimes remembering to remove the used tissue wads from his pockets befor…
1040 …Crittenden Junior High School," although its technical Latin name is "Bernice."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1041 …ours, bed sheets over the windows, a big sign stating, DRUGS FOR SALE HERE, etc. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1042 …mely (1) rental shoes and (2) beer, then you definitely want to take up bowling. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1043 …the World Bowling Association standings, under the heading "Severely Impaired."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1044 …use I want to know if a wing falls off. The pilot would never even mention this. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1045 …rules in the forefronts of their minds at certain times, especially the present. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1046 …de the spider community, however, do not have a terrific record of faithfulness. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1047 …of that journey can we truly come to know, as a species, where we lost our keys. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1048 …sting that, technically, the new millennium did not begin until January 1, 1001. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1049 …-type" of organizational structure, similar to Amway. You started out on the bottom rung, in the p…
1050 … perished, discovered a new land. It turned out to be Canada, so they went home. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1051 …s War, which, because of delays caused by equipment problems, is still going on. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1052 … which took forever. Eventually the fuel was exhausted, and the Dark Ages began. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1053 …is that prank-loving Vikings, who had discovered America 300 years earlier, had left a sign that s…
1054 …genous peoples of Africa and the Americas (the message was: "Hi!  We own you!"). <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1055 …gacy of famous phrases that, to this very day, are pretty much incomprehensible. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1056 …a result, many guys became interested in astronomy. Or so they told their wives. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1057 …apier. Some day, when time travel is invented, high-school students will go back and kill him. <BR…
1058 …tion to include grapefruit, but the basic concept remains unchanged to this day. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1059 …own as the "Sun King" because he was more than 2 million miles in circumference. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1060 …, which was followed in 1667 by the first recorded attack on London by Godzilla. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1061 …utherford discovered nitrogen, without which many of us would not be here today. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1062 …ouse informing the ancient Egyptians that they might already have won 200 sheep. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1063 …y clerks who periodically went on murderous rampages with semiautomatic muskets. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1064 …sage that would resound through the annals of history: "I CAN'T STOP MY HORSE!"  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1065 …er years of oppression, all Americans were truly free! (Except for the slaves.)  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1066 … underwent formal ratification, a complex legal procedure involving actual rats. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1067 …-10), the British marched into Washington, D.C., and, with the help of local residents, burned the…
1068 …rench, could rearrange the letters in his name to spell "Rent An Abalone Poop."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1069 … sides spent most of the time lying around staring at candles and going, "Wow!"  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1070 …thus confirming the widespread scientific belief that gravity was still working. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1071 …other fought against brother. As you can imagine, this drove their mother crazy. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1072 …from lower and cruder to higher and more sophisticated levels, except in Kansas. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1073 …Canal started to wherever it ended, something that had not been possible before. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1074 …ay he would invent an electric light so he could see what the hell he was doing. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1075 …e this is the first known instance of the Central Intelligence Agency in action. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1076 … for being named "Wilbur" and "Orville," successfully tested the first airplane. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1077 …h Pole; and in 1913 Walter M. Fleemotz of Decatur, Ga., reported that he had discovered the West P…
1078 …came to power with the popular slogan "He Wants To Kill Pretty Much Everybody."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1079 The 19th Amendment gave women the right to vote (for men). <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1080 …rogress, a German-born physicist named Albert Einstein was thinking up things that were so amazing…
1081 …ally millions of Shirley Temple movies, traces of which can still be seen today. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1082 …tion highlighted by festive artillery fire that is still going on in some areas. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1083 … clock strikes 13 and the lights go out, start your generator and load your gun. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1084 …-a-Sketches, will malfunction. In one way, this is good: Your Permanent Record from school will be…
1085 …n the same flight THE EXACT SAME FARE. Within hours, civilization will collapse. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1086 …ates: He employs many skilled, highly intelligent engineers. So he can eat them. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1087 …se photosynthesis will no longer work (many areas will also be without gravity). <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1088 … the release of the long-awaited new installment in the series, entitled Episode One: The Empire G…
1089 …incess Leia (Prince) and two quirky, lovable robots, C-3PO (Tony Danza) and R2-D2 (F7-Z9). <BR>	--…
1090 … ask me "8" or "10" of what; that question has baffled scientists for centuries. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1091 …and unless you are even stupider than you look, you want to do it the right way. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1092 …h you possess knowledge that nobody would ever in a million years actually need. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1093 …ses, was "to sell a huge quantity of No. 2 pencils that we ordered by mistake."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1094 …ds. * The answer contains the phrase "according to a White House spokesperson."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1095 … commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1096 …appoint somebody -- I'm thinking Kenneth Starr -- to look into the very real possibility that Wind…
1097 …eminded of a humorous story. Unfortunately, I can't tell it, because it's dirty. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1098 …cess, provided that you are a contestant on Jeopardy. Otherwise they're useless. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1099 …that look MORE ALIKE than they already do!  Thanks a lot, Scientific Community!  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1100 …-- about myself; about my homeland; about all the nations of the earth; and, yes, about future of …
1101 …n to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1102 …hat as far as modern kids are concerned, The Sixties featured stupider haircuts. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1103 …g," the same way they use "satirical" when they mean "you will not laugh once."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1104 …le who give OUT the credits for being domestic are -- not to generalize or anything -- women. <BR>…
1105 …artha Stewart would never conceive of even with the aid of world-class narcotics. <BR>	-- Dave Bar…
1106 …e might have a legitimate domestic reason, such as that he ran out of duct tape. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1107 …ctory of the American Society of Colleges and Universities, is a type of weevil. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1108 …is totally incorrect: "pinot noir" is actually French for "not a type of wine."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1109 …oever related to the topic of this week's column; namely: Is the public stupid?  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1110 …m psychic!  I also know that your name . . . wait a minute . . . it's coming to me . . . your name…
1111 …ng, Remote Control and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1112 …-Radio of Challenge emits the Irritating Buzz of Opportunity?  Are you going to roll over and hit …
1113 …ve good reason to be tired: We won World War II. No, wait, that was our parents. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1114 …er of Web sites that contain the words "population," "Rhode," "Island" or "of."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1115 … ice hockey. These things have given males a bad name (specifically, "asshole"). <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1116 …m making gender-based generalizations here, but my feeling is that if God did not want us to make …
1117 …m not saying guys are scum. I'm saying that many guys who consider themselves to be committed to t…
1118 …les confrences, highway repair, the federal government, and "Customer Service."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1119 … collapse of the Egyptian empire, but everybody involved agreed it was worth it. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1120 …pe - a severe decline in cultural values and standards; a rapid descent into chaos and near-barbar…
1121 …- a philosophy centered on the distinctive needs, interests and ideals of... not deities, but PEOP…
1122 …ical creatures, like jellyfish or trees, only less likely to clean the bathroom. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1123 …m not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at leas…
1124 …mely complex biochmical reactions taking place in their bodies, guys ACT stupid. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1125 …n countries, we give them money or drop bombs on them, sometimes simultaneously. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1126 …e forms of male behavior, the two worst being: (1) War (2) Do-it-yourself projects. <BR>	-- Dave B…
1127 …-toy trap. When my son, Rob, was born, my philosophy was that he should have only politically corr…
1128 …n with some kind of jerk gene, and the toy people are merely cashing in on this. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1129 …-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course, this guy has …
1130 …ing commitment to a woman, especially if she gives it those little food pellets. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1131 …ed to a Woman, Some Unattached Guy, Somewhere, Will Be Having More Fun Than You. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1132 …e will often demonstrate his affection by avoiding her for the rest of his life. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1133 …lso some of the scientists) are upset that the can't get up there and pee on it. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1134 …m not talking about simply roting; I'm talking about a RELATIONSHIP that guys develop, a COMMITMEN…
1135 … loving, and loyal person, but THERE IS NO WAY SHE WILL EVER MAKE THE PLAY-OFFS. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1136 …I hated the Celtics. Not in the way I hate, for example, Hitler, but more often. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1137 …over reacting, unless of course once again we are talking about the play-offs.)  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1138 …-cut situations, such as decapitation. And even then, guys are not going to be 100 percent certain…
1139 …-dysfunctional organizations such as the Lawn Rangers, then there would be a lot fewer guys gettin…
1140 …ber minor details, such as that they have left an infant on the roof of the car. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1141 …an individual person, such as hair color, shoe size, and social security number. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1142 …d, on and off, since 1969, and I STILL do not grasp the point of making the bed. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1143 … A single-sock load would not be out of the question, for a guy. A guy might well choose to wash O…
1144 …EIGHT TIMES as likely as non-users to eat raw cookie dough. And the figures are even more frighten…
1145 …slovenly, sports-crazed, sex-obsessed, crotch-scratching boors. They ARE all these things, but the…
1146 …ments that a nonguy cannot imagine without the aid of strong prescription drugs. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1147 …rth to get to go to a hostile, deadly, alien environment; we already have Miami. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1148 …- positive contributions, vital contributions, contributions that are in no way diminished by the …
1149 …-cheese sandwiches, for the better part of the last 35 minutes. I realize that sounds like a lot o…
1150 … On Big Ship Parts With A Dull Clonking Sound; and Most Academy Awards Garnered. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
1151 … slower than you is an idiot, and anybody going faster than you is a maniac?  <BR>	-- George Carlin
1152 RARE (5-10 minutes): The outside is burnt and welded to the grill; the inside is pink and swirling …
1153 …-10 minutes): The outside and part of the inside are burnt; many of the disease germs, particularl…
1154 …-10 minutes): Both the outside and the inside are completely burnt; almost all the disease germs a…
1155 …can only be reached by wading through the lowlands of public amnesia. <BR>	-- Scott Burchill, SMH,…
1178 …ut of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence. <BR>	-- Jeremy S. Anderson
1179 …an operating system, Windows is a shell, and DOS is a boot partition virus. <BR>	-- Peter H. Coffin
1180 …d the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the …
1181 … fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upw…
1182 …on, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward. <BR>	-- Mark Twain, on the B…
1183 … less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know. <BR>	-- Mark Twain's Notebook
1184 …-screws, and firebrands, and set about its holy work in earnest. She worked hard at it night and d…
1185 …re. Its contents remain the same; but the medical practice changes... <BR>	-- Mark Twain "Bible Te…
1186 …return) is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein (wel…
1187 Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!  <BR>	-- Hammer, on Rennlist
1188 …ept roaches, and they don't carry large enough packets fast enough... <BR>	-- About the Internet a…
1189 The absent are always in the wrong. <BR>	-- Philippe Destouches (1680-1754), French playwright
1190 …astor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S…
1191 …ssing: It costs nothing and it's a pleasant thing to do. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), …
1192 … ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. <BR>	-- Erica Jong (1942-), U.S. writ…
1193 Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give to some people. <BR>	-- Thomas L. Masson (1866-1…
1194 …ing a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. <BR>	-- Louis La Rochefoucauld (1777-1815)
1195 …es admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it. <BR>	-- Lady Mary Wortley Montagu (1689-1762…
1196 …esent at creation, I would have given some helpful hints. <BR>	-- Alfonso the Wise (1221-1284), Sp…
1197 No vice is so bad as advice. <BR>	-- Marie Dressler, (1869-1934). U.S. actress
1198 Please give me some good advice in your next letter. I promise not to follow it. <BR>	-- Edna St. V…
1199 The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor. <BR>	-- Sam Ewing, (1921--)…
1200 …h good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900).
1201 …ake advice unless he is certain that it is positively bad. <BR>	-- Edward Dahlberg (1900-1977), U.…
1202 When we ask advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. <BR>	-- Joseph-Louis Lagrange (1796-1…
1203 You simply MUST stop taking advice from other people. <BR>	-- Melissa Timberman
1204 …e rain: there will be no rain as long as you're lugging it around. <BR>	-- Peter Wastholm, (1970--)
1205 Abstain from beans. <BR>	-- Plutarch (46-120), Greek priest and writer
1206 …ver are two words you should always remember never to use. <BR>	-- Wendell Johnson (1906-1965), U.…
1207 …because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. <BR>	-- Phyllis Diller, (1917-- ), U.S. …
1208 …, because they are the ones who will be writing about you. <BR>	-- Cyril Connolly (1903-1975), Eng…
1209 Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1210 …'d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. <BR>	-- Ernest Hemingway, (1899-1961), U…
1211 Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. <BR>	-- King George V of Great Britain, (1865-193…
1212 …nning at all times. Don't look back. Someone might be gaining on you. <BR>	-- Leroy "Satchel" Paig…
1213 Be good and you will be lonely. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1214 …eful for luck. Pay the thunder no mind -- listen to the birds. And don't hate nobody. <BR>	-- Eubi…
1215 Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead. <BR>	-- Scottish Proverb
1216 …her people if you can; but do not tell them so. <BR>	-- Philip Stanhope, Earl of Chesterfield (169…
1217 Begin at the beginning and go on until you come to the end; then stop. <BR>	-- Lewis Carroll, Alice…
1218 Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. <BR>	-- Henry David Thoreau, Walden (1854), "Ec…
1219 Blame someone else and get on with your life. <BR>	-- Alan Woods
1220 …f that's your nature, but don't lend it to your neighbors. <BR>	-- Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936), En…
1221 …til after their eighteenth year, for it is wrong to add fire to fire. <BR>	-- Plato, (428-347 B.C.)
1222 Buy land, they're not making it any more. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910), U.S. writer
1223 Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable. <BR>	-- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), U.S. hu…
1224 Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer. <BR>	-- B…
1225 Don't be led astray into the paths of virtue. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish writer
1226 Don't believe the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing -- it was here first. <BR>	--…
1227 Don't bite the hand that has your allowance in it. <BR>	-- Paul Dickson, U.S. journalist/writer
1228 Don't borrow or lend, but if you must do one, lend. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885)
1229 Don't despair, not even over the fact that you don't despair. <BR>	-- Franz Kafka (1884-1924), Diar…
1230 Don't do anything you wouldn't be willing to explain on television. <BR>	-- Arjay Miller, Dean of S…
1231 Don't ever slam the door; you might want to go back. <BR>	-- Don Herold, (1889-1966), U.S. humorist
1232 Don't jump on a man unless he's down. <BR>	-- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), U.S. humorist
1233 Don't stay in bed... unless you can make money in bed. <BR>	-- George Burns (1896-1996), U.S. comed…
1234 Don't stick your tongue out unless you intend to use it. <BR>	-- David Lee Roth, (1954--), U.S. sin…
1235 …take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S…
1236 …o seriously. And don't be too serious about not taking yourself too seriously. <BR>	-- Howard Ogden
1237 Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third. <BR>	-- Knute Rockne, (1888-1931), U.S. foo…
1238 …the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. <BR>	-- Will Rogers, (1879-1935), U.S.…
1239 Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. <BR>	-- Edward I. Koch, U.S. politician (also a…
1240 Gnaw not thy nails in the presence of others, nor bite them with thy teeth. <BR>	-- Francis Hawkins…
1241 Grow angry slowly -- there's plenty of time. <BR>	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1883), U.S. essayist
1242 Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, …
1243 …l ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could. <BR>	-- Orson Welles, (1915 - 1985), U.…
1244 If called by a panther/Don't anther. <BR>	-- Ogden Nash, (1902-1971), U.S. poet
1245 If it might break, don't go near it. <BR>	-- Herbert Stein, (--1999), U.S. economist
1246 … example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. <BR>	-- Catherine Aird, (1930--), Englis…
1247 If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button. <BR>	-- Sam Levenson (1911-1980), U.S. hu…
1248 …ing beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me. <BR>	-- Bobcat Goldthwait, U…
1249 …t to get on in this world, make many promises, but don't keep them. <BR>	-- Napoleon I, (1769-1821)
1250 If you wish to learn the highest truths, begin with the alphabet. <BR>	-- Japanese proverb
1251 If you're going through hell, keep going. <BR>	-- Winston Churchill (1874-1965), English Prime Mini…
1252 If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it. <BR>	-- Leo Rosten, (1908-1997), U.S. wri…
1253 It seldom pays to be rude. It never pays to be only half-rude. <BR>	-- Norman Douglas (1868-1952), …
1254 It will not always be summer. Build barns. <BR>	-- Hesiod, (8th century B.C.), Greek poet
1255 … letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back. <BR>	-- Mick Jagger, (1943--), British…
1256 Know thyself -- but don't tell anyone. <BR>	-- H.F. Henrichs
1257 …'s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. <BR>	-- Ann Landers (1918-2002), U.S.…
1258 Let thy maid servant be faithful, strong, and homely. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
1259 Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. <BR>	-- P.D. East, 1921-1971), U.S. journalist
1260 Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955), U.S. s…
1261 …is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other. <BR>	-- Josh Billings(1815-1885), U.S.…
1262 Never accept an invitation from a stranger unless he offers you candy. <BR>	-- Linda Festa
1263 Never carry your shotgun or your knowledge at half-cock. <BR>	-- Austin O'Malley (1858 - 1932), phy…
1264 Never do anything yourself that others can do for you. <BR>	-- Agatha Christie (1890-1976), mystery…
1265 Never eat Chinese food in Oklahoma. <BR>	-- Bryan Miller
1266 Never fight an inanimate object. <BR>	-- P. J. O'Rourke, (1947--), U.S. humorist
1267 Never floss with a stranger. <BR>	-- Joan Rivers (1939--), U.S. comedienne
1268 …rospective employer finds you've already made one mistake. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard, (1856-1915), U.…
1269 …and never, under any circumstances, no matter what -- never face the facts. <BR>	-- Ruth Gordon (1…
1270 Never go out with anyone who says he loves you more than his wife or girlfriend. <BR>	-- William No…
1271 Never insult seven men if you're only carrying a six shooter. <BR>	-- Harry Morgan
1272 Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing. <BR>	-- Billy Rose, (1899-1966), U.S. entrep…
1273 …you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much. <BR>	-- G. K. Chesterton (1876-1936), En…
1274 Never kick a fresh cow pie on a hot day. <BR>	-- Harry S. Truman (1884-1972), U.S. President
1275 Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. <BR>	-- Erma Bombeck (1927-1996), U.S. …
1276 …t pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines. <BR>	-- Satchel Paige (1906-1982), U.S…
1277 Never look a gift horse in the mouth. <BR>	-- St. Jerome (345-420)
1278 Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide. <BR>	-- Woodrow Wilson, (1856-1924), U.S. Pre…
1279 … sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. <BR>	-- Nelson Algren (1901-1981), New…
1280 Never play cat and mouse games if you're a mouse. <BR>	-- Don Addis (1935--), U.S. editorial cartoo…
1281 …my boy, and never trust a man with a small black mustache. <BR>	-- P. G. Wodehouse (1881-1975), Co…
1282 Never say "oops" in the operating room. <BR>	-- Dr. Leo Troy
1283 Never stand between a dog and the hydrant. <BR>	-- John Peers
1284 Never take a cross country trip with a kid who has just learned to whistle. <BR>	-- Jean Deuel
1285 …ou didn't realize she was pregnant unless you're certain that she is. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. hum…
1286 Never transmit a sexual disease in public. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke (1947--), Modern Manners
1287 … who says "trust me." Except just this once, of course. <BR>	-- John Varley, (1947--), sci-fi auth…
1288 …mate the power of very stupid people in large groups. <BR>	-- John Kenneth Galbraith, (1908--), U.…
1289 …l cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire. <BR>	-- Dan Zevin, Entry- Level Life,…
1290 No matter who you are or what you plan to do, learn to type!  <BR>	-- Liz Smith, U.S. gossip column…
1291 Of all the 36 alternatives, running away is best. <BR>	-- Chinese proverb
1292 Of two evils, choose neither. <BR>	-- Charles H. Spurgeon (1834-1892), English Baptist preacher/wri…
1293 One should always be a little improbable. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Irish author
1294 Put your trust in God -- but keep your powder dry. <BR>	--attributed to Oliver Cromwell
1295 Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!  <BR>	-- Tommy Smothers, US …
1296 Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -- and another, in case it doesn't rain. <BR>	-- Mae West (1892-19…
1297 …hose women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart. <BR>	-- Erma Bombeck (1927-1996), U.S.…
1298 …n't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879-1935), U.S.…
1299 Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. <BR>	-- Slovenian Proverb
1300 Suspect everybody, and keep your suspicions to yourself. <BR>	-- Charles Simmons
1301 The best way out is always through. <BR>	-- Robert Frost (1874-1963), US poet
1302 The best way to keep one's word is not to give it. <BR>	-- Napoleon Bonaparte, (1769-1821)
1303 The first and greatest commandment is: Don't let them scare you. <BR>	-- Elmer Davis (1890-1958)
1304 …t the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. <BR>	-- Jeff Foxworthy, (1958--), U.S. c…
1305 …u're in a small town, and the only other place is called Eats -- then go to Mom's. <BR>	-- Carl Wa…
1306 …morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night. <BR>	-- William Blake (1757-1827)
1307 Try everything in life except incest and square dancing. <BR>	-- George Kaufman, U.S. playwright, i…
1308 Try everything once except incest and folk dancing. <BR>	-- Sir Thomas Beecham (1879-1961), British…
1309 Wash your hands often, your feet seldom, and your head never. <BR>	-- John Ray, 1670
1310 We ought never to do wrong when people are looking. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1311 …out shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food. <BR>	-- Dean McLaughlin, U.S. sci-fi auth…
1312 Whatever advice you give, be short. <BR>	-- Horace (Quintus Horatio Flaccus)(65-8 B.C.), Roman sati…
1313 When you cannot get a compliment by any other way pay yourself one. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1314 When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. <BR>	-- Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-…
1315 …nd leg, and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run. <BR>	-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
1316 Why be disagreeable, when with a little effort you can be impossible?  <BR>	-- Douglas Woodruff
1317 You can't have everything. Where would you put it?  <BR>	-- Steven Wright, Omni, 1984
1318 …f you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there. <BR>	-- Lawrence "Yogi" Berr…
1319 Africa is God's county, and he can have it. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977), U.S. comedian
1320 A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-1937), U.S. humorist
1321 A woman's always younger than a man of equal years. <BR>	-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning, (1806-1861)…
1322 …of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. <BR>	-- Satchel Paige, (1906-1982), U.S…
1323 Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. <BR>	-- Tom Stoppard, (1937--), playwright
1324 Age is not different from earlier life as long as you're sitting down. <BR>	-- Malcolm Crowley, age…
1325 Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. <BR>	-- Billie Burke, (1884--), U.S.…
1326 All would live long, but none would be old. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), Poor Richard (Se…
1327 …woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. <BR>	-- Agatha Christie, Bri…
1328 As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes get longer. <BR>	-- Robert Quillen, U.S.…
1329 As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't. <BR>	-- Carrie Fisher, (1956--), …
1330 Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley,(1889-…
1331 … increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed. <BR>	-- Anthony Powell, (1905-2000), En…
1332 Growing old -- it's not nice, but it's interesting. <BR>	-- August Strindberg, (1849-1912), Swedish…
1333 How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?  <BR>	-- Leroy "Satchel" Paige, (1906-1982…
1334 …en a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it. <BR>	-- Eva Gabor, (1919--), actress
1335 …y age but it is impossible. It keeps changing all the time. <BR>	-- Greer Garson, (1904-996)U.S. a…
1336 …clining years saluting strange women and grandfather clocks. <BR>	-- Ogden Nash (1902-1971), U.S. …
1337 I refuse to admit I'm more than fifty-two even if that does make my sons illegitimate. <BR>	-- Lady…
1338 I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. <BR>	-- Janette Barber
1339 …o live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. <BR>	-- Eubie [James Herbert] Blake -- 1983
1340 …rouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-1937), U.S. h…
1341 I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. <BR>	-- Jennifer Unl…
1342 I'll never make the mistake of being seventy again!  <BR>	-- Casey Stengel, (1890-1975), U.S. baseb…
1343 Inside every older woman is a young girl wondering what the hell happened. <BR>	-- Cora Harvey Arms…
1344 …that the older a man grows, the faster he could run as a boy. <BR>	-- Red Smith (1905-1982), U.S. …
1345 It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool. <BR>	-- Calvin
1346 …r, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. <BR>	-- Charles M. Schulz, (1922-2000), U…
1347 …en two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. <BR>	-- Dan Bennett, U.S. co…
1348 …d only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1349 … person you meet reminds you of someone else and usually is. <BR>	-- Ogden Nash (1902-1971), U.S. …
1350 No wise man ever wished to be younger. <BR>	-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745), Irish author
1351 …g else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. <BR>	-- Fred Astaire, (1899-1987), U.S…
1352 Old age is no place for sissies. <BR>	-- Bette Davis, (1908-1989), U.S. actress
1353 Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. <BR>	-- Maurice Chevalier (1888-1972,), New…
1354 Old men are only walking hospitals. <BR>	-- Wentworth Dillon (1633-1685), Irish poet
1355 …age, and beyond the grasp of youth, is that of Not Going. <BR>	-- J. B. Priestley, (1894-1984), Br…
1356 …'t mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles. <BR>	-- Sigmund Z. Engel (1869--)
1357 The hardest people to convince they are at retirement age are children at bedtime. <BR>	-- Shannon …
1358 The hardest years in life are those between 10 and 70. <BR>	-- U.S. actress Helen Hayes (1900-1993)…
1359 The idea is to die young as late as possible. <BR>	-- Ashley Montagu (1905-1999), British scientist…
1360 The muddle of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900…
1361 …bout middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it. <BR>	-- Doris Day (1924--), US actres…
1362 …o live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. <BR>	-- Lucille Ball, US comedienne (1911-198…
1363 The young don't know what age is, and the old forget what youth was. <BR>	-- Seumas MacManus, Irish…
1364 There is still no cure for the common birthday. <BR>	-- John Glenn (1921--), U.S. astronaut/politic…
1365 Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. <BR>	-- …
1366 To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. <BR>	-- Bernard Baruch (1870-1965), Preside…
1367 When I grow up, I want to be a little boy. <BR>	-- Joseph Heller (1923--), US novelist
1368 … little more than one long march to and from the lavatory. <BR>	-- John Mortimer (1923--), English…
1369 …tting old when all the names in your black book have M. D. after them. <BR>	-- Harrison Ford (1942…
1370 You're only young once, but you can be immature forever. <BR>	-- John Greier
1371 Youth is a blunder; manhood a struggle; old age a regret. <BR>	-- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881), Co…
1372 Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. <BR>	-- Herbert Asquith, British p…
1373 …ocean to fight for democracy -- and won't even cross the street to vote in a national election. <B…
1374 …pot, the people at the bottom get burned while all the scum floats to the top. <BR>	-- Charlie King
1375 America is a mistake, a giant mistake!  <BR>	-- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), psychoanalyst
1376 …ted cupcake in the middle of millions of starving people. <BR>	-- Gloria Steinem, (1934-- ), U.S. …
1377 America is one long expectoration. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish author
1378 America is one of the finest countries anyone ever stole. <BR>	-- Bobcat Goldthwaite, U.S. comedian
1379 America is the best half-educated country in the world. <BR>	-- Nicholas Murray Butler (1862-1947),…
1380 … degeneration without the usual interval of civilization. <BR>	-- George Clemenceau (1841-1929), F…
1381 …ricans always try to do the right thing -- after they've tried everything else. <BR>	-- Winston Ch…
1382 …y `lift'... they say `President', we say `stupid psychopathic git'... <BR>	-- Alexi Sayle, British…
1383 …American eagle, it observes only the rear end of an ostrich. <BR>	-- H.G. Wells (1866-1946), "Amer…
1384 …nding around in line in front of windows, just waiting. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley, Benchley -- or El…
1385 God takes care of fools, drunks, and the United States of America. <BR>	-- Stephen Leacock (1869-19…
1386 I am willing to love all mankind, except an American. <BR>	-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784), English w…
1387 I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), U.S…
1388 …always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. <BR>	-- Robert Orben (1927--), U.S. wr…
1389 …xcellent, but the inventors one is sometimes ashamed of. <BR>	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1883), …
1390 …n Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock had not landed on the Pilgrim Fathers. <BR>	-- Chauncey Depew, U.S.…
1391 …cent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. <BR>	-- Lily Tomlin (1939--), U.S. com…
1392 …ent broke underestimating the taste of the American public. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S.…
1393 …en been discovered before, but it had always been hushed up. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Iris…
1394 …overed. I myself would say that it had been merely detected. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Iris…
1395 The 100% American is 99% idiot. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), Irish playwright
1396 … the English, probably make love worse than any other race. <BR>	-- Walt Whitman (1819-1892), U.S.…
1397 The United States never lost a war or won a conference. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879-1935), U.S. humor…
1398 We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879-…
1399 What a pity, when Christopher Columbus discovered America, that he ever mentioned it. <BR>	-- Margo…
1400 What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879-1935), U…
1401 …they go to Paris; when bad Americans die they go to America. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Iris…
1402 A "good" family, it seems, is one that used to be better. <BR>	-- Cleveland Amory, U.S. critic & an…
1403 Everyone has something ancestral, even if it is nothing more than a disease. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-…
1404 …at is left over from rich ancestors after the money is gone. <BR>	-- John Ciardi (1916-1986), U.S.…
1405 He that hath no fools, knaves, or beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning. <BR>	-- …
1406 He who serves his country well has no need of ancestors. <BR>	-- Voltaire (1694-1778), French autho…
1407 …of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner. <BR>	-- Douglas Adams (1952-2002), SF …
1408 Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors. <BR>	-- Tom Snyder
1409 …stors. The records do not show that Adam and Eve were married. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-1937), U.S. j…
1410 …in every closet, but there is a screw loose in every skeleton. <BR>	-- Samuel Butler II (1835-1902)
1411 …le could do for their descendants would be to sharply limit the number of them. <BR>	-- Olin Miller
1412 …I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. <BR>	-- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816…
1413 …r was good enough for our fathers is not good enough for me. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Iris…
1414 …s only fair that they should leave us the money to pay with. <BR>	-- Don Marquis (1878-1937), U.S.…
1415 … busy as we think they are. They just can't buzz any slower. <BR>	-- Kin Hubbard (1868-1930), U.S.…
1416 …thout us, although the cockroach would miss us the most. <BR>	-- Joseph Wood Krutch (1893-1970), U…
1417 …k long upon a monkey without very mortifying reflections. <BR>	-- William Congreve (1670-1729), Ir…
1418 …ds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'  <BR>	-- Bruce Ba…
1419 … that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners. <BR>	-- Jeff Stilson, U.S. c…
1420 …p up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conver…
1421 No one can feel as hopeless as the owner of a sick goldfish. <BR>	-- Kin Hubbard (1868-1930), U.S. …
1422 Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. <BR>	-- Plato (428-347 B.C.), Laws, book vii
1423 …rs for every human being on earth. Does anybody want mine?  I certainly don't. <BR>	-- Chuck Bonner
1424 There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool. <BR>	-- L. M. Boyd
1425 …member, with gratitude, how we took them along on all our picnics. <BR>	-- Bill Vaughan (1915-1977)
1426 … feel as if a human being sitting inside were making fun of you. <BR>	-- Elias Canetti (1905-1994),
1427 A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. <BR>	-- Robert J. Vogel
1428 …sy, he has only to spray and his presence is there for years on rainy days. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein
1429 Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings. <BR>	-- Oliver Herford
1430 … or dislike them. They do not always care enough to do anything about it. <BR>	-- Winifred Carriere
1431 …t from their being so familiar with warlocks and witches. <BR>	-- Sir Walter Scott (1771-1832, Sco…
1432 …to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. <BR>	-- Garrison Keillor (1942--), U.S. …
1433 Cats are just little hair factories. <BR>	-- James Davis, DVM
1434 Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. <BR>	-- Jeff Vald…
1435 Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit. <BR>	-- John S. Nichols
1436 …le that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. <BR>	-- Joseph Wood Krutch (1893-1970), U…
1437 Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. <BR>	-- Mary Bly
1438 I don't mind a cat, in its place. But its place is not in the middle of my back at 4 a.m. <BR>	-- M…
1439 I love cats. I even think we have one at home. <BR>	-- Edward Burlingame
1440 …t does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. <BR>	-- Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)
1441 If cats could talk, they would lie to you. <BR>	-- Rob Kopack
1442 If cats could talk, they wouldn't. <BR>	-- Nan Porter
1443 …with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1444 If only cats grew into kittens. <BR>	-- R. Stern
1445 …s difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days. <BR>	-- Bill Dana (October 5, 1924--), U.S…
1446 … every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat. <BR>	-- Jay Leno, (1950--), U.S. talk…
1447 …ook around, then close them again for the better part of their lives. <BR>	-- Stephen Baker, autho…
1448 Kittens can happen to anyone. <BR>	-- Paul Gallico, (1897-1976), U.S. writer
1449 My cat does not talk as respectfully to me as I do to her. <BR>	-- Colette (1873-1954), French nove…
1450 …the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. <BR>	-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865), U.…
1451 …comes completely assembled, and it makes a sound when you jump on it. <BR>	-- Stephen Baker, autho…
1452 One cat just leads to another. <BR>	-- Ernest Hemingway
1453 …y also discovered a cat that can ignore over 1000 words. <BR>	-- Jay Leno (April 28, 1950--), U.S.…
1454 …he devours them instantly. There is no pleasing some people. <BR>	-- Will Cuppy (1884-1949), U.S. …
1455 The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. <BR>	-- Doug La…
1456 …shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935-- ), Without…
1457 The only good cat is a stir-fried cat. <BR>	-- Alf, U.S. puppet
1458 …ce, perseverance, courage of conviction -- and a cat. The last ingredient is usually hardest to co…
1459 …il, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well. <BR>	-- Missy Dizick, U.S. w…
1460 …; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), …
1461 When I play with my cat, who knows whether I do not make her more sport than she makes me?  <BR>	--…
1462 Where there are no tigers, a wild cat is very self-important. <BR>	-- Korean Proverb
1463 You own a dog; you feed a cat. <BR>	-- Jim Fiebig, NANA
1464 …eaten by a tiger, you may rest assured that he was abnormal. <BR>	-- Will Cuppy (1884-1949), U.S. …
1465 A dog is a yes-animal, very popular with people who can't afford to keep a yes-man. <BR>	-- Roberts…
1466 …and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such. <BR>	-- John Holmes
1467 …g on this earth that loves you more than you love yourself. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S…
1468 …verance, and to turn around three times before lying down. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.…
1469 A dog wags its tail with its heart. <BR>	-- Martin Buxbaum
1470 … room and forget why you walked in?  I think that is how dogs spend their lives. <BR>	-- Sue Murphy
1471 Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs. <BR>	--…
1472 …should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. hum…
1473 Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really. <BR>	-- Agnes Sligh Turnbull (1927-1987), U.S.…
1474 Happiness to a dog is what lies on the other side of the door. <BR>	-- Charlton Ogburn Jr. (1911-19…
1475 …r; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1476 …e full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends. <BR>	-- Alexander Pope 1688-1744), Eng…
1477 I spilled spot remover on my dog -- and now he's gone. <BR>	-- Steven Wright (1955--), U.S. comedian
1478 If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one. <BR>	-- Andy Rooney (1919-- ),…
1479 I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, US…
1480 I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl. <BR>	-- Penny Ward Mo…
1481 Man is a dog's ideal of what God should be. <BR>	-- Holbrook Jackson (1874-1948), English writer/cr…
1482 …child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. co…
1483 …here will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland. <BR>	-- H.W. Shaw (aka Josh Billings), (1815-18…
1484 One dog barks at something; the rest bark at him. <BR>	-- Chinese proverb
1485 …wards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. <BR>	-- August Strindberg (1849-1912), S…
1486 Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. <BR>	-- Corey Ford (1902-1969), U.S. humorist
1487 Qui me amat, amet et canem meum. ("Love me, love my dog.")  <BR>	-- St. Bernard, A.D. 1150, "Sermo …
1488 Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job  <BR>	-- Franklin P. Jones (1853-1935), U.S. humorist
1489 The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. <BR>	-- Andrew A. Rooney (1919- ), U.S. …
1490 …g. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment. <BR>	-- Warren Bennis, U.S. …
1491 The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor. <BR>	-- Margot Kaufman, American writer
1492 …up an appearance of being interested in the conversation. <BR>	-- Jerome K. Jerome (1859-1927), Br…
1493 …ery man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. <BR>	-- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963), Eng…
1494 … she's too stupid to learn how but because she's too smart to bother. <BR>	-- Rick Horowitz, Chica…
1495 A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. <BR>	-- Samuel Butler II (1835-1902)
1496 Do incubator chicks love their mother?  <BR>	-- Arthur Baer (1876-1969), U.S. humorist
1497 … should go to any heaven in which there are no horses. <BR>	-- R. B. Cunningham-Graham (1852-1936)…
1498 Woe to them that... rely on horses. <BR>	-- Isaiah 31:1, 8th century B.C.
1499 …le with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. <BR>	-- Cyrus Ching (1876-1967), U.S.…
1500 …p to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. <BR>	-- Winston S. Churchill (1874-1965), …
1501 …m sorry, what was that last one??  Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is t…
1502 A snake should not be in your yard unless it has your written permission. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, "Inse…
1503 When you see a snake, never mind where he came from. <BR>	-- W.G. Benham
1504 A portrait is a painting with something wrong about the mouth. <BR>	-- John Singer Sargent (1856-19…
1505 Art is long, and the talk about it is even longer. <BR>	-- William J. Locke (1863--1930), English n…
1506 …ters. They fetch a better price than old mistresses. <BR>	-- Max Aiken, Lord Beaverbrook (1879-196…
1507 In my own experience, anyone can paint if he doesn't have to. <BR>	-- Beatrice Lillie (1898-1989), …
1508 …u paint so long as you don't paint badly like other people. <BR>	-- George Moore (1852-1933), Iris…
1509 …ng at girls and persuade themselves they have a better idea. <BR>	-- John Ciardi (1916-1986), U.S.…
1510 Rembrandt painted about 700 pictures -- of these, 3000 are in existence. <BR>	-- Wilhelm Bode, Germ…
1511 …des look good enough to slap, there's nothing more to do. <BR>	-- Peter Paul Rubens (1577-1640), F…
1512 What is art?  Prostitution. <BR>	-- Charles Baudelaire (1821-1897), French poet
1513 Astrology is a disease, not a science. <BR>	-- Moses Maimonides, Hilboth Tshuvah (Laws of Repentenc…
1514 … to use the toilet, and that's only a recent development. <BR>	-- Barry Humphries (1934--), Austra…
1515 …ming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. <BR>	-- Charles Schulz (1922-2000), U.S…
1516 …onal pastime. <BR>	-- Phyllis McGinley (1905-1978), U.S. poet A hair in the head is worth two in t…
1517 A man is usually bald four or five years before he knows it. <BR>	-- Ed Howe (1853-1937)
1518 Better a bald head than no head at all. <BR>	-- Austin O'Malley (1858-1932), physician/humorist
1519 Of ten bald men, nine are deceitful and the tenth is stupid. <BR>	-- Chinese proverb
1520 There's one thing about baldness, it's neat. <BR>	-- Don Herold (1889-1966), U.S. humorist
1521 …ers want to waste theirs on growing hair, that's up to them. <BR>	-- John Glenn (1921--), American…
1522 …y skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people. <BR>	-- Richard Armour (1906-1989), U.S…
1523 …m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you wa…
1524 …es his own weight in other people's patience. <BR>	-- John Updike, Confessions of a Wild Bore, (19…
1525 Bores bore each other, too, but it never seems to teach them anything. <BR>	-- Don Marquis (1878-19…
1526 My own business always bores me to death. I prefer other people's. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900),…
1527 No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. <BR>	-- Mignon …
1528 …e can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week  <BR>	-- William Dean Howells (1837-1920), …
1529 Somebody's boring me. I think it's me. <BR>	-- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953), poet
1530 The universe is becoming a bore. <BR>	-- Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946), U.S. essayist/critic
1531 Bravery has no place where it can avail nothing. <BR>	-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784), English writer
1532 If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?  <BR>	-- Marvin Kitman U.S. TV critic and au…
1533 … than brave because people hurt you when you are brave. <BR>	-- Edward Morgan Forster (1879-1970),…
1534 It is easy to be brave from a safe distance. <BR>	-- Aesop (620?-560? BC), Thracian freed slave & w…
1535 There are only two kinds of Chinese -- those who give bribes and those who take them. <BR>	-- Russi…
1536 City life: millions of people being lonesome together. <BR>	-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), U.S…
1537 …n. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. <BR>	-- Fred Allen (1894-1956), lette…
1538 …dedly the most servile imitators of the English it is possible to conceive. <BR>	-- Edgar Allan Poe
1539 …ston because it is such a pleasant place to get away from. <BR>	-- Oliver Herford (1863-1935), U.S…
1540 How did Buffalo get its start? They cloned Cleveland. <BR>	-- Mark Russell, U.S. humorist
1541 Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland. <BR>	-- Nat…
1542 Hollywood's all right. It's the pictures that are bad. <BR>	-- Orson Welles (1915-1985), U.S. actor
1543 In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
1544 In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it. <BR>	-- Rex Reed, U.S. movie critic
1545 …if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough. <BR>	-- Joseph E. Levine (1905--), Holly…
1546 …ry to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977), U.S.…
1547 … watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. <BR>	-- David Letterman, (1947--), U.S. …
1548 … its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. <BR>	-- Frank Lloyd Wright, (1867-1959) U…
1549 It's a city where everyone mutinies but no one deserts. <BR>	-- Harry Hershfield, New York Times, 5…
1550 New York, the nation's thyroid gland. <BR>	-- Christopher Morley (1890-1957), "Shore Leave"
1551 …r of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. <BR>	-- David Letterman (1947--), U.S. t…
1552 …lization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. <BR>	-- David Letterman (1947--), U.S. t…
1553 … in fact, they seem quite proud of knowing where they are themselves. <BR>	-- Katherine Brush, U.S…
1554 Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. <BR>	-- David Letterman (1947--), U.S. talk …
1555 Omaha is a little like Newark -- without Newark's glamour. <BR>	-- Joan Rivers (1939--) U.S. comedi…
1556 Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. <BR>	-- John F. Kennedy, U.S. presi…
1557 A rich man's joke is always funny. <BR>	-- Thomas Edward Brown (1830-1897), British poet
1558 Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke. <BR>	-- Steve Martin, (1945--), …
1559 …ood for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. <BR>	-- Fred Allen (1894-1956), U.S. …
1560 Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn. <BR>	-- Irvin S. Cobb (1876-1944)…
1561 …society says you can't scratch certain things in public, but they itch in public. <BR>	-- Tom Walsh
1562 It is difficult not to write satire. <BR>	-- Juvenal (50-130), Roman satirist
1563 … finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. <BR>	-- Mel Brooks (1926--), U.S. com…
1564 Committee -- a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. <BR>	-- Milton Berle, (1908-2002), U.…
1565 …arks in all the cities and found no statues of committees. <BR>	-- G.K. Chesterton, 1874-1936, Bri…
1566 …-- but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we were reorganized. I wa…
1567 …e? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. <BR>	-- Richard Harkness
1568 … be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends. <BR>	-- Kin Hubbard (1868-1930), U.S.…
1569 …ut of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. <BR>	-- Ogden Nash (1902-1971), U.S. …
1570 I have the perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it. <BR>	-- Alfred Hitchcock, (1899-1980), film-maker
1571 …week of treatment to cure a cold, but without treatment it takes about seven days. <BR>	-- Ed Greif
1572 Like everyone else, when I don't know what else to do, I seem to go in for catching colds. <BR>	-- …
1573 There is only one way to treat a cold, and that is with contempt. <BR>	-- Sir William Osler (1849-1…
1574 I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. <BR>	-- Joe Walsh (1947--), U.S. singer
1575 …eloped language because of our deep inner need to complain. <BR>	-- Jane Wagner (1935--), U.S. com…
1576 Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. <BR>	-- Benny Hill (1924-199…
1577 …le who knock the pyramids because they don't have elevators. <BR>	-- Jim Ferree (1931--), U.S. gol…
1578 Those who do not complain are never pitied. <BR>	-- Jane Austen (1775-1818), English author
1579 …ke an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy. <BR>	-- Joseph Campbell (1904-1987), U.…
1580 …nother computer. Yes, we are their sex organs. <BR>	-- Solomon Short (aka David Gerrold, US scienc…
1581 …her again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer. <BR>	-- IBM maintenance manu…
1582 Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer. <BR>	-- Rita May Brown (1944-- ), U.S. novelist
1583 Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. <BR>	-- Pablo Picasso, (1881-1971), artist
1584 …ace of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf. <BR>	-- Sam Ewing, U.S. humo…
1585 …n computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to virgins. <BR>	-- Robert Heinlein, (1907-1988), in…
1586 …s failed to improve the quality of life, please press three. <BR>	-- Alice Kahn (1943--), U.S. wri…
1587 Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. <BR>	-- Jeff Pesis
1588 …new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. <BR>	-- Doug Larson
1589 …t semiconductors were part-time orchestra leaders and microchips were very small snack foods. <BR>…
1590 …only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. <BR>	-- Wernher von Braun, (1912-1977), s…
1591 Men are like computers: I don't understand them, I just use them for my amusement. <BR>	-- Holly Wa…
1592 …ver aware of what it's doing; but most of the time, we aren't either. <BR>	-- Marvin Minsky, fathe…
1593 …at most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse. <BR>	-- Jack Handey
1594 …s where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. <BR>	-- Nathaniel Borenstein…
1595 …ters can think is just like the question of whether submarines can swim. <BR>	-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
1596 There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer. <BR>	-- J. H. Goldfuss
1597 …uters, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction. <BR>	-- Janet Reno, (1938--), U.S. Att…
1598 To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so. <BR>	-- Robert Orben (1927--), U.…
1599 …a -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling am…
1600 …re works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. <BR>	-- R. Wilensky
1601 Wow! They've got the Internet on computers now!  <BR>	-- Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
1602 A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. <BR>	-- Steven Wright, (1955--), U.S. comed…
1603 Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journa…
1604 …he inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken ((1880-1956), U.S…
1605 I feel bad that I don't feel worse. <BR>	-- Michael Frayn (1933--) English dramatist
1606 My conscience aches but it's going to lose the fight. <BR>	-- Allanah Myles, Canadian singer
1607 …o life. The only completely consistent people are the dead. <BR>	-- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963), Eng…
1608 Constants aren't. <BR>	-- John Peers
1609 …... But my explanation, I am sure, will always be different. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Iris…
1610 … several times, I don't intend to be wrong forever. <BR>	-- Luc de Clapiers Vauvenargues (1715-174…
1611 Inconsistency is the only thing in which men are consistent. <BR>	-- Horatio Smith (1779-1849), Eng…
1612 A critic is a legless man who teaches running. <BR>	-- Channing Pollack, The Green Book
1613 A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car. <BR>	-- Kenneth Tynan, British theatre…
1614 …you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes. <BR>	-- Frieda Norris.
1615 … it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves. <BR>	-- Brendan Behan (1923-1964), Iri…
1616 …, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. <BR>	-- Franklin P. Jones
1617 I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise. <BR>	-- Noel Coward (1899-1973), English …
1618 I much prefer a compliment, insincere or not, to sincere criticism. <BR>	-- Plautus (254-184 B.C.),…
1619 It is much easier to be critical than to be correct. <BR>	-- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881), British…
1620 To escape criticism -- do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915), U.S…
1621 …cked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around. <BR>	-- George Carlin (1937--), U.S. co…
1622 Many a man's profanity has saved him from a nervous breakdown. <BR>	-- Henry S. Haskins
1623 Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect. <BR>	-- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1…
1624 They also swear who only stand and wait. <BR>	-- Addison Mizner (1872-1933), U.S. resort architect
1625 When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1626 A child be within you forever unborn!  <BR>	-- Irish curse
1627 A donkey shall violate him, a donkey shall violate his wife (Deir el-Bahri Graffito No. 11, Dyn. 20…
1628 … on his hands, and for the rest of the time he should crawl along on his ass. <BR>	-- Yiddish curse
1630 He should give it all away to doctors. <BR>	-- Yiddish curse
1631 …people ask for he shouldnt have, and what he does have shouldnt be requested. <BR>	-- Yiddish curse
1632 Leeches should drink him dry. <BR>	-- Yiddish curse
1633 Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow. <BR>	-- Psalms 109:9
1634 Let onions grow in his navel!  <BR>	-- Jewish proverb
1635 Let their way be dark and slippery. <BR>	-- Psalms 35:6
1636 May a rabbit butt you to death!  <BR>	-- Lithuanian curse
1637 May every day of it be wet for ye. <BR>	-- Saint Patrick of Oreland
1638 May he need a prescription!  <BR>	-- Jewish proverb
1639 May his buttocks drop off!  <BR>	-- Jewish proverb
1640 May his stomach churn like a music box. <BR>	-- Jewish proverb
1641 …t and bear him a kitten, and may the high king of glory permit it to get mange. <BR>	-- Irish curse
1642 …r the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope. <BR>	-- Irish curse
1643 May the devil take him by the heels and shake him. <BR>	-- Irish curse
1644 May the fleas of a thousand camels lodge in your armpit. <BR>	-- Arab curse
1645 … nor drink whisky, but be tormented with itching without benefit of scratching. <BR>	-- Irish toast
1646 …hearts, may he turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limping. <BR>	--from an old Irish cur…
1647 May you have a lawsuit in which you know you are in the right. <BR>	-- Gypsy curse
1648 May your left ear wither and fall into your right pocket. <BR>	-- Arab curse
1649 May your life be filled with lawyers!  <BR>	-- Mexican curse
1650 …d of the family skeleton, you may as well dance with it. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), …
1651 No sane man will dance. <BR>	-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (160-43 B.C.), Roman philosopher
1652 Account ye no man happy till he die. <BR>	-- Euripedes, (ca. 496-406), Greek dramatist
1653 …ortis; two, a rotting smell; three, occasional drowsiness. <BR>	-- Henry Gibson, (1935--), U.S. co…
1654 …, and my advice to you is to have nothing to do with it. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965), …
1655 Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. <BR>	-- J.J. Furnas
1656 …lowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. <BR>	-- Rush Limbaugh, (1951--), U.S. c…
1657 Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.. <BR>	-- R. Geis
1658 Death takes no bribes. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), Poor Richard (July, 1742)
1659 Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
1660 Don't die. <BR>	-- William Gaines, (1922-1992), U.S. publisher of MAD magazine
1661 Dying is not everything: you have to die in time. <BR>	-- Jean-Paul Sartre
1662 Every morning I read the obits in The Times. If I'm not there, I carry on. <BR>	-- A.E. Mathews, (1…
1663 …nd fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. <BR>	-- Johnny Carson, (1925--), U.S. t…
1664 Glorious Destinies get you Glorious Funerals. <BR>	-- Mercedes Lackey, Winds of Fury, 8/93
1665 …e of those unfortunates to whom death is less hideous than explanations. <BR>	-- D.B. Wyndham-Lewis
1666 …red for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. <BR>	-- Winston Churchill (1874-1965 ), …
1667 …not find these vanishing acts of theirs at all amusing. <BR>	-- Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946), …
1668 I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so. <BR>	…
1669 If fame is only to come after death, I am in no hurry for it. <BR>	-- Martial (43-104), Roman epigr…
1670 I wouldn't mind dying -- it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me. <…
1671 Let us hope that when we are dead things will be better arranged. <BR>	-- Marcel Proust (1871-1922)
1672 … Lord every day, is this -- I have been a great sinner. I do not deserve Heaven. Let me stay here.…
1673 …ife, but anyone who can pick up a frying pan owns death. <BR>	-- William Burroughs (1914--), U.S. …
1674 …few things that can be done just as easily lying down. <BR>	--Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. film-maker
1675 One can survive anything nowadays, except death. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900)
1676 … death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets. <BR>	-- Roy L. Schaefer
1677 Only the young die good. <BR>	-- Oliver Herford (1863-1935), U.S. poet
1678 People born to be hanged are safe on water. <BR>	-- Mark Twain's mother
1679 … you can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. com…
1680 …ife, so often lamented, may be the best thing about it. <BR>	-- Arthur Schopenhauer, (1788-1860), …
1681 Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me -- I quit."  <BR>	--Bill Maher, on Politica…
1682 … great comfort. It's helped me through many a bad night. <BR>	-- Friedrich Nietzche, (1884-1900), …
1683 …s of us dying it's astonishing any of us choose old age. <BR>	-- Beryl Bainbridge, (1934--), Engli…
1684 To die and to lose one's life are much the same thing. <BR>	-- Irish proverb
1685 To have died once is enough. <BR>	-- Virgil (70-19 B.C.), Roman poet
1686 We die only once, and for such a long time!  <BR>	-- Moliere (1622-1673), French playwright
1687 We don't know life: how can we know death?  <BR>	-- Confucius (551-478 B.C.), Chinese philosopher
1688 When I die, I'd like to be scattered over my hometown. But not, like, cremated or anything. <BR>	--…
1689 …orning and nothing hurts, you can be sure you're dead. <BR>	-- Herbert Achternbusch, (1938--), Ger…
1690 Where there's a will, there's a dead person. <BR>	-- Ronnie Shakes, late U.S. comedian
1691 You can't take it with you. You never see a U-Haul following a hearse. <BR>	-- Ellen Glasgow (1874-…
1692 …re for my own burial is not to be buried alive. <BR>	-- Philip Stanhope, Earl of Chesterfield (169…
1693 …lly. It's just that I wouldn't want one to bury my sister. <BR>	-- Jessica Mitford (1917- ), Satur…
1694 … It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating. <BR>	-- Alfred Hitchcock, (1899-1980), U.S. film-…
1695 …y through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935- ), U.S. co…
1696 I intend to live forever. So far, so good. <BR>	-- Steven Wright, U.S. comedian
1697 Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first. <BR>	-- Bill Cosby, Time Flies
1698 …, but I have no yearning to clutter up the Universe after it is over. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken, Greate…
1699 …o do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. <BR>	-- Susan Ertz, Anger in…
1700 … into the death penalty, I might be willing to give it a second look. <BR>	-- N.Y. Governor Hugh C…
1701 If we are not our brother's keeper, let us at least not be his executioner. <BR>	-- Marlon Brando, …
1702 …r enemies, private citizens will occasionally kill theirs. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard, (1856-1915), U.…
1703 …n my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. <BR>	-- Brendan Behan, (1923-1964), Iri…
1704 Where would Christianity be if Jesus got 8 to 15 years with time off for good behavior?  <BR>	-- N.…
1705 … a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps. <BR>	-- David Lloyd George, (1863-1945), …
1706 I'll give you a definite maybe. <BR>	-- Samuel Goldwyn (1884-1974), U.S. film producer
1707 Indecision may, or may not, be my problem. <BR>	-- Jimmy Buffett, U.S. singer
1708 Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision. <BR>	-- Oscar Levant (1906--), U.S. TV personality
1709 The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn. <BR>	-- David Russell
1710 …ople who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. <BR>	-- Aneurin Bevan (1897-1960), Obs…
1711 We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it. <BR>	-- Lester B. Pearson (1897-1972), Canadian prim…
1712 …ur foot in it. I've been practicing it for years. <BR>	-- Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh (1921-)…
1713 …d meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. <BR>	-- Robin Williams, (1952--), U.S. a…
1714 Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse. <BR>	-- Louis Saffan
1715 Divorces are made in heaven. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish playwright
1716 …ous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. <BR>	-- Zsa Zsa Gabor, (1918--),actress
1717 I don't believe in divorce. I believe in widowhood. <BR>	-- Carolyn Green
1718 … I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house. <BR>	-- Lewis Grizzard, (1947-1994), U.…
1719 …for life; the laws are altogether too lenient with them. <BR>	-- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), U…
1720 …'ve never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with …
1721 It is better to have loved and lost, but only if you have a good lawyer. <BR>	-- Herb Caen, U.S. jo…
1722 Old wives don't die if they're getting alimony. <BR>	-- David Brown
1723 One reason people get divorced is that they run out of gift ideas. <BR>	-- Robert Byrne
1724 Open marriage is nature's way of telling you you need a divorce. <BR>	-- Marshall Brickman, (1941--…
1725 Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
1726 …tion is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. <BR>	-- Johnny Carson, U.S. …
1727 …ken homes, I begin to think of the victims of intact ones. <BR>	-- Peter De Vries (1910--), U.S. w…
1728 …, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"  <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. co…
1729 A feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry. <BR>	-- Ecclesiastes 10:19
1730 A drink a day keeps the shrink away. <BR>	-- Edward Abbey, 1927-1989, U.S. writer
1731 …pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone. <BR>	-- Craig Kilborn
1732 Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. <BR>	-- Addison Mizner (1872-1933), U.S. resort architect
1733 … is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth. <BR>	-- George Burns, (1896-1996), U.S…
1734 …rcent water, the Prohibitionists are not yet satisfied. <BR>	-- John Kendrick Bangs, (1862-1922), …
1735 … of a snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake. <BR>	-- W.C. Fields (1880-1946), U.S.…
1736 …ken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. <BR>	-- Winston Churchill (1874-1965 ), …
1737 …n beer is a lot like making love in a row boat -- It's f**king close to water!  <BR>	-- Eric Idle …
1738 An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. <BR>	-- Dylan Thomas (1914-195…
1739 Better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian. <BR>	-- Herman Melville, (1819-1891), …
1740 Bibamus, moriendum est. (Let's drink, death is inevitable.)  <BR>	-- Seneca the Elder (ca. 55 B.C.-…
1741 Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question. <BR>	-- Henry Mon
1742 … mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth. <BR>	-- Steve Allen, (1920-2000), U.S.…
1743 Drink wine and have the gout; drink none and have the gout. <BR>	-- Thomas Cogan (1545?-1607), Engl…
1744 … such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley (1989-1945), U.…
1745 Eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart. <BR>	-- Ecclesiastes 9:7
1746 …ve tried, no one has ever found a way to drink for a living. <BR>	-- Jean Kerr (1923--), U.S. play…
1747 …mouth, 2/3 gin, and into this drop a small girl named Olive. <BR>	-- Fred Allen (1894-1956), U.S. …
1748 … just like we used to drink water before the Prohibition. <BR>	-- Ring Lardner Sr., (1885-1933), U…
1749 Give a man a beer, waste an hour. Teach a man to brew, and waste a lifetime!  <BR>	-- Bill Owen
1750 …e. But they would probably relapse into teetotalism as soon as they came out. <BR>	-- Samuel Butler
1751 Heaven sent us soda water as a torment for our crimes. <BR>	-- G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
1752 I do not drink more than a sponge. <BR>	-- Francois Rabelais (1494-1553), Works, Book i, chapter 5
1753 I don't have a drink problem except when I can't get one. <BR>	-- Tom Waits, 1979, U.S. singer
1754 I drink to make other people interesting. <BR>	-- George Jean Nathan, (1882-1958), U.S. drama critic
1755 …n I have occasion for it, and sometimes when I have not. <BR>	-- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616), …
1756 I have never been drunk, but I've often been overserved. <BR>	-- George Gobel(1919-1991), U.S. come…
1757 If die I must, let me die drinking in an inn. <BR>	-- Walter Mapes, 1200
1758 If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. <BR>	-- David Daye
1759 If you drink like a fish, don't drive. Swim. <BR>	-- Joe E. Louis, (1914-1981), U.S. comedian
1760 If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. <BR>	-- Dean Martin, (1917-1995), U.S. singer
1761 I'm a prohibitionist. What I propose to prohibit is the reckless use of water. <BR>	-- Bob Edwards
1762 … these are the hardest to control: Wine, Women, and Song. <BR>	-- Franklin P. Adams (1881-1960), U…
1763 …ou ring another member and he comes over to persuade you. <BR>	-- Richard Harris, (1933--), Irish …
1764 …o drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken, (1880-1956), U.S…
1765 Never drink from your finger bowl -- it contains only water. <BR>	-- Addison Mizner (1872-1933), U.…
1766 People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. <BR>	-- Ca…
1767 … their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. <BR>	-- Ann Landers, (1918--), U.S. ad…
1768 Religions change; beer and wine remain. <BR>	-- Hervey Allen, Anthony Adverse
1769 Sometimes too much drink is barely enough. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1770 …unk and a alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those meetings. <BR>	-- Arthur Lewis
1771 The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. <BR>	-- Jewish proverb
1772 There are more old drunkards than old doctors. <BR>	-- French proverb
1773 There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation. <BR>	-- John Ciardi (1916-1986), Saturday Revie…
1774 They drink with impunity, or anybody who invites them. <BR>	-- Artemus Ward (1834-1867), "Moses the…
1775 They talk of my drinking but never my thirst. <BR>	-- Scottish proverb
1776 …it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it. <BR>	-- Thomas Love Peacock, (1785-1866), …
1777 Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1778 What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others. <BR>	-- Diogenes the Cynic, 4th cen. B.C.…
1779 What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. <BR>	-- Irish proverb
1780 When there is no wine there is no love. <BR>	-- Euripedes (ca. 496-406), Greek dramatist
1781 …as friends, and the Manhattan is an offense against piety. <BR>	-- Bernard De Voto (1897-1956), U.…
1782 Why is American beer served cold?  So you can tell it from urine. <BR>	-- David Moulton
1783 Wine is bottled poetry. <BR>	-- Robert Louis Stevenson (1854-1894), English author
1784 Wine maketh glad the heart of man. <BR>	-- Psalms: 104:15
1785 Wine, which cheereth God and man. <BR>	-- Judges 9:13
1786 Work is the curse of the drinking class. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish playwright
1787 You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float. <BR>	-- John Barrymore, (1882-1942), U.S.…
1788 …ver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. <BR>	-- Peter De Vries (1910--), U.S. w…
1789 Drive slow and enjoy the scenery -- drive fast and join the scenery. <BR>	-- Doug Horton, SF author
1790 …really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. <BR>	-- Russell Baker, (1925-- ), U.S. …
1791 Life is too short for traffic. <BR>	-- Dan Bellack
1792 Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf. <BR>	-- Lewis Mumford, (1895-1990), U.S. writer
1793 The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. <BR>	-- Dudley Moore, (1935-2002…
1794 Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money. <BR>	-- Robin Williams, U.S. comedian
1795 Coke isn't habit-forming. I should know -- I've been using it for years. <BR>	-- Tallulah Bankhead …
1796 …f you do drugs you'll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison. <BR>	-- John Hardwick
1797 Drugs. I can take them or leave them. But they're much more effective when I take them. <BR>	-- Ron…
1798 …anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast. <BR>	-- Johnathan Katz
1799 I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example. <BR>	-- Mick Miller, British comedian
1800 I've never had any problems with drugs, only with policemen. <BR>	-- Keith Richardson
1801 …-boned swines, the slimy belly-wriggling invertebrates, the miserable sodding rotters, the flaming…
1802 …into boiling water and then take them out again after a long while!"  <BR>	-- an anonymous French …
1803 …-brought up English girls are taught to boil all vegetables for at least a month and a half, just …
1804 … on the British Empire: God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark. <BR>	-- Duncan Spaeth, Princ…
1805 …British can survive their meals, they can survive anything. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
1806 …n to him who steals from his neighbor: brigand, robber or Englishman  <BR>	-- Les Triades de l'Ang…
1807 …thing only, that the logical solution will not be adopted. <BR>	-- William R. Inge (1860-1954), De…
1808 …. The English often kill themselves -- it is a malady caused by the humid climate. <BR>	-- Napoleo…
1809 It takes some skill to spoil a breakfast -- even the English can't do it!  <BR>	-- J K Galbraith, (…
1810 …-- and serious people. Whether the fogs produce the serious people or whether the serious people p…
1811 … have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. <BR>	-- Alexander Woolcott (1887-1943)
1812 The English have no exalted sentiments. They can all be bought. <BR>	-- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-18…
1813 …instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it. <BR>	-- James Agate (1877- )
1814 … qualities of a poker except its occasional warmth. <BR>	--attributed to Daniel O'Connell (1775-18…
1815 … the morning and talks about it for the rest of the day. <BR>	-- Ellen Cicely Wilkinson (1891-1947)
1816 There are in England sixty different religious sects and only one sauce. <BR>	-- Caracciolo (died 1…
1817 Though I love my country, I do not love my countrymen. <BR>	-- George Gordon Bryan (1788-1824), Eng…
1818 When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London. <BR>	-- Bette Midler, The Times, 19…
1819 …in Britain that you are not cheated by the charioteers. <BR>	-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (160-43 B.C.…
1820 Earth-- God's golf ball. <BR>	--Captain Beefheart, U.S. singer/artist
1821 Extinct is forever. <BR>	-- Kurt Benirschke, U.S. scientist
1822 …he impurities in our air and water that are doing it. <BR>	-- Dan Quayle, (1947--), U.S. vice-pres…
1823 Man is a complex being; he makes deserts bloom -- and lakes die. <BR>	-- Gil Stern
1824 Remember, this planet is also disposable. <BR>	-- Paul Palmer
1825 The environment is everything that isn't me. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein,(1879-1955), scientist
1826 There are no passengers on spaceship earth. We are all crew. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980),…
1827 We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?  <BR>	-- Lee Iacocca, (1924--)…
1828 … house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?  <BR>	-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
1829 … that English women only hope to find in their butlers. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham, (1874-1965), …
1830 …n, standing; an American, pacing; an Irishman, afterward. <BR>	-- Austin O'Malley, (1858 - 1932) ,…
1831 …ntinental people have a sex life; the English have hot-water bottles. <BR>	-- George Mikes, (1912-…
1832 English physicians kill you, the French let you die. <BR>	-- Lord Melbourne, William Lamb (1779-184…
1833 … dollar aid program for your relatives. Then he will die of an ulcer. <BR>	-- Dr. Stanley Rudin, N…
1834 …r, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car. <BR>	-- Bill Bryson, (1951--), U.S. tr…
1835 …will say that I am a German and Germany will declare that I am a Jew. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein, add…
1836 … in Australia you have to explain what a writer is. <BR>	-- Geoffrey Cottrell, New York Journal-Am…
1837 …would rather be a man, a horse, a dog or a woman, in that order. In American I would think the ord…
1838 … have good food; in England people have good table manners. <BR>	-- George Mikes, (1912-1987), Hun…
1839 The English are proud; the French are vain. <BR>	-- Jean Jacques Rousseau (1712-1778)
1840 The French are wiser than they seem, and the Spaniards seem wiser than they are. <BR>	-- Francis Ba…
1841 A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time -- pills or stairs. <BR>	-- Joan Welsh
1842 …us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a …
1843 I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise. <BR>	-- Chauncey Depew, (1834-…
1844 I don't jog, if I die I want to be sick. <BR>	-- Abe Lemons, U.S. basketball coach
1845 I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. <BR>	-- Carol Leifer, (1956--), U.S. com…
1846 …d take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again. <BR>	-- Erma Bombeck, (1927-1996), U.S…
1847 Muscles come and go; flab lasts. <BR>	-- Bill Vaughan (1915-1977)
1848 … realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back. <BR>	-- Franklin Jones, (1853-1935)
1849 What do you call a cyclist who doesn't wear a helmet?  An organ donor. <BR>	--David Perry
1850 …velous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. <BR>	-- Franklin P. Jones
1851 Experience is what allows us to repeat our mistakes, only with more finesse!  <BR>	-- Derwood Finch…
1852 If you can learn from hard knocks, you can also learn from soft touches. <BR>	-- Carolyn Kenmore, M…
1853 There's no fool like an old fool -- you can't beat experience. <BR>	-- Jacob Braude
1854 There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply. <BR>	-- Josh Billings…
1855 96.37% of all statistics are made up. <BR>	-- Kevin D. Quitt
1856 …tic means is, of course, living in a state of sin. <BR>	-- John Von Neumann (1903-1957), German-bo…
1857 …s. You know, Shaquille O'Neal and I have an average height of 6 feet. <BR>	-- U.S. Labor Secretary…
1858 …tremely useful as a form of employment for economists. <BR>	-- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908--), U.…
1859 Figure won't lie, but liars will figure. <BR>	-- Gen. Charles H. Grosvenor (1833-1917), 	   Ohio Re…
1860 I can prove anything by statistics -- except the truth. <BR>	-- George Canning (1770-1827), British…
1861 I do not regard a broker as a member of the human race. <BR>	-- Honore de Balzac (1799-1850), Frenc…
1862 …nk account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name. <BR>	-- Paula Poundstone (1959--), U.S. …
1863 I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was able to reason. <BR>	-- Plato (428-347 B.C.), The …
1864 In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), U.S.…
1865 … one of the leading causes of statistics. <BR>	-- Fletcher Knebel (Charles Waldo Bailey, really), …
1866 Life is too short to balance a checkbook. <BR>	-- Howard Ogden
1867 The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them. <BR>	-- Samuel McChord Crothers, (1879-19…
1868 …[stock] market on a day-to-day basis. Those who don't know and those who don't know they don't kno…
1869 … kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. <BR>	--attributed to Benjamin Disraeli (1804-18…
1870 …f statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up. <BR>	-- Rex Stout, (1896-1975), U.S. …
1871 …nd each is happier and more secure in keeping it that way. <BR>	-- John Steinbeck (1902-1968), U.S…
1872 No man is responsible for his father; that is entirely his mother's affair. <BR>	-- Margaret Turnbu…
1873 A man's tie should never be louder than his wife. <BR>	-- John Hughes
1874 If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. <BR>	-- Sue Grafton (1940--), U.S…
1875 …cosmetics in public. It reminds people that you need them. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke (1947--), Modern …
1876 Never wear anything that panics the cat. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke, (1947--), U.S. humorist
1877 …s say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?  <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. co…
1878 If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport. <BR>	-- George Wi…
1879 If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. <BR>	-- Mel Brooks (1926--), U.S. comedian
1880 The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. <BR>	-- Douglas Adams (1952-2002), B…
1881 …per and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing. <BR>	-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784), Oct…
1882 …watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch. <BR>	-- Hermione Gingold, (1897-1987), B…
1883 A waist is a terrible thing to mind. <BR>	-- Tom Wilson, U.S. cartoonist, "Ziggy"
1884 All the vitamins needed seem to be found in plebian dishes. <BR>	-- William Feather(1889-1981), U.S…
1885 Asparagus inspires gentle thoughts. <BR>	-- Charles Lamb (1775-1834), English poet
1886 Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
1887 Cheese. The adult form of milk. <BR>	-- Richard Condon (1915-1996), U.S. novelist, A Talent For Lov…
1888 Cheese -- milk's leap toward immortality. <BR>	-- Clifton Fadiman, Any Number Can Play, 1957
1889 Coffee isn't my cup of tea. <BR>	--attributed to Samuel Goldwyn (1884-1974), Hollywood movie produc…
1890 …ove. It should be entered into with abandon, or not all. <BR>	-- Harriet Van Horne (1920--), U.S. …
1891 Eat as much as you like -- just don't swallow it. <BR>	-- Steve Burns
1892 Food is an important part of a balanced diet. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), Metropolitan Life, 19…
1893 Happiness for me is largely a matter of digestion. <BR>	-- Lin Yutang (1895-1976), Chinese-American…
1894 I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.-- Katherine Cebrian
1895 … don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it. <B…
1896 I don't like to eat snails. I prefer fast food. <BR>	-- Strange de Jim
1897 …ce on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce... I thought he was missing. <BR>	-- Bob Saget, U.S. come…
1898 I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comedienne
1899 I'm a light eater. When it gets light, I start eating. <BR>	-- Tommy John (1943--), U.S. baseball p…
1900 I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat. <BR>	-- Jennifer Greene Duncan
1901 I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short. <BR>	-- Shelley Winters (1920--), U.S. actress
1902 I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days. <BR>	-- Totie Fields (-1978),…
1903 Licorice is the liver of candy. <BR>	-- Michael O'Donoghue (1942-1994), U.S. comedy writer
1904 Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. <BR>	-- Shirley Conran (1932--), U.S. novelist, Superwoman, …
1905 Lips, however rosy, must be fed. <BR>	-- Scottish proverb
1906 My favorite animal is steak. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), U.S. writer
1907 …ate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. <BR>	-- Orson Welles, (1915 - 1985), U.…
1908 Never eat more than you can lift. <BR>	-- Miss Piggy's Guide to Life as told to Henry Beard
1909 Obesity is really widespread. <BR>	-- Joseph O. Kern II
1910 …single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. <BR>	-- Alex Levine
1911 Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. <BR>	-- G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936), …
1912 Research tells us that 14 out of any 10 individuals like chocolate. <BR>	-- Sandra Boynton, Chocola…
1913 Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-1961), U.S. humorist
1914 Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn. <BR>	-- Garrison Keillor, (1942--), U.S. writer
1915 Soup and fish explain half the emotions of life. <BR>	-- Sydney Smith (1771-1845), English clergyma…
1916 …f those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive. <BR>	-- Wallace Irwin (1876-1959), U.S…
1917 …ys easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. <BR>	-- Jackie Gleason (1916-1987), U.S…
1918 There is no sincerer love than the love of food. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), Irish pla…
1919 To eat is human; to digest, divine. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910) (also attributed to Charles Town…
1920 Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. <BR>	-- Ji…
1921 …arily sauce for the chicken, the duck, the turkey, or the guinea hen. <BR>	-- The Alice B. Toklas …
1922 Where do you go to get anorexia?  <BR>	-- Shelley Winters, (1920--), U.S. actress
1923 …e a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God... I could be e…
1924 … a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me. <BR>	-- C.S. Lewis, (1898-1963), Engl…
1925 …s apart in your hands, but you can't tear the toilet paper. <BR>	-- Billy Wilder, (1906-2002), Hol…
1926 …ected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheeses?  <BR>	-- Charles De Gaulle, 1890-1970), p…
1927 If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. <BR>	-- Wilfred Sheed (1920--), U.S. w…
1928 …ith the French is that they sit around twenty-four hours a day talking French. <BR>	-- Monty Woole…
1929 A friend in need is a friend to be avoided. <BR>	-- Lord Samuel, English liberal politician (1870 -…
1930 A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway. <BR>	-- Fr. Jerome Cummings
1931 … is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. <BR>	-- Walter Winchell (1897-1972), U.…
1932 A true friend stabs you in the front. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Irish writer
1933 Do not remove a fly from your friend's forehead with a hatchet. <BR>	-- Chinese proverb
1934 Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral. <BR>	-- Kehlog Albran
1935 Friends are God's apology for relatives. <BR>	-- Hugh Kingsmill (1889-1949), British biographer/poet
1936 Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. <BR>	-- Thomas F. Jones (1916-1981), president of …
1937 God gives us relatives; thank God, we can choose our friends. <BR>	-- Addison Mizner (1872-1933), T…
1938 God save me from my friends; I can take care of my enemies. <BR>	-- English proverb, ca. 1477
1939 …ange and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. <BR>	-- Plutarch (46-120), Greek pr…
1940 …friend, but he had better not ask me to do up a parcel. <BR>	-- Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946), …
1941 … say of them, there would not be four friends in the world. <BR>	-- Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Fre…
1942 Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards. <BR>	-- R. A. Dicks…
1943 …end would be the man who blew my brains out with a pistol. <BR>	-- Edgar Allan Poe (1804-1849), U.…
1944 My friends!  There are no friends. <BR>	-- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.), Greek philosopher
1945 Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that. <BR>	-- Robert C. Edwards
1946 One should forgive one's enemies, but not before they are hanged. <BR>	-- Heinrich Heine (1797-1856…
1947 …that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral. <BR>	-- Robert Orben (1927--), U.S. wr…
1948 …stitute, a robber, a cheat, a goldsmith, a monkey, a doctor, and a distiller. <BR>	-- Hindu proverb
1949 …e our enemies, but only after they have been hanged first. <BR>	-- Heinrich Heine (1797-1856), Ger…
1950 …ds, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. co…
1951 Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies. <BR>	-- Gore Vidal (1925--) in New York …
1952 Your friend is that man who knows all about you, and still likes you. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard U.S. e…
1953 I have seen the future and it doesn't work. <BR>	-- Robert Fulford, Canadian journalist
1954 …er, because in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach. <BR>	-- Bill Muse, U.S. humo…
1955 It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future. <BR>	-- Yogi Berra (1925--), U.S. base…
1956 …g about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. <BR>	-- Dean Acheson (1893-1971), U.S.…
1957 The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. <BR>	-- Paul Valery (1871-…
1958 …tention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one. <BR>	-- Arthur J. Clarke
1959 A gentleman is one who never strikes a woman without provocation. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956),…
1960 A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally. <BR>	-- Lilian Day, Kiss and Tell
1961 … and kill a woman without feeling just a big unchivalrous. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.…
1962 Gentlemen prefer blondes, but take what they can get. <BR>	-- Don Herold (1889-1966), U.S. humorist
1963 Gentlemen prefer blondes. <BR>	-- Anita Loos (1893-1981), U.S. screenwriter
1964 Gentlemen prefer bonds. <BR>	-- Andrew Mellon (1921-1932), U.S. industrialist
1965 It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen. <BR>	-- Mamie Van Doren, (1931--), U.S. actress
1966 …farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke (1947--), The Atl…
1967 …German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me. <BR>	-- Bette Midler (1945--), U.S. en…
1968 Life is too short to learn German. <BR>	-- Richard Porson (1759-1808), English classical scholar
1969 The Germans are like women. You can scarcely ever fathom their depths -- they haven't any. <BR>	-- …
1970 The German mind has a talent for making no mistakes but the very greatest. <BR>	-- Clifton Fadiman,…
1971 The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law. <BR>	-- Alex Levin
1972 … always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke "Holid…
1973 I don't believe in ghosts, but I've been afraid of them all my life. <BR>	-- Charles A. Dana (1819-…
1974 I hate to spread rumors -- but what else can one do with them. <BR>	-- Amanda Lear, model/singer, i…
1975 Some people will believe anything if it is whispered to them. <BR>	-- Pierre de Miramax
1976 …t kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say. <BR>	-- Cyril Connolly (1903-1975), Eng…
1977 A good statue can be rolled downhill without damage. <BR>	-- Michaelangelo (1475-1564), Italian scu…
1978 …s record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. <BR>	-- George Carlin (1937-- ), U.S. c…
1979 Good taste is the excuse I've always given for leading such a bad life. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1…
1980 I am a deeply superficial person. <BR>	-- Andy Warhol (1928-1987), U.S. artist
1981 …ut, by George, I work at it harder than the average man. <BR>	-- Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919), U…
1982 I can resist everything except temptation. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish author
1983 …or turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. <BR>	-- Flannery O'Connor, (1925-1964), U…
1984 I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan (1911-1980), Canadian med…
1985 I have simple tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish w…
1986 …I would have suffered a lot more if I had been understood. <BR>	-- Clarence Darrow (1857-1938), US…
1987 …nderstanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?  <BR>	-- Zsa Zsa Gabor, (ca. 1918--), actr…
1988 … years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter. <BR>	-- Drew Carey, (1958--), U.S. com…
1989 I would have made a good Pope. <BR>	-- Richard M. Nixon, US President (1913-1994)
1990 If I was two-faced, would I be using this one?  <BR>	-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865), US President
1991 I'm a fat anorexic. <BR>	-- Kiri Te Kanawa (1948--), Maori soprano
1992 … man to become so absorbed in any subject as I am in mine. <BR>	-- Charles Darwin (1809-1882), Bri…
1993 I've been on a calendar, but never on time. <BR>	-- Marilyn Monroe, Look, 16 January 1962, US actre…
1994 …n even tolerate it. I simply have a morbid interest in it. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley (1889-1945), US…
1995 My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. <BR>	-- John Barrymore, (1882-1942), U.…
1996 People don't know my real self and they're not about to find out. <BR>	-- Yul Brynner (1920-1985), …
1997 …me is I can't worry. Damn it, I try to worry, and I can't. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley (1889-1945), US…
1998 There used to be a me, but I had it surgically removed. <BR>	-- Peter Sellers, Time, 1980, British …
1999 … believe you are the best. If you're not, pretend you are. <BR>	-- Mohammed Ali, (1942--), U.S. bo…
2000 We are all worms, but I do believe that I am a glow-worm. <BR>	-- Winston Churchill (1874-1965 ), E…
2001 …e've all been blessed with God-given talents. Mine just happens to be beating people up. <BR>	-- S…
2002 … a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long. <BR>	-- Boris Yeltsin, (1931--), Russia…
2003 Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. <BR>	-- Hector Berlioz (1803-18…
2004 Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson. <BR>	-- Vernon Law…
2005 …but when you try to cast it off, it will take skin and all. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S…
2006 …ood habits are much easier to give up than the bad ones. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965), …
2007 All the historical books which contain no lies are extremely tedious. <BR>	-- Anatole France (1844-…
2008 God cannot alter the past, though historians can. <BR>	-- Samuel Butler, "Prose Observations"
2009 …le who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. <BR>	-- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910), Russ…
2010 … remember anything I told you?" and lets fly with a club. <BR>	-- John W. Campbell (1910-1971), Am…
2011 …f, and that's one of the things that's wrong with history. <BR>	-- Clarence Darrow (1857-1938), U.…
2012 History is bunk. <BR>	-- Henry Ford (1863-1947), U.S. industrialist
2013 History: gossip well told. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard, The Roycroft Dictionary
2014 History is the sum total of the things that could have been avoided. <BR>	-- Konrad Adenauer (1876-…
2015 History repeats itself. Historians repeat each other. <BR>	-- Philip Guedalla (1889-1944), "Supers …
2016 …e to talk much about the past -- something like trying to make birth control retroactive. <BR>	-- …
2017 Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these. <BR>	-- Ovid (43 B.C.-17 A.D.), Rom…
2018 … never make it, and the Americans never learn from it. <BR>	-- Bishop Fulton J. Sheen (1895-1979),…
2019 …r than it was; it's only pleasant because it isn't here. <BR>	-- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), U…
2020 The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-…
2021 …t its errors. Those who do study it will find some other ways to err. <BR>	-- Charles Wolf Jr., U.…
2022 …n from history that we learn nothing from history. <BR>	-- George Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (1770-18…
2023 A guy who'd cheat on his wife would cheat at cards. <BR>	-- Texas Guinan (1878-1933), U.S. bartender
2024 A gypsy tells the truth once in his life, and immediately repents. <BR>	-- Russian proverb
2025 …hou'lt never thus compete/Successfully in business. Cheat. <BR>	-- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) , Th…
2026 … and every other man has a right to knock him down for it. <BR>	-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784), Eng…
2027 Honesty is praised and starves. <BR>	-- Juvenal (50-130), Roman satirist
2028 Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. <BR>	-- Steve Landesberg (1945--), U.…
2029 I can't tell a lie -- not even when I hear one. <BR>	-- John Kendrick Bangs (1862-1922), writer
2030 …nt less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. <BR>	-- Ashleigh Brilliant (1933--), U.S.…
2031 I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. filmma…
2032 …esty, many thousands of people would be sure to starve. <BR>	-- Georg G. Lichtenberg (1742-1799), …
2033 …convincing lie, it is often better to stick to the truth. <BR>	-- Angela Thirkell (1890 - 1961), B…
2034 It is annoying to be honest to no purpose. <BR>	-- Ovid (43 B.C.-18 A.D.), Roman poet
2035 …uth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar. <BR>	-- Jerome K. Jerome (1859-1927), Br…
2036 …hen you can be sure there is one rascal less in the world. <BR>	-- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881), Sco…
2037 …k themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. <BR>	-- Winston Churchill (1874-1965 ), …
2038 Never underestimate the effectiveness of a straight cash bribe. <BR>	-- Claud Cockburn (1904-1981),…
2039 Never tell a lie, but the truth you don't have to tell. <BR>	-- George Safir
2040 People need good lies. There are too many bad ones. <BR>	-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr. (1922--), U.S. noveli…
2041 Put all thine eggs in one basket and -- watch that basket. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910).
2042 Tell the truth and run. <BR>	-- Yugoslavian proverb
2043 That's not a lie, it's a terminological inexactitude. <BR>	-- Alexander Haig (1924--), U.S. politic…
2044 …s is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. <BR>	-- Jean Giradoux (1882-1944), Fre…
2045 …when the Found ads in the newspapers begin to outnumber the Lost ads. <BR>	-- Lisa Kirk, U.S. actr…
2046 … countries when the only place for an honest man is in jail. <BR>	-- Thomas Mann (1875-1955), Germ…
2047 Those you trust the most can steal the most. <BR>	-- Lawrence Leif
2048 Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance. <BR>	-- William Shakespeare (1564-16…
2049 Trust everybody, but cut the cards. <BR>	-- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), U.S. humorist
2050 …h is like a well-known whore. Everyone knows her, but it is embarrassing to encounter her on the s…
2051 Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2052 …as a good enough memory, he should never venture to lie. <BR>	-- Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592), …
2053 What a lot of people are saving for a rainy day is somebody else's umbrella. <BR>	-- Caroline Clark…
2054 When in doubt, tell the truth. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2055 When you deal with your brother, be pleasant, but get a witness. <BR>	-- Hesiod, Works and Ways, 8t…
2056 Housework can kill you if done right. <BR>	-- Erma Bombeck, (1927-1996), U.S. humorist
2057 I would rather lie on a sofa than sweep beneath it. <BR>	-- Shirley Conran (1932--), U.S. novelist
2058 Nature abhors a vacuum and so do I. <BR>	-- Anne Gibbons, U.S. cartoonist
2059 Only a fool would make the bed every day. <BR>	-- Nancy Spain
2060 There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse. <BR>	-- Quentin …
2061 …t with a riding vacuum cleaner, then I'll clean the house. <BR>	-- Roseanne Barr, (1953--), U.S. c…
2062 All men are born equal, but quite a few eventually get over it. <BR>	-- Lord Mancroft (1914--), Bri…
2063 …to know is that a man is a human being -- that is enough for me; he can't be any worse. <BR>	-- Ma…
2064 …e forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S…
2065 Don't overestimate the decency of the human race. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journalist
2066 Every man has a sane spot somewhere. <BR>	-- Robert Louis Stevenson (1854-1894), English author
2067 …is hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. <BR>	-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S.…
2068 …God made him, and often a great deal worse. <BR>	-- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616), Don Quixote, …
2069 Half of us are blind, few of us feel, and we are all deaf. <BR>	-- Sir William Osler (1849-1919), C…
2070 … a device of transporting itself from one place to another. <BR>	-- Tom Robbins (1936-- ), U.S. no…
2071 I am a member of the rabble in good standing. <BR>	-- Westbrook Pegler (1894 - 1969), U.S. journali…
2072 …the missing link between animal and civilized man. It's us. <BR>	-- Konrad Lorenz (1903-1989), Aus…
2073 …ust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string. <BR>	-- Scott Adams, "Dilber…
2074 …e, they must be using the earth as their lunatic asylum. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), …
2075 …w what a respectable man is like, and it's enough to make your flesh creep. <BR>	-- J.M. De Maistre
2076 …yself as one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am. <BR>	-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784), Eng…
2077 …ang from the monkey, but where did the monkey spring from?  <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S…
2078 I love mankind, it's people I can't stand. <BR>	-- Charles M. Shulz, Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown, …
2079 I wonder men dare trust themselves with men. <BR>	-- William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
2080 …t panic when I found out that I was a human being, I'm never going to. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894…
2081 …opportunity to kill always came together, who would escape hanging?  <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2082 …t people right they will treat you right -- ninety percent of the time. <BR>	-- Franklin Delano Ro…
2083 In creating the human brain, evolution has wildly overshot the mark. <BR>	-- Arthur Koestler (1905-…
2084 …enature plutonium than to denature the evil spirit of man. <BR>	-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955), sc…
2085 Know thyself?  If I knew myself, I'd run away. <BR>	-- Johann Goethe 1749-1832), German author
2086 …ormation/Men become wolves on any slight occasion. <BR>	-- George Gordon Noel, Lord Byron (1788-18…
2087 …urselves a little more. We might climb a tree, at least. <BR>	-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), …
2088 …xcused himself on the grounds that it was human nature. <BR>	-- Alan Alexander Milne (1882-1956), …
2089 On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time. <BR>	-- G…
2090 …what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it. <BR>	-- Don Marquis (1878-1937), U.S.…
2091 People shouldn't be treated like objects. They aren't that valuable. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke (1947--)…
2092 People will buy anything that's one to a customer. <BR>	-- Sinclair Lewis (1885-1951), U.S. novelist
2093 …en it does seem a pity that Noah and his party didn't miss the boat. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2094 The average person thinks he isn't. <BR>	-- Reverend Larry Lorenzoni, U.S. priest
2095 …and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2096 The people are to be taken in very small doses. <BR>	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1883), U.S. essay…
2097 The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish author
2098 …e world is divided into people who do things -- and people who get the credit. <BR>	-- Dwight Morr…
2099 …eople of the world into two classes, and those who do not. <BR>	-- Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.…
2100 We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900),…
2101 … others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. <BR>	-- W. H. Auden (1907-1973), Engl…
2102 We are only cave men who have lost their cave. <BR>	-- Christopher Morley (1890-1957), U.S. editor/…
2103 We are the people our parents warned us against. <BR>	-- Nicholas von Hoffman, U.S. columnist
2104 What keeps people apart is their inability to get together. <BR>	-- Mayor Richard J. Daley of Chica…
2105 …you may be sure of, be sure of this -- that you are dreadfully like other people. <BR>	-- James Ru…
2106 … free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. <BR>	-- Eric Hoffer (1902-1983), The …
2107 …s big enough to make mistakes, or was it pure ignorance?  <BR>	-- Holbrook Jackson (1874-1948), En…
2108 You may break your heart, but men will go on as before. <BR>	-- Marcus Aurelius (121-180), Meditati…
2109 Don't be so humble. You're not that great. <BR>	-- Golde Meir, Prime Minister of Israel
2110 It ain't bragging if you really done it. <BR>	-- Dizzy Dean (1911-1974), U.S. baseball player
2111 …s more geniuses with humility. There are so few of us left. <BR>	-- Oscar Levant (1906-- ), TV per…
2112 …great disadvantages of hurry is that it takes such a long time. <BR>	-- G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
2113 There is never enough time, unless you're serving it. <BR>	-- Malcolm Forbes (1919-1990), U.S. publ…
2114 He who laughs, lasts. <BR>	-- Mary Pettibone Poole, writer, in A Glass Eye at a Keyhole, 1938
2115 …for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935-- ), U.S. film-maker
2116 If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there. <BR>	-- Martin Luther (1483-15…
2117 Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects. <BR>	-- Arnold H. Glasow
2118 A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1…
2119 … twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. <BR>	-- Robert Frost (1874-1963), U.S.…
2120 …s honest as other men, but that is not very encouraging. <BR>	-- Ferdinand Lundberg (1902-1995), U…
2121 …-1980's dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government …
2122 God works wonders now and then; Behold a lawyer an honest man. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790…
2123 He is no lawyer who cannot take sides. <BR>	-- Charles Lamb (1775-1834), poet
2124 I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters. <BR>	-- John Keats (1795-1821),…
2125 … being a good robber was like being a good lawyer. <BR>	-- Willie Sutton, (1901-1980), U.S. bank-r…
2126 If half the lawyers would become plumbers, two of man's biggest problems would be solved. <BR>	-- F…
2127 If it weren't for the lawyers we wouldn't need them. <BR>	-- William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925), U.…
2128 Laws are like sausages. It is better not to see them being made. <BR>	-- Otto von Bismarck (1815-18…
2129 Lawyers and insurance agents deserve one another. <BR>	-- Craig Vetter
2130 Lawyers are jackals. <BR>	-- Erasmus (1465-1536)
2131 Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. <BR>	-- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
2132 Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. <BR>	-- Charles Lamb (1775-1834)
2133 Lawyers: persons who write a 10,000 word document and call it a brief. <BR>	-- Franz Kafka (1884-19…
2134 Most lawyers are swine. And not even nice swine. <BR>	-- Charles McCabe
2135 The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. <BR>	-- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Henry V…
2136 The laws I love; the lawyers I suspect. <BR>	-- Charles Churchill (1731-1764)
2137 …dead lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid marks around the skunk. <BR>	-- Patrick Murray
2138 The people can change Congress but only God can change the Supreme Court. <BR>	-- George W. Norris
2139 …twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910), Sketc…
2140 …ds of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. <BR>	-- Norm Crosby, U.S. co…
2141 When you have no basis for an argument, abuse the plaintiff. <BR>	-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (160-43 …
2142 Where there's a will, there's a lawsuit. <BR>	-- Addison Mizner (1872-1933), U.S. resort architect
2143 …ens grievous to be borne, and ye touch not the burdens with one of your fingers. <BR>	-- Luke 11:46
2144 Bodily exercise profiteth little.-1 Timothy 4:8
2145 Half a loaf is better than no free time at all. <BR>	-- J.D. Ward
2146 … the sun;/He lived a life of going-to-do,/And died with nothing done. <BR>	-- James Albery's epita…
2147 How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward. <BR>	-- Spanish proverb
2148 …oy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. <BR>	-- Jerome K. Jerome (1859-1927), Id…
2149 …rfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live. <BR>	-- Lin Yutang (1895-1976), Chinese-Amer…
2150 …gh to go right on in the same way for numerous more months. <BR>	-- Artemus Ward (1834-1867), Natu…
2151 It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-…
2152 …ng that you can do sitting, or anything sitting that you can do lying down. <BR>	-- Chinese proverb
2153 …ise coming on, I lie down until it passes over. <BR>	--attributed to Robert Maynard Hutchins (1899…
2154 …ng. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash. <BR>	-- Rita Mae Brown (1944--), U.S. n…
2155 …than European students, Japanese students and certain species of elk. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, Bad Habi…
2156 He is either dead or teaching school. <BR>	-- Zenobius (117-138), Greek sophist
2157 … ill-colored; spend their fortunes, lose their wits, and many times their lives; and all through i…
2158 For every person wishing to teach there are thirty not wanting to be taught. <BR>	-- W.C. Sellar an…
2159 …e idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910), Follo…
2160 …resome to educate, and tiresome to be educated. <BR>	-- William Lamb, 2nd Viscount Melbourne (1779…
2161 …abhorrence that they drive him into the profession of a schoolmaster. <BR>	--Seneca ,"Epistolae ad…
2162 Much knowledge is a curse. <BR>	-- Chuang-Tzu (369-286 B.C.) Chinese Taoist philosopher
2163 It's easier to graduate than to learn. <BR>	-- Robert Half
2164 Of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh. <BR>	-- Ecclesias…
2165 Thou hast most traitorously corrupted the youth of the realm in erecting a grammar school. <BR>	-- …
2166 Try not to have a good time... this is supposed to be educational. <BR>	-- Charles Schulz, "Peanuts…
2167 You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over??  Movie Day. <BR>	-- Jay Mohr (1970--), U.S. come…
2168 …s lives are fairy tales written by the fingers of God. <BR>	-- Hans Christian Anderson (1805-1875)…
2169 Any idiot can face a crisis -- it's this day-to-day living that wears you out. <BR>	-- Anton Chekho…
2170 Be careful how you interpret the world; it is like that. <BR>	-- Erich Heller, U.S. literary critic
2171 …life is a black tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?  <BR>	-- George Gobel,(1919-1991), U.S.…
2172 I wept when I was born and every day explains why. <BR>	-- Spanish proverb
2173 …e my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. <BR>	-- Tallulah Bankhead (1900-1968), U…
2174 In the fight between you and the world, back the world. <BR>	-- Franz Kafka (1884-1924), novelist
2175 … can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on. <BR>	-- Robert Frost (1874-1963), U.S.…
2176 …lps to recall that there have always been times like these. <BR>	-- Paul Harvey, (1918--), U.S. ra…
2177 It is not certain that everything is uncertain. <BR>	-- Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pensees, 1670
2178 …ways to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -- but that's the way to bet  <BR>	-- Damon Runyon…
2179 It's a grand life, if you don't tire. <BR>	-- Gaelic proverb
2180 Life does not begin at conception, but when the kids leave home and the dog dies. <BR>	-- Russ Jame…
2181 Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. humorist
2182 Lif is too short. <BR>	-- Bart Gold (1970--)
2183 …n only rage impotently against your persecutors. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. comedian/film-…
2184 Life is a dead-end street. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), U.S. journalist
2185 Life is a dream -- but don't wake me. <BR>	-- Yiddish proverb
2186 Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can. <BR>	-- Danny Kaye (1913-1987), U.S.…
2187 …patient is possessed by the desire to change his bed. <BR>	-- Pierre Charles Baudelaire (1821-1867…
2188 Life is a quarantine for paradise. <BR>	-- Karl Julius Weber (1767-1832), German writer
2189 Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch. <BR>	-- David A. Schmaltz, U.S. writer
2190 Life is a sexually-transmitted disease. <BR>	-- Guy Bellamy, U.S. author
2191 Life is a zoo in a jungle. <BR>	-- Peter De Vries, (1910--), U.S. writer
2192 … squirrel, the bear, the begonia, and many lawyers are forms of Life. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, Bad Habi…
2193 … it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it. <BR>	-- Alice Walker (1944--), U.S. au…
2194 Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. film-maker
2195 …is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering -- and it's all over much too soon. <BR>	-- Woody All…
2196 Life is just one damned thing after another. <BR>	-- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915), U.S. editor/publis…
2197 Life is like a B-grade movie. You don't want to leave in the middle, but you don't want to see it a…
2198 Life is like a dog-sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. <BR>	-- Lewis G…
2199 Life is like a scrambled egg. <BR>	-- Don Marquis (1878-1937), "Frustration"
2200 Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use. <BR>	-- Charles M. Schulz (1922-…
2201 …r after layer and then you find there is nothing in it. <BR>	-- James Gibbons Huneker (1860-1921),…
2202 Life is not a spectacle or a feast; it is a predicament. <BR>	-- George Santayana (1863-1952), Arti…
2203 … of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination. <BR>	-- Christopher Isherwood (1904-1986),…
2204 Life is one long process of getting tired. <BR>	-- Samuel Butler, 1912
2205 Life is something that everyone should try at least once. <BR>	-- Henry J. Tillman
2206 Life is something to do when you can't get to sleeep. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), U.S. writer
2207 Life is too short to be small. <BR>	-- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881), British Prime Minister
2208 …ng for one's self that one can pay others to do for one. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965), …
2209 …h proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest. <BR>	-- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933), U.S…
2210 Life can be divided into the horrible and the miserable. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), Annie Hall
2211 …sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way around. <BR>	-- David Lodge, The Bri…
2212 Living is like licking honey off a thorn. <BR>	-- Louis Adamic (1899-1951), U.S. novelist/journalist
2213 My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot. <BR>	-- Ashley Brilliant (1933--), U.S. …
2214 My theory is to enjoy life, but the practice is against it. <BR>	-- Charles Lamb (1775-1834), Engli…
2215 … evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. <BR>	-- Brendan Gill (1914-1997), U.S.…
2216 Reality is a collective hunch. <BR>	-- Mel Seesholtz, Penn State U. professor
2217 …eep. Die, search for meaning, search for meaning, search for meaning. <BR>	-- Doug Horton, SF auth…
2218 Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story. <BR>	-- Ashley Brilliant, (1933--), U.S. …
2219 The meaning of life is that it stops. <BR>	-- Franz Kafka (1884-1924), novelist
2220 …And what I have seems second-rate,/The things I want to do I can't,/And what I have to do I hate. …
2221 The times are not so bad as they seem; they couldn't be. <BR>	-- Jay Franklin (1897--)
2222 The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively. <BR>	-- Peter Beard (1938--), U.…
2223 The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. <BR>	-- Sean O'Casey (1880-1964), I…
2224 … not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), …
2225 There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. <BR>	-- George Santayana (1863-195…
2226 Things aren't as bad as they seem. They are worse. <BR>	-- Bill Press, U.S. columnist
2227 To dream is happiness; to wake is life. <BR>	-- Victor Hugo (1802-1885), French novelist
2228 While we are postponing, life speeds by. <BR>	-- Seneca (3 BC-65 AD), Roman playwright
2229 …tragedy of tackling a family problem too soon after college. <BR>	-- Tom Masson (1866-1934), writer
2230 …ot much about having children. Life is the other way around. <BR>	-- David Dodge (1910-1974), U.S.…
2231 Never judge a book by its meeting. <BR>	-- J.W. Eagan
2232 …ke their literature clean and cold and pure and very dead. <BR>	-- Sinclair Lewis (1885-1951), U.S…
2233 … supreme type of all that a host and hostess should not be. <BR>	-- Max Beerbohm (1872-1956), Engl…
2234 It's the poor loser who finally loses out. <BR>	-- Kin Hubbard (1868-1930), U.S. humorist
2235 …question: "Would I mind being destroyed financially by this person?"  <BR>	-- Ronnie Shakes, "Famo…
2236 …ry Kissinger, and nothing like Robert Redford -- but you'll take him anyway. <BR>	-- Judith Viorst…
2237 It is better to have loved a small man than never to have loved a tall. <BR>	-- Mary Jo Crowley, Co…
2238 Love conquers all except poverty and toothache. <BR>	-- Mae West (1892-1980), U.S. actress
2239 Love is a grave mental disease. <BR>	-- Plato (428-347 B.C.), Greek philosopher
2240 …hen suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun. <BR>	-- Matt Groening, (1954--), U.S. c…
2241 …t flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. <BR>	-- Matt Groening, "Love…
2242 Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke  <BR>	-- Lynda Barry (1956--), U.S. cartoonist
2243 Love is being stupid together. <BR>	-- Paul Valery (1871-1945), French poet/essayist
2244 Love is just a chemical reaction. But it's fun trying to find the formula. <BR>	-- J.D. Shantel, pr…
2245 …e measles. The older you get it, the worse the attack. <BR>	-- Mary Roberts Rinehart, (1876-1958),…
2246 …girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. <BR>	-- Judith Viorst in Red…
2247 …s not the dying moan of a distant violin -- it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring. <BR>	-- S. J…
2248 Love is the same as like except you feel sexier. <BR>	-- Judith Viorst, (1931--), U.S. poet
2249 Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. film-maker
2250 Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love. <BR>	-- The Song of Solomon, 2…
2251 … flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. <BR>	-- Erich Segal (1937--), U.S. wri…
2252 … we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one. <BR>	-- Louis La Rochefoucauld (1777-1815)
2253 … a man cannot hide: that he is drunk and that he is in love. <BR>	-- Antiphanes (c.388-c.311 BC), …
2254 We had a lot in common. I loved him and he loved him. <BR>	-- Shelley Winters, (1920--), US movie a…
2255 You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. <BR>	-- Henny Youngman, (1906-1998), U.S. comed…
2256 Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit. <BR>	-- R. E. …
2257 I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. <BR>	-- William H. Mauldin (1921--), U.S. cartooni…
2258 …ame chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. <BR>	-- Fran Lebowitz (1950--), U.S. wr…
2259 If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?  <BR>	--Stanislaw J. Lec
2260 It is bad luck to be superstitious. <BR>	-- Andrew W. Mathis
2261 …into accidents which started out to happen to somebody else. <BR>	-- Don Marquis (1878-1937), "Arc…
2262 The only sure thing about luck is that it will change. <BR>	-- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933), U.S. wit
2263 …ow else can we explain the success of those we don't like?  <BR>	-- Jean Cocteau (1889-1963), Fren…
2264 You need a strong stomach to digest luck. <BR>	-- Russian proverb
2265 A fool and his money are soon married. <BR>	-- Carolyn Wells (1870-1942), U.S. writer
2266 A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. <BR>	-- Grace Hansen
2267 All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart. <BR>	-- Anonymous
2268 An ideal husband is one who treats his wife like a new car. <BR>	-- Dan Bennett, U.S. columnist
2269 …arriage is a fifty-fifty proposition is only proving that she doesn't understand either men or per…
2270 …ting his nails and picking his nose, but not of marrying. <BR>	-- William Faulkner (1897-1962), U.…
2271 … husbands. The older you get, the more they're interested. <BR>	-- Agatha Christie (1890-1976), Br…
2272 …et a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent. <BR>	-- Socrates (470-399 B.C.), Gr…
2273 …women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. <BR>	-- Henry L. Mencken (1880-1956)
2274 Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same. <BR>	-- Erica Jong (1942--)
2275 …come happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. <BR>	-- Socrates (469-399 B.C.), Gr…
2276 Call no man unhappy until he is married. <BR>	-- Socrates (469-399 B.C.), Greek philosopher/teacher
2277 He who lives without quarreling is a bachelor. <BR>	-- St. Jerome (340-420)
2278 Housewives deserve well-furnished minds. They have to live in them such a lot of the time. <BR>	-- …
2279 …ted in other men's wives to think of getting one of my own. <BR>	-- George Moore (1852-1933), Iris…
2280 …milies. Every woman should have at least three husbands. <BR>	-- Zsa Zsa Gabor (ca. 1918--), Holly…
2281 I can't mate in captivity. <BR>	-- Gloria Steinem (1934--), U.S. activist
2282 … 'housewife' for the reason that I did not marry a house. <BR>	-- Wilma Scott Heide (1926-1985), U…
2283 … that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. co…
2284 I married beneath me -- all women do. <BR>	-- Lady Nancy Astor (1879-1964), English politician
2285 I never knew what real happiness was until I got married and by then it was too late. <BR>	-- Max K…
2286 …ars all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. <BR>	-- Marie Corelli, (1855-1924), Eng…
2287 I shall marry in haste, and repeat at leisure. <BR>	-- James Branch Cabell (1879-1958), U.S. fantas…
2288 I think, therefore I'm single. <BR>	-- Liz Winstead, U.S. comedy TV writer
2289 If I ever marry it will be on sudden impulse, as a man shoots himself. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880-…
2290 …then marriage means always having to say everything twice. <BR>	-- Estelle Getty (1924--), U.S. ac…
2291 If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. <BR>	-- Anton Chekhov (1860-1904), Russian physician/…
2292 … regret it. If you do not marry, you will also regret it. <BR>	-- Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855), D…
2293 It is as hard to arrange a good marriage as it was to divide the Red Sea. <BR>	-- Talmud: Sotah, 2A
2294 …oo much of a woman to expect her to bring up her husband and her children too. <BR>	-- Lillian Bell
2295 It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. <BR>	-- Spike Milligan, (1918-2002),…
2296 Jesus was a bachelor. <BR>	-- Don Herold (1889-1966), U.S. humorist
2297 Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half-shut afterwards. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-179…
2298 …th a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. <BR>	-- Stephen Leacock, (1869-1944), Ca…
2299 Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures. <BR>	-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784), English…
2300 Marriage, if one will face the truth, is an evil, but a necessary evil. <BR>	-- Menander (342-291 B…
2301 Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. <BR>	-- F. M. Knowles, A Chee…
2302 Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. <BR>	-- G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936), English writer
2303 Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night. <BR>	-- St. Jerome (345-420), At…
2304 …account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. <BR>	-- Irwin Corey (1914--), U.S. com…
2305 Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up. <BR>	-- Joseph Barth
2306 … are kept women, and they are beginning to find it out. <BR>	-- Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946), …
2307 …ood wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. <BR>	-- Socrates (470-399 B.C.),Gre…
2308 My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time. <BR>	-- Lee Trev…
2309 Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. <BR>	-- P.J. O'Rourke (1947--), Modern Manne…
2310 …thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you. <BR>	-- Jean Rostand, "Le Ma…
2311 Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near. <BR>	-- Helen Rowland (1876 - 1950), English-…
2312 …the second biggest disappointment of the standard honeymoon. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Iris…
2313 …d wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
2314 One man's folly is another man's wife. <BR>	-- Helen Rowland (1876 - 1950), English-American writer
2315 …bout marriage is that it gets young people to bed at a decent hour. <BR>	-- M. M. Musselman, scree…
2316 Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - arriage does. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
2317 … It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Iris…
2318 Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. <BR>	-- Gloria Steinem (1934--), U.S. activist
2319 Take it from me -- marriage isn't a word -- it's a sentence. <BR>	-- King Vidor, (1894-1982), U.S. …
2320 The bonds of wedlock are so heavy that it takes two to carry them -- sometimes three. <BR>	-- Alexa…
2321 …ands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. <BR>	-- Honore de Balzac (1799-1850), Fr…
2322 … stay bachelors; they're too considerate to get married. <BR>	-- Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), U…
2323 …h marrying your mistress is that you create a job vacancy. <BR>	-- Sir James Goldsmith (-1997), co…
2324 … and not all are serious. Some are just husbands killing their wives. <BR>	-- Cmdr. G. H. Hatheril…
2325 There is more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. <BR>	-- John Heywood (1497?-1580?), English…
2326 …and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. <BR>	-- Clint Eastwood, (1930--), U.S. a…
2327 We wedded men live in sorrow and care. <BR>	-- Chaucer (1340-1410), English author
2328 What God has put asunder, why should man put it together?  <BR>	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1883),…
2329 When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. <BR>	-- Sacha Gui…
2330 Where singleness is bliss, it's folly to be wives. <BR>	-- Bill Counselman, Ella Cinders
2331 Why does the blind man's wife paint herself?  <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), Poor Richard (…
2332 …-swapping is never done in the best circles of society. Wives can rarely, if ever, be traded for a…
2333 Wives and watermelons are picked by chance. <BR>	-- Greek proverb
2334 Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977), U.S. comedian
2335 A red-headed man will make a good stallion. <BR>	-- John Ray (1628-1705), English naturalist
2336 All phone calls are obscene. <BR>	-- Karen Elizabeth Gordon, U.S. writer
2337 Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America. <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. …
2338 …h adversity in my traditional manner... sulking and nausea. <BR>	-- Tom K. Ryan (1926--), U. S. "T…
2339 I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. <BR>	-- Gilda Radner, (1946-1989), U.S. comed…
2340 I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. <BR>	-- Garrison Keillor (1942--),…
2341 …n small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining. <BR>	-- Lily Tomlin (1939-- ), U.S. ac…
2342 … nothing definite to apologize for; I'm just sorry about everything in general. <BR>	-- Ashleigh B…
2343 I liked things better when I didn't understand them. <BR>	-- Bill Watterson, "Calvin and Hobbes" co…
2344 I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. <BR>	-- Ashleigh Brilliant (1933--), U…
2345 I'm from Indiana, the home of more first-rate second-class men than any other state in the union. <…
2346 I'm troubled, I'm dissatisfied, I'm Irish. <BR>	-- Marianne Moore "Spenser's Ireland"
2347 …ll of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened. <BR>	-- Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592), …
2348 My life needs a rewind/erase button. <BR>	-- Bill Watterson, "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strip
2349 Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me. <BR>	-- Ashleigh Brilliant (1933--), U.S. w…
2350 Reality continues to ruin my life. <BR>	-- Bill Watterson, "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strip
2351 … the world!  Happiness isn't good enough for me!  I demand euphoria!  <BR>	-- Bill Watterson, "Cal…
2352 There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise. <BR>	-- …
2353 Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. <BR>	-- Bill Watte…
2354 …it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935-- ), U.S. film-maker
2355 A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. <BR>	-- Carrie Snow, U.S. comed…
2356 …the Lord, but sent for a physician; and Nathan was gathered unto his fathers. <BR>	-- Old Testament
2357 …al operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live. <BR>	-- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), U.S…
2358 …h the doctor and the Angel of Death kill -- but the doctor charges a fee for it. <BR>	-- Ibn Zabar…
2359 God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), Poor Richard, Nove…
2360 …own out the window, except that the birds might eat them. <BR>	-- Martin H. Fischer (1879-1962 ), …
2361 He that sinneth before his Maker, let him fall into the hands of a physician. <BR>	-- Ecclesiastes …
2362 I die by the help of too many physicians. <BR>	-- Alexander the Great (356-323 BC), on his deathbed
2363 …e better for mankind, and all the worse for the fishes. <BR>	-- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894),…
2364 … everybody in the whole world, so he appointed doctors to assist him. <BR>	-- Nahman of Bratzlav, …
2365 Medicine can only cure curable diseases, and then not always. <BR>	-- Chinese proverb
2366 One of the best-kept medical secrets of our day: Everything gives white mice cancer. <BR>	-- Marvin…
2367 … physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine. <BR>	-- Sir William Osler (1849-1919), C…
2368 …ou have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind. <BR>	-- Jean Kerr, (1923-- ), U.S. pl…
2369 Suicide is cheating the doctors out of a job. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S. humorist
2370 …pochondriac these days is that antibiotics have cured all the good diseases. <BR>	-- Cackie Stinnet
2371 I don't know much about medicine, but I know what I like. <BR>	-- S.J. Perelman (-1979), U.S screen…
2372 Vaccination is undoubtedly a definite recognition of smallpox. <BR>	-- Winston Churchill (1874-1965…
2373 …ram"?  Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to s…
2374 A strong memory is commonly coupled with infirm judgment. <BR>	-- Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592), …
2375 …membering three things: faces, names, and -- I can't remember what the third thing is. <BR>	--Fred…
2376 I've a grand memory for forgetting. <BR>	-- Robert Louis Stevenson (1854-1894), English author
2377 …ld out to me, but said I was engaged to meet him elsewhere. <BR>	-- Sydney Smith (1771-1845), Engl…
2378 …crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. <BR>	-- Austin O'Malley (1858-1932), ph…
2379 A man is so in the way in the house. <BR>	-- Elizabeth Gaskell (1810-1865), English novelist
2380 A man who won't lie to a woman has very little consideration for her feelings. <BR>	-- Olin Miller
2381 A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. <BR>	-- Flo Kennedy (1916-2000), political …
2382 …two categories; those with eleven fingers and those without. <BR>	-- Ned Rorem (1923--), U.S. comp…
2383 …ing they hate, too, unless, of course, it kills them first. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-1961), U.S…
2384 Beauty, like male ballet dancers, makes some men afraid. <BR>	-- Mordecai Richler (1931--), Canadia…
2385 Behind every successful man stands a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law. <BR>	-- Brooks Hayes…
2386 …who praises women's liberation; he is about to quit his job. <BR>	-- Erica Jong (1942-- ), U.S. po…
2387 Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. <BR>	-- Kin Hubbard (1868-1930), U.S. humo…
2388 …orld without men?  No crime and lots of happy fat women. <BR>	-- Nicole Hollander, (1929--), U.S. …
2389 Don't accept rides from strange men -- and remember that all men are as strange as hell. <BR>	-- Ro…
2390 Every man loves the smell of his own farts. <BR>	-- Icelandic proverb
2391 …day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him of the entire weekend. <BR>	-- Zenna Schaffer
2392 …like giving a dog a computer: the chances are he will not use it wisely. <BR>	-- Bette-Jane Raphael
2393 God created man because he was so disappointed in the monkey. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2394 … and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time. <BR>	-- Robin Williams, (1952--), U.S. a…
2395 God invented man and I can do better than that. <BR>	-- Erma Bombeck (1927-1996), 1982
2396 …iety is like swimming in a salt lake -- no matter how rotten you are, it's impossible to sink to t…
2397 He took misfortune like a man -- blamed it on his wife. <BR>	-- Brigid De Vine
2398 However we brave it out, we men are a little breed. <BR>	-- Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809-1892), "Maud…
2399 I believe the best definition of man is the ungrateful biped. <BR>	-- Feodor Dostoevski (1821-1881)…
2400 I like men to behave like men. I like them strong and childish. <BR>	-- Francoise Sagan (1935--), F…
2401 I like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign. <BR>	-- Mae West (1892-1980), U.S. actress
2402 I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. <BR>	-- Zsa Zsa Gabor (ca. 1918--), Hollywood…
2403 I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?  <BR>	-- Zsa Z…
2404 If it weren't for women, men would still be wearing last week's socks. <BR>	-- Cynthia Nelms (1942-…
2405 If man is only a little lower than the angels, the angels should reform. <BR>	-- Mary Wilson Little…
2406 …ent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?  <BR>	-- Linda Ellerbee, U.S.…
2407 If men liked shopping, they'd call it research. <BR>	-- Cynthia Nelms (1942-1995), US musician, sin…
2408 If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle. <BR>	-- Rita Mae Brown (1944--), U.S…
2409 …than to his planet; the by-laws are shorter, and he is personally acquainted with the other member…
2410 …-room house -- in the bedroom he's asleep with his intelligent wife, in the living-room he's rolli…
2411 Macho does not prove mucho. <BR>	-- Zsa Zsa Gabor (ca. 1918--), Hollywood actress
2412 …ontrol his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. <BR>	-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977), U.S.…
2413 Man is nature's sole mistake. <BR>	-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744), English poet
2414 Man is nature's sole mistake. <BR>	-- William S. Gilbert (1836-1911), Princess Ida
2415 Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him. <BR>	-- Paul Eldridge
2416 Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
2417 Man is the second strongest sex in the world. <BR>	-- Philip Barry (1896-1949), U.S. playwright
2418 Man puts woman on a pedestal so he won't have to look her in the eye. <BR>	-- Marian Stewart
2419 …the angels, and has been getting a little lower ever since. <BR>	-- Josh Billings (1818-1885), U.S…
2420 Man -- a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1…
2421 Men and melons are hard to know. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), Poor Richard, September 1733
2422 …steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth. <BR>	-- Chuck Norris, (1940--), U.S. ac…
2423 … are very queer animals -- a mixture of horse-nervousness, ass-stubbornness, and camel-malice. <BR…
2424 …ssfully that the job of sewing on a button is beyond them. <BR>	-- Heywood Broun, (1888-1939), U.S…
2425 …e, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, America…
2426 Men hate to be misunderstood, and to be understood makes them furious. <BR>	-- Edgar Saltus (1855-1…
2427 …omen. In the first place, they have to put up with women. <BR>	-- Francoise Sagan (1935--), French…
2428 …se it's so much more satisfying when they knock them off. <BR>	-- Clare Booth Luce (1903-1987), U.…
2429 … are abominable because they increase the number of men. <BR>	-- Jorge Luis Borges, (1899-1986), A…
2430 …ason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. <BR>	-- Tim Allen, (1953--), American…
2431 No man is ever old enough to know better. <BR>	-- Holbrook Jackson, Ladies' Home Journal (January, …
2432 Some men are so macho they'll get you pregnant just to kill a rabbit. <BR>	-- Maureen Murphy
2433 … man is like trying to saddle a cow. You work like hell, but what's the point. <BR>	-- Gladys Upham
2434 …en and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots. <BR>	-- Rebecca West (1892-1983) Irish…
2435 The fastest way to a man's heart is through his chest. <BR>	-- Roseanne Barr, (1953--), U.S. comic
2436 The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on women. <BR>	-- Lady Nancy Astor (1879-1964),…
2437 …th firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. <BR>	-- Jilly Cooper (1942--), Cosmopo…
2438 The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. <BR>	-- Madame de Stael (1766-1817), French woman of l…
2439 The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can. <BR>	-- Margo Kaufman, U.S. wri…
2440 …oman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. <BR>	-- Natalie Wood, (1938-1981), U.S…
2441 When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. <BR>	-- Elayne…
2442 Women and small men are hard to handle. <BR>	-- Japanese proverb
2443 …n, and men are working hard to be as mediocre as possible. <BR>	-- Margaret Mead, (1901-1978), U.S…
2444 … satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented dental floss. <BR>	-- Susanne Kollrack
2445 …ives in it. And a psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent. <BR>	-- Lord Webb-Johnson, Look, …
2446 …s to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. <BR>	--attributed to Samuel Goldwyn (1884-197…
2447 …e have founded our religions and composed our masterpieces. <BR>	-- Marcel Proust (1871-1922), Fre…
2448 …f he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. <BR>	-- James Thurber (1894-1961), U.S…
2449 …e sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy. <BR>	-- Nora Ephron (1941-- ), U.S. sc…
2450 One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. <BR>	-- Muriel Spark (1918--), Scottish author
2451 … your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you. <BR>	-- Rita Mae Brown (1944-- ), U.S. …
2452 The only thing to know is how to use your neuroses. <BR>	-- Arthur Adamov (1908-1970), French drama…
2453 There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". <BR>	-- Dave Barry, U.S. humorist
2454 … line between genius and insanity. I have erased that line. <BR>	-- Oscar Levant (1906-- ), TV per…
2455 We are all born mad. Some remain so. <BR>	-- Samuel Beckett (1906-1989), Irish playwright
2456 Miscellaneous is always the largest category. <BR>	-- Joel Rosenberg, The Warrior Lives, SF novelist
2457 I don't want to make the wrong mistake. <BR>	-- Yogi Berra (1925--), U.S. baseball player
2458 …t least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterward. <BR>	-- Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936), En…
2459 I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones. <BR>	-- John Peel
2460 …mortality can always be assured by spectacular error. <BR>	-- John Kenneth Galbraith, (1908--), U.…
2461 If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything. <BR>	-- Marva Collins, U.S. teacher
2462 Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. <BR>	-- Ma…
2463 Everything in moderation -- including moderation. <BR>	-- Harvey Steiman, U.S. editor of Wine Spect…
2464 Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Irish p…
2465 A feast is made for laughter/And wine maketh merry/But money answereth all things. <BR>	-- Ecclesia…
2466 A man can live well enough even in a palace. <BR>	-- Marcus Aurelius (121-180), Roman philosopher/E…
2467 A man who has a million dollars is as well off as if he were rich. <BR>	-- John Jacob Astor II
2468 A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. <BR>	-- Yogi Berra, U.S. baseball player
2469 Money and women are the most sought after and the least known of any two things we have. <BR>	-- Wi…
2470 …tarted the U.S. Treasury with nothing -- and that was the closest our country has ever been to bei…
2471 Get what you can and keep what you have. That's the way to get rich. <BR>	-- Scots proverb
2472 God help the poor, for the rich can help themselves. <BR>	-- Scots proverb
2473 …distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries. <BR>	-- Jules Renard (1864-1910), Fren…
2474 …ney to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. <BR>	-- Jackie Mason (1930--), U.S. co…
2475 I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. <BR>	-- Bill Hoest, (1926-1988), U.S. cartoon…
2476 I think every young man should have a hobby. Learning to handle money is the best hobby. <BR>	-- Ja…
2477 If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. <BR>	-- J. Paul Getty (1892-1976), U…
2478 If you have no money, be polite. <BR>	-- Danish proverb
2479 If you'd know the value of money, go and borrow some. <BR>	-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), Poor R…
2480 If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. <BR>	-- Sir James Goldsmith, (-1997), corporate raider
2481 It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich. <BR>	-- Alan …
2482 It's not a sin to be rich -- it's a miracle. <BR>	-- W. F. Dettle
2483 …you can; if not, by any means at all, make money. <BR>	-- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace) 65BC-8…
2484 Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. com…
2485 Money often costs too much. <BR>	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1883), U.S. essayist
2486 …l pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. <BR>	-- Bill Vaughan (1915-1977)
2487 …at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. <BR>	-- F. J. Raymond
2488 Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust. <BR>	-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
2489 Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. <BR>	-- R…
2490 That money talks/I'll not deny,/I heard it once;/It said, "Goodbye."  <BR>	-- Richard Armour (1906-…
2491 The lack of money is the root of all evil. <BR>	-- Mark Twain
2492 The most popular labor saving device is still money. <BR>	-- Phyllis George, U.S. actress/sportscas…
2493 The rich are different from you and me because they have more credit. <BR>	-- John Leonard, U.S. jo…
2494 …sy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. <BR>	-- Jack Yelton
2495 There is no economy in going to bed early to save candles if the results be twins. <BR>	-- Chinese …
2496 …s money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody. <BR>	-- Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965), U.…
2497 Try to save money. Someday it may be valuable again. <BR>	--Anonymous
2498 Wealth maketh many friends. <BR>	-- Bible
2499 We at Chrysler borrow money the old-fasioned way. We pay it back. <BR>	-- Lee Iacocca (1924--), U.S…
2500 …ey but the principle of the thing,' it's the money. <BR>	-- Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard (1868-193…
2501 …at wealth and power would bring me happiness. I was right. <BR>	-- Gahan Wilson, (1930--), U.S. ar…
2502 …most important thing in life. When you are old, you know it. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1856-1900), Iris…
2503  A mother who is really a mother is never free. <BR>	-- Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)
2504 Behind every successful man is surprised mother-in-law. <BR>	-- Hubert Humphrey (1911-1978), U.S. V…
2505 Do not join encounter groups. If you enjoy being made to feel inadequate, call your mother. <BR>	--…
2506 However much you dislike your mother-in-law, you must not set fire to her. <BR>	-- Ernest Wilde, re…
2507 I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. <BR>	-- W.C. Fields (1880-1946), U.S.…
2508 If evolution really works, how come mothers still have only two hands?  <BR>	-- Ed Dussault, Reader…
2509 …st policy, and money isn't everything. She was wrong about other things, too. <BR>	-- Gerald Barzan
2510 …st being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. <BR>	-- Erma Bombeck (1927-1996), U.S.…
2511 Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. <BR>	-- Norman Douglas (1868-1952), British wri…
2512 …o motherhood already has. Fewer women are going into it. <BR>	-- Victoria Billinger (1945-- ) , U.…
2513 The phrase "working mother" is redundant. <BR>	-- Jane Sellman, U.S. writer
2514 …s bands are all very well in their place -- outdoors and several miles away. <BR>	-- Sir Thomas Be…
2515 …ries its own punishment with it, and that a very severe one. <BR>	-- Hannah More (1745-1833),Engli…
2516 How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers. <BR>	-- Giacacchino Rossini (1792-1868), Ita…
2517 … sung in so long as it is the language I don't understand. <BR>	-- Edward Appleton (1892-1965), En…
2518 I hate music, especially when it's played. <BR>	-- Jimmy Durante (1893-1980), U.S. musician/comedian
2519 …nd trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws. <BR>	-- Charles Baudelaire (1821-1867), F…
2520 I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. <BR>	-- Lily Tomlin…
2521 …t have to go to an osteopath, then there's something wrong. <BR>	-- Simon Rattle 1955--), English …
2522 If you feel like singing along -- don't. <BR>	-- James Taylor, American singer
2523 Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny. <BR>	-- Frank Zappa (1941-1993), U.S. musician
2524 Music helps not the toothache. <BR>	-- George Herbert (1593-1633), English poet, in "Jarula Pruchen…
2525 Music is the brandy of the damned. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), Irish author
2526 No good opera plot can be sensible, for people do not sing when they are feeling sensible. <BR>	-- …
2527 Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, he sings. <BR>	-- Ed Gardner
2528 …like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes. <BR>	-- Sir Thomas Beecham (1879-1961), c…
2529 …he main thing it demands of a composer is that he be dead. <BR>	-- Arthur Honegger (1892-1935), Fr…
2530 The sound of a harpsichord -- two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm. <BR>	-- Sir…
2531 Wagner's music is better than it sounds. <BR>	-- Bill Nye (1850-1896), U.S. humorist
2532 As watchful as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. <BR>	-- Patrick Cusack
2533 Liberty once lost is lost forever. <BR>	-- John Adams
2534 What's the difference between a cavalry horse and a draught horse? The cavalry horse darts into the…
2535 It's pretty safe to assume the contemporary BMWs will depreciate like school milk. <BR>	-- Patrick …
2536 …ly a Buddhist state and 'shit happens' -- but Allah has a lot of explaining to do South of that me…
2537 …y translates what he hears into something he can understand. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2538 All movements go too far. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2539 … opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2540 …e you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2541 …eople dogmatically to believe any philosophy, not even mine. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2542 I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2543 …instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2544 …nhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2545 …question mark on the things you have long taken for granted. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2546 …r, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2547 …I have been searching for evidence which could support this. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2548 …s badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won't go. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2549 …but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2550 …t only truth, but supreme beauty -- a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture. <BR>	-- Ber…
2551 …-- more than ruin -- more even than death... Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive …
2552 No one gossips about other people's secret virtues. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2553 … a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2554 … accept as a leader whoever is established in that position. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2555 …s the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2556 …mits to knowledge, but should not set limits to imagination. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2557 … if you are good you will be happy -- I mean that if you are happy you will be good. <BR>	-- Bertr…
2558 … is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2559 …inctive happiness, and relations of friendship or affection. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2560 …ut matters as to which there is no good evidence either way. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2561 …nd compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2562 …n family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2563 The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2564 …o certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2565 …, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2566 There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2567 … creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2568 …absurd that only very learned men could possibly adopt them. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2569 … philosopher must learn not to be frightened by absurdities. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2570 …f the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2571 Too little liberty brings stagnation and too much brings chaos. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 19…
2572 …alin or by a Deity imagined in the likeness of the believer. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2573 …ain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2574 …t that some things are much more nearly certain than others. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2575 … would, of course, be totally barren and completely useless. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2576 …ppy, like men who sleep badly, are always proud of the fact. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2577 …e wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2578 …caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2579 …ion, and at present very few people have reached this level. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2580 … is likely to interfere with happiness in all kinds of ways. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2581 …him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2582 … life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2583 …idespread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2584 …e are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2585 …convictions, which move with him like flies on a summer day. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2586 …t practice, and another which we practice but seldom preach. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2587 …when there is no ground whatsoever for supposing it is true. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2588 …the Courts, it means 'anything that shocks the magistrate.'  <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2589 …d with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2590 …rces of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2591 …good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones. <BR>	-- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
2592 …otations beautiful from minds profound -- if I can remember any of the damn things. <BR>	-- Doroth…
2593 …Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
2594 …at God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
2595 …the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
2596 …me is to make the home atmosphere pleasant -- and let the air out of the tires. <BR>	-- Dorothy Pa…
2597 They sicken of the calm that know the storm. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
2598 …be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
2599 … she went, including here, it was against her better judgment. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
2600 The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1…
2601 …m never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things.…
2602 Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
2603 She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B. <BR>	-- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967), speaking of Katha…
2604 A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2605 …ition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2606 …norable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2608 …l go on adoring me until I say something nice about them. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2609 …t ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2610 …America are two countries separated by a common language. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2611 …ens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2612 …l reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2613 …m history that man can never learn anything from history. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2614 Hell is full of musical amateurs. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2615 … fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2616 I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2617 … were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2618 …s, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2619 …ffrage. As it is, the political problem remains unsolved. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2620 …id of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2621 …ll what you imagine and at last you create what you will. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2622 Lack of money is the root of all evil. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2623 … any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2624 …nly way in which a man can become famous without ability. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2625 …erior to all other countries because you were born in it. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2626 …Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2627 …ght thing to say, and then say it with the utmost levity. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2628 … the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2629 …is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2630 … Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2631 When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - …
2632 … reward will be that you will eat, but you will not live. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2633 … a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2634 …ut I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?"  <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2635 …s not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2636 …!  No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2637 …e things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2638 …orld till you knock the patriotism out of the human race. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2639 …ances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2640 …rets better kept than the secrets that everybody guesses. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2641 …an is driving at one thing and you're driving at another. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2642 …d knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2643 …be indifferent to them: that's the essense of inhumanity. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2644 …use as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2645 …verybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it."  <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2646 All great truths begin as blasphemies. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2647 Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2648 …he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2649 He who has never hoped can never despair. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2650 …ey are more true: they are the only things that are true. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2651 …producing it than to consume wealth without producing it. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2652 …s for it is ever imposed in the interest of the children. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2653 …ter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2654 … to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2655 …ht that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2656 I am a Millionaire. That is my religion. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2657 …ws everything. That points clearly to a political career. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2658 Beware of the man whose God is in the skies. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2659 … the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2660 Every man over forty is a scoundrel. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2661 He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2662 Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 19…
2663 …what you like or you will be forced to like what you get. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2664 The golden rule is that there are no golden rules. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2665 …e, which forgives itself everything, is forgiven nothing. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2666 An Englishman thinks he is moral when he is only uncomfortable. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 -…
2667 …l of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2668 …hey should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2669 …hat the world will not devote itself to making you happy. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2670 A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2671 … one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2672 …without making some other Englishman hate or despise him. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2673 … language, and will not teach their children to speak it. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2674 …em to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn't come every day. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2675 …ve found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2676 All professions are conspiracies against the laity. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2677 …alled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
2678 …is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2679 …s a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2680 …essence lies in the personalities of the people who live in it. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2681 A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2682 A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2683 …ifference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2684 …n them, they tackle it by denouncing someone or something else. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2685 …egislature in session, is informing, stimulating and ennobling. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2686 …r than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2687 Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - …
2688 …people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2689 Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2690 …fly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2691 … have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (188…
2692 …fe... Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2693 …re made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2694 …evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2695 … sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2696 …atriotism, a favorite device of persons with something to sell. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2697 … for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2698 …ruth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2699 …to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2700 …on decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2701 …hough she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2702 …ll man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2703 Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2704 …d intolerable world by creating a more lovely one of their own. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2705 …It is an art like any other. Its virtuosi are called altruists. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2706 Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - …
2707 Never let your inferiors do you a favor - it will be extremely costly. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 …
2708 …er went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2709 … should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2710 …t is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2711 Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - …
2712 …come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2713 …other seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2714 …he fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2715 …rnment; they have only a talent for getting and holding office. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2716 …n the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2717 …e more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2718 …e not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2719 …must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2720 …it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2721 …--that the error and truth are simply opposite. They are nothing of the sort. What the world turns…
2722 … much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true!  <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2723 …e that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right. <BR>	-- H. L. …
2724 …ow pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2725 … it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2726 …itable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
2727 Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2728 …oing but is determined to set a speed record getting there. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2729 … why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2730 …ws a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2731 …us quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2732 …e people are free to choose the man who will get the blame. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2733 …a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2734 …eans everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2735 … purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2736 … cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?  <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2737 …ere you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2738 In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2739 …emembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2740 …correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2741 …-by-hour mental conduct produces power for change in your life. Develop a train of thought on whic…
2742 Speak when you are angry -- and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret. <BR>	-- Laurence …
2743 The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1…
2744 …ng to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2745 Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2746 …t a tangled web we weave when first we practice to believe. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2747 …, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. <BR>	-- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
2748 …is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2749 A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2750 Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2751 …een discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2752 …went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2753 Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 -…
2754 …s are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2755 …perhaps its chief use is to illustrate quotations from the poets. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2756 Biography lends to death a new terror. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2757 Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2758 …gliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2759 …w everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2760 I am not young enough to know everything. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2761 I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 19…
2762 …ning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2763 Illusion is the first of all pleasures. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2764 …y sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2765 Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2766 … passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2767 …s one feel so romantic -- at least it always gets on one's nerves -- which is the same thing nowad…
2768 … except death, and live down everything except a good reputation. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2769 One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2770 …ishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2771 Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2772 The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2773 To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity. <BR>…
2774 Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2775 Why was I born with such contemporaries?  <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2776 …one should never remember its details. Details are always vulgar. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2777 When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2778 Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2779 …se's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2780 Work is the curse of the drinking classes. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2781 One's real life is often the life that one does not lead. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2782 I can resist anything but temptation. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2783 … people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2784 Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2785 Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2786 …A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2787 …aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly -- that is what each of us is h…
2788 Only the shallow know themselves. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2789 …r, it is only what is good in man, that wastes and withers there. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2790 …hing in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2791 …Journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2792 …ioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2793 …ic is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2794 … is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2795 The truth is rarely pure and never simple. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2796 …e regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2797 …-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have…
2798 It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2799 A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2800 … as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2801 I adore simple pleasures. They are the last refuge of the complex. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2802 I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2803 …llects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2804 …ersons with no principles better than anything else in the world. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2805 …o late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2806 One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2807 …astray, and the advantage of science is that it is not emotional. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2808 The basis of optimism is sheer terror. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2809 …rows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2810 … throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2811 …-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the co…
2812 …the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2813 … he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2814 …a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2815 …gh of them, they will forgive us everything, even our intellects. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2816 …oral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2817 …equires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2818 I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
2819 Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - …
2820 … is a weapon our adversaries in today's world do not have. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2821 All great change in America begins at the dinner table. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40th p…
2822 Coersion, after all, merely captures man. Freedom captivates him. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 200…
2823 Don't be afraid to see what you see. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40th president of USA
2824 …e for almost all the economic growth in the United States. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2825 Facts are stupid things. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40th president of USA
2826 …it was once like in the United States where men were free. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2827 …enin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist?  It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. <BR>	--…
2828 … of rendering these nuclear weapons impotent and obsolete. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2829 …any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1…
2830 …mph. And there's purpose and worth to each and every life. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2831 People don't start wars, governments do. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40th president of USA
2832 …rds, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2833 …alize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2834 …in government. If any were, business would hire them away. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2835 …moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2836 … words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'  <BR>	-- Ronal…
2837 …deas-a trial of spiritual resolve: the values we hold, the beliefs we cherish and the ideals to wh…
2838 … no limits of human intelligence, imagination, and wonder. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2839 …rks.'  And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2840 …feeding the crocodile, hoping he will eat you last--but eat you he will. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (19…
2841 …fied our brief moment here. We did all that could be done. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2842 …when governments believe the price of aggression is cheap. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2843 …bout a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2844 …utlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. <BR>	-- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004), 40…
2845 I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. <BR>	-- Rita Rudn…
2846 … I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. co…
2847 Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. <BR>	-- Rita Rud…
2848 …sted fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that…
2849 My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. comed…
2850 Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. <BR>	-- Rita Ru…
2851 …ich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. co…
2852 …, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'  <BR>	-- Rita Rudner, U.S. co…
2853 Every generation needs a new revolution. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), third US President
2854 …nd always so when it violates the right of an individual. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2855 …us that the less we use our power the greater it will be. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2856 I find as I grow older that I love those most whom I loved first. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-18…
2857 …ore necessary because health is worth more than learning. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2858 …t may commence prosecutor, and better men be his victims. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2859 Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), third US …
2860 …remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2861 …a right of inquiry into the religious opinions of others. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2862 …ve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2863 …d not the rich, are our dependence for continued freedom. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2864 …ort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2865 I am of a sect by myself, as far as I know. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), third US President
2866 Nobody can acquire honor by doing what is wrong. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), third US Pre…
2867 I have seen enough of one war never to wish to see another. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), t…
2868 …othold is for people of good conscience to remain silent. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2869 …and can never be restrained but by a despotic government. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2870 …ry and every age, the priest had been hostile to Liberty. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2871 …nd mind will vanish like evil spirits at the dawn of day. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2872 … God is a being of terrific character -- cruel, vindictive, capricious, and unjust. <BR>	-- Thomas…
2873 Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826…
2874 …is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2875 …it of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2876 … Greeks and Romans, and must be that of every free state. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2877 I cannot live without books. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), third US President
2878 …a month, and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2879 I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. <BR>	-- Thomas Je…
2880 … the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2881 … himself well for his calling, never fails of employment. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2882 Never spend your money before you have it. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), third US President
2883 Never trouble another for what you can do for yourself. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), third…
2884 … the religion which has regulated it cannot be a bad one. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2885 …ve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2886 The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), t…
2887 …r educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2888 …ertain occasions, that I wish it always to be kept alive. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2889 …t possible exercise. Habituate yourself to walk very far. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2890 …ing of it; we respect that of others, without fearing it. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2891 …vice, and of retiring with hands clean as they are empty. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2892 …hout censors & where the press is free, no one ever will. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2893 …red from within or without, we must try to extinguish it. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2894 …easure in the exercise of power over his fellow citizens. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2895 …. contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2896 …y contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2897 …m like the ark of the covenant, too sacred to be touched. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), th…
2898 …'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. …
2899 Eighty percent of success is showing up. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2900 Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2901 …s more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2902 …week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?  <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2903 …le to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?  <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2904 I am at two with nature. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2905 …sten to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2906 …mmortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2907 I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2908 …ourse and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2909 …taphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2910 I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way arou…
2911 …t that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2912 …e clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2913 …ery comforting thought -- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left thin…
2914 …ossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2915 …f light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2916 …ter... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2917 …total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2918 …on't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2919 My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2920 Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2921 …rty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2922 Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2923 …n. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2924 …an death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?  <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2925 …lls for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2926 To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2927 …d nothing exists?  In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2928 …s kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2929 Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?  <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2930 …ou give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2931 … Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?  <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2932 …d the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. <BR>	-- Woody Allen (1935 - )
2933 It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. <BR>	-- Woody Allen…
2934 …who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2935 A joke is a very serious thing. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2936 …ngle words: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2937 …epared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2938 An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile -- hoping it will eat him last. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Church…
2939 …hort words are the best, and the old words best of all. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2940 …-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the j…
2941 … preposition is something up with which I will not put. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2942 …l the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2943 History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2944 …lliant ones and am genuinely sorry for the poor browns. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2945 …dged by the animosities he excites among his opponents. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2946 … government except all the others that have been tried. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2947 …hain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2948 …ick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2949 … with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2950 …t the slave of unforeseeable and uncontrollable events. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2951 … without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2952 Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. <BR>	-- Sir Winst…
2953 …from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2954 The price of greatness is responsibility. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2955 …riter to strip himself of almost all sense and meaning. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2956 …he world, and the worst of it is half of them are true. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2957 … living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2958 … own country. I make up for lost time when I come home. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2959 …l tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2960 …r tire... Give us the tools and we will finish the job. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2961 …told how bad things are, who like to be told the worst. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2962 …e nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat."  <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2963 …-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those ot…
2964 …e, adamant for drift, solid for fluidity, all-powerful to be impotent. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchi…
2965 …hing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2966 …d for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2967 …s final counsel. He replied, 'Verify your quotations.'  <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2968 … there is a key. That key is Russian national interest. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2969 … long-drawn trials of vigilance and exertion will wear us down. Give us the tools and we will fini…
2970 …should be called. I said at once 'The Unnecessary War'. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2971 The empires of the future are the empires of the mind. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2972 For myself I am an optimist -- it does not seem to be much use being anything else. <BR>	-- Sir Win…
2973 …tic an iron curtain has descended across the Continent. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2974 … the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2975 We shall show mercy, but we shall not ask for it. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2976 …ut the new view must come, the world must roll forward. <BR>	-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
2977 …-- never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to …
2978 …rant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2979 …but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2980 …now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?  <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2981 Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2982 Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 -…
2983 …t till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2984 …who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2985 I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. …
2986 … you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2987 Nothing you can't spell will ever work. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2988 …that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2989 Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2990 Politics is applesauce. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2991 Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - …
2992 …arian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (18…
2993 …he only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2994 The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2995 There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (…
2996 …ng a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2997 …en Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2998 We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
2999 …s because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3000 Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3001 …s only one thing that can kill the Movies, and that is education. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3002 …s worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3003 …tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3004 Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3005 You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3006 …g to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3007 …'t advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3008 Well, all I know is what I read in the papers. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3009 Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3010 …g and human fellow, for I never yet met a man that I didn't like. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3011 I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1…
3012 See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails?  <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3013 Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work. <BR>	-- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
3014 …isely but not too well, and talk well but not too wisely. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3015 …oderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3016 It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3017 …e to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3018 People ask for criticism, but they only want praise. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3019 …for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3020 …ing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3021 Tradition is a guide and not a jailer. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3022 …ot write because we want to; we write because we have to. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3023 When you have loved as she has loved, you grow old beautifully. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 -…
3024 …he laid an exaggerated stress on not changing one's mind. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3025 …d with food and women, to escape the tediousness of life. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3026 …t a hundred times I say when I look round at my children. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3027 …ations with due regard to the policeman round the corner. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3028 …ney: he wondered if they had ever tried to do without it. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3029 … than by doing the right thing on somebody's else advice. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3030 … the measure of all things. I am the centre of the world. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3031 …e in contact with the real, they are bruised and wounded. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3032 …el to discover one's mediocrity only when it is too late. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3033 …o work unhampered, to be generous, frank and independent. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3034 …al to your reason as well as your sense of the aesthetic. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3035 …ving if I worried over the future as well as the present. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3036 Men seek but one thing in life -- their pleasure. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3037 …t which you cannot make a complete use of the other five. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3038 The important thing was to love rather than to be loved. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3039 … unjust, and for nothing was there a why and a wherefore. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3040 …e before they had spoken and moved and eaten and laughed. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3041 There's always one who loves and one who lets himself be loved. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 -…
3042 …e, which has a meaning for me, and it becomes part of me. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3043 When things are at their worst I find something always happens. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 -…
3044 …r forgive him for the sacrifices he makes on her account. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3045 Life isn't long enough for love and art. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3046 … in due course they actually become the person they seem. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
3047 God, give me chastity and continence, but not just now. <BR>	-- St. Augustine (354 - 430 A.D.)
3049 A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. <BR>	-- Fred Allen (1894-1956), U.…
3050 …arks, which shows you how good we are at evaluating risk. <BR>	-- Bruce Schneier, CRYPTO-GRAM, May…
3051 …egins With the discovery of the white man by The Indians. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3052 …ion. Big discoveries are protected by public incredulity. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3053 Whereas convictions depend on speed-ups, justice requires delay. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-19…
3054 …the most frivolous possible activities like making money. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3055 …it is not so much the message as the sender that is sent. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3056 Money is the poor mans credit card. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analyst &…
3057 … look at the present through a rear-view mirror. We march backwards into the future. <BR>	-- Marsh…
3058 …ors, just as NASA is managed by men with Newtonian goals. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3059 Invention is the mother of necessities. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analy…
3060 You mean my whole fallacys wrong?  <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analyst & …
3061 Mud sometimes gives the illusion of depth. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media an…
3062 …otective and aggressive shell, of urban and suburban man. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3063 …of past problems and so difficult to solve current ones?  <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3064 …ecialized education is that you never stop paying for it. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3065 …apers. They step into them every morning like a hot bath. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3066 The road is our major architectural form. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media ana…
3067 Today each of us lives several hundred years in a decade. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Ca…
3068 …iness is becoming the constant invention of new business. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3069 The price of eternal vigilance is indifference. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian med…
3070 News, far more than art, is artifact. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analyst…
3071 When you are on the phone or on the air, you have no body. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3072 Tomorrow is our permanent address. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analyst & …
3073 All advertising advertises advertising. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analy…
3074 The answers are always inside the problem, not outside. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Cana…
3075 …people a sense of reality to see a replay of their lives. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3076 …is top security. When you have read it, destroy yourself. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3077 …kes small mistakes while moving toward the grand fallacy. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3078 … things about being big is the luxury of thinking little. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3079 Politics offers yesterdays answers to todays questions. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Cana…
3080 …e interest than all the chains and explanations of being. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3081 …ig firm is a sort of lab for isolating dangerous viruses. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3082 When a thing is current, it creates currency. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media…
3083 …r the body: the inputs are never the same as the outputs. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3084 …s. Neighborhood gives identity. Frontiers snatch it away. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3085 The future of the book is the blurb. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analyst …
3086 …nce of how to use new knowledge stockpiles exponentially. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3087 A road is a flattened-out wheel, rolled up in the belly of an airplane. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (…
3088 … and political parties yield place to charismatic images. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), C…
3089 I may be wrong, but Im never in doubt. <BR>	-- Marshall McLuhan, (1911-1980), Canadian media analys…
3090 Remember, no one, when they are on their death-bed says "I wish I'd watched a little more TV". <BR>…
3091 … Sir Laurence Olivier, and when it comes to Richard Burton, I'm really in trouble. <BR>	-- Bob Hop…
3092 …-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experim…
3093 …-utility-vehicle owners!  It's shaped a little differently, but it's a station wagon!  And you do …
3094 …the men's room and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3095 …but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3096 …for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3097 …ison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3098 As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3099 Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. <BR>	-- D…
3100 …- even against a weak opponent, such as my younger brothers or the dog - to get myself checkmated …
3101 …r, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3102 …rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3103 … nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3104 Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3105 …mber of the House and the largest member of the Senate, plus a standard musk ox. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3106 …e formal talks that could potentially produce some kind of tentative agreements. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3107 …oms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3108 …for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3109 Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3110 …er of words!  Plus, you can repeat words!  And they don't even have to be true!  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3111 Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3112 'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3113 Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything. <BR>	-- Dave Ba…
3114 …es on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3115 Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3116 … National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles per hour, metric equivalent: 378 kilograms per …
3117 For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3118 Genes are little items that are found in every living thing except Sen. Alfonse D'Amato. <BR>	-- Da…
3119 Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed b…
3120 …atory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpetological phrase. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3121 …ributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3122 …ry of the American Society of Colleges and Universities, is a "type of weevil."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3123 …ng to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3124 …am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3125 …rson who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3126 …nywhere; I sometimes wonder why they bother to have wheels on their motorcycles. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3127 …s should always be the same color,* Or they should at least both be fairly dark. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3128 I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. <BR>	-- Dav…
3129 …ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding. …
3130 I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. <BR…
3131 …discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3132 …oblems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3133 …nounce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3134 ….. I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3135 …d I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults were clueless goobers. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3136 … personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3137 … pounds around the middle. The only lower-body garments I own that still fit me comfortably are to…
3138 …e concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3139 …the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3140 If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3141 …-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but ever…
3142 … up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing …
3143 …tudent can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3144 …e West - the Grand Canyon, the Badlands, the Goodlands, the Mediocrelands, the Rocky Mountains and…
3145 … name, when you look it up in your Spanish-English dictionary, turns out to mean: Eel with big abc…
3146 …d to be, although we here in the newspaper industry would never say so in print. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3147 …usands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3148 … the competence of his mechanic. Don't be shy!  After all, you're paying for it. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3149 …our body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3150 …-known fact that although the public is fine when taken individually, when it forms itself into la…
3151 … art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3152 Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern ar…
3153 … is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3154 MEGAHERTZ: This is a really, really big hertz. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3155 …visitor-friendly airport. At Miami International, a cramped and dingy labyrinth, the message is: J…
3156 …se days you have to open almost every consumer item by gnawing on the packaging. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3157 …ludes hamburgers, fish sticks, and McNuggets-foods that have had all of their organs safely remove…
3158 My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. <BR>	-- Da…
3159 … Stones; he is more into bands with names like "Heave" and "Squatting Turnips."  <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3160 …art. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M and M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already…
3161 …ing like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3162 Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3163 …me that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3164 …e their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3165 …-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest pers…
3166 …believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3167 …take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3168 Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3169 Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3170 …s very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3171 …uires you to call the customer-support hot line and be placed on hold for approximately the life-s…
3172 …e - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones in England - is actually a crude effor…
3173 …to the summit of Mount Everest, would take along aquarium filters, just in case. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3174 …rt where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3175 … commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3176 … possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3177 …have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3178 …logical characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3179 …nforming you that the Internet is currently busy and you should try again later. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3180 …ts, by which I mean, "people without lives."  We don't care. We have each other. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3181 …pment in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3182 The Internet: Transforming Society and Shaping the Future Through Chat. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3183 …fices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3184 …aration, with one prankster even going so far as to actually write John Hancock. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3185 The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3186 …s the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3187 … and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3188 … function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - "to s…
3189 The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in wint…
3190 …ffending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3191 …evision, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?  <BR>	--…
3192 The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3193 …ng, than "A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel," which is what it tastes like. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3194 … that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white me…
3195 The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3196 …t of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3197 The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3198 …be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3199 …-heat systems: "passive" systems collect the sunlight that hits your home, and "active" systems co…
3200 There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3201 …ive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat conte…
3202 To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3203 … a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3204 …uare feet and weighed 40 tons; there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3205 …your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3206 …s sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3207 …ed the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3208 …little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3209 … just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially if it involves outer space. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3210 …have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3211 …he IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3212 …the Paleolithic) when people kept their stomach muscles discreetly out of sight. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3213 …scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3214 …-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited,…
3215 … was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3216 … in certain vending machines at certain major universities; and much, much more. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3217 … from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro. <BR>	-- Dave Barry
3218 A male chauvinist is a man who thinks that "harass" is two words. <BR>	-- The proprietor, Ballandea…
3219 …ll click on anything purporting to contain nude pictures of semi-famous females. <BR>	-- Marcus Ra…
3220 When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse. <BR>	-- The Law of Avoiding Ov…
3221 Never accept a drink from a urologist. <BR>	-- The Law of Common Sense
3222 Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. <BR>	-- The Law of Reality
3223 When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last. <BR>	-- The Law of Self Sacrifice
3224 Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster. <BR>	-- The Law of Motivation
3225 You always find something in the last place you look. <BR>	-- Boob's Law
3226 Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. <BR>	-- Weiler's Law
3227 Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. <BR>	-- Law of Probable Dispersal
3228 People are always available for work in the past tense. <BR>	-- Law of Volunteer Labor
3229 …ion there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired. <BR>	-- Conway's Law
3230 Them that has, gets. <BR>	-- Iron Law of Distribution
3231 There is always one more bug. <BR>	-- Law of Cybernetic Entomology
3232 The first myth of management is that it exists. <BR>	-- Heller's Law
3233 Variables won't; constants aren't. <BR>	-- Osborne's Law
3234 For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. <BR>	-- Main's Law
3235 …e first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization. <BR>	-- Weinberg's Second Law
3236 A pre-requisite for a desired course will only be offered during the semester following the desired…
3237 …ed so that every student will waste the maximum time between classes. <BR>	-- Law of Class Schedul…
3238 An expert is anyone from out of town. <BR>	-- Mars Rule
3239 The one course you must take to graduate will not be offered during your last semester. <BR>	-- Sei…
3240 Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them. <BR>	-- Cornuelle's Law
3241 Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage. <BR>	-- Ruan's Law
3242 …in the mail long enough for you to make a fool of yourself in person. <BR>	-- Arthurs Second Law o…
3243 People to whom you are attracted invariably think you remind them of someone else. <BR>	-- Arthurs …
3244 The stomach expands to accomodate the amount of junk food available. <BR>	-- Iske's Teenage Law
3245 When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly. <BR>	-- Lab Workers Law
3246 …plant varies inversely with its price and directly with its ugliness. <BR>	-- Green Thumb Postulate
3247 …w increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. <BR>	-- Ruby's Principal of …
3248 Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. <BR>	-- Green's Law
3249 To err is human - to blame it on someone else is even more human. <BR>	-- Jacob's Law
3250 Virtue is its own punishment  <BR>	-- Denniston's Law
3251 …will reach it just in time to hear the click of the caller hanging up. <BR>	-- Bess's Telephone Law
3252 The Consumer Report on the item will come out a week after you've made your purchase. <BR>	-- Beryl…
3253 If there are only two shows worth watching they will be on at the same time. <BR>	-- Law of TV Prog…
3254 …e same destination and the other car will get the last parking space. <BR>	-- Athena's Rule of Dri…
3255 …rrors tend to occur at the opposite end at which you begin checking for errors. <BR>	-- Grelb's Law
3256 If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. <BR>	-- Chicholm's Law
3257 … same destination, and the other car will get the last parking space. <BR>	-- Athena's Rule of Par…
3258 The label 'ALL NEW', 'COMPLETELY NEW' or 'GREAT NEW' means the price went way up. <BR>	-- Hershiser…
3259 The label NEW and/or IMPROVED means the price went up. <BR>	-- Hershiser's Second Rule
3260 Anything labelled NEW and/or IMPROVED isn't. <BR>	-- Hershiser's First Rule
3261 …ich you are sure will meet with everybody's approval, somebody won't like it. <BR>	-- Chisholms Law
3262 If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you - the next time he's in need. <BR>	-- Chei…
3263 …the opposite end from the end at which you begin checking for errors. <BR>	-- Grelb's Law of Error…
3264 If it's good, they discontinue it. <BR>	-- Herblock's Law
3265 … time they are ripe. If you buy them ripe, they rot before they are eaten. <BR>	-- Banana Principle
3266 The only new show worth watching will be cancelled. <BR>	-- Jones First Law of TV
3267 No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep. <BR>	-- Attwood's Law
3268 You are never given enough time or money. <BR>	-- Lerman's Law of Technology Corollary
3269 Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. <BR>	-- Lerman's Law of Technolo…
3270 Most people deserve one another. <BR>	-- Shirley's Law
3271 All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off. <BR>	-- Yeager's Law
3272 …y. 2. If it stinks, it's chemistry. 3. If it doesn't work, it's physics. <BR>	-- Modern Science Law
3273 People will buy anything that's one to a customer. <BR>	-- Lewis' Law
3274 …be held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired. <BR>…
3275 People are always available for work in the past tense. <BR>	-- Zymurgy's Law
3276 If you like it, it fits, and you can afford it, it falls apart the first time you wash it. <BR>	-- …
3277 If you like it, and it fits, you can't afford it. <BR>	-- Hadley's Third Law of Shopping
3278 If you like it, and its in your size, it doesn't fit anyway. <BR>	-- Hadley's Second Law of Shopping
3279 If you like it, they don't have it in your size. <BR>	-- Hadley's First Law of Shopping
3280 All of your friends either missed it, lost it or threw it out. <BR>	-- Corollary of Johnson's Law
3281 …ch contained the article, story or installment you were most anxious to read. <BR>	-- Johnson's Law
3282 The first bug to hit a clean windscreen lands directly in front your eyes. <BR>	-- Drew's Law
3283 …ce you have reached the furthest point from shore, the wind will die. <BR>	-- Deal's Second Law of…
3284 Everything goes wrong all at once. <BR>	-- Quantum Revision of Murphy's Law
3285 The Traffic Light will turn green as soon as your vehicle comes to a complete stop. <BR>	-- McKee's…
3286 …you lick them will stick to other things when you don't want them to. <BR>	-- Fourth Law of the Of…
3287 Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives. <BR>	-- Third Law of…
3288 The one drill bit you need will be the one missing from the tool chest. <BR>	-- First Law of the Wo…
3289 Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday. <BR>	-- Grossman's Lemma
3290 The more complicated and grandiose the plan, the greater the chance of failure. <BR>	-- Knagg's Der…
3291 Left over bolts never match left over nuts. <BR>	-- Workshop Principle
3292 Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups. <BR>	-- Wethern's Law
3293 He who shouts loudest has the floor. <BR>	-- Swipple Rule of Order
3294 The one who snores will fall asleep first. <BR>	-- Bedfellow's Rule
3295 …es only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode. <BR>	-- Law of Reruns
3296 If you leave the room, you're elected. <BR>	-- Matilda's Law
3297 The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish. <BR>	-- Third Rule of Fishing
3298 …needless worry if you don't burn your bridges until you come to them. <BR>	-- Rule of Negative Ant…
3299 The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish. <BR>	-- Porkingham's Second Law
3300 There is no such thing as a straight line. <BR>	-- The Ruler Rule
3301 Never make a decision you can get someone else to make. <BR>	-- Pfeifer's Principle
3302 You never know who's right, but you always know who's in charge. <BR>	-- Whistler's Law
3303 The client who pays the least complains the most. <BR>	-- Drew's Law
3304 Forgive and remember. <BR>	-- Brock's Motto
3305 …project fails but when all of the authorisers can claim credit if it succeeds. <BR>	-- Roger's Rule
3306 If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented, it wasn't worth doing. <BR>	-- Mol…
3307 …e team, he fades. Whenever your team trades away a no-name, he immediately rises to stardom. <BR>	…
3308 The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount spent on the wedding. <BR>	-- Thom…
3309 …ook even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book. <BR>	-- Fifth Law of Managem…
3310 For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. <BR>	-- Harrison's Postulate
3311 …ded attention, it will occur simultaneously with a compelling distraction. <BR>	-- Hutchinson's Law
3312 If you can actually remove the part, the replacement will be on backorder. <BR>	-- Automotive Repai…
3313 If you can get to the faulty part you don't have the tool to get it off. <BR>	-- Automotive Repair …
3314 Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach. <BR>	-- Murray's Rule
3315 Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a need for them an hour later. <BR>	-- Witten's Law
3316 …it in line, the greater likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line. <BR>	-- Queue Principle
3317 You get the most of what you need the least. <BR>	-- Law of Gifts
3318 Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers. <BR>	-- Grossman's Misquote
3319 … else must become dirty. <BR>	-- Imbesi's Law ... but you can get everything dirty without getting…
3320 …about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking of them. <BR>	-- Edelstein's Advice
3321 You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damn foolproof. <BR>	-- Naeser's Law
3322 A crisis is when you can't say 'let's forget the whole thing'. <BR>	-- Ferguson's Precept
3323 If it was bad, it'll be back. <BR>	-- Grelb's Law
3324 The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. <BR>	-- Law of …
3325 …l trip to the store to get will be the one your guest is allergic to. <BR>	-- Fourth Law of Kitche…
3326 Once a dish is fouled up, anything added to to save it only makes it worse. <BR>	-- Second Law of K…
3327 You can always find what you're not looking for. <BR>	-- MaryAnn's Law
3328 If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost. <BR>	-- Rune's Rule
3329 It won't work. <BR>	-- Jenkinson's Law
3330 There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't. <BR>	--…
3331 To make an enemy, do someone a favour. <BR>	-- McLaughry's Codicil
3332 Its morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. <BR>	-- Bill Jones Motto
3333 …ean back and relax is the one time the boss walks through the office. <BR>	-- Selective Supervisio…
3334 If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it. <BR>	--Arthur Kasspe
3335 Auditors always reject any expense claim with a bottom line divisible by 5 or 10. <BR>	-- O'Brien's…
3336 The one you want is never the one on sale. <BR>	-- Bargain Basement Principle
3337 …ll always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it is compromising. <BR>	-- Juhani's Law
3338 Government expands to absorb revenue... and then some. <BR>	-- Wiker's Law
3339 A fool and your money are soon partners. <BR>	-- Mark's Law
3340 Expenditure always rises to meet income. <BR>	-- Parkinson's Law
3341 A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. <BR>	-- Patton's Law
3342 When in doubt, mingle. When in trouble, delegate. When in charge, ponder. <BR>	-- Boren's Laws
3343 You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it. <BR>	-- Miller's Law
3344 …ars to be thinking deep thoughts, they are probably thinking about lunch. <BR>	-- Rule of The Great
3345 The less you enjoy serving on committees, the more likely you are to be pressed to do so. <BR>	-- L…
3346 The cream rises to the top - so does the scum... <BR>	-- Wellington's Law of Command
3347 The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present. <BR>	-- Shanahan's L…
3348 What you don't do is always more important than what you do. <BR>	-- Worker's Dilemma #2
3349 No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough. <BR>	-- Worker's Dilemma
3350 Never argue with a fool - people might not know the difference. <BR>	-- First Law of Debate
3351 Its easier to get forgiveness than ask permission. <BR>	-- Stewarts Law of Retroaction
3352 When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer. <BR>	-- Rul…
3353 The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake. <BR>	-- Young's Corollary
3354 All great discoveries are made by mistake. <BR>	-- Youngs Law
3355 If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of. <BR>	-- Maier's Law
3356 Enough research will tend to support your theory. <BR>	-- Murphy's Law of Research
3357 …hat you're certain you've finished with, you will need it again instantly. <BR>	-- Law of Annoyance
3358 …of technical writing, ignore it. The piece will make perfect sense without it. <BR>	-- Cooper's Law
3359 Experience varies directly with the equipment ruined. <BR>	-- Horner's Postulate
3360 …tion, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly at 4.40pm Friday. <BR>	-- Law of the Lost Inch
3361 No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would. <BR>	-- Evan's Law
3362 If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break. <BR>	-- Schmidt's Law
3363 Things get worse before they get better. Who said things would get better?  <BR>	-- Ehrman's Commen…
3364 Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. <BR>	-- Shaw's Princi…
3365 Anything that begins well, ends badly, Anything that begins badly, ends worse. <BR>	-- Pudder's Law
3366 …ck on wood is when you realise that the world is made of plastic and aluminium. <BR>	-- Flugg's Law
3367 The secret of success is sincerity... once you can fake that, you've got it made. <BR>	-- Glyme's F…
3368 Whenever the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. <BR>	-- Airpla…
3369 Whatever happens, look as if you intended it to happen. <BR>	-- First Rule of Acting
3370 Everyone has a scheme that will not work. <BR>	-- Howe's Law
3371 The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick. <BR>	-- Martial …
3372 After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat. <BR>	-- Martial Arts L…
3373 If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer. <BR>	-- …
3374 The referee will always be looking the other way when you score. <BR>	-- Martial Arts Law 2
3375 …luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him. <BR>	-- Martial Arts Law 1
3376 Nothing ever goes away. <BR>	-- Commoner's Law of Ecology
3377 90% of everything is crud. <BR>	-- Sturgeon's Law
3378 Negative expectations yield negative results, Positive expectations yield negative results. <BR>	--…
3379 A shortcut is the longest distance between two points. <BR>	-- Issawi's Law of Progress
3380 If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. <BR>	-- Finagles First Law
3381 If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. <BR>	-- Law of Life's Highway
3382 All trails have more uphill sections than they have level or downhill sections. <BR>	-- Backpacker'…
3383 …tected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place. <BR>	-- Scott's Law
3384 It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. <BR>	-- Murphy's Sixth …
3385 Every solution breeds new problems. <BR>	-- Murphy's Fifth Corollary
3386 Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. <BR>	-- Murphy's Fourth Co…
3387 … the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. <BR>	-- Murphy's Third Corol…
3388 Everything takes longer than you think. <BR>	-- Murphy's Second Corollary
3389 Nothing is as easy as it looks. <BR>	-- Murphy's First Corollary
3390 If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man - he will find an easier way to do it. <BR>	-- …
3391 …are impossible to know, but it is impossible to know which things they are. <BR>	-- Jaffe's Precept
3392 The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want. <BR>	--…
3393 When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important ones will be illegible. <BR>	-- First …
3394 …ay rent, pay rent. People who can most afford to pay rent, build up equity. <BR>	-- Perlsweig's Law
3395 For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision. <BR>	-- Thal's Law
3396 It's a simple task to make things more complex, but a complex task to make them simple. <BR>	-- Mey…
3397 If you cannot convince them, confuse them. <BR>	-- Truman's Law
3398 All the good ones are taken. <BR>	-- Harris' Lament
3399 Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment. <BR>	-- Ducharme's Precept
3400 As soon as you mention something... if it's good, it goes away. <BR>	-- Unspeakable Law
3401 It works better if you plug it in. <BR>	-- Sattinger's Law
3402 The supplies necessary for yesterdays's work must be ordered no later than noon tomorrow. <BR>	-- O…
3403 It's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save that matters. <BR>	-- Paul's Law
3404 No matter how minor the task, you will inevitably end up covered with grease and motor oil. <BR>	--…
3405 When the need arises, any tool closest to you becomes a hammer. <BR>	-- Bromberg's Law of Auto Repa…
3406 … wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop. <BR>	-- Murphy's Law of Mult…
3407 If you explain so clearly that nobody can mis-understand, somebody will. <BR>	-- Chicholm's Second …
3408 Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. <BR>	-- Murphy's Seventh Corollary
3409 …g to hit a clean windshield always lands directly in front of the driver's eyes. <BR>	-- Drew's Law
3410 The only way to make up for being lost is to make record time while you are lost. <BR>	-- Rule of t…
3411 Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can. <BR>	-- Zymurgy's …
3412 An unbreakable toy is good for breaking other toys. <BR>	-- Van Roy's Law
3413 There's no time like the present to postpone what you don't want to do. <BR>	-- Hecht's Fourth Law
3414 Nothing ever gets built on time and within budget. <BR>	-- Cheop's Law
3415 … you return to the office at night to use them for personal business. <BR>	-- Second Law of Office…
3416 …ontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them. <BR>	-- Law of the Office
3417 If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it. <BR>	-- Law of Shopping
3418 Cleanliness is next to impossible. <BR>	-- O'Reilly's Law
3419 Whenever in doubt, predict that the trend will continue. <BR>	-- Merkin's Maxim
3420 The bigger they are, the harder they hit. <BR>	-- Perkin's Postulate
3421 … shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper. <BR>	-- Lewis' Law
3422 No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind. <BR>	-- First Law of Bicycling
3423  <BR>	-- First Law of Travel It always takes longer to get there than to get back.
3424 A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost. <BR>	-- Gourd's Axiom
3425 A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking. <BR>	-- Matz's Maxim
3426 …e, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool your Mum. <BR>	-- Captain Penny's Law
3427 Never put off until tomorrow that which you could have forgotten about entirely. <BR>	-- Wade's Adv…
3428 Teamwork is essential - it allows you to blame someone else. <BR>	-- Finagle's 8th Rule
3429 If the shoe fits - it's ugly. <BR>	-- Gold's Law
3430 The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on. <BR>	-- Jones…
3431 The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing. <BR>	-- Cole's …
3432 A child will not spill on a dirty floor. <BR>	-- Skoff's Law
3433 The mountain gets steeper as you get closer. <BR>	-- Michael's Climbing Rule
3434 …made at great expense is the first to person to be let go in any re-organisation. <BR>	-- Joe's Law
3435 The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to it's desirability. <BR>	-- Gumperson's…
3436 If you wait, it will go away. <BR>	-- Hellrung's Law ...having done it's damage  <BR>	-- Shavelson'…
3437 If you make Duck a l'Orange you'll be complimented on the peas. <BR>	-- Law of the Kitchen
3438 All Finagle's Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing without thinking. <BR>	-- Wi…
3439 Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value. <BR>	-- Murphy's Constant
3440 …e wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong. <BR>	-- The Last Law
3441 The hidden flaw never remains hidden. <BR>	-- Law of Revelation
3442 How long a minute is depends on which side of the Toilet Door you're on. <BR>	-- Ballance's Law
3443 Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen. <BR>	-- Kitman's Law
3444 …r eye on the minute you walked in will be take by the person in front of you. <BR>	-- Cafeteria Law
3445 Switching back screws up both lines and makes everybody angry. <BR>	-- Third Queue Principle
3446 … you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in. <BR>	-- Second Queue Princip…
3447 The other line is always faster. <BR>	-- First Queue Principle
3448 The most interesting specimen will not be labelled. <BR>	-- Jones Law of Museums
3449 At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. <BR>	-- Breda's Rule
3450 Thinly sliced cabbage. <BR>	-- Cole's Law
3451 If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. <BR>	-- Lowery's Law
3452 The slowest checker is always at the express checkout lane. <BR>	-- Flugg's Rule
3453 Hindsite is an exact science. <BR>	-- Fagin's Rule
3454 If an item is advertised as under $40, you can bet it's not $9.95. <BR>	-- Christmas Shopping Axiom
3455 …you can throw it away If you throw it away, you will need it the next day. <BR>	-- Law of Ownership
3456 Most simple assembly jobs require three hands. <BR>	-- Workshop Principle
3457 If it's in stock, it didn't need replacing in the first place. <BR>	-- Campbell's Third Law of Auto…
3458 In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it. <BR>	-- Collateral Corollary
3459 All things being equal, you lose. <BR>	-- Todd's First Law
3460 If you park 6 blocks away, you'll find two spaces right outside the building. <BR>	-- Lemar's Parki…
3461 Everyone lies, but it doesn't matter, as nobody listens. <BR>	-- Lieberman's Law
3462 When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. <BR>	-- Kovac's Conundrum
3463 If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it!  <BR>	-- Boling's Postulate
3464 If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper. <BR>	-- Devrie's Dile…
3465 When the going gets tough, everyone leaves. <BR>	-- Lynch's Law
3466 A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead. <BR>	-- Newton's Seventh Law
3467 Sow your wild oats on Saturday night - then on Sunday pray for crop failure. <BR>	-- Farmer's Law
3468 A four hour staff meeting rarely accomplishes anything that a ten minute slap fight can't. <BR>	-- …
3469 …eing in a sled dog team. No one gets a change of scenery except the lead dog. <BR>	-- Moer's Truism
3470 … in which a system can operate, it will usually operate the wrong way. <BR>	-- Jam Side Down Theory
3471 …sity to be appointed to non-paying positions of responsibility is inversely proportional to the si…
3472 …easurements must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with theory. <BR>	-- Compensation Corolla…
3473 …er for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious. <BR>	-- Flaple's Law
3474 It's impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. <BR>	-- Edsel Murphy
3475 A flat file is not a list of apartments. <BR>	-- Euclid
3476 The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. <BR>	-- Coveyou's Claim
3477 A committee is a body with 6 or more legs and no brain. <BR>	-- Lazarus' Lecture
3478 If de-bugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them…
3479 Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. <BR>	-- Clarke's Third Law
3480 There is no such thing as a large whisky. <BR>	-- Rev. Mahaffy's Observation
3481 … all about you are losing theirs, then you just don't understand the problem. <BR>	-- Kyrie Liaison
3482 …rse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public. <BR>	-- Gummidge's Law
3483 …inversely with its importance to the completion of the work underway. <BR>	-- Spare Parts Corollary
3484 …g alternate courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible. <BR>	-- Rerdin's Law
3485 …r yesterday's experiment must be ordered no later than tomorrow noon. <BR>	-- Timely Order Princip…
3486 Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the broth. <BR>	-- Fitzgibbon's …
3487 …ed from the answer you got, gives you the answer you should have got. <BR>	-- Finnegans Finagling …
3488 By definition, when you are searching the unknown, you do not know what you will find. <BR>	-- The …
3489 If you dont know where you're going, any road will get you there. <BR>	-- Daniel's Theory
3490 Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why, then do it. <BR>	-- Longs T…
3491 One million times nothing is still nothing. <BR>	-- Porteous's Proposition
3492 No experiment is ever a complete failure, it can always serve as a bad example. <BR>	-- Futility Fa…
3493 Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something. <BR>	-- Chisholm's Law
3494 Experience varies directly with the amount of equipment ruined. <BR>	-- Homer's Five Thumb Postulate
3495 …ircumstances, events will combine to provide the maximum amount of inconvenience. <BR>	-- Sod's Law
3496 When all else fails, read the Instructions. <BR>	-- Allen's Axiom
3497 The spaghetti always wins. <BR>	-- Vernon's Law
3498 Quit when you're still behind. When you're in a hole, don't dig. <BR>	-- Salinger's Law
3499 Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse. <BR>	-- Finagle's Law
3500 The light at the end of the tunnel could turn out to be the headlight of an oncoming train. <BR>	--…
3501 A collision at sea can ruin your entire day. <BR>	-- Horwitz's First Law of the Admiralty
3502 The probability of an event occurring is proportional to its desirability. <BR>	-- Gusterman's Law
3503 Attila the Hun came from a broken home. <BR>	-- Andrew's Deduction
3504 Never, ever, eat prunes when you're hungry. <BR>	-- Schmidt's Law
3505 Anything that fails will fail in the manner most difficult to explain. <BR>	-- Second Corollary to …
3506 One good turn gets most of the blanket. <BR>	-- Ellenberg's Theory
3507 The leak in the roof is never in the same place as the hole. <BR>	-- Cannon's Comment
3508 …lume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it darn well pleases. <BR>	-- Yale Law
3509 Don't force it; get a larger hammer. <BR>	-- Anthony's Law of Force
3510 If God had meant for us to travel tourist class, He would have made us narrower. <BR>	-- Martha's M…
3511 If the experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment. <BR>	-- Patrice's Theorem
3512 Nothing is important for the person who doesn't have to do it for themself. <BR>	-- Weiler's Law
3513 The simplest explanation of any phenomenon is usually the correct one. <BR>	-- Occam's Theory
3514 Never, ever, play leapfrog with a Unicorn!  <BR>	-- Feldstein's Law
3515 Whoever has the Gold makes the Rules. <BR>	-- The Golden Rule
3516 Things get worse under pressure. <BR>	-- Murphys Law of Thermodynamics
3517 If something can go wrong, it will. <BR>	-- Murphys Law
3518 …quires reasonable security, the era of passwords is over. <BR>	-- Bruce Schneier, CRYPTO-GRAM, Apr…
3519 Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes. <BR>	-- Edsger W. D…
3520 If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead. <BR>	-- The Law of Volunteering
3522 Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away. <BR>	-- English proverb
3523 A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. <BR>	-- Spike Milligan
3524 Computerworld:  What will be the largest cyber-threats to freedom and 	        privacy in the futur…
3526 …ible amount of feathers with the smallest possible amount of hissing. <BR>	-- Jean Baptiste Colbert
3527 Not only is UNIX dead, it's starting to smell really bad. <BR>	-- Rob Pike (circa 1991)
3528 Object-oriented design is the roman numerals of computing. <BR>	-- Rob Pike
3529 There's no such thing as a simple cache bug. <BR>	-- Rob Pike
3530 Caches aren't architecture, they're just optimization. <BR>	-- Rob Pike
3531 Sockets are the X windows of IO interfaces. <BR>	-- Rob Pike
3532 Sometimes when you fill a vacuum, it still sucks. <BR>	-- Rob Pike (on the X Window System)
3533 Unix never says "please."  <BR>	-- Rob Pike
3534 Those days are dead and gone and the eulogy was delivered by Perl. <BR>	-- Rob Pike (on one tool fo…
3535 If we had named "Kentucky Fried Chicken", it would have been "Hot Dead Birds". <BR>	-- Vinton Cerf …
3536 … frightened, they're British, they've never seen a toothbrush before. <BR>	-- Jay Leno, U.S. talk …
3537 Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. <BR>	-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
3538 A bachelor is like a new detergent, works fast and leaves no ring. <BR>	-- Terry Canterbury
3539 10 fingers... 10 toes. Aw, crap!  I'm metric!  <BR>	-- Brad Osberg
3540 … monocle and a Persian cat away from being the villain in a James Bond movie. <BR>	-- Dennis Miller
3542 How could this be a problem in a country where we have Intel and Microsoft?  <BR>	-- Al Gore (on th…
3543 … unacceptable to the Windows using community, Microsoft would not exist today. <BR>	-- Carol Spears
3544 …-Windows built cars, there would be no fewer than five steering wheels hidden about the cockpit, n…
3545 …follows standards. In much the same manner that fish follow migrating caribou. <BR>	-- Paul Tomblin
3546 …ave invented it, but Bill (Gates) made it famous. <BR>	-- David Bradley (inventor of the Ctrl-Alt-…
3547 …hable. Then how come people can sell Microsoft software and go unpunished?  <BR>	-- Hasse Skrifvars
3548 …ular intervals and need to be re-started from scratch twice a day but will nevertheless become ind…
3549 …hly software subscriptions. They all had one thing in common: they lost money. <BR>	-- Saul Hansell
3550 It seems the only aspect of Microsoft Windows Vista which scales well is the price. <BR>	-- (adapte…
3551 … to Microsoft. Once I realized that Ctrl-Alt-Del was handled in the BIOS, I found that there aren'…
3552 My other computer is your Windows box. <BR>	-- Nils Vogels
3554 …-- how many defects we have, how quickly we fix those defects, how our system is for getting the u…
3555 …the carrot of Longhorn, it's now using the whip of poor security. <BR>	-- Steven J. Vaughan-Nichols
3556 That's what I love about GUIs: They make simple tasks easier, and complex tasks impossible. <BR>	--…
3557 …at automation applied to an inefficient operation will magnify the inefficiency. <BR>	-- Bill Gates
3558 …e fact that it was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place…
3559 …he nice thing about Windows is -- It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you pr…
3560 …ociety is make people believe that computers are inherently unreliable. <BR>	-- Bradford L. Barrett
3561 …ecause then I could charge you two hundred and forty-nine dollars for the right to speak it. <BR>	…
3562 …-century piece of farm equipment -- say, a wheelbarrow. He operates without much self-awareness. H…
3563 …, it is said, that Bill Gates couldn't slow down with a new batch of features. <BR>	-- James Coates
3564 …sn't own it, and therefore, there's a tremendous amount of innovation happening. <BR>	-- Steve Jobs
3565 …emember, we thought it would be flying cars, now it's an outhouse you can plug in. <BR>	-- Jay Leno
3566 …polies with good old-fashioned misleading marketing, channel strong-arm tactics, and predatory pri…
3567 Unix, MS-DOS, and Windows (also known as the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly). <BR>	-- Matt Welsh
3568 …o spend a lot in marketing because we think the product sells itself. <BR>	-- Jim Allchin, Microso…
3569 …-source software. It is more secure because we stand behind it, we fixed it, because we built it. …
3570 …stare at you blankly and say "Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*". <BR>	-- Linus Torvalds
3571 …-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally c…
3572 …ports general-purpose non-Microsoft applications in the same way that a rope can be said to suppor…
3573 … is challenging is that every UNIX vendor believes standards are for weak-minded fools. <BR>	-- Ray
3575 …ll no guarantee that your Solaris installation will proceed smoothly. <BR>	-- Solaris (UNIX) 2.5 c…
3576 If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a UNIX user to show you how it's done. <BR>	--…
3577 …ttle felt bags of twenty-sided dice, discussing their imaginary lives as ax-wielding dwarves to an…
3579 …ard thing about all UNIX systems is the message-of-the-day telling users to clean up their files. …
3580 …nt to be on the "leading edge" so bad they walk right off the precipice. <BR>	-- Craig E. Groeschel
3581 …ndensed into a quick-and-dirty scripting language. In a literary light, if UNIX is the Great Novel…
3582 The number of Unix installations has grown to 10, with more expected. <BR>	-- The Unix Programmer's…
3583 Those who do not understand UNIX are condemned to reinvent it, poorly. <BR>	-- Henry Spencer
3584 …IX gives you just enough rope to hang yourself -- and then a couple of more feet, just to be sure.…
3585 … 50 feet to pay another nickel. But hey! You only feel 5 cents poorer each time. <BR>	-- Larry Wall
3586 …f you don't know it, you don't miss is. But if you know it, you'll need it. <BR>	-- Lars Eilebrecht
3587 UNIX is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are.
3588 UNIX: It's not just 'User-Unfriendly', it's 'Proactively User-Hostile'!
3589 …elop a schedule for producing the 10th Edition of the Unix Programmer's Manual. <BR>	-- Andrew Hume
3590 We know Linux is the best, it can do infinite loops in five seconds. <BR>	-- Linus Torvalds
3591 "I know I'm paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?"  <BR>	-- Tom Clancy.
3592 … testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."  <BR>	-- Peter Kaye.
3593 "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."  <BR>	-- George W. Bush
3604 A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price.
3615 Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter-accusations.
3621 All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
3638 Be good - and if you can't be good, be careful.
3640 Be naughty - save santa the trip.
3645 Beer - the reason I wake up every afternoon.
3651 Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.
3676 Drive defensively - buy a tank.
3681 Earth first!  (We'll strip-mine the other planets later).
3701 Failure is not an option - it's a lifestyle.
3707 For a good time, call (415) 642-9483.
3712 Freedom of speech is wonderful - right up there with the freedom not to listen.
3713 Friendly fire - isn't.
3733 I am not single, I'm romantically challenged.
3742 I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.
3751 I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
3752 I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!
3753 I'm not paranoid, they really are after me.
3756 If I look confused it's because I'm thinking.
3815 Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
3826 Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
3827 Lunix... Because i'm better than you.
3839 Most people don't act stupid - it's the real thing.
3853 No-one suspects the butterfly!
3861 One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
3865 Pretend to spank me - I'm a pseudo-masochist!
3867 Quando omni flunkus moritati - when all else fails, play dead.
3875 Save water - take a bath with your neighbor's daughter.
3890 Sure, when... - oink flap oink flap - well I'll be darned!
3900 The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
3930 This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.
3932 This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget.
3946 Unix is user friendly - it's just picky about it's friends.
3947 Veni, Vidi, Velcro - I came, I saw, I stuck around.
3950 War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
3954 We found Jesus - he was behind the sofa all along.
3960 When I was young I was told that anyone could be Prime Minister. Now I'm beginning to believe it.
3961 When all else fails, admit i'm right and kiss my ass.
3975 While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
3994 You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
4005 Seven Deadly Sins?  I thought it was a to-do list!
4013 The steady state of disks is full. <BR>	--Ken Thompson
4014 Russia: Where Russians are sent to die  <BR>	--The Onion
4017 Real Daleks don't climb stairs - they level the building.
4018 Four-state logic: yes, no, maybe and maybe not  <BR>	--Art Ng
4021 The faster we go, the rounder we get. <BR>	--The Grateful Dead
4022 This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. <BR>	--Wolfgang Pauli
4023 Time is an illusion; lunchtime, doubly so. <BR>	--Ford Prefect
4024 "Hello," he lied. <BR>	--Don Carpenter, quoting a Hollywood agent
4025 We are faced with insurmountable opportunities. <BR>	--Yogi Berra
4026 An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest. <BR>	--Spanish proverb
4027 God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. <BR>	--Kronecker
4028 Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own. <BR>	--Don Vonada
4034 Every man is as God made him; ay, and often worse. <BR>	--Miguel de Cervantes
4035 The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. <BR>	--Abbie Hoffman
4036 I could show you my favorite... obsession. <BR>	--The Rocky Horror Picture Show
4039 Discipline is always a means to an end, never an end in itself. <BR>	--King Crimson
4040 The official secrets act protects officials, not secrets. <BR>	--Yes, Prime Minister
4041 There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. <BR>	--Dr. Who
4043 English has one inflected adjective: blond/blonde. <BR>	--Bill Bryson
4044 Some mornings it's just not worth gnawing through the leather straps. <BR>	--Emo Philips
4045 A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths. <BR>	--Steven Wright
4046 Of course, that was long ago, but at the time it seemed like the present. <BR>	--P. Steiner
4047 You Only Received One Set of Eyeballs?  <BR>	--Sam's Laser FAQ: Introduction to Laser Safety
4048 Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box. <BR>	--Italian proverb
4049 It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up. <BR>	--Joan Rivers
4052 Heuristics are bug ridden by definition - if they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms.
4053 If you think you have things under control, you're not going fast enough. <BR>	--Mario Andretti
4054 Eventually, primitive life develops, and then shopping malls. <BR>	--J. A. Paulos, on evolution
4055 Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; all else is opinion. <BR>	--Democritus, ca. 400 BCE
4056 No no no. Don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to. <BR>	--Buckaroo Banzai
4057 Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is Enemy Action. <BR>	--Auric Goldfinger
4058 There are two kinds of cookies - chocolate-chip cookies - cookies deficient in chocolate chips
4059 It isn't the stuff we don't know. It is the stuff we know that just ain't so. <BR>	--Josh Billings
4063 Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down. <BR>	--Collis P. Hunt…
4065 Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes. <BR>	--Dr. Warren Jackson, Dire…
4066 In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful Dead. <BR>	--Egyptian Book o…
4067 I've been aware of the time going by; they say in the end, it's the blink of an eye. <BR>	--Jackson…
4068 …ats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. <BR>	--Heinlein
4069 The struggling for knowledge has a pleasure in it like that of wrestling with a fine woman. <BR>	--…
4070 Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine. My sins are my own: they belong to me. <BR>	--Patty S…
4071 If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about the answers. <BR>	--…
4073 One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop. <BR>	--…
4075 If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home. <BR>	--Eu…
4076 …ops finally busted Madame Marie for tellin' fortunes better than they do?  <BR>	--Bruce Springsteen
4078 …he calculations became, the more the concepts tended to vanish into thin air. <BR>	--R. S. Mulliken
4079 You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you've got knives; shit happens. <BR>	--Angelina Jolie, …
4080 …mortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. <BR>	--Susan Ertz
4081 …. Real men upload their data to an FTP site and have everyone else mirror it. <BR>	--Linus Torvalds
4083 …ce of the president is not to wield power, but to draw attention away from it. <BR>	--Douglas Adams
4084 You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than about 1012 to 1. <BR>	--Ernes…
4085 …per se is not a specific set of ones and zeroes, but a self-organizing Net subculture. <BR>	--Neal…
4086 …is: the problem it solves is not hard, and it does not solve the problem well. <BR>	--Simeon/Wadler
4087 …o is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead. <BR>	--Gene Fowler
4089 …complishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest. <BR>	--Eric Clapton
4090 …dy of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. <BR>	--Mike Adams
4094 This License explicitly affirms your unlimited permission to run the unmodified Program. <BR>	--The…
4096 …take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. <BR>	--Fred Allen
4097 … to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops. <BR>	--Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
4098 The default Magic Word, "Abracadabra", actually is a corruption of the Hebrew phrase "ha-Bracha dab…
4099 …, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"  <BR>	--Steven Wright
4100 …nstead of core memory, it would use up tape at about 30 miles/second. <BR>	--Grishman, Assembly La…
4101 …f the most honest man, I would find something in them to have him hanged. <BR>	--Cardinal Richelieu
4102 …ausdorff Besicovitch dimension strictly exceeds the topological dimension. <BR>	--Benoit Mandelbrot
4104 Rather than feeling vulnerable in the presence of powerful authorities, they feel safer. <BR>	--Joh…
4105 …hall fear no evil for I am at 80,000 feet and climbing. <BR>	--sign over the entrance to SR-71 ope…
4106 The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to …
4107 Remember: wherever you go, there you are. <BR>	--Buckaroo Banzai
4108 …le, under this License to anyone who comes into possession of a copy. <BR>	--The GNU General Publi…
4109 …ly compiled oral history of the hacker subculture. It is our Gilgamesh epic. <BR>	--Neal Stephenson
4110 …husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. <BR>	--Alan McKay
4111 …s the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. <BR>	--Sinclair Lewis
4112 Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall, Aleph-null bottles of beer, You take one down, and pass it …
4113 …e man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. <BR>	--Antoine de Saint-Exupery
4115 …d of their own greatness as mystified at why everyone else seems so incompetent. <BR>	--Paul Graham
4116 …chains of gold; You can fall for pretty strangers, And the promises they hold  <BR>	--Mark Knopfler
4117 … experience when they have power to control information about themselves. <BR>	--The CATO Institute
4118 …exual ignorance, and where people are ignorant, they are manipulable. <BR>	--SAMOIS, Coming To Pow…
4121 …ty. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem. <BR>	--The Hitchhiker's Guid…
4124 … Let us rest our eyes on fleecy skies And the cool, green hills of Earth. <BR>	--Robert A. Heinlein
4125 …ystem of encoding thoughts - the only medium - that refuses to dissolve in the devouring torrent o…
4128 …onsciousness into the consensual hallucination that was the matrix... <BR>	--William Gibson, Neuro…
4129 …l; Drink no wine, and smoke no stogies. He just Love To Eat Them Roguies. <BR>	--The Roguelet's ABC
4131 …uered hell and driven out the demons I have come with the light to set you free  <BR>	--Mindy Smith
4132 …s are, and why people use them, they could crush Microsoft in a year or two. <BR>	--Neal Stephenson
4133 …immortality in an era when most people no longer believe in an afterlife. <BR>	--Arianna Huffington
4134 …Rule of Programming: Any sufficiently-complicated C or Fortran program contains an ad-hoc, informa…
4135 … the paper, read the obits. If I'm not there I know I'm not dead. So I eat a good breakfast and go…
4136 …he first two are more pleasant, the third is by far the more certain. <BR>	--Baron Rothschild, ca.…
4137 …State, much less one who was a conservative warmonger, too. We've come a long way. <BR>	--The Onion
4138 …negative sense that changing to new ones makes us wish we'd never been born. <BR>	--Neal Stephenson
4139 …virtual private destructor, and when was the last time you needed one?  <BR>	--Peter van der Linded
4140 …- the La Brea Tar Pit - of software technology is the Internet. Anything that shows up there is fr…
4141 …ere able to rectify the gross anatomical inconveniences with surgery. <BR>	--The Hitchhiker's Guid…
4143 …ugh for our Lord Jesus Christ, it's good enough for our school children."  <BR>	--John Perry Barlow
4144 …to have a chance of being correct. My own feeling is that it is not crazy enough. <BR>	--Niels Bohr
4145 …moved...grace of the mind-body interface granted him, in that second, by the clarity and singlenes…
4146 …d we just let the damn thing fall over and build a tower that doesn't suck?  <BR>	--Neal Stephenson
4147 …s. I use emacs, which might be thought of as a thermonuclear word processor. <BR>	--Neal Stephenson
4149 … I need lamb or pork or lettuce or cucumber. I need it for my dreams. <BR>	--Racter (a program tha…
4150 …in a hole in the rock on his island, and was always going back to look at it. <BR>	--J.R.R. Tolkien
4151 …t I mean. Real ugliness is not harsh-looking syntax, but having to build programs out of the wrong…
4152 …. This discovery, my dear fellow, will prove a timely aid to you in many problems. <BR>	--Lucretius
4153 … the courtyard: Sweet summer sweat. Some dance to remember; Some dance to forget. <BR>	--Don Henley
4155 … dead men rise up never, That even the weariest river Winds somewhere safe to sea. <BR>	--Swinburne
4156 …comfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering. <BR>	--Doctor Who, "Face of …
4157 …apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question. <BR>	--Charles Babbage
4158 A plain bar of iron is worth $5, but made into horse shoes it is worth $25; made into kitchen cutle…
4159 …-to-bottom scanline order. The JPEG spec contains some weasel wording about how top and bottom are…
4160 …ly a little 4. Some 5. A lot 6. A whole lot 7. Really, really, really! 8. I'm burning with desire.…
4161 … demonstrate that your machine correctly counted each voter's choice?  <BR>	--Ed Nisley, 2001 April
4162 …- a question of showing rather than telling. It's a convenient distinction to have in colloquial s…
4163 …n make life miserable for the Artist, but the Artist has ways of getting revenge. <BR>	--Larry Wall
4164 …-intensive and - for a variety of reasons - most serious project delays manifest themselves by cod…
4165 …ior of the elementary particles but rather our knowledge of this behavior. <BR>	--Werner Heisenberg
4166 …o an Internet Entertainment Platform, along the lines of a television or VCR. <BR>	--Bruce Schneier
4167 Assassination is the extreme form of censorship. <BR>	-- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
4168 …man race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. <BR>	-- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
4169 Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
4170 I love acting. It is so much more real than life. <BR>	-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
4171 Health is worth more than learning. <BR>	-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), third US President
4172 …. The only thing that matters is the everlasting present. <BR>	-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)
4175 …- it's like tapping a mike and asking, "Is it on?" If you're not getting porn in your system, it d…
4176 …ormal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be. <BR>	-- Douglas Adams
4183 There are only two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-o…
4201 I'm reading about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
4207 Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.